Fallow entered Central Library only a few hours after the councilman left his Party. The attendees were in shock at the arrival and actions of the vessel. Many had missed the point of the arrival altogether and were lost in the very idea of a vessel coming inter their presence. Some of the guests had scrambled around; trying to obtain anything the vessel might have touched as if it had turned into pure gold. Liehold was much graver than the people who threw themselves on the ground in praise and worship of Vessel as he left the palace. After the vessel was gone he immediately disappeared. Fallow lingered a little bit, trying out some of the food available and inspecting some of the more interesting aspects of the party, but soon left as well. It was late in the night and the lights were starting to dim. A slight rain had started and much of the populace was outdoors enjoying it, standing or sitting in circles singing songs in praise of Kami. The sounds reverberated throughout the city, mingling with the soft patter of rain. Jacobin the priest was manning the front desk when Ashton pushed open the tall broad doors.
Jacobin called Fallow over to his desk with a wave of his hand the moment he saw him. “Fallow,” he exclaimed eyeing Fallow with surprise. “You are soaking wet! What happened?” The library appeared to be empty.
Fallow rolled his eyes at the priest, “What, do priests never look outside? Kami is sending rain and it was a long walk here.”
“Is that so...” Jacobin mumbled, looking out a little round window next to his desk. “Sometimes we just get lost in here.” He turned back to Fallow quickly. “But you are dripping all over the floor!”
Fallow looked down at the puddle he was creating. “Don’t worry, is marble flooring, a little water won’t hurt it. Besides, I do not have anything dry to wear.”
“Well, come on back and I will give you some spare clothing.” Jacobin said with irritation, as if the puddle was offending him personally. “We only have priestly garments, you know. Pale and bland, but I am sure you will look fine in it.”
Fallow changed into the clothes Jacobin provided for him, they were light and comfortable and Fallow felt clean with them on. In the lobby, he then cleaned up the mess he had made on the marble floor; Jacobin complained that he was too old for such work. “You can use magic,” Fallow said with exasperation as he was cleaning up the water, “It would take a second for you clean the floor.”
But Jacobin only shook his head. “You, like all the other humans, are too naïve. It is a difficult concept for you to understand, but believe me when I say, it is not true.” Then he paused, “Well, it would take a second, but the effort would not be worth it.
Fallow growled playfully in disgust, and Jacobin laughed at him. Inwardly though, Fallow wondered what it really meant to wield such power. The Priests of the highland order never hesitated in using their power, why did the librarians behave differently? Fallow suspected he would not get a straight answer if he did ask.
As he was finishing, Fallow asked Jacobin, “Don’t you priests ever get out? Surely you all don’t stay confined in here, but I can’t say I have ever noticed any of you leaving this place. You don’t even recognize the change in the weather.” Fallow stood up and returned to Jacobins side at the desk, with his towel.
Jacobin sighed and leaned on the desk. “Our lives are this library; we do not leave it often. Even in the old days we did not go out much, and now even less so. But that is okay, that’s how it is meant to be. Our place is here.” He straightened up and asked cheerfully, “But anyway, what brings you here this late at night?”
“I am here to see Havign,” Fallow said, handing the damp towel to Jacobin. Jacobin tossed it lazily to the side. “Can you tell me where he is now?”
“Actually, He isn’t here now. In the library, I mean.”
“Really?” Fallow said incredulously, “Weren’t you just saying that you guys don’t get out much? I have never known Havign to be absent.”
Jacobin held up his hands in innocence, “Nevertheless, it is true; he is not here right now. He should be back late late tonight.”
“Where has he gone?” Fallow asked in disbelief.
Jacobin shook his head, “I do not know, on some errand. He actually does that every once in awhile. It’s not an issue though, it’s not like we are prisoners here. He has the right to leave occasionally and privacy when doing so.”
“Oh.” Fallow responded, looking troubled. He tapped his hand on the desk while staring out in the library.
“I suggest going to bed now and then talk to him in the morning.” Jacobin said, studying Fallow, “There is no point in waiting up for him. What do you need him for anyway?”
Fallow looked back to Jacobin, “I just have some questions for him, that’s all.”
“Well, if it is only answers you are seeking, you can ask me. I am sure I have sufficient knowledge for your needs.” Jacobin smiled wryly.
Fallow considered Jacobin for a moment. “Okay.” He said, “Tell me, how did the war with the enemy start, and when?”
Jacobin paused. “The war?” he asked warily.
Fallow continued, “I’m asking, how did the war start? We haven’t always been at war, that’s clear to me. That means that there must have been a beginning to it and I was wondering how that happened.”
Jacobin responded nonchalantly with a frown. “What are you asking? You know what is taught, Kami has been struggling eternally against the enemy. Did you forget the military doctrine? This is what Kami tells us.”
Fallow was affronted. “But it is not true.” Fallow protested. He gestured at Jacobin with a finger, “And you know it!”
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“What is truth?” Jacobin asked dryly. “Truth is what Kami says. His words become reality, and when he says that the fight against the enemy has been continuing since the beginning of time, it becomes truth.”
“I don’t even know who we are fighting though!” Fallow burst. “I only know it as some unknown but terrible foe. Who are these people and why are we even fighting them? What is their objective?”
“Does it really matter who they are or why they hate us? Either way they are still trying to destroy this city. Everything we do we do because we are told to. Whether it is to fight, to work, to live, or to die, Kami directs everything. Who are you to disagree with him?”
Fallow looked at the priest and there was a silent resignation in the old man’s eyes. Fallow said abruptly, “I cannot let this go. I know already that something is amiss. I remember the time when I did not live in The Endless City. I was captured and indoctrinated ten years ago and I want to know why. I have been told and I have experienced things that do not correlate with one another and I want to know what fact is. I want to know what the histories say.”
Jacobin nodded as if he understood. “I see…” he said softly. He studied Fallow for a moment and Fallow shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.
“Go to bed.” Jacobin said suddenly throwing his hands up, “It is after hours and I must close up here. Only those who wear the priestly garments are allowed inside Library Central after dark and I can’t babysit you.” He started to close up his desk.
“What?” Fallow replied, bewildered by the unexpected response.
Jacobin shooed him away. “Do you need me to spell it out for you? As a Priest of the library, I can’t find it in myself to deny knowledge to those who inquire. But read at your own risk!” He pushed Fallow to the main stairwell, and then disappeared to lock the main doors. Fallow was left alone in the library. The statue of Kami gazed down upon him in its magnificence, but the lights in the library slowly faded and the face was filled with shadows.
Fallow had been in the library countless times before, but always during the day and mostly with Havign. But at night when the primary lanterns were dimmed, the library changed appearance as if the light from the lanterns disguised its true nature. Long dark shadows spread across the foundations and eerie figures and designs crowded the place. Before, Fallow had become accustomed to the sights the library offered, but now he noticed every subtle shape of rock, wood, and darkness.
He walked slowly through the library, unsure where to start his search. He could not read the titles of the books were they laid on the shelves due to the lack of light, so he had to often bring them to a small corner of the library were a lone lantern was still lit and sort through them individually. Fallow had never explored the contents of the library unsupervised before and at first he found it exciting. Soon though, after fruitless and time consuming searches for what he looked for, he came to appreciate the immensity and complexity the knowledge in the library was.
The shadows never moved on the walls but it was getting very late and Fallow was losing his motivation. Without some form of reference, he had been simply grabbing sections of books and relocating them near the light source to inspect, and his pile of unused books was getting too large for the desks to handle. He thought briefly about the amount of time and effort it would take to return the books to their proper places, but it was unimportant to him now.
Many of the books were irrelevant and Fallow wondered why they even kept. Some were simple reports about the day’s activity in certain departments of the military, others were actual books. There were fiction and nonfiction housed in the library. There were simple manuscripts and scrolls available, but the sheer mass of writings in the library sapped Fallow’s energy. The hours made him weary and Fallow was about to give up his search when the next book he picked up caught his eye. The title read A collection of writings from the Land that was Parathas. Fallow took it out of the pile and opened it up tentatively. He sat directly under the light, flipping through the pages and reading its writing, soon he forgot his exhaustion as he lost himself in the work.
Havign appeared before him hours later looking down at the man who was engrossed in the writings of the book. Fallow didn’t notice Havign’s arrival, but read intently the work in his hands. Havign asked loudly, “Have you found what you are looking for?” Fallow was startled at the sudden noise and he stared wide eyed at the old priest. “What are you reading?” Havign asked simply. After a moment of hesitation, Fallow closed it and handed the work over.
“Ah, yes.” Havign said with pleasure after seeing the title and opening it. “I remember this. Quite the work it is. There was precious little left of Parathas after it was destroyed by the enemy. I am afraid this here is the majority of it. Most people who had memories of the territory are dead now. Parathas has now been lost in memories and in physical reality.” He looked at Fallow. “Jacobin told me you would be around here. Look at the mess of books you have made.”
“Is it true?” Fallow asked quietly. “Is it true what is written in there?”
Havign shook his head and closed the book. “You need to stop using that word.” He said. “It does not mean what you believe it to mean. Rather than that it is true, I can say that it did happen. God’s have the power to change many things, they can change memories and people, but they cannot change the past.”
Fallow looked as if he was struggling to put to words his thoughts. Havign sighed and said, “I imagine you are confused. Please remember that this is only a small picture of what happened back then and an even smaller part of the universe back then as well.”
“The book spoke,” Fallow said, breaking his silence. “Of a city and people working and living. The people there were subservient to Kami. One of the journal’s spoke of a growing sense that war was coming with one of their neighbors, but there wasn’t actually a war going on.”
“Yes,” Havign replied calmly. “That would be the writing of Pathus, of whom the territory is named after. He was the land god of Parathas and he was part of an alliance of territories called ALPs, an alliance of lesser powers. I call it an alliance but it was really simply a group of land gods who gave up part of their sovereignty to Kami in order to secure part of the Kami’s and the alliances protection. Not all gods are equal in power and many needed protection that they alone could not provide.”
Fallow looked down, trying to ingest what Havign had said. “I’m confused.” He responded pitifully. “I don’t understand.”
Havign leaned in close, coming within a foot of Fallow’s face, “You’re not just confused Fallow, you are afraid, afraid of what you might learn and what it might mean to you. Stop your attempts to understand this world, weren’t you much happier in your ignorance? Go to bed Fallow and forget what you have learned tonight, you can be happy, confident, and innocent, Fallow. Is this knowledge really worth so much to you?”
Fallow looked up, and there was a great pain on his face. He said deliberately, “Ever since I have returned from the wilderness I have been uneasy. I did not recognize what bothered me before, but now I know what it is that keeps me awake at night and torments me. I do not know who I am. I cannot stop now; I know that this knowledge will help me understand my purpose and existence here.”
Havign leaned back and said, “What I might tell you may not give you the peace you are looking for. Do you still want it; even if it will change everything you understand the world to be?”
Fallow replied, “I do not even understand this world now.”
Havign smiled. “You make me torn.” He said. “On one hand, I feel sorrow for what I, and the other priests, have done to you. On the other hand, it makes me incredibly happy to see you transform into thinking living creature once again. Prepare yourself, for I will tell what I wish I could shout from the palace roof. If I could, it would shake its very foundations.”