Lieutenant Fallow was in a mood of discontent. There were several factors ruining his mood as he stood atop the wall, looking down into the mist covered land far beneath him. the least factor not being the annoying and obnoxious Captain Grisly he now served under. This captain was small and fat, physical characteristics that are inelegant in any officer of high position, and he sat in a throne like chair under an overhang next to where Fallow stood. His greasy face and oily hair only added to Fallow’s discomfort in being in his presence, as well as the man’s attempt to look down on him despite being significantly shorter.
Under the socially oppressive presence of this man, Lieutenant Fallow remembered longingly the days when he served under Captain Liehold. In the Wilderness, Captain Liehold was strict and cold but at least he was reasonable and competent. Fallow’s current Captain was neither, as if his long and continued position on the wall was what had reduced his intelligence to that of a blithering fool. This captain’s name was Grisly and he had held his station on the wall ever since he secured his rank of captain, nearly fifteen years ago. As one of the few lieutenants under Grisly, Fallow was forced to endure his seemingly endless ability to talk about his own life and irrelevant experiences he had had lately. Fallow tried to listen respectively, but found his attention wavering as the warm and rich breeze from the wall blew over them, making flags flap cheerlessly behind them.
Another factor contributing to Fallows discontent was shared by all the soldiers who had returned from the caravan. Due to their unexpected and “untimely” arrival from the portal, the week of vacation they were promised was cancelled and new assignments were given to them immediately. Fallow would have objected if he thought it would do any good. Soldiers could only put faith in their superior’s competence and understanding in every area of their service, including scheduling, and appeals were never permitted. Fallow had gotten his request to be positioned on the wall again, but the air did not taste the same as he had expected it to, either due to the odor the captain produced in quantity, or the distaste that a vacation canceled meant for him.
To many soldiers, a position on the wall was punishment in and of itself. Many deemed it boring and dead, and avoided it as much as they could. New recruits were always given a post on the wall to begin their training, and they always got out of the posting as fast as possible. No action had been seen on the wall for hundreds of years, and no soldier could imagine such action happening in the first place. But Fallow liked the peace and he liked the air and the view. When he was there he felt like he was on top of the world, looking down upon all the tiny events that took place so far below. When asked why he liked the wall posting though, he always responded saying, “I like being able to witness the Light of Kami directly, unobscured and fresh.” Not that his bewildered friends had ever felt the same as him, but they couldn’t argue with a pure desire such as that.
There was one more reason why Fallow liked a position on the wall. While boredom was the common symptom for a wall position, Fallow filled the time with reading and sometimes writing, as per his master’s instruction. He really hadn’t seen anybody else enjoy reading like he did, which he thought was a shame. Even the old library keepers, Havign especially, were full of an energy and life that was so intoxicating.
Listening to his Captain drone on, Fallow took a deep breath and tried to enjoy the moment. Since Fallow had returned to the city a week ago, he had not experienced a single disturbing dream. Sleep came soundly again and for that relief alone Fallow was glad to have returned. The last few days in the wilderness were terrible, lack of sleep and physical irritation almost made him lose it. In The Endless City though, there was peace and security; here he could relax and contemplate the faithfulness of Kami. Already, the strange thoughts and ideas that seemed so important and terrifying at the same time had faded away from him almost completely.
But still, Fallow could feel that things were not the same as when he had left months earlier. Somehow everything looked different to him, as if the world was now shaded in different colors than before. In ways he couldn’t understand or even categorize he felt somewhat of a stranger in the city, lonely and confused. He remembered now what Havign had told right before he left on the mission. “The wilderness houses terrible curses and feelings within it.” The old priest had told him. “It is a land without a god and it is unnatural, but it is also the land from which you came from. You will find that the experience will change you as you come to understand the world around you better, and feel your native soil under your feet. Kami-sama has adopted you into his family, but you were once a lost orphan and going back into the wilderness and re-experiencing that land will change you. When you return, do not expect to be the same person you were when you left.”
At the time, Fallow had brushed off the words and had not taken them seriously, but now the old and reedy voiced returned to him, even as the breath of the wind blew against him as well. As always, a steady wind blew against them as they stood on the top of the wall, threatening to blow them off, but with no realistic possibility. How Fallow missed the old priest right now!
Today Fallow had scheduled an early dismissal from his shift as well as the next day off from his post on the wall. He hadn’t been able to visit the library since his return a week ago, and wanted to visit the ancient and majestic building that was the library of the Divine and see again the teachers that lived there. Today and tomorrow were set aside for the visit and now he only had to wait patiently for his Captain to dismiss him. But upon Fallow’s arrival in his presence a half an hour ago, the captain took the opportunity to tell Fallow everything and anything that came into his mind. Perhaps due to his recent experience of being under great commanders, General-Commander Soul and Captain Liehold, Fallow found himself quickly losing tolerance with the fat and lazy Captain.
“And did you hear what happened to Captain whats-his-name down on eclectic duty within the city?” Captain Grisly spoke. He did not wait for an answer before he continued, “I was attending the party supervised by Commander Hulu, I met him a long time ago while I was in the academy, he’s a very nice man and plays good ball too. Well, I was at this party supervised by him and I saw-.”
Fallow’s patience suddenly broke and he cut him short saying, “Sir, I am sorry but I have urgent personal business to take care of. My shift ended an hour ago and the lieutenant has already dismissed me. Do I have your permission to go?”
The captain was shocked by the interruption, respectful though it was. He did not have a good reason to keep the man longer and he reluctantly signaled the man’s dismissal with a slow salute as if he could not believe the lieutenant had actually asked to go. With a quick bow and a, “As your will,” Fallow departed as fast as he could, not looking back to see the frozen picture of confusion on the captain’s face.
With a sudden new energy, Fallow almost ran back to his quarters, regretting his loss of his horse. Fallow enjoyed the posting on the wall but it came with two major drawbacks for him. The first was that he could not take his horse with him, his beloved horse, Carla, that had been with him his entire trip into the wilderness, as well years before. He had received his horse when he had entered the mounted legion, and it had proven useful to him even within the assignments in the city, getting him to his locations in a timely manner. But on the wall, horses were not applicable or practical and he had to leave his beloved horse with the division stable head who had promised to take good care of her. She would be used for training he knew, but there was nothing he could do about that. Waste was not an option within the city.
The other drawback was related to the first in that Central Library was not located near to the outside wall. While it was true that in the enormous city most places were even days away from each other, the library is located significantly closer to the other postings Fallow could have obtained. Compounded by the fact that Fallow no longer had a horse at his disposal, the trip to the library took hours, through crowded streets and maze like passages. A stay at the library usually meant two or three days for Fallow if he was posted at the wall, thus the necessity of getting days off for the visit.
Fallow made a stop at his quarters to change out of his uniform and put on civilian clothing, something rarely done by soldiers of whom most wore their uniforms all the time. He also stopped to gather the documents and writing materials he had created and collected since his last to the library. There were also materials that needed to be returned and he shoved all the necessities into his bag and left as quickly as he could. Fallow did not spend much time in his home other than sleeping, he much preferred being out on the streets. He used to live in quarters shared by other soldiers, but after he reached officer positioning he was given the opportunity to seize a personal residence. He was expected to secure a wife and start a family with the personal residence but he had done neither so far. Most of his free time was spent away, whether in the library, on the wall, or in some other solitary place to read and think.
Fallow was grumpy as he left his house, thinking about the time wasted waiting for his Captain to finish talking, and he slung his bag over his back and marched resolutely towards Central Library. Every step towards Central Library though, Fallow’s mood lightened as he thought about the joys the library would have for him. The trip was long and arduous but as it took thousands of steps, Fallow was happy and tired, arriving before the light went down in the city. Havign always had a room available for him when he had extended stays; and Fallow knew he would be using one of the rooms for this night as well.
Fallow walked up the high steps at the entrance to the library and entered it boldly, pushing the great and ancient doors to the side. The inside was dim and quiet, there were little to no visitors there, especially as the night started to settle over the city. Fallow knew Havign would be up and around though, as far as Fallow could tell, the librarians never rested. He never asked Havign directly, but it seemed to him that the old priest never slept. At all hours of the day and night, he could be found within the library, organizing, reading, writing, and dusting. Today as well, Fallow found him among the tall wooden shelves containing the old classics of the territory, dusting away with his dusting tool.
Fallow observed the priest silently then asked, “Why do you not use your power as a magician to dust the books instantly rather than going around and manually dusting them?” The old priest didn’t appear surprised by the sudden intrusion of the soldier.
Havign responded without looking away from his work, “I used to, you know. Back when the library was a busy place and we did not have time to properly dust them. But we were all younger then and had so much more energy for such things.”
“More energy?” Fallow asked, “I would have thought that a simple word would take less energy than walking around all day and climbing old ladders, dusting the books with your hands.”
Havign chuckled and responded, “I am afraid the spell work priests do is more complicated than you realize. At any rate, doing this by hands has many advantages. The first is that we can inventory the books as we dust, but the second and infinitely more important reason is,” he finished dusting the shelf and turned and looked at Fallowed with a smile, “that it gives us something to do in all of our spare time. It has been very boring around here without you popping in, welcome back.” He reached up and gave Fallow a tight hug, an awkward event for a priest as small as he was.
Fallow hugged him back, now used to these gestures of affection these librarian priests used. He remembered the first time he had been hugged and how completely shocking it was for him. Now, he cherished it almost as much as the priests did. He responded, patting the old priest on the back and saying, “Thank you, it is good to be back.”
They withdrew from each other and Havign asked, “But where have you been? I expected you back weeks ago.”
“It is a long story and I am sorry I could not have made it sooner. I have brought all of my material with me, as you requested.” Fallow displayed the bag he was carrying for Havign to see.
“Oh excellent,” Having responded clapping his hands. The sound echoed loudly in the large and empty building. “You have come at the right time too, Dinner is about to be set. I am not surprised though, you have a knack for appearing at the right time. I will open up a seat for you and afterwards we can talk about your adventure. I feel already that it was quite exciting; I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about the wilderness. We have not had any new direct sources in a long time, and I’m sure your writing will be a great addition to our collection here.”
“Now I know why you really encouraged me to take the mission into the wilderness,” Fallow joked, to the amusement of the priest. Havign led him away from the tall shelves of books, meticulously organized but hardly read. Fallow looked forward to the meal with the priests, and not just because he was hungry. It was always an interesting experience; the priests ate and interacted differently than how the soldiers did. It was always comfortable, fun, and enlightening.
There were many librarian priests working and living in the library, but certainly not as many as there were in the past. Many worked behind the scenes, rearranging, correcting, and organizing all the volumes that occupied the library. Some of them worked in areas of research and help, mostly working with the officials and populace of the city, handling information requests or personally escorting them around the library. All the priests shared the cleaning and dusting responsibilities. But however many priests occupied the library now, it is only a small fraction of the number of priests that used to work there long ago.
“Here now,” Havign had once told Fallow. “We only operate with a skeleton staff, and of course that is what is really only needed. But once this Library was the center of culture and learning in the city and it was always filled with people of many races and tongues from all corners of this territory, and even from territories outside of ours. But since the war started, the interest in the arts and learning dropped and the divine children are no longer encouraged to enter into the libraries service. Now all learning and efforts go into the war, they care only now about strategy, power, and glory. We have not had a new priest enter our order for many years. I’m sure you would have made a great Librarian if you were born of the divine, Fallow. We could use you. It really is a shame; people no longer treat the library with the respect and importance it deserves.”
“The people are more concerned about the safety of the city right now,” Fallow had responded defensively. “Isn’t that important as well? The library would not be able to exist if not for the effort of the defense forces.”
“That may be true,” Havign had sighed. “But they are missing an important part of what it means to be alive. They no longer care about knowledge, innovation, and learning. I am afraid that this city has been stagnating for a long time.”
The Priest often told many wild and fascinating stories about the past, and Fallow listened to them in amazement, unsure that they were real and skeptical that Havign simply hadn’t made them up. Especially the talk about other territories living in trade and harmony with The Endless City, such words were clearly false. “You have gone too far this time,” Fallow had responded laughing after one amusing story Havign had told him. “It was an entertaining story, but how can you expect me to believe it when the main character is a peddler from outside the wall?”
“But it is a true story.” Havign insisted. “My predecessor witnessed it himself and wrote this down himself.”
“But you speak of a setting that does not exist,” Fallow had explained, still laughing at the story. “Nothing exists outside of the wall, except darkness and fear and death.”
“Maybe,” Havgin said casually. “But what about the time when the city was not at war with the enemy? We have not always been at war, right? Settings can change and weren’t you once a person living outside the wall? The enemy didn’t always surround us as they do now.”
But Fallow had only shaken his head and replied, “You speak in riddles, I do not understand.”
“I know.” Havign had said sadly, looking at Fallow with pity in his eyes. The look made him uncomfortable.
Even if some of the stories Havign had told were suspicious, his claims about the old magnificence of the library were surely true. All around him evidence and proof of the once former greatness of Central Library existed in real time. Great halls and rooms were in the library, spaces for masses of people to learning were everywhere to be seen, but now they were empty and cold. When Fallow stayed overnight, it was in one of the many empty quarters that he slept. Old ornaments and furniture existed in the room, decorations and etchings that it always made him wonder what type people once slept in the same room long ago.
Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
The sheer size of the library was not the only glorious thing about it, or even the astounding and priceless decorations and architecture that gave it wonder. In the center of the library was an enormous statue, starting at the floor on a large dais and reaching all the way to the roof. It was created with a majesty and realism that often made men quail at the sight of it. It stood as though a protector and keeper of the library, holder of all the knowledge and wisdom of the universe. It was clothed in long robes of purple and gold that looked to be flowing despite its nature of stone. In his left hand lay and open book titled life and his right hand was lifted up as if offering its knowledge to those worthy. His head was bald and his face displayed a serene yet divine expression of confidence and power. The first time Fallow had seen it on one of his first ventures into the library; he wanted to fall to his knees in reverence and fear towards it.
As Fallow had stood frozen before it, gazing on it with wide eyes, Havign had approached him and said, “Yes, isn’t it impressive? The greatest craftsmen of the time worked together for sixty years to create it. No such skill exists today I am afraid. For many years, it has stood in the library, it was created along with it. You are in good company my young friend, many other greater men than you have beheld it gaze, but there are few these days that have.”
“Good priest,” Fallow had responded barely getting the words out, “Who does this stature depict? Surely someone of great power and wisdom!”
“Only the greatest.” Havign had said proudly, “It is Kami himself, depicted at the coronation of this building.”
“Kami-sama!” Fallow had whispered and he really did fall to his knees and he hid his face from the gaze of the statue. “But images of Kami-sama are not permitted!”
Havign had pulled Fallow to his feet again, despite the resistance. He had said with annoyance, “And this is why! Humans have the tendency to worship the images as though it was Kami himself and Kami finds it to be insulting. Get up! It is only stone you are looking at, no different from the stone you walk upon in the street. This statue only represents Kami, it is not him itself and it is not to be worshiped or feared. Get up already!”
With reluctance Fallow did come to his feet, but he still would not look at the statue directly. “Why was such a thing created then?” he then asked.
“It was a special occasion,” Havign had explained, leaning forward on the railing and gazing at the statue. “And Kami wanted to support and encourage the library. It was a long time ago too, when the city was more open to the presence of Kami. It is an impressive thing, but still,” he had turned around to face Fallow. “I will not have my pupil falling down every time he sees it. I want you to observe and appreciate the statue for its artistic value, as it was meant to be. You will come to accept it more easily in the future.” Fallow didn’t dare look at it and doubted such a day would come when he would.
But today Fallow was able to really look upon the statue as they passed it walking from one end of the library to the other. They were currently on one of the upper floors in the library, on level with the face of Kami. Havign was used to seeing it and walked by without noticing, still talking about the trifling events that had taken place among the librarians lately. But Fallow wasn’t listening and he stared at the statue in awe as they passed it. As they rounded the floor the face of the statue slowly came into view. No matter how many times he saw it Fallow still felt the desire to fall onto his knees before its presence. Still as impressive as always with its simple and transcending realism, Fallow thought the face was the most powerful part of the piece. The eyes gazed out radiantly and Fallow wanted to stand still and bath in its sight. This figure was literally the only image Fallow had ever seen of Kami. No pictures were allowed in the city and the god had not come into public view for many years. Fallow had imagined the god’s appearance before he saw the statue but the real image had exceeded his expectations in glory and power. He sometimes wondered how much more so the real thing would be if he ever saw it.
As always, that night’s meal took place in one of the rooms to the side of the main lobby and all the priests attended, except for the few who had to remain on duty. The plain wood door to the dining room remained open to the lobby, letting the librarians see the ongoing there in case their assistance was needed.
The room had a low ceiling crafted of wood and support arches. Small and cramped compared to the excessive space of the many other rooms in the library, Fallow often wondered why the Priest still choose to eat there when wider areas were permitted. Today when they seated, he finally did ask them.
“Why do you choose to eat in this room that barely fits everybody, when there are many other available for you? I am sure you could find another one acceptable for you.”
There were seven priests present in the room at the moment and they all responded similarly, playfully aghast at the suggestion but seriously adamant in their response. “The librarians have always eaten in this room,” they replied. “Far be it from us to break such a long and historic tradition. It would be as awful as throwing away unused books.” The priests all looked similar to Fallow and he had difficulty distinguishing them from each other. Havign he could differentiate, but now he could only tell them apart from the places they sat. If they were stubborn about staying in this room, they were also stubborn about sitting in the same places each time as well.
“But wasn’t there once hundreds of librarians living and working here,” Fallow asked. “How could you all eat in here?”
As much as Fallow enjoyed the strange company of these old and somewhat silly priests, they also enjoyed the company of the young and serious human. They often laughed and teased him in certain subjects and they laughed and teased him now. “Of course they could not all fit in here at once, the eight of us have a difficult time fitting in here now.” The priest named Jacobin sitting beside Fallow explained. “They would eat in shifts. During those times, there were always a group of priests eating in this room. Things were much more chaotic then, and there wasn’t space for them anywhere else either.”
“How could that be?” Fallow asked, even more confused, “Did Kami provide constant meals to the library instead of just twice a day?”
“No, no, you do not understand.” Another spoke in unreservedly, “Back then Kami did not provide food they way he does now. There was room and space available for growing it and there were also massive imports of food from neighboring territories.”
“What?” Fallow said simply.
Havign leaned forward and attempted to explain. “Fallow, Kami-sama creates and provides food for the city daily, right?” Fallow nodded. “But that is only because there is no space now for growing it ourselves. Before the war, the empty land you see from on top of the wall used to be fields and orchards. It was used for growing the food necessary to feed the city.”
“And even then, that was not enough,” another priest chimed in. As always, the priests enjoying teaching and explaining things to any who listened. “We had to import enormous amounts of grain and other essentials from our neighboring territories in order to feed ourselves. It was an essential part of city operations and an entire industry and economy was based off of that.”
But Fallow was lost and bewildered and he seemed stuck on several points. But his ignorance did not dismay or disgust the priests; it only encouraged and excited them. “Food is grown?” he asked incredulously.
“By the throne, yes!” they almost shouted. In the excitement, a couple of the priests ran out to find books and other sources to explain the idea. “You know the apple tree in the temple courtyard?” Havign asked.
“I have heard of it, but I had never actually seen it or even been inside the temple-.”
“But you understand that apples are created from the tree, right?”
“Yes. I believe those apples are used in part of the annual Festival of the Highlanders-.”
“Yes, yes, but that is not the point.” Dismissing the sacred festival with a wave of his hand, Havign continued, “The point is that that apple was grown from the plant, it was not created by Kami directly. You understand that right? You could eat that apple as if it was the same apple you had eaten for breakfast today.”
Fallow was still confused and astounded by the new knowledge. The other priests returned quickly and presented diagrams and pictures of different plants and their uses in food. “Sometimes you could eat the roots, the stems, even the leaves of these different plants,” Havign said, pointing towards the different designs displayed. “This plant is called wheat and these grains you see on the top, those were grinded up and used to create bread.”
“Bread is created from a plant?” Fallow asked amazed and incredulous.
“Well, not right now. Bread is created directly by Kami-sama and given to us. But originally, yes. The grain was grounded up, and went through a process called baking. It doesn’t happen anymore though.”
“I want to grow bread too.” Fallow said excitedly, he was holding a book in his hands and flipping through it. “Will this tell me how to do that?”
“It does,” Havign responded with a smile. “But that might be too difficult to do right now. If you really want to grow something, I suggest you start with simple vegetables like these,” He pointed towards specific plants on the pages. “This will be relatively simple and easy to grow now.”
Fallow was looking down and reading through the pages. “It looks like I will need some land to grow these on though. I do not know of any land near me to use.”
“You don’t really need land; you only need some soil and container to hold it in.”
Fallow held the book in his hands as though he was holding a treasure. It was titled The fantastic world of Gardening. “Can I borrow this book?” he asked delicately. “I will take good care of it.”
Havign smiled at him and said, “You have showed great care for the books you have taken so far. I believe we can trust you with this as well. In return, we want a portion of whatever you manage to grow.” Fallow promised and placed the book delicately into his backpack, taking great care to treat it gently. The other priests were just as excited at the idea of real gardening as Fallow was. “I am surprised at you, Fallow,” Havign added. “You usually just call me crazy and laugh at me when I suggest something like this.”
But Fallow only looked confused at the words and Havign didn’t press it.
Soon though, their discussion was interrupted by the arrival of the food. As always, it appeared suddenly on the table as if it suddenly sprang into existence right there, which of course, it did. All across the city food was appearing inside people’s houses, inside the dining halls and onto the tables of those who feasted on the bread of Kami.
As a soldier in the greyhoods, Fallow had been trained to give thanks to Kami before the meal in a very specific way. The first time he ate with the priests though he was shocked at the different customs they used to praise Kami. As a soldier in the army, an officer always led the prayer of thanks to Kami, including praise for the food, light, breath, and life in verses of ritual. Fallow had expected the same from these priests but instead they had simply said in chorus all together, “Praise and thanks be to Kami, who has provided this food to us.” Then they had proceeded to eat to the astonishment of Fallow. Fallow had asked why they did not follow the set prayer that everybody else used.
“We do not have a set prayer for us,” They had responded. “How much credit do we give Kami anyway? He provides us food certainly, but does he provide us with our very life or did that come from another source? There are many people living outside of these walls you know, whom Kami has not touched with his will.”
Fallow found that any time he spent with the priests was enlightening and interesting, but it was difficult to gather them all in one place at once. It was one of the reasons why he enjoyed coming here and eating with them so much. Today he followed the priest’s customs in prayer and ate with them happily. He saw the food in a new understanding today and he broke the bread in his hand, crumbling, thinking, and observing. He said suddenly, “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“What is the matter, Lieutenant?” Jacobin asked, dipping a piece of bread into seasoned oil.
Fallow responded slowly, “How can what you say be true? You speak of things unheard of and unknown. Outside of this city’s walls exists the perpetual darkness that Kami strives against, but you talk of times of trade and prosperity beyond the wall. Even more so, of times of trade with other territories! What you have been telling me doesn’t match what I know to be true, yet I see this evidence before me. Even in the wilderness I recalled certain things.”
The room became unnaturally quiet at Fallow’s pronouncement. Some of the priests chewed thoughtfully, while others had stopped eating altogether. They gazed at Fallow with their Golden eyes and Fallow suddenly felt foolish and alien among them; that he had asked a stupid question. It was eerily silent in the room; the priests had had been noisy and talkative before were no longer.
“Lieutenant,” Havign said calmly. “You normally do not look into these issues this much. Why do you start asking these questions now?”
Fallow was even more confused. He asked, “Should I not be asking this? Doesn’t it bother you, too? These two different ideas are in opposition of each other.”
“But you never cared about it before.”
Fallow contemplated for a bit but then said simply, “Now I do.”
“There are some questions that you should not explore.” Another priest said suddenly.
Fallow was shocked and confused. The mood was upsetting him and he said angrily, “What is that supposed to mean? Wasn’t it you who taught me to ask questions in the first place? You told me that knowledge comes from exploring the world around you, questioning things and evaluating them. Isn’t this library a holder and preserver of truth and knowledge? How can you say then, ‘There are some questions that should not be asked?’”
“It is true that knowledge comes from questioning,” Havign responded. “But there is some knowledge that should be kept from you.”
The priests continued to look at him, their golden eyes piercing him with their radiance, but the looks now frustrated and angered Fallow. Never before had he been denied like this before. “How can that be?” he demanded. “Why do you choose to hide things from me? Haven’t I been studying here in order to learn under you?”
“Havign,” Jacobin said. “You have taught your pupil well, but perhaps too well. Some things were meant to be hidden from him.”
“He had never shown interest in such things before though,” Havign responded. “Like water off a duck’s back, the issues never impacted him. Something must have changed within him.”
“It is everybody’s fault really,” another put in. “We all were eager to share our understanding with him, but we didn’t prepare for the consequences of it.”
“He asks questions about some areas, it is only natural he would be curious about others. Everything is connected to each other.”
“We have been careless. It might have been wrong to take a pupil in the first place, Havign.”
Fallow burst in yelling, “Stop talking amongst yourselves as if I wasn’t here!” The priests no longer looked to Fallow like the friendly old men but had somehow turned into terrible spell casters again, hiding themselves in webs of deceit and malice and viewing humans as inferior being to be despised. Fallow shuddered a little under their gazed but he didn’t move. “I’m not some human here to play with, to teach interesting things and to amuse yourselves with. I am here of my own volition; you have never treated me different from you before.”
“Fallow, calm down, we didn’t mean it like that.” Jacobin said, trying to calm him. Fallow still looked around the room with anger in his eyes.
Havign sighed and said, “Look, it’s not like we are trying to keep secrets from you, but there are some things that are simply not permitted to talk to you about.”
“What does that mean?” Fallow cried in frustration, standing up. “You are presenting to me an understanding of the world that I cannot reconcile. It cannot relate to what is known to me already and it is grating me.” He shook his head. “Why do you now deny me resolution?”
Still, the room was quiet and Fallow suddenly felt a deep unease in his heart and he recognized it. The feeling first came into existence in the wilderness, a quiet but resolute feeling deep inside of him that somehow things were not correct. The dreadful prisoner’s faces suddenly came back to him, and he remembered, even deeper, his own experiences. He felt woozy suddenly and he sat back down quickly. His head started spinning. He had hoped these feelings would disappear when he returned to The Endless City and it did for a bit. But right now, the more Fallow considered his memories and experiences and the words of these men, the greater his uneasiness became. He felt frightened and naked and alone.
Havign spoke suddenly, “Fallow, the world-.”
“Havign!” Another priest cut in, interrupting him. There was fear in his eyes.
Havign continued again, speaking slowly, “This is an answer you must come up with yourself.” The whole room stiffened, but nobody objected to his words. Havign continued, “The books in here and the experiences we can provide show you evidence of the past, but it is you who has to balance it with what is in your head. In the end, you will find that what is real is never black and white and that it is also hardly easily discovered.”
Fallow wasn’t satisfied with the answer but something in Havign’s face told him to not continue his line of questioning. He looked back from face to face and he did not say anything. The silent moment held for a long time.
Jacobin clapped his hands and said with forced eagerness, “We hope you have the greatest success in your endeavors, Fallow. In the meantime, this food, given to us directly by Kami-sama, is getting cold. We should eat it up before it all disappears.” The other priests tried to respond to the call, but it was clear that the meal was over, the priests mainly pecked over the food. Fallow did not eat any more but sat in thought.
Havign looked at him with concern in his face. He said, “Come Fallow, eat and gain your strength. There is much work for us tonight, you have yet to share your experience in the wilderness with us, I am sure that will be fascinating to hear. And we have lots of material to go over.”
Fallow shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the strange feelings inside of him. “You are right,” he said with a smile. “It is by the Grace of Kami we were able to make it back at all!” He hoped that he would not experience the disturbing dreams again tonight, but he doubted that would happen. Even in this sacred sanctuary in The Endless City tormenting feelings found him again.