The library was quiet and still, only the soft patter of the rain on the ceiling hundreds of feet up could be heard from the small dim corner where Havign and Fallow sat. The late hour and the disorienting blackness of the library helped created a feeling of unrealism to Fallow, a feeling of the world slowly tilting to its side and spilling all of its contents into a bottomless void. The owners of shabby books and littering manuscripts around him reminded him of the time when he first started to learn under Havign. He was young and eager and Havign was old and eager, both discovering the wonders of words together. If Fallow knew then that this road of education led to this point of fear, doubt, and disillusionment, he doubted he would have willingly stepped into the library again. But Fallow could not silence the spirit inside of him any longer, even if he knew that the answers would destroy him. Havign sensed that truth as well and considered Fallow’s fate with guilt and sorrow.
Havign sat down next to Fallow on the old creaky chair and spoke. “This entire city,” he began, “From the most powerful aristocrat down to the lowest day laborer, is part of what is called the cult of Kami. It pervades every aspect of the city, especially including the minds and hearts of its citizens. Despite its size though, the cult has a simple purpose; to keep absolute faith, loyalty, and devotion in Kami. In the cult of Kami, there is no dissention, no doubt, and no worries. As a member of this city you cannot escape it, nor even recognize it as there is no comparison given for alternative understandings.”
“But the cult of Kami was crafted using lies to deceive and ignorance to blind. Fact was set aside and a far more convenient and functional belief was set in place. As a member of the Order of the library, I found it heartbreaking to see ignorance encouraged by Kami, especially when before he was such a supporter of art and knowledge. But when war broke out within this territory, after years of struggle, Kami saw the necessity of the cult and implemented the order.”
Fallow didn’t know where to start, he understood the words coming at him, but their meaning eluded him. “I don’t understand,” Fallow protested. “How could the god of truth lie to us?”
Havign smiled sorrowfully at Fallow. “If you want to learn, you will have to abandon all the foundational beliefs you hold as truth and open your mind to different possibilities. Open your eyes Fallow and realize that what you know is only a small stint of dust upon the side of the great wall. Listen to what I am saying! The answer to your question is obvious; Kami isn’t the god of truth. There is no such thing! There is only one thing Kami is god of and that is this land, this territory. It is true that he is full of power and glory, the city itself proclaims his greatness. But that is it. He is not the creator of life no does he hold any power over your soul. He is neither holy nor sacred; as with everything in the universe, he is only a being struggling against a world that threatens to destroy all that he holds dear. I will not say that his creation of the cult is wrong, because I do not believe it is true. Whatever is necessary is never wrong.”
Fallow looked at Havign but Havign could not see his eyes in the darkness. “Tell me more.” He said.
Havign leaned forward and looked at Fallow, his golden eyes glowing in the dim light. “You said that you wanted to understand your real purpose here.” Having continued, “Actually, what you already believe to be true in that regard is correct. You are here to serve Kami, and you have been doing a fine job of it since you arrived. What you really wanted to know was why, that question was never properly explained to you. The beliefs of the cult that were instilled in you when you arrived and what you have experienced in reality are opposing each other. I could simply tell you why you are here but I know that will not be helpful to you because you still interpret the world through the eyes of the cult. To start then, I will have to get rid of your mistaken understanding and reinstill in you the proper knowledge of the universe.”
Havign sat back up, “You have been taught that there is one god, Kami-sama, and that he created the universe and all that is in it, correct?
Fallow answered back hoarsely, “Yes.”
Havign hesitated for a second and then said, “I am afraid that is not what actually happened. Kami-sama created this world and that is all. He did not even create the humans living in it.”
“What do you mean,” Fallow cut in suddenly. “’This world’? Are you implying that there are other worlds other than this?”
“Yes!” Havign replied. “by the Hem of Kami-sama’s robe, yes!”
Fallow frowned at Havign. “I would say that is silly,” He responded plainly.
Havign laughed, “Maybe it is silly. But it is also true. A god is born from the union of two gods. When the child is old enough he will leave his mother’s territory and go forth and establish his own. With his hands he will raise mountains, carve valleys, dig rivers, and create a land as he sees fit. Those sentences are from the famous work of Geraldine the Scribe and his book, Wonders of the Universe. We do not have a copy of it here I am afraid, it was loaned to another territory a little bit before the war broke out and we haven’t been able to reclaim it since. Oh, it still breaks my heart!” He smiled wearily at Fallow, “It is not important for you to remember the work or it's author right now, it is only important for you to understand that your perceived understanding of the world is incredibly narrow. Countless worlds exist outside of this one, each with their own people, culture, history, language, and education! A whole universe exists out there, not affected or even related to the events that occur here. It is a universally accepted fact among the more educated and less ignorant populaces that gods are merely the creators and sustainers of their respective lands. They hold power and authority over their lands, but that is all.”
“I do not understand,” Fallow replied. “Where are these other territories? If I travel far, can I cross into them? If I stand upon a mountain, can I see them far off? Can I see them the wall if I look hard enough on a clear day?”
“No, no,” Havign responded taking a loose sheet of paper. “You cannot see them with your eyes from inside of the territory, nor take a step into them. They are separate worlds, not connected by space.” He drew something quickly with his hands, “Here, look at this illustration, it may help you.” He gave it to Fallow.
Fallow stood up and held it up in the light. “What am I looking at?” Fallow asked, scanning the page.
Havign pointed at it. “Each of these circles drawn here represent a territory owned by a god. I drew this from memory so it may not be entirely accurate, but these are the dozens of territories that are near us and their respective gods.” He pointed towards a specific circle. “This is where we are now, the territory of Kami. These territories,” he said pointing to other near ones. “Are the ones we used to trade with in the past. We imported most of our food from them but since the blockade of the enemy, contact with the outside has been severely limited.”
Fallow didn’t know what to say and he studied the work without real understanding. “This one isn’t labeled,” he asked, simply to say something.
Havign raised his eyebrow, “Nevertheless, I am sure you know more about it than I do. It is the Wilderness, the territory your little mission went to. And your native territory. The wilderness isn’t some obscure land that barely fits within your understanding of the world; it is a territory unto itself. You were born inside another world Fallow, and then you spent four months there just recently without even realizing it! What did you think that place was?”
Fallow didn’t answer and asked instead, “But why is there no god labeled for that one?”
Havign shrugged, “I am afraid I do not know why. According to all practical knowledge about the gods, they are linked to their territory and the territory is linked to the god’s. They do not exist without each other, but I have never heard of a god for that territory. Maybe the god is hiding or has abandoned it, I do not know. I can only speculate on it. Because there is no god to protect and defend it, it is often exploited by the territories near it.”
Fallow continued to gaze at the paper, trying to make sense of it. He felt dizzy and hot, suddenly uncomfortable in the small corner. He slowly sat back down into the chair, never tearing his eyes off the paper. “I was told that my people were orphans from my land and that Kami had adopted us. I guess that is true to some extent.”
Havign shifted uneasily.
Fallow finally looked up again. “How does this relate to the journal I read?” he asked, setting the sheet aside.
Havign sat down as well. He said sadly, “What you read was the journal from one of these other worlds. It was written by the god of it, himself, actually. I mentioned ALPs before, the Alliance of Lesser Powers. It is important to know that all the worlds do not nessesarily live in peace with one another, which is why alliances and power struggles continue. There were 30 different territories that comprised ALPs and the alliance itself lasted for thousands of years. It wasn’t really an alliance though, as much as it was a system of authority and power under Kami. Kami had conquered those 30 territories, either through war or threat of war, and they all were satellite entities that supported and followed Kami. That alliance had been under attack for centuries already when Kami’s territory itself finally got invaded. After that, the surviving territories broke off from the alliance.”
“The same enemy we are fighting now,” Fallow asked. “Who is the enemy then, really?”
“Of course, it is a god as well,” Havign responded. “The land gods may be all powerful, but they are plagued by the same things humans are. Greed, ambitions, pride, hate, love, the gods all carry these emotions as well and sometimes they clash against one another.”
“Specifically, we are at war with a land god called Desue. Similar to Kami, he had created for himself an empire of different territories that bowed down to him. ALPs and Desue had been hostile towards one another for a long time before the war, competing in economic and cultural influence among the different territories and alliances nearby.”
“What you read was what is left of the territory of Parathas, it was the first territory to come under attack from Desue when the war started. It was unprepared for the armies of Desue and the might of the god. It fell quickly and when Desue personally slew Pathus, the territory disappeared along with the god. This book is literally all that is left of the territory. Full war began after that between Alps and Desue. Many battles were fought and territories were burned. There were heroes and villains, marches and sieges. Nothing destroys like war does; learning, knowledge, structure, and populaces disappear or are warped through the event of war. The War went badly for the ALPs, it lasted hundreds of years but Desue eventually defeated each the 14 territories that served as defenses and made it into Kami’s territory. That was five hundred years ago.”
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“Once Desue had a foothold into Central territory, the rest of the ALPS split off immediately. With a losing battle at his gate, Kami-sama was desperate. It was at that point that Kami instituted the cult. It is through the strength of Kami and the blind and ignorant faith of the people that keeps the invading armies at bay.”
Havign sighed and continued, “The truth is, Kami is becoming more desperate every day. The people believe that Kami is invincible, but he knows best the reality of the war. He knows that he is on the losing end of the fight, he is doing all he can to struggle and to survive. When the General-Commander Soul punched a hole in the blockade in the battle of the Crushed Snake, Kami authorized missions into the wilderness in order to conscript more soldiers for his army and to scavenge for resources. Anything at all that he can do to help his fight in the war, Kami did. You were kidnapped, brought here, and then indoctrinated and conscripted into the army, adding more people into the cult. The mission you just went on into the wilderness was for that exact purpose, you know that.”
Fallow remained silent and Havign stopped speaking as well, letting the man come to grips with what he was told. When Fallow spoke again, it was with trembling. “Who all knows the reality of our situation?” he asked.
“The whole reality?” Havign asked. “Only Kami truly knows the real state of his territory. Out of compassion, the Librarians were allowed to keep their knowledge but we are to remain ignorant of the current events. We are also not allowed to use our powers as mages. The council and the aristocrats retain a certain amount of real knowledge about the situation, but they do not know the history of the war and therefore do not understand the true threat to us. They are given just enough knowledge to function competently. The priests, too, are aware of the cult, they are the ones responsible for maintaining and supporting it. But they have very little real knowledge of the universe. The populaces, including the military, are full members of the cult and understand only as much as they are told. There are different levels of delusion in the city, but in the end, everybody has some level of ignorance. We live in a city of fools, Fallow. Of course though, it’s only the foolishness that keeps the city alive.” Havign paused, and then added, “There are the vessel’s too, I suppose. They would have a full understanding of reality, if anybody did.”
Fallow spoke again. His voice was dead and calm, but Havign could feel and explosion of emotion sealed up inside of him. “A vessel came to Councilman Sevril’s party today.” Havign raised his eyebrows in interest. “He punished one of the military commanders for his delaying tactics in the new military strategy. Captain Liehold said that is was a move created to scare and intimidate the military into action.”
“You saw a vessel?” Havign asked, surprised. “That is a rare sight, especially nowadays. They usually remain in attendance of Kami. If the military was dragging their feet, an appearance made by a vessel would certainly speed them up. What did you think of of the vessel?”
Fallow spoke with almost a feeling of grief in his voice. “At first I thought it was Kami himself,” he started. “He was exactly as I had imagined, much like the statue in the library. When you saw him, you immediately knew that what you were looking at was not human, but something else with far greater power and glory. He looked like he was carrying a bright lantern at first, but then as I looked closer I saw that the light was simply radiating from his body, as if he was a lantern himself. He was tall and looked like he had the confidence and strength to do anything. He was very frightening. I felt that with only a look from him I would perish, but I couldn’t tear my eyes off of him.” Fallow asked quietly, “What does it mean to be human in this city of gods?”
“There is only one god in this city, Fallow. Do not ever make that mistake, for Kami is a jealous god. The vessel’s may wield great power, but it is only power borrowed and bestowed from Kami, they are not gods. They are the arms of Kami, the Will even. Even the aristocrats and priests who are powerful in their own right are still insignificant before the might of Kami.”
“But still,” Fallow insisted, his voice shaking a little. “They have power above the humans. We are subjected to their might along with Kami.”
Havign looked at Fallow, concerned. “Humans and the divine work together to protect this city.” Havign explained, “Neither could do it alone, we need and support each other.”
“LIES!” Fallow burst suddenly, his voice echoing throughout the large empty library. “Our men stand upon a foundation of lies! People live and die for this city! They are raised and bred to fight for its god and for their belief that the world will end with Kami standing triumphant! I believed in the righteousness of the fight, I believed in the struggle of god against the evil. We humans have suffered through the harshest of settings and we have persevered against an enemy because we believed. I remember the days on the battlefield, facing the enemy and their terrible cries. Our swords and our spears collided and our side fought with heart and vigor even as we saw our comrades die next to us because we had faith in the salvation of Kami. You have called this foundation the cult of Kami? It is much more than that; it is a whole reality we understand to be true. But woe to me the day I first stepped foot onto these streets of stone in the company of my companions and looked upon The Endless City and its beauty in the light of Kami. My heart felt it would burst that day as I beheld the wonder of the righteousness we were protecting.”
“Fallow…” Havign said, but he didn’t finish his sentence.
Fallow continued as if he didn’t hear. Wells of tears came up in his eyes, but he shook his head angrily, “But none of it is true, there is no everlasting glory within the light of Kami, is there? There is only the struggle for power among beings greater than ourselves, and we are left to wallow in the waste of their whims. Lies.” Fallow squeezed his eyes shut and let his tears fall. “I need a moment please.” He sobbed, placing his hands on his head. But then he spoke after a short pause, “It would have been better if you had not told me.”
“You would not have been satisfied otherwise, Fallow, and you would have been left up to your own musings about the world. That would have been dangerous and you could have easily become lost.”
“LOST?” Fallow shouted, looking up at Havign. His cheeks red and wet. “I’M LOST ALREADY! WHERE DO YOU THINK I AM RIGHT NOW? IS THERE ANY PART OF MY LIFE THAT WASN’T A LIE?”
“Fallow,” Havign said. “You mustn’t lose faith over this.”
Fallow was paralyzed at the man’s words. “Lose faith?” Fallow repeated incredulously, this time much quieter, his eyes flashing in angry tears. “You have just told me that all I have ever known as fact is a lie created to enslave me and my people. A lie perpetrated by the very being whom I worshipped and lived for. How can I not lose faith and hope in him? How can I not lose faith and hope in everything? This city is built upon the broken lives and trust of the millions of men in the city. ITS ALL A LIE.”
“You listen to me Fallow, and you listen to me well,” Havign said sternly placing one of his hands on Fallow’s shoulder. “There is so much you do not understand. Even now this city is one of hope. This city was built thousands of years ago and it took the most brilliant minds of men and divine beings. It took the combined sweat, blood, and effort of all the people in the territory and while it stands it is yet a monument to the strength the people in the city have. For all of history the humans and the divine have worked together in peace and mutual benefit. In the past there was true knowledge, wisdom, and enlightenment here. Never think of Kami as a god of deception, for that is not what he is. You have seen the image in the center of the library! He is a god of learning and knowledge, desiring the prosperity and freedom of all the people he rules over, divine or mortal. The ALPs was not just an alliance of power but also of trade, in goods and knowledge. The prosperity of ALPs was a golden age as was unrivaled as far as we could see. I know it may be difficult to understand now, but Kami only ever does what is best for his territory. Tell me Fallow, who gives you food to eat every meal? Who provides the light for you to see? Even now you sit and speak of the faithlessness of Kami while under the light of his lantern.”
“He has betrayed us, all of us Humans!” Fallow spat.
“I have given you the ability to use rational judgment Fallow; do not let your emotions rule you now! Kami had protected this city from the enemy for over 500 years, while many gods were defeated in a fraction of the time. Can you believe that Kami is doing everything he can to rescue his city? You say that he has betrayed you, but I ask, what is it he has betrayed? Your trust? Your trivial little understanding of the world? You are too narrow-minded, Fallow. Why do you value your own feelings above the safety and protection of a city of millions of inhabitants?”
“And do not I have the most to be upset about? My whole existence is based upon the freedom of knowledge and learning, But Kami has instead lifted up ignorance instead. My heart is broken to see the inhabitants of the city living as they are. But I still have faith in Kami. I believe in the final victory of Kami over Desue. I believe that there will come a time again when this territory can live in peace and I can once again educate the populace in truth and life. For now, and for always, I will trust the Will of Kami.”
Fallow gritted his teeth. “Even as he deceives the entire city?” Fallow challenged.
Havign responded calmly. “Even if he were to decide to destroy the library tomorrow, to level this plot, and to burn all the books here, I would still have hope that once again it would be rebuilt.” Havign looked at Fallow sadly.
Fallow did not respond. It was close to the dawn of the new day, but neither Fallow nor Havign moved. The rain could still be heard faintly in the night and the long shadows created from the piles of books danced slightly in the flickering light. They reminded Fallow of the men in the city he had passed seemingly long ago now, on his way to the library, celebrating in the rain Kami had provided that day. “I need to talk a walk, to think.” Fallow blundered, standing up. “I mean, take a walk.”
“Don’t get lost.” Havign said, staying put. He watched Fallow walk across the library, moving without any particular destination.
Fallow was a man of action. His life in the military was clear and simple and he obeyed his orders with conviction. Confusing thoughts, ideas, and emotions only bewildered him and even more now than before he wondered what his purpose was in The Endless City. The library was large and he felt insignificant before it, much like how he felt about his city now. There were an almost unlimited amount of places he could have wandered to, but he was not surprised when he found himself on the top floor, looking straight in the face of Kami, it was the only place in the entire city where he felt he could actually be in his presence. Lights in the city began to glow, announcing once again a new day in The Endless City. The large glass windows allowed the light into the library and they slowly lit up the whole place. The statue of Kami came into clear view and dominance soon.
Fallow spoke to it, asking softly, “You pluck me from my homeland and transform me into what I am now? Who are you? Who are you to fill me with emotions of delight and faith? I thought I knew you, but now I do not know anymore. There are some things I do know, though. Whether or not it is simply something you have instilled in me, I do care about the protection of this city and the people I know in it. If that is something you care about too, then that is at least one thing we have in common. I no longer can trust you, though.” The eyes of the statue stared solemnly back and Fallow turned and left. The morning light reached the top of Kami’s head and it flashed in its reflection.
Fallow left then, meaning to take to his bed immediately, but Havign intercepted Fallow on the first floor. Fallow said to him, holding his hand up “We will find out later if this night will cause my own destruction or not. For now, I will trust you, but Kami will have to prove himself to me before the end. I am going to go to sleep now, though, I am very tired.”
Havign nodded, “I understand. But I am afraid you will not get any rest soon. A Captain is here to see you and you need to go meet him now.”
Fallow gave Havign a tired look of concern and alarm and moved to the entrance instead. There he met Captain Liehold.
When Liehold saw him he spoke. “Fallow,” he said in surprise. “You look terrible. What have you been doing all night? Why are you wearing those clothes?”
Fallow looked down at himself and shrugged apathetically. “What can I do for you, Sir?” he asked with respect.
Liehold took out a rolled-up document from his tunic. “There have been new orders I am afraid.” Liehold said sternly. In contrast to his words though, Fallow thought he looked excited, “After the performance last night; the defensive mandate has been expedited. Things are finally moving as they should have been three months ago! I have been ordered to take command of a mounted company and we are being positioned with the defensive legions outside the gate. I am not leaving without you, though, and I have transferred you from Grisly’s company to mine. You look like you need some rest, but that will have to wait. There is glorious battle brewing on the plains.”
With his hand stretched out in front of him, Liehold crushed the orders and they splintered into dust and magical residue with a soft shattering sound.