"Control over one's will. Once you have a hold on your fear options will open up for you. But a knife or a gun is sure to get the job done." Adousa S.Mabtali
Chapter 7: The Boy Who Was Never Born
“Cold Nothingness.” The Nothingness before life can only be described in this light. To those who lack even the slightest glimpse of hope found in the belief of religion detailing an afterlife, this is all that awaits. Is that an accurate description using two words to describe something so impractical? "Cold Nothingness" is yet to be seen.
What comes after death? Where do you go? How long does it take to realize death? What is death? Am I dead? When was I born? What is life?
All I’ve ever known is the "Cold Nothingness" therefore what is cold?
I won’t know until I find out there’s no “Cold” inside of Nothing Amazing conundrum. Is there an inside of Nothing?
I’m Nothingness, "What can be born out of nothing?", Don’t answer that. That’s right you can’t. You don’t know what Nothing is yet. I’ll answer for you, “Nothing” is just time and space in a given place. Who knows what mysteries await?
“I don’t want to leave here, don't make me it’s warm. It's cold. I want nothing but this.” It’s peaceful in a way. I feel one with the beat of Nothing that is bliss. I’m in a space and I can feel time giving away. I was destined to be the Boy that was never born on the first day.
I want to scream but I don't. There's no need for the darkness of nothing; it will wait for me.
“I remember it like it was yesterday” because I could remember it like it was yesterday. Look at my hands covered in sludge. How Dada pulls me from the womb in my Papa's tummy. My Papa screamed in agony until he met me, his stomach cut open in the finest line parting in a red sea.
I’m perfect to Dada he is perfect to me we touch noses in awe, but I can’t speak for I was just one with Nothing.
Now I am more as you can see, such a pretty baby. I am going to pee. Though I've missed the mark Dada still loves me. I am perfect for him. He is everything but Nothing.
“I wish to be warm. I miss Nothing.”, as my mind grows restless over the thought. Papa begins falling asleep.
Hold me please, I’ll miss your heart most. I am wordless in your presence, don't leave. We’ve just met Dada. Please don’t leave. It's hard to remember when you go back to Nothing but not for me.
I grew up physically and mentally through different means. For some reason, I can’t go back to the light as easily as Nothing.
This isn’t me, who is she? Why did she get to have a life in the light she didn’t even get to see Papa bleed.
"Why can’t she remember everything!?"
“I’m going to go back to nothing, you can’t stop me! I’ll only come when the Nothing is closest to her, she who has everything. Maybe, if she called, to thee.”
I crawled first, I walked first, I talked first, I was even the first to pee, so why does she get to have everything?
She gets a name. I thought Daddy and Papa loved me?
They don’t forget everything. This is the light, say it be. I come from Nothing for all to see that I am the baby that is he.
Play with me the only two that remember thee.
I am He.
“Ah my beautiful baby boy Daddy remembers you don’t cry, everything’s okay you’re alright.” Dada still loves me Papa too. I am the baby who was born and returned to Nothing, but I am back.
It is me.
“Dada, Papa.” I know the words, but I can’t speak to them freely. Why does Adena get to have everything?
“We have to name our son Adousa, don't give him anything shitty, he's still a baby. He has a right to his life, no matter what. Under the circumstances, we need to love him just the same as the girl. He came first.” Papa sees me.
"Papa sees me!", I came from thee there's no one like me I’m Papa's, special baby.
“I know, I know I’m thinking you named Adena and he’s my first and only son. It's got to be special,” Papa smells of Nothing.
“He!” has a name I could just pee.
“Adonin you're the older brother you have to lead by example.” Papa says, “There’s no one in the world like you.”
"You," as in me. I am Adonin Servan Lee Ce Raphil Mabtali but not in that order you see, I’m the better half of Adena, a sister she is to me.
In the night I come by morning I choose to return to Nothing. Papa says I’m his “special child” for he is right I get to keep all the memories. Older, stronger, but smaller, the first to be born. I know Daddy's darkest secrets but to Dada, I have sworn.
I see Adena doing silly things. I say mean words to keep her airborne, but I love her so dearly every part I shall keep warm.
She is a gifted child for she sees but not as good as me Dada says I am to protect her at all costs she is my sister after all, and she just so happens to be a part of me.
To those who wish her harm, I would like to introduce myself as Adousa Mabtali’s firstborn. I am not the darkest of Dada's secrets.
“Yes Papa, to Dada I have sworn.” Pray to not meet me if she calls. For "Adonin" follows in Dada's stead, be warned.
“Adonin please, no more peeing on yourself, you're getting too old, and stop with the rhyming and riddles, it's not normal.” Papa only wants what's best for me. “Sorry, Papa.”
----------------------------------------
Chapter 7: The Boy Who Was Never Born (Part II)
"Was I too harsh on her Adousa?" He looked at me without a care in the world. Struggling to empathize as always. "She's a strong girl," he said from that point forward. I zoned out such as the dance.
Man, how did I marry a guy of such a few words? Turned my life upside down but I'd choose him again if I had the choice. “Money's not everything,” I could laugh if I wasn’t singing my ass off.
'My times change,' The pampered life of a rich house husband with a few side hobbies has ruined me. Corners, streets, subways, clubs, resorts, and casinos. I've turned down record deals every which way. Performing wasn’t a choice back then it was either sing or starve. 'Have I changed that much? Here I am singing for the masses once again. I guess I have changed.'
'Aww look at them go there doing an amazing job,' Elijah thought as Adena and Adousa lit up the dance floor paying attention only to the two before he continued to zone out.
Fame was out of the question. I sang for myself alone because I was one in the world, nothing more nothing less always on the road, why did I slow down? My life was filled to the brim with obstacles and illusions rarely did I find something constant and lasting. I counted myself lucky to be worshiped by anyone, woman, man, hater, or fan but I would never do the same in turn, it wasn't in me.
'Nothing mattered to me more than me.' Mind, body, and soul belonged to Elijah. What changed? I wondered. Time can turn stone into dust and back again. If a single man came along at just the right time and place even the sturdiest stone could be turned into a house or a home. "Nothing is impossible within the confines of space and time. That's all it takes." To be proven wrong.
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
“Can I invite my darling daughter and valiant husband Adousa Mabtali to the dance floor?” My how the times do change. I’ve become what I’ve feared most, a fool. And to top it off I’ve fallen in love with not one person, but three, two of those three were in the same body isn’t that funny? “Oh my God, am I the reason he rhymes like that? What the hell! All the singing over the decades has rotted my brain and it’s rubbing off on my kids. 'My poor baby boy this is a disaster and on so many levels embarrassing.
How frivolous indeed, I could never be ashamed of who I’ve become. The future holds so many possibilities and I’m not ashamed of what or who I’ve brought into the world. When it all comes down to it one divergence won’t do too much harm. The world is not that fragile.
'So, Elijah Lee Ce Raphil has settled down, who would’ve thought?' I couldn’t imagine settling down anywhere else.
'That fucking bastard made my baby cry what the fuck did he do' Let’s get the waterworks going I thought after basically spending the whole performance on autopilot. I wanted to run through the crowd and embrace her but there was no need, the crowd had parted. I had caught myself from thinking ‘Sea’.
I started my hunt for Eden who I’d last seen crying, ‘I must’ve raised a brat,’ highly doubting that my performance was that moving. It would’ve been a real task if I didn’t have a keen eye for spotting Adousa.
The man was practically a beacon of pitch black for me after his weeks of stalking. It's become like a second nature but that's a story for another time.
Comfort is my job now. The delicate flower is overwhelmed and in need of my guidance and I shall give it to her. Letting my mouth spew whatever it needed to get out and more, Adena had gathered herself just as I had taught her 'They grow up so fast.' Thinking of the best option for her to gather her thoughts and collect herself in a fashioned manner. I let her go to her room.
The party had gone on for way too long and these people had to go. Anywhere but here, I couldn’t give a damn. My test trial for Eve had played out. She was growing up and I wouldn’t hold her back. She and the boy would always be mine.
Even when Adena was growing up my baby boy was always a few years behind her. The time spent locked away in Adena's mind had stunted his growth.
Time worked differently for him as a baby he came by often but as she grew, he’d come by only on sacred nights and sometimes not even at all.
So, I pitched the idea that he spent more time with Adousa hoping with all my fucking heart that the Intelligent and disciplined man would rub off on him.
I don’t know how that panned out, but I get no complaints.
Adousa, “Adousa!,” Where the fuck is he it’s time to wrap up this charade. Business should not interfere with pleasure. 'Oof', I thought, thinking of a flashback and the truth that was me telling Love to have this gathering here today.
This was my idea, I’d pitched it time and again to the Man, and now here we are.
No longer getting lost in thought, I was on a mission. I walked to the front of the ballroom to get a better view. Only to get grabbed by Adousa into a broom closet.
Why was it always this broom closet? Rolling my eyes “Somebody’s in the mood,'' I said Adousa grabbed me hard trying to lift me. I would've let him have his way, because I had a little pig waiting for me upstairs.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I said feeling some discord in the man I knew like the back of my hand, minus a finger. It was the mystery that still drew me to him.
“She, she’s growing up,” he stated while trying to unbox me. The Man had way more muscle and meat on his bones in comparison to me, it wouldn’t be easy escaping the tight grip he had on my waist.
The dance of etiquette could be broken by the man with ease. He knew it, I knew it, but duty had called so I had to think of something quick before I ended up bent over in a closet.
“You have Adonin,” I threw out in a split second, trying to plead my case.
Adousa grumbled sliding his hand up my shirt along my stomach where a memory most important to me was held. The man could be most gentle when needed. If he was anything he was capable. Taking the chance while he was working past his weakness, I dodged the kiss that came toward my face.
Resting my head along his neck I took my chance to speak again. “I have a thirteen-year-old waiting for me upstairs. I'm going to need you to send our guests on home.” Adousa moved slower in defeat, slumping his shoulders that were made to be held high. I couldn’t live with that. So, I grabbed his hand, and I said my peace. “There won’t be a day when I won’t want you, but we have bigger fish to fry than a forty-five-year-old man “who I so dearly love,” acting like a big baby, so help me out here.”
He looked at me with those big brown near black eyes. “Adousa let me tend to our daughter who needs both of us right now please after that, I’m all yours.” Adousa breathed, filling his chimney of a chest with air and we left the closet “Ha” probably for the fifth time in our lives.
“Why did you grumble when I brought up Adonin?” I asked.
“Your right.” Adousa hurriedly replied walking off as fast as possible, probably to find Mike and or Herman to do his job for him. Fixing my clothes and everything else that was now out of order I breathed in as well finding the energy to start the dance of etiquette. Moving once again to the mic that was on my left thanking God that I didn’t have to sing. To my surprise, everyone had already started heading out of the second entryway of the ballroom.
As the droves of people vacated, I started wishing the people a good night and farewell for a minute or two. I was prepping for the task ahead, assuming the role of Papa. Moving away from the mic I headed for the dining room, the entryway to the staircase. A sense of relief.
I'd taken out the gags, they were all fakes not that these shifty-eyed businessmen and their husbands and wives would notice... I couldn't afford to be losing out when my darling daughter had something to gain. Looking to my left in the hallway leading toward my kitchen, I noticed a commotion or the remains of one. Lord knows I just wanted to get up the stairs and call it a day. Hopefully, today doesn't turn out to be one of those nights.
I knew fucking well that Adousa wasn’t going to let me sleep anyway, so tucking in Adena and Adonin would give me some time beforehand to recuperate. "The dance, the got damn dance, can't I skip it this once?” I pleaded to myself, but the words fell on deaf ears. Turning to my left I moved for my parting guests. I was the second Host tonight. It wouldn't sit right with me shrugging these acquaintances off.
"Never again." Have I become lazy over the years? 'Yes,' stopping myself from brushing a hand through my head, I kept walking trying to rid myself of some unrelieved stress. And with each Christian step approaching the group of people who hadn't gotten my parting message of 'Get the hell up, and out,' I came to recognize the faces of those concerned about something.
“Hi, is everybody having a good time? What seems to be the problem?” I said talking in a voice that seemed most mechanical to me personally. A red-headed woman and some guy who looked to be her partner stood aimless. Gazing into their eyes I could see a relationship being put to the test.
'I should stop putting on airs, it's rather unbefitting.' There was a time to flirt and there was now.
“We wanted to inform someone, anyone, about the kid who ran out the back door screaming for help." The woman looked concerned, but I was trying to verify the validity of her words.
"Are you sure, you two don't seem-", I was cut-off.
"A couple of us were on edibles, so we were slow on the uptake," explains the dilated pupils.
'Interesting, very interesting,' I thought someone brought weed into my home and didn’t offer me any. 'Elijah, back to reality.' To my previous unawareness, another child had supposedly shown up to my charade, so I could've introduced Adena to the brat.' This sounds serious though I need to look into it.
I couldn't handle if something were to happen to mine.
“Can you describe the kid? What state was he or she in before things went down?”
“She was wearing a black dress, right Liam?” the brownish, red-haired woman asked “Yeah” Liam replied, “she was hollering about a thief or something. Yeah, she started screaming about a “Precious." Wait a minute.
“Was she talking like Gollum, from the Lord of the Rings?” I finished his sentence. The slothering bitch asked me, “How did you know?” How couldn't I have known?
The dance of etiquette is a way of life, a cold shower on a heat stroke, the wind that keeps the mill blowing not too fast nor too slow but something inside of me was cracking into pieces, anxiety. I thought myself to having overcome my childish faults.
“Excuse me.” connecting the dots I took off, almost ripping my fine-tailored pants.
Adousa was beyond fit for his age. He kept his body together like a finely sharpened blade. I'm the real lazy bones of the family. Halfway up the staircase almost running out of my still-laced black Louboutin's, I held it in.
A shout, a wail, the alarm that would spell the end for anybody who touched my babies. Everyone was almost gone, and I didn’t give a fuck almost twisting my wrist trying to get into Adena’s door eyes wide open trying to absorb the scenery to behold my not-too-bright-at-times, Daughter. I panicked; she could be taking a shower for all I had known. I ran shouting for their name "Adena! Adonin!"
The three men of the house, the oldest of the two being me and my significant other, had made a pact to never let Adena know of Adonin’s existence, only breaking our vow if it was life or death. We wanted her to have a subnormal life. She was a bit peculiar, but it was still possible. The world had its variety of personalities, we were sure that she could find her place somewhere. Even Adonin had the possibility of living a half-life. It was too somewhere out there for him to find.
The trick was that Adonin could move Adena's body just fine when she was unconscious having little control when she was but if she called his name earnestly or called for him specifically in any real sort of way it would cause quite a paranormal reaction. Something right out of a horror movie.
I was taking that chance saying his name. I felt it in my spirit in my soul that something was wrong. The scar on my stomach was burning like somebody had thrown acid on me.
'Where the fuck are my kids!!!" Was I being irrational? I quickly walked over to her bathroom pulling back the shower curtain eyes searching for my seeds.
“Nothing.” Where is she???
“Adousa, call the police, call the fucking police!” I yelled repeatedly, but he wasn’t nearby. I grabbed Adena’s phone off of her bed, evidence of her disappearance. 'What teenager would spend a whole day without their phone- I'd told her to leave it here but- Take a breath.' I had begun calling the police. waiting patiently for the operator.
*“911, what’s the emergency?” * Asked the phone operator doing her tedious job.
*“I would like to report two missing children” *, voiced a man now of reason all while holding in a mean sneeze that came out of nowhere.