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Kami-Sama
Chapter 18

Chapter 18

“Ashton, sing us a song.” A voice called out along the long dining hall table. The men sitting at it were battered and exhausted; and looked as if they had been fighting continuously against powerful foes bent upon mutual destruction. Many of them were sprawled across the dining hall despite Hairley’s scolding about proper manners.

The squads were breaking fast currently, all the men of the floor together in the long dining hall. They had learned of Ashton’s talent for song soon after they arrived here weeks ago because he often sang to himself when relieving stress or hurts. The men enjoyed listening to him, Horebour especially and as he ate the fruit in front of him he pounded on the table and said, “Yes, sing us a song now, Ashton!”

Ashton pulled the bread away from his mouth and said, “I sang last night at dinner for you, you relentless children!”

“And it was wonderful,” Vonyer replied steadily, eating calmly as well. “We want to hear you again. Nothing soothes our aching muscles like the uplifting spirit in your voice.”

“His songs are all depressing though.” Heath said, stuffing his face with food. “They are all about death and hardship and struggle, not something used to cheer people up.”

“You need to appreciate the artistic value of the songs,” Vonyer said defensively. “Not all songs can be loud and obnoxious drinking songs like the ones you share.”

“Both songs have their places,” Drake replied over the noise of Heath’s outburst over Vonyer’s insult. “But I think that Ashton’s songs have a unique meaning to us here. All we are doing now is suffering and enduring hardships. So,” he turned to Ashton trusting his apple into his face. “Sing for us!”

“No!” Ashton replied, pointing his finger down at all of them, “I need to eat when I have the chance, I can’t spend all of my free time singing for you.”

“Free time?” Drake asked. “There is no such thing here; there is only time to be sleeping and time to be wrecking yourself. What is this free time you are talking about?”

“Come now Drake,” Horebour said, playing along. “Don’t carry such a disheartening attitude. This is a valuable time for all of us. Sure, it is difficult and at times spirit breaking; I cannot remember what it is like to not feel pain in body. But through the balming agent of song, we can find meaning and purpose here.”

“I will not be falling for that” Ashton protested. “I am just as hurt and tired as all of you!”

“Just sing us a song Ashton!” Drake called out. “The music heals everybody, including you.”

“I do not sing when called upon like a fool.” Ashton said aggressively, but the squad continued to pressure him. Drake knew he would give in eventually, the combined pressure from them along with his agreeable nature meant Ashton could be persuaded to do almost anything.

It had been three weeks since Drake and Ashton had entered The Endless City, or at least as far as Drake could tell. The 20 scratch marks he had carved into his bed frame told him that as many nights had passed since they arrived on the floor, but he had no way to confirm the accuracy of their claims. The days here seemed longer than normal, as if extra hours were stuffed into them and with no sun to see, there had no way to tell real time. To him at least, the days certainly felt longer. If Drake had not known better, he would have said they had been here years already.

Just as the Junior-Marshal Kean promised, the training was body breaking at its most timid points, especially for the injured Drake and Ashton. Every morning began in the dark before the lanterns had lit up completely. On the first few days the squads fumbled around in weariness and confusion while their Marshal screamed at them to move quickly and quietly. Thankfully, the dark morning’s work only consisted of basic cardiovascular and muscle training and nothing more complicated. It was grueling, but at least it could be reasonably accomplished in the dark.

When the morning phase ended and the lanterns started lighting up, there was a small rest while they broke fast in the dining hall, consuming the food of Kami. The first day of eating had shocked both Drake and Ashton as the food suddenly appeared before on the table and as the group gave thanks together to Kami in ritual and ceremony before eating. But since then their hunger and exhaustion had relinquished them of their care for the strangeness in the world around them. Nobody else seemed surprised by it anyway.

While the workouts in the mornings were always the same, after the men had finished eating the food, the next phases of training were varied. There were eleven marshals on the floor as well as Hairley and each one was in charge of instructing the different squads in a particular form of light infantry training. Each day consisted of three different phases of training with three different marshals, cycling through a four day week before it started over again. Each marshal pounded in his teachings as though he was the hammer and his teachings were the nails. The only real rest the men had besides sleeping was when they trained with Hairley. He taught weapon cleaning, maintenance, and understanding and while what he told them was important and challenging, it was not physically demanding. Each night, right after their dinner, he also led a short service in praise and gratitude for Kami. At first Drake grated his teeth in anger at the thought of praising the monster who had done this to all of them, but soon he simply became grateful for the time of rest.

But it was not enough time for adequate rest for these men. Day after day they were punished by their instructors, being forced to endure their madness of training. The instructors were merciless and demanding, working their students as if the very flames of the enemy were licking at their feet. At the dining table, the men all looked similar as they did when they were caged into the wagons, during the days they could no longer recall clearly. Many were dead eyed and without spirit.

“This is a necessary part of our training,” Horebour had said once, after a particularly defeating session. He lay upon the ground with the rest of the company, panting for breath and life. “Kami will see all of us through, he would not test us so if he knew we could not pass.” He seemed to be trying to convince himself though, more than the people who heard him.

But Drake felt like there was something more sinister in the training, another aspect of deconstructing these men to form them more into the likeness of their desires. Every session required quick action, mindless obedience, and unending work. Drake struggled to retain his rational and individual thought after the weeks of training.

There was only one aspect of the training that brought comfort to these men, just as Marshal Kean had predicted in the beginning. Whatever differences the men in the individual squads once had with each other became irrelevant after the first few days in the floor. Through the distress and hardship the squads faced together, incredible bonds were formed, deeper than friendship and faster than love. It was the faith and knowledge that every person in your squad faced similar trials as you; absolute trust and comradeship was born. Drake suspected that such a consequence was intended from the beginning, along with the desired result of absolute soldiers. Either way, Drake knew that as much as he depended upon his squad for realism and integrity, so also did everybody depend upon each other. It was the only thing that kept Drake from losing his spirit.

Uniquely for Ashton, he reacted differently to the brutality. Perhaps as part of his native programming, he endured the hardships without change or compromising of his character. Perhaps it was his song that cleansed his spirit every day from the impurities the training brought to his mind, but his spirit stood forth like a rock in a creek letting the hardships flow past him without changing him.

If the comradeship was a lifeline for the sinking men, then Ashton was a lifeboat. He ever provided encouragement to his friends and strength beyond that of the physical. His simultaneous detachment from his physical environment and yet his complete presence in the group created a paradox that the marshals could not understand. His physical accomplishments in the training fields were small, but nonetheless, his presence was the biggest factor contributing to the survival of the group.

That was why, only minutes later, Ashton was singing for the group again, during the few precious minutes that were available for them at their feast.

He said to them, “This song is about a fair maiden who loses her life in a feudal strife. Her lover enacted his wrath against both villages afterwards, bringing peace to the two tribes. Maybe not an original theme, but I find the music pleasant to witness.” He sang clearly for the group.

She wove the cloth with beauty and grace

And she flashed her smile with joy on her face

Her laugh was like the river foam

Her hair was long and neatly combed

Fair Nailie, a delight to the eye

Fair Nalie was doomed to die

She walked beside the river clean

And saw the world with sight so keen

She bathed the goats and washed their fur

The babes were small and they came to her

Fair Nalie who loved to cry

Fair Nalie was doomed to die

There was a man who was brave and strong

He courted her and sang her songs

His strength was great and beyond compare

But he was kind and gentle and full of care

He boasted greatly about his love

He said their union was from above

Fair Nalie a delight to the eye

Fair Nalie was doomed to die

The tune was slow however and Ashton could not finish the song before their meal was abruptly ended. Loud clapping brought them back from the fairy tale and into the hot and dry reality. Hairely came into the dining hall clapping his hands for attention, “The time is here now, get to your gyms. You know what happens when you are late! The marshals are not forgiving; get moving before you are late!”

“But the food has yet to disappear,” Heath protested gesturing to the table before them.

“Kami does not work on our schedules, we work on his. It will disappear soon enough, Kami always takes the remains.”

Despite the reluctance to move from the table, all men proceeded swiftly to their designated training sessions. One squad had been late for one of their sessions and it only took seeing that squad’s punishment to instill in all of them the fear of being late as well.

Drake’s squad had their first session that day with Marshal Kean. Rather than taking it easy on his own squad it seemed he pushed them harder in order to achieve results above the other squads. This was Drake’s third session with the man and while he always had a subtle fear towards all the different gyms, he disliked Marshal Kean’s instruction the most.

Marshal Kean was a young yet experienced soldier who was an expert in hand to hand combat. While he was still skilled in every other aspect of the light infantry program, his specialty in unarmed combat and even unarmed against armed opponents, won him the position of training that trait to the new recruits. At first Drake thought that the man was disgusted with the assignment and that he abhorred the indoctrinated wildness people because of how difficult and strict his training sessions were. But after experiencing him twice Drake was convinced he was harsh not because he hated them, it was because he simply hated everything.

Marshal Kean was ruthless and unforgiving, and everything he did was with full intenseness and energy as if he constantly fought demons with every action he did. There was no rest or break with him; his sessions were 100% effort for the entire time. He had then doing various drills of the most arduous nature, cruelly punishing those who did not give all of their effort. In his first meeting with his squad he had proclaimed that he was god over their lives until the time came when they graduated or died trying and every moment with him confirmed that assertion. Incredibly powerful in presence and might, the squad members could only do as he commanded with fear and mindlessness lest he spot you out and teach you the meaning of total control.

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Drake wasn’t sure he ever gained anything from the man’s first two sessions other than an instinctive obedience algorithm and a hurt body.

As they entered the gym, carefully early, Kean was dressed in his usual combat armor. As always, he had done the morning exercises with all of them and Drake wondered briefly where he had gone to change and eat since that time, because he wasn’t wearing the metal armor he had on now, covering his forearms and shins, or either the heavy leather uniform when he was with them this morning.

At their approach, he stood up and took advantage of the extra time the squad’s arrival gave him. He immediately instructed them to start the exercises he had drilled into them in their earlier sessions and the men split into group without hesitation and complied. As they did so he paced about them and spoke loudly for all of them to hear. He said, “The last three sessions in every gym here should have filled you with the basic foundations for light infantry, muscle building and training, but most importantly, the proper mindset of a soldier. Unwavering obedience and faith in your superiors and Kami is what makes a good soldier, everything else is just ornaments on the wall. Continued molding in that area will continue until you have graduated from here; until it has been engrained permanently into your being.” The men were already straining and sweating already under the stress of the exercise, but he ignored it. “However, beginning with this fourth session, actual skills in the eleven areas of this training program for light infantry will commence. Congratulations, you have all passed our physical requirements for us to start technique training.”

Despite the words of praise, his death glare remained in his face as if he had wished for them all to perish in the first three sessions. Nobody answered his praise. After a pause, he continued, “As you are aware I will be teaching you hand to hand combat. While this may not appear the most useful skill to have on the battlefield to you, let me assure you that in many cases, this skill will be your most valuable tool you can have on the field. Weapons may not always be near you in times of danger, but these skills will never leave your side.”

“You will be taught how to subdue and kill your opponents with efficiency and effectiveness. Especially against armed opponents this skill will become most important. Never think that weapon users have an advantage over you, for this skill set is specifically created to oppose such circumstances. When you complete my training, you will not be in fear from any kind of opponent, for my techniques are perfect, created to fight armed, not armed, armored, or not armored. It will take guts and effort beyond what you can imagine at this moment but as my own squad I expect every single one of you to master my teachings.” He snapped his fingers and everybody stopped their exercises, some in mid movement causing them to lose their balance and some to fall over. Suddenly enraged at their incompetence, the marshal beat and scolded the men who had fallen over.

After his moment of rage, Kean looked back up at the group as though a demon had possessed him. His eyes laid on a curse to all who saw it and he glared haughtily at them all. He shouted at them, “Remember this you filthy barbarians! Your potential as soldiers is zero! Your workable material is a slag of mud and your minds are dirty canals of contradictory beliefs and impulses! I have been given the impossible task to make you more than you are capable of being! It is not through my training that you will become soldiers of The Endless City, it is only through the transforming power of Kami. You are a piece of mud and through fire, pressure, and meticulous sculpting will you become something more!” Kean then turned and pulled the man he had beaten up roughly, setting him to his feet. Then he proceeded to his next training objective as if nothing had happened. Drake felt a low pressure pulling his heart down.

“What am I doing here?” he thought bleakly, the stray thought reaching his weary mind. “Am I really becoming a soldier of Kami? I thought I had escaped it when I was not indoctrinated at the beginning, but perhaps this is yet another part of the indoctrinating process.” Due from physical and mental exhaustion Drake no longer contemplated the world outside of this floor. With his battered mind, he could not answer his question or even keep it in his mind for long. It slipped away from him before he realized and then the marshal was demonstrating something to them and he had to pay attention less he get into trouble. Without thought, his body moved as it was commanded and forms and settings were pounded into him and the time blurred around him. For many of the men, pain had lost most of its meaning on them; it was now a close companion; reliable and safe.

The session with Marshal Kean ended after a seemingly endless time and despite the increased effort the marshal put into teaching the new techniques today, he was the only one who was not sweaty and ready to collapse. In a rare show, he didn’t give them abusive words at the end of the session. Ironically, many of the men took it as praise of their effort, because it certainly was not of their ability to master the new skills. The next two sessions with the other marshals succeeded the first and they proved to be similar in fashion. They started to teach them actual techniques in their particular fields, short weapons and spear wielding. Respectively, each expected their own techniques to be learned and mastered. The men mostly felt overwhelmed and flooded from the excess inflow of information and the marshals scolded them for their slow understanding. At least before today they only had to do easily understood exercises, if not easily accomplished ones.

The sessions ended and even the upbeat and ever joyful Horebour had nothing to say as they entered the baths before their meal was given to them. The marshals expected cleanliness and hygiene along with all the other information they were supposed to understand. “We are not barbarians,” Kean had told them the first day. “We work hard for Kami and your sweat and soiling is proof of that, but.” He eyed them darkly, “The Endless City is a civilized and holy place. Your filth and smell will not be tolerated. There are baths available for you, so clean yourselves. You will eat you dinner fresh, or not at all.”

As was many things with Drake, events that had either angered him or encouraged him soon simply became meaningless. At first he was delighted by the prospect of cleanliness, but it quickly became simply another chore that had to be accomplished before the relief that was dinner. Frightening him, Drake found that the only thing he really looked forward to anymore was the food when he ate. “Oh god,” he had said to himself. “What am I turning into?”

Drake noticed, to his dismay, that the indoctrinated people were all taking the events much harder than Drake or Ashton.

“It might be a byproduct of the indoctrination,” Drake had theorized to Ashton. “Their mind’s strength and resistance has been weakened by it, so they are more easily affected by the hardships here.”

Ashton was very concerned still. “They do not look like they will last much longer.” He had said anxiously. Drake had to agree with him.

Drake replied, “We need to do what we can for them then.”

The dinner was as fabulous today as it was every day, meats and fruits covered the table when they arrived. The men could no longer appreciate it for its full value, though. With even less energy than usual, they ate quietly after the prayer and thanksgiving lead by Hairley. Nobody spoke but they all knew what each other were feeling, most of the men wondered if they would be able to last in the training or if what little strength they had would give out on them. Without a request this time, Ashton sang another song as much for himself as it was for everybody else. All the different squads were in similar shape to Drake’s today, beaten, bloody, and dispirited, not even the indoctrination of faith they had been given could lift them out of their lifelessness.

Hourbour sat next to Drake right during the meal and he ate his meal quietly. Ashton’s song floated over the group and Drake asked Hourbour, “What are you thinking of friend? Now of all times, we could use your heartening words, why do you stay silent now? It is unlike you.”

Hourbour smiled weakly and said, “I do not feel any words of such nature inside of me right now. There are only the stale words that I have been repeating since I first met you.”

“Are you losing your faith?” Drake asked bluntly.

Hourbour shook his head, “Losing faith? Certainly I am. But not in Kami, only in myself. I fear I do not have the strength to meet the demands of Kami anymore.”

Drake did not know what to say, he looked at Hourbour sadly. “It’s funny,” Hourbour continued, turning to face Drake. “I had thought that after I had made it here that it would all be well and good. I had thought that after the pilgrimage we would simply be accepted into the arms of Kami straight away. I should have known it would not be that simple. We are barbarians after all; it makes sense that we have to go through this purification.”

“Purification?” Drake asked setting down his apple.

“Yes, purification.” Hourbour repeated. “That’s how I see this training. We are in the holy city of Kami, Drake! Isn’t it impossible for sinful people like us to simply walk in, clad in our dirty souls? There needs to be some sort of cleaning before we are permitted to actually enter the city proper, right? A pure and holy god such as Kami cannot allow people like us to pollute his presence, we need to be cleaned first, that is what I believe this whole experience is. But,” Hourbour continued sadly, picking up Drake’s apple and taking a bite of it. “Perhaps once the sinful part of me is scrubbed off there will be nothing left of me? Perhaps all this place is is a setting where we realize our own shortcomings and perish with its realization?”

Drake felt troubled by Hourbour’s words and he replied, “I don’t see the residence of this place being any more holy than we are.” Hourbour didn’t respond and Drake continued with force, “Listen to me Hourbour, I do not believe we are intended to die here. And even if we are, I won’t let that happen. We are going to survive this, together, okay?”

Hourbour shook his head and didn’t respond. Drake finished the apple while brooding.

Hariley led the worship time and after the dinner he stood at the head of the table and looked at all of the men. He sensed the mood of the table and looked at them all with sympathy. Rather than starting the ritual praise, he said to them instead, “They really beat the life out of you today, didn’t they? I haven’t seen everybody so dead for my service since that last recruits were here. Without fail, the first day of technique training creates this same air.” He held out his hand as if to snatch the feeling there. “Despair and apathy and fear, all mixed together. Let me tell you gentlemen, it does not smell good and it is not something the baths can wash off you. It rises from you and fills this entire place, emanating out and into the Holy city. Kami smells the incense and he turns away from you at its repulsiveness.” He flicked his hand in disgust.

At that statement, he captured the attention of many of them. Hourbour looked up intently, “Yes, he turns away,” Hairley repeated. “And why wouldn’t he? You yourselves have turned away from him first.”

“Is there any hope then?” a man cried out. “Even Kami has abandoned us in this place!”

There was a sudden great distress and noise at the pronouncement and many of the other men called out in despair. Hairley had to smash down a drinking jar to get their attention again; it broke to pieces upon the table. “Fools,” Hairley called out. “Have you forgotten where you are? And have you forgotten what you are doing here? You are inside The Endless City completing the holy work that Kami himself has laid down upon you! How could you give up hope when the path is so clear before? Kami is faithful to those who are faithful, but those who turn against him will be thrown away and burned along with the enemy! For those who follow the will of Kami there will be salvation and grace. Never lose faith in your ability to complete his work here, the god most high has put it upon you!”

“But I do not have the strength to accomplish all that is expected of me!” another voice called out and the men cried out in agreement.

“Of course not,” Hairley responded harshly. “It is not your own strength that you should be leaning on in the first place! Were you not told that when you first arrived here? Your strength is in your friends, in your comrade who share your burden with you. But most importantly, it is in Kami that you find your strength. Human flesh can wither and die but the life of friendship and the strength of Kami endures forever. Put your faith and hope in Kami again and you will be renewed in your spirit.”

“Increase our faith!” the men cried out and Hairley answered them.

“Those who have strength, steady the man next to you, for those of you who have despair, share it with those around. When all men carry the burden and share the strength, all men will make it through. Kami is a great and merciful god who gives second and third chances to those who disobey him. But woe to him who doubts the authority and might of Kami, he will be slit from his pack like a chisel to a sculpting wood and tossed outside the walls of this city were creatures of every black type will devour him. To him who lives in the grace of Kami, blessings and power will be bestowed on him. He gives strength to the weak and boldness to the timid so that they may perform every deed asked of them! The will of Kami is pure and his purpose is ever righteous. You have been placed here in order to fulfill that will and serve your purpose in the army of Kami.”

Hariley suddenly broke into verse, speaking words with almost hypnotic energy,

“Blessed are the hungry,

for they will be satisfied with the Bread of Kami

Blessed are those who are lost in the darkness,

For Kami will guide them and save them,”

With every sentence, the noise in the dining hall grew; creating a frenzy and Hariley spoke ever louder to be heard.

“Blessed are those who are giving up their old lives for Kami,

For he will give them new ones, full of strength and faith

Blessed are those who persevere through his trials!

For in the end, they will find the bliss and peace in the arms of our god!”

The yelling and praise from the men became too great for the men to hear Hairly, but he still shouted it out,

“BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO ACCOMPLISH THE WILL OF KAMI,

FOR KINGDOM AND GLORY AND POWER WILL BE EVER THEIRS AT THE END OF THE DAYS!”

The hall had erupted in praise, gladness, and madness; the words of Hairley were too powerful for the emotionally unstable men. There was much yelling and crying of people who renewed their vows to Kami, some were on their knees; others were up jumping around in their exultation. Hairely led them all in singing and worship of Kami and the men’s spirits rose as they never had before. All the pains and struggles of the day were forgotten and they frenzied in their worship and gladness of Kami.

Even Ashton and Drake were not unaffected by the spellbinding words of the prophet of Kami, and they felt themselves get swept up in the current. But still, they were able to look upon the situation objectively. Ashton found his way to Drake’s side and gave him a concerned look. He leaned towards him and asked loudly over the noise, “What is going on? The dead men before have transformed into a mob!”

Drake shouted back, “This is part of the indoctrination as well, I believe! They break the spirit of the people here and then fix it how they want!” Drake paused for a second as the usually silent Geothro walked by, singing and weeping loudly. Drake continued. “Even I feel its power! Be careful, Ashton and don’t let yourself get caught up in it.”

Ashton looked around in concern, “Will they be okay?”

Drake shrugged, “Probably. All of this has been planned I’ll bet, the way the balance the initial indoctrination with their physical training. This is just another part of the process. They certainly look more alive than before, right?”

Ashton looked around again and had to agree. Where had all this energy come from? It was past the time to go to bed, but nobody seemed to care. Hairley was leading the whole group in song again. Ashton said to Drake, “I do not like this Drake. It is unnatural. People shouldn’t be messed around like this. Killing the body is one thing, but destroying the soul is another!”

Drake agreed with him and said, “Be sure to keep your wits about you then! Do not lose yourself in this place.”