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Chapter 51: Chef Is Cooking

Gary Stew dipped his knife into his spice bottle, coating the blade with even more red flakes. Using Seasoned Slice, he sliced a path towards the campfire where his frying pan resided. With the pan in hand, he slashed his way back to the folding table, grabbing the remaining spice bottles.

The members of Goblin Force Five had regrouped around Lin, the dark aura that once made them cackle like they belonged in a mental asylum was now gone. They were muttering something amongst themselves, but Alwin didn't care. Uchronia and Gus were safe! Sure, they were unconscious, but they were safe. That’s all that matters. Revenge? Not today. The mission was done; time to head home. Gary Stew could go chew on his spices for all Alwin cared.

The Goblins didn’t get the memo. Lin stomped her staff on the ground, sending out another wave of that strange darkness—Mischief Aura. What did that even do? It was probably a buff of some kind. Maybe he could convince Lin to teach it to Uchronia once they were back at camp. Right now, Alwin was just going to sit back, relax, and watch Goblin Force Five obliterate Gary Stew.

Gary hadn’t been standing idle waiting for the goblins to finish their huddle. The area around him had been cleared of any sticky goo residue, they had been finely chopped up into what could've constituted as dust. Wrapped around his waist was a belt, similar to what the black armored goblin was wearing, except instead of pouches containing who knows what, it held spice bottles. Once again his knife was coated in spices. Not one, not two, but five different spices.

The black-armored goblin, the half-naked goblin, and the large goblin charged at Gary, with Lin and the archer firing from the back. Lin’s Chaotic Conjure blasts raced ahead of the archer’s Chaos Cluster Arrows.

Three orbs—red, yellow, and blue—orbited around a small dark orb as they hurtled through the air towards Gary Stew. Moments before impact the four orbs coalesced. Their colors intermingled and swirled within each other before an explosion of color consumed Gary.

When the smoke cleared, Gary was still standing, panting like he had just run a marathon. Parts of the skin on his face had been burned off, revealing deep red burnt flesh that was blistered. The top of his chef's outfit was ruined, only tatters remained, exposing his naked, but equally burnt chest and stomach.

Those same wounds that should've killed him began to close up. The swollen red flesh transitioned to fleshy pink, to regular tan skin. When the burns faded so did his pants, and his grin returned as he faced the incoming goblins.

What came next was Chaos Cluster Arrow. The whole arrow was coated in a layer of mana rather than just the arrowhead. If anything it looked like a regular boosted arrow. That was probably Gary Stew's assumption too. If he could come out of an explosion unscathed, he could survive one measly arrow.

Except, it wasn't a normal arrow—who could've seen that coming? The arrow split apart, reforming into multiple much smaller arrows, the size of darts. His eyes widened—just for a second. Then the smirk returned like it always did. Maybe Alwin should join the fray and help wipe out that snot-eating grin.

Gary spread out his arms, frying pan in one hand, spice-coated knife in the other, joining the goblins in their laughter as the cluster of arrow darts struck him. His body jolted with each hit, small wounds appearing all over him and he began to heave from the pain. Hundred of tiny arrow darts stuck out from him, the arrowheads burrowing into his flesh.

Then, the darts exploded, sending splinters deep into his skin. Gary’s scream rippled through the air, scaring off even the bravest birds that had dared to stick around. Huffing and puffing as the pain spread throughout his body, the splinters of wood that had been embedded inside of his body began to move.

They were slowly being pushed out of the holes that the arrows had left, like the worst pimple-popping video ever—yes, Alwin had knowledge of ancient human video trends. Thousands of splinters of wood were squeezed out of Gary in the span of less than a second. Those openings created by the arrows began to close up, and multiple strings of flesh grew from opposite sides of the holes, knitting themselves back together until his wounds were nothing but ancient history.

They would be fools if Lin and the archer thought to only send out one attack. Multiple Chaotic Conjures flew out of Lin's staff, while numerous Chaos Cluster Arrows were let loose from the archer. Gary Stew continued to stand with his arms open, taking every single blow, only pausing his cackling when he grunted from the pain being inflicted on him before the wounds healed and he was back to cackling once more.

Those weren't the only things flying toward Gary Stew, the remaining members of Goblin Force Five were charging straight towar him. The black armored goblin and the half-naked goblin jumped on board the club express. The large goblin halted in his tracks, spinning round once before sending the pair of goblins rocketing towards Gary Stew with another Club Smash.

The two goblins snickered as they flew alongside the various projectiles that were being thrown at Gary. The black-armored goblin wanted to add his own to the mix. Digging into his pouch, he produced another set of smoke bombs and chucked them at the mad human. For once, Gary actually took action. With a swing of his trusty pan, he sent the bombs sailing away, where they erupted mid-air in a burst of smoke.

"I'm not letting you goblins shroud my limelight!" Gary cackled.

The half-naked goblin brought his hands close to his body, charging them up, while the black-armored goblin crossed his daggers.

"Come on! Show me what you've got!" He smirked.

They struck in unison. The black-armored goblin uncrossed his hands, driving a Double Dagger Drive straight to Gary's neck, while the half-naked goblin thrust both palms into his chest delivering a Palm Blast. Gary was sent hurtling, a trail of blood spurting from his neck as he crashed into a tree.

Wow, they made that look so easy. One day Alwin and his squad would obliterate humans as easily as Goblin Force Five made it out to be. The only reason why Gary Stew was alive was because he lucked into that plant and also lucked into a skill that allowed him to use that plant.

Unlike him, Alwin was actually going to work his way to victory, not rely on cheap gimmicks—unless those gimmicks were things he made himself, those don't count. Anyway, back to the show!

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Gary peeled himself off the tree, leaving a Gary-shaped hole that had been indented into the trunk. He placed a hand on his neck and cracked it and his shoulders, the injuries he had sustained were already being healed. Multiple Chaotic Conjures and Chaos Cluster Arrows sailed past the two goblins, heading straight for Gary as he made his way back.

"Now, it's my turn to have some fun." He smirked.

Pan in hand, Gary swung with reckless abandon—Alwin recognized the skill as Pan-demonium—each wild arc smacking away the quad-colored Chaotic Conjure and the hundreds of arrow darts that had split up from the Chaos Cluster Arrows. Explosions of color and splinters of wood rained down everywhere as Gary Stew strolled toward the melee members of Goblin Force Five. Projectiles that had managed to slip past his defense, burning or breaking skin, were healed up in an instant. Nothing was slowing him down.

"I've used up half of my stats I saved up earlier because of those magical projectiles. I think you Goblins deserve the second half," he cackled, covering half his face with his free hand.

A status screen appeared in front of him, and he began tapping away. As his fingers danced on the screen, his swings got faster. Fewer and fewer projectiles were making it through his Pan-demonium until he was able to smack away anything the Goblins could throw at him. Stupid stinking power-up! Where was Alwin's power-up when he needed it?

The three melee members of Goblin Force Five huddled together, discussing a plan to defeat Gary Stew. They gestured something to Lin and the archer lady, who got the memo. It would've been nice if Alwin knew what they were discussing.

The black-armored goblin dashed up first, leaping high above the multitude of projectiles flowing with him. At the apex of his jump, a dozen other clones of him blinked into existence. Each one armed with twin daggers and about to stab away at Gary.

"Shadow Clones? You think that's the first time I've seen that move?" Gary laughed. “Now all you need is blonde hair and an orange jacket.”

The clones had their daggers crossed about to stab him, but they shared a similar fate with the projectiles—they were whacked away only to disappear in a puff of smoke. The main goblin continued to summon more clones of himself, each one of them brandishing their twin daggers and ready to stab Gary, but it was to no avail. As time went on and many clones later, his face was covered in more and more sweat. He was simply wasting his mana—talk about a lame plan.

The large goblin and half-naked goblin had joined in the fight. The half-naked goblin positioned himself in between the projectiles and Gary Stew, while the large goblin was all over the place.

The large goblin roared, "Feral Fury!" and his eyes rolled back. He mirrored Gary Stew's technique of swinging without a single care in the world, except that his strikes had the strength to crack the ground. He swung away, hitting the clones, hitting Gary Stew, and hitting the half-naked Goblin.

Those weren't the only things hitting him. The half-naked goblin planted his feet and adopted a martial arts pose—horse stance if Alwin remembered correctly. With his eyes closed, he absorbed the hits from all sides.

Gary's haphazard swings struck everything around him, including the half-naked goblin. Some of Lin and the archer lady's attacks were striking him from behind as well. He gritted his teeth and held on enduring all of the attacks that came his way, whether intentional or not. Scrapes, burn marks, and bruises marred his dark green skin. Talk about an even lamer plan.

"I've had enough of you!" Gary roared.

He ceased the Pan-demonium, letting the attacks pelt his body, only to be healed moments later, and held up his knife in front of his face. "Five-Spice Slice!" Gary swung his spice-coated knife in an arc around him. The clones and the large goblin's club were sliced in half. The goblin himself was thrown back and knocked out cold.

A large gash had formed in the center of the half-naked goblin's chest. Deep red crimson blood oozed out of it. It wouldn't even be a scratch for Gary Stew, but for the half-naked goblin, it was a death sentence. Time was ticking down before he eventually died from blood loss. What sort of plan was this!

"You're a tough cookie! Let's see how long you can last." Gary smirked.

Five-Spice Slice, after Five-Spice Slice, after Five-Spice Slice, a whole bunch of knife slices decorated the goblin's body. Gary was like an artist and the goblin his canvas, painting a masterpiece of pain and suffering. Alwin winced as Gary sliced into the goblin. There was so much blood spurting out, and a chunk of intestine hung out shooting out geysers of blood in every direction.

Blood drenched on Gary's lips and he licked them, a grin emerging on his face—maybe Gary should be a butcher rather than a chef. Still, the half-dead goblin remained in a horse stance, enduring attacks by Gary Stew and his teammates.

But as Gary went for another strike, the goblin caught his hand, staring him down. The soon-to-be-dead goblin held his hand and stared at Gary straight in the time. Gary was laughing like a maniac, "Finally starting to fight back? Sure I'll give you a free hit before you die!"

The on-the-brink-of-death goblin pulled back his hand—was it another Palm Blast? He formed a fist instead, mana concentrating within it. The on-death's-door-goblin muttered, "Retaliation," and punched Gary in the gut

Gary was sent flying crashing into another tree, except instead of a Gary-shaped hole, the force of his impact splintered the trunk of the tree into tiny pieces. He let out a chuckle as he got up, a hole had been blasted through his stomach—it was his best impression of a jelly-filled doughnut with jelly oozing out.

He moved his fingers over it, feeling the wound. Intestines squirmed around and Alwin could see his rib cage poking out from the top of the hole, and when Alwin said that he really meant it. Gary had crashed into a nearby tree and Alwin was definitely not expecting to join the fight. He couldn't sit back and relax anymore, he had to stand up and panic.

The hole in his body had begun to reform, threads of red, white, pink, and whatever color the insides of the body were grew from one side of the hole to another. His body was being stitched up fiber by fiber, bone by bone. Gary wasn't laughing anymore, he placed his hand over the wound and concentrated hard on the plant in his mouth. Alwin could see his cheeks puffing in and out, lumps flowing down his throat as his body repaired himself. What were the other members of Goblin Force Five doing!

The half-naked goblin was lying in a pool of his own blood, ready to have tea with death himself. The large goblin was knocked out cold on the ground along with the black armored goblin. Only the two ladies were left, the archery lady went toward her comrades while Lin rushed towards him. That was good. If he couldn't deal with Gary before his power-up, then he was definitely not strong enough to deal with him now. Leave it to the professionals as they always say.

Alwin summoned his Spirit Hands, drawing the attention of Gary Stew to him. Maybe he shouldn't have done that, but screw that jazz, he was getting Uchronia and Gus out of here pronto.

"So that's where my food went. Looks like I'm having jelly for dessert." He licked his lips.

The hole in his stomach had been sealed up. This was bad. Using his Spirit Hands he launched Uchronia, and Lin managed to catch her. Next was Gus, and Lin was not expecting that. She shifted Uchronia to one hand and barely managed to free herself to catch Gus. He hit her square in the chest, and must've knocked the wind out of her judging from how she staggered back—she had to work on her ball-handling skills. All that was left was Alwin. Got to save the best for last, right?

Alwin felt his body being lifted off above the ground, normally that would've been a good thing, but when all five pairs of Spirit Hands in front of him were Alwin-free and frantically gesturing towards something behind him, he felt his stomach lurch. Looks like Gary agreed about the ‘best for last’ bit, because he was saving Alwin all for himself.

"You're coming with me back to the guild, my sweet purple jelly friend," Gary whispered into his ear.