"Lei Mao! What is the meaning of this!" shouted Huang Jian, staring at the empty space where his hand was supposed to be.

"Young masters, that isn't Lei Mao. It must be some sort of monster," said Gu Jia, dropping the gauntlet that he had grabbed.

The gauntlet defied gravity, flying back to its original position and snapping into place.

"I am Lei Mao. That was just, uh... a magic trick. Yup! A magic trick!" Alwin stammered, inching backward away from the three humans.

"A magic trick? That was certainly quite a convincing magic trick," said Hong Jian.

"Yes, yes. One day you must teach us this magic trick. It would surely surprise Gary," said Huang Jian.

Was this actually working? Were the young masters actually buying his lies? Either Alwin chock was full of charisma with the ability to trick people with just the slightest whisper, or the young masters were dumber than he thought. It was probably the former, because Alwin was going to become a master spy!

"Young masters, don't be fooled by this wicked creature! This isn't the Lei Mao we all knew." His eyes narrowed as he jabbed a finger at Alwin, who squirmed under the scrutiny. "Speak monster, what have you done with Lei Mao and why are you wearing his armor?"

"What do you mean? I am Lei Mao. I'm just, um... just tired,"

"Prove it."

"I-I-I can use Lightning Legs and even throw out Spectral Javelins. Would a fake Lei Mao know that?" said Alwin, praying that they would fall for it.

"Yes, yes. That does sound like some of the techniques our sect has passed down to the disciples," said Huang Jian.

"I agree. How would a monster even know our sect's techniques? Gu Jia, I think you're overreacting," said Hong Jian.

"Young masters, with all due respect, we all shout out the name of our techniques. Any monster with half a brain would know just by engaging in combat with Lei Mao."

"Yes, yes. Hong Jian, how could you not know this? I think you've been slacking off in your training," said Huang Jian.

"Oh shut up, Huang Jian. We both skip out on training together. TOGETHER!" shouted Hong Jian.

The two young masters devolved into a heated argument, their voices rising as they bickered over who slacked off more in training. Alwin and Gu Jia exchanged bewildered glances,neither quite believing the scene unfolding before them—especially Alwin. Maybe he wasn't cut out to be a master spy after all. He had gotten lucky with the first man, the one wearing blue furred armor, simply because he was an idiot. The two young masters weren't any better themselves. The only reason why Alwin hadn't been able to drag them to the rendezvous spot was because there was actually someone with a brain impeding all his progress. Gu Jia.

"Oh for frack sake," said Gu Jia. He clasped his hands together, forming a complex symbol. "Rib Spire Stab!" he shouted.

The bones along his ribcage armor shuddered, then shot outward like spires. With a grunt, all fourteen of those bone like spires extended even further, each one hurtling straight toward Alwin.

Where was Gus when you needed him? The bony spires jutted out like vengeful daggers, tearing through the armor with a crunch. Eight jagged bones drove into his arms, four on each side, pinning him like a magic act gone wrong. His legs buckled as two more bones speared through each thigh, locking him in place. Finally, the last two spires shattered his helmet, piercing the spot where his eyes should've been, sending shards flying as they dug deep, leaving him utterly immobilized and defenseless.

If he had been human, he would've been skewered beyond recognition, an unfortunate shish kebab in the hands of Gu Jia. Blood would have splattered, bones would have cracked, and a lifeless body would have slumped to the ground. But good thing he wasn’t human. He was a slime safely tucked away within the hollow inside of the leather chest piece.

The same couldn't be said for his Spirit Hands which were acting as the fake bones that held up the armor. They had been pierced and impaled, completely destroyed in the process. The only ones that had survived the onslaught of bones were the pair of Spirit Feet, nestled safely within the boots, and the pair of Spirit Hands tucked away in the gauntlets.

Gu Jia retracted the bony spires that had pierced the armor. Without anything to support them, the rest of the armor collapsed onto the floor, like a puppet that had its strings severed: helmet, forearm, upper arm, thighs, calves clattering in a disjointed heap. The chest piece that Alwin had taken refuge in dropped onto the pair of boots, giving him a good whiff of the stench that the boots were giving out. It was like dirty wet socks and vomit had a baby that they murdered in cold blood and they left it out in the sun for two weeks cause they were too lazy to properly dispose of their mess. It was a good thing the Spirit Feet didn't have a Spirit Nose attached to them.

Meanwhile, the two gauntlets floated in the air, trying not to draw too much attention to themselves, which was a near impossible feat considering that they were a pair of floating gauntlets. Alwin commanded them to drop and lie still. They complied, but their delayed descent, compared to the rest of the armor, did make Gu Jia raise his eyebrows. But he pretended that it was just the trick of the light—that was Alwin’s interpretation anyway.

"Young masters, look. That isn't Lei Mao at all. It was just some monster pretending to be him," said Gu Jia. He dusted his hands, like he had just completed doing a particularly tricky task.

"Yes, yes. That wasn't Lei Mao," nodded Huang Jian.

"Good job, Gu Jia. We were actually just testing whether our subordinates would notice that that suit of leather armor wasn't Lei Mao. We actually knew since the very beginning." nodded Hong Jian.

"The young masters are extremely knowledgeable." bowed Gu Jia.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

"Yes, yes. Now take the remains of that monster away from here. It stinks," said Huang Jian.

"And remember to pass us the monster's core when you're done," said Hong Jian.

Gu Jia turned away from the young masters, muttering curses under his breath. The two young masters kicked their horses, urging them to move away from the horrible stench populating their noses.

Wow, those two young masters really were annoying. They hadn't suspected Alwin for a moment, yet here they were, claiming credit. Alwin could sympathize with Gu Jia. Maybe he could use that to his advantage. If he played his cards right, perhaps he could convince Gu Jia to help him get rid of the young masters.

It was a long shot but it was better than waiting for his untimely demise. As far as that bone-head Gu Jia and the two moron young masters were concerned, Alwin had been slain. But when Gu Jia came close enough, he would soon realize that Alwin was very much alive—and ready to rectify that misconception

"Gu Jia..." Alwin said in his best ghostly voice. "I am the soul of Lei Mao. I have been killed by monsters, but I still have lingering regrets. The young masters have been a menace. They are ungrateful and frankly stupid. Together we can get rid of them."

Gu Jia simply looked down at the pile of talking armor and let out a sigh, pinching his temples as he shook his head.

Was it working? Was Gu Jia falling prey to schemes? Alwin was starting to think that he was a lot better at being a master spy then he had previously thought.

"Stupid monster. Wasting my time," he muttered under his breath.

Ah crap. Looks like his days of pretending to be Lei Mao were over, and hopefully his days of being Alwin weren't going to end either. Gu Jia brought his hands together, gathering energy. The ribs of his ribcage armor began to extend, curving towards Alwin. Now was the time to make his grand escape.

The bony spires shot towards the chest piece. Before they could pierce it, Alwin commanded the Spirit Feet to start running and run they did. They dodged out of the way of Gu Jia's Rib Spire Stab, striking nothing but air. The leather gauntlets flew towards Alwin, attaching themselves to the armor. The sight of Alwin running was one to behold. It was like a kid had snuck into some armor, but they were much too short to fill the armor properly, and could only occupy the chest piece, boots and gauntlets.

Alwin ran screaming his lungs out. Instead of heading back to the rendezvous point, he sprinted in the opposite direction. Now one might wonder why Alwin would do such a thing? It was a simple reason really. His plan was to lure the young masters there and the young masters just so happened to be in the opposite direction. Alwin needed to give them a reason. Something strong enough to warrant for even the young masters to give chase. A flawless plan was concocted in his mind. To him, at least.

Alwin ran one circle around Gu Jia, who chased him around with his spires of bones extending towards him. Gu Jia was secondary; what he really needed were the leggings—the crux of his plan. The Spirit Hands flew towards the extra brown leggings with bits of brown dripping down. No protests were made this time around, they understood the weight of the situation.

The Spirit Feet ran towards the young masters while the bone spires gave chase to them. Alwin held his breath as the Spirit Hands returned back, clutching the precious leggings within their grasp.

“What is the meaning of this?” shouted Hong Jian, looking at the screaming suit of armor running his way.

“Is this some sort of practical joke?” shouted Huang Jian.

“Yes!” Alwin screamed back.

The Spirit Hands hurled the leggings at the young masters, brown sludge splattering from every opening as the leggings spun through the air. The gooey, fudgy substance splattered across the young masters’ robes, leaving sticky, foul-smelling stains in its wake.

“Is this…?” Huang Jian shouted, his voice tinged with apprehension as he stared at the sticky mess covering his robes.

“It is!” Hong Jian yelled, eyes wide with horror at the realization of what had splattered them.

“KILL! KILL THAT MONSTER THAT DARED TO DEFILE ME!” both young masters shouted in unison.

"Brothers, this monster has sullied the young masters! Kill him!" Gu Jia roared.

"For the young masters!" shouted a random voice.

"For the young masters! Death to the monster!" echoed other voices.

At that moment, the humans who had been scouring the village, in search of the Muffin Monster, popped out from behind trees, from within bushes, some even jumped down from the branches above. This time the chase was much worse. Without Gus here to defend him, he had to rely on his dodging skills, which were practically non-existent when he was being bounced around over the place inside the armor. If death wasn't going to come claim him first, then it was going to be nausea.

With the constant bouncing around it was near impossible to see where he was going. Desperate to not join Lei Mao in the afterlife, he issued two orders. To his Spirit Feet, he ordered them to run as fast as possible to the rendezvous spot. To hit Spirit Hands—the moment he declared his order he did find it a bit silly— he ordered them to help him dodge all of the incoming attacks. The commands to his Spirit Feet did make sense, but telling his Spirit Hands to dodge? What good would that do? Alwin was grasping at straws and he knew it.

The feet jumped up and clicked their heels, their way of acknowledging orders, albeit dangerous given the situation they were in. What if that jump had knocked off the chest piece Alwin was riding in? It'd be the end for him and his Spirit accomplices. The more mature, less foolish Spirit Hands gave a simple thumbs up, before moving back into formation.

Attacks came hurtling towards him from all directions, that was what his Spirit Hands told him anyway—reminder that he was being tumbled around within the armor. This was probably what the inside of a washing machine felt like, although with significantly less water and a lot more terror.

To his surprise, the hands were surprisingly effective at their jobs, despite being given a near insurmountable task of assisting Alwin with dodging. The word 'assist' might as well have been obsolete, since they were doing all of the work. The only thing Alwin was doing was holding in his breakfast. They held Alwin by the side, nudging him to the left or right whenever an attack was going to hit.

When some sort of skill boosted arrow went shooting toward him, they raised him up, separating him from the boots that the Spirit Feet were operating from. The arrow sailed past them, then and they promptly dropped him back onto the boots, which resumed their frantic sprint.

Being bounced up and down was bad enough but now he was being flipped side to side in whatever way the Spirit Hands deemed fit. They had even gone above and beyond their orders, instructing the Spirit Feet to run to the left or right, and even to jump up above whatever attack that was aiming for them.

They did so in a series of snaps, that even Alwin could understand despite his brain and body being rattled like there was no tomorrow. When the left hand snapped, that meant move left. Right snap, move right. When they both snapped, the Spirit Feet were to jump as high as possible. Thank Cor that his Spirit Hands, for whatever reason, were smart—genius, even.

The horde of humans never stopped chasing him, unlike earlier. It was placing a massive burden on the Spirit Hands. No matter how smart the Spirit Hands were, they weren't infallible. More and more attacks were beginning to slip through their evasive maneuvers. Last thing he wanted was for them to slip through his defense—meaning that he was going to get skewered, punched, pierced, shredded or whatever attack was lucky enough to destroy his armor.

Alwin thanked whatever monster the armor had been crafted out of, silently whispering a prayer in his mind. He had wanted to show some respect by at least saying it out loud, but between all the random tossing and turning, he nearly bit his tongue off.

"Alwin!" a sharp whisper called out to him.