“You really shouldn’t try to forget feelings such as pain. Pain can help build character and help you learn valuable lessons.” Adonin Servan Mabtali Lee ce Raphil

Chapter 51: Interlude of a Matter Leech

I didn’t like living, in a world to say the least.

Branding my world as “fake” is quite the statement. It was all I had. I think it's appropriate to find some offense.

“I’m offended.” It was real to me. It was my reality, the world in which I would wake and rest without the burden of existing. Why would I care to see the difference between the two worlds?

She called my Papa “Fake”, how rude!

Yes, there is a difference. I wonder if Adena noticed the inconsistency. She was so busy trying to keep up the charade that she belonged. It is my haven, not hers, an imitation of everything I was always denied. A world of my creation that is lacking something fundamental in nature. Dark Matter makes up almost everything and everyone in my world. A world that started inside a hospital waiting room.

People can be so unwelcoming; can you blame me for going back to Nothing? How would she feel if she had woken up? Wide-eyed and clueless in a baby's crib unable to walk, uncaring to cry. An infant with no will to survive.

Even broke a bone trying to crawl out of my crib. Why wouldn't I go back to Nothing? Was it my intention to settle for a world lacking?

“No, this is when Nothing was given the possibility for everything. I still believe that to be the case.”

A “fake” world or real world. It doesn’t matter what world I live in as long as I get what I want.

I shouldn’t misunderstand my existence.

Nothing is all that I had, but it was not all that I yearned for. Reality became false when it denied my being. Was it so wrong to long for a place to call my own, a place to call home?

I deserved to be welcomed.

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“C’mon Adena it's not that bad” I was thinking to myself unaware that my thought's wouldn’t reach the intended target.

I felt stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey or did I feel like an airtight balloon being filled to the brim with helium? Hunger had never really been on my list of things to care about. Once Papa started expecting my arrival, he made sure to treat me like a little king. A king that never cared to eat. What was the difference between an apple and a tennis ball, between water and blood? I think you get where I'm going with this.

I could enjoy food but was there ever really a need for anything besides sleep? It all seemed so pointless to partake in, having to eat constantly to maintain good health. Food can be quite tasty; I won't lie and say that all food tastes bad even Dada said, “I should try to enjoy the finer things.”

To feel full when I had never experienced such a thing. To feel full in Nothing. It may have also felt like shards of glass were constantly piercing parts of my being from matter to molecule. Then again why should what I feel matter in Nothing?

“Everything's fine.” That's what I told my selves. The wind may hurt, my throat may even be dry, and my skin might feel like it's going to fall off. I may be blind as a bat and feel as though I was being drowned but why did that matter?

“It's just mana.”

“[Mana] that I’m trapped in, mana here in Nothing.” There was no place to run.

“I may be fantasizing about this experience, just making it all up as I go along.” Nothing could just be getting to me like it did Adena.

Would I choose to experience this? Why the pain!? What about Nothing!?

“The pain, it hurts. Who wouldn’t want to feel Nothing.” Do you ever just want to explode? Holding everything in, for so long.

I won't blame Adena for touching the second piece, I just won't. She deserves a reward for all she’s been put through in so little time. I had even readied her a reward after a hard day's work. Sure, she had put herself at risk, but this was just a teachable moment for both of us.

All was well until the skies held more than dark matter and snow. A thick substance had seeped inside of me. “How did it survive in my Nothing!?” When she touched the first piece of mana, I could no longer tell if I was inside of Nothing.

That's how in shock I had been. I battened down the hatches and went on the defense. “The best defense is a good offense." Can you believe that quote was once said by George Washington?

"What happened next?" If we’re talking about odds. Adena most likely fainted, and I would assume control over my own body. If that was the usual case, my entire body would be exposed to [Mana].

“Ok, let's think about this. I’m not dead. Yes, I'm not dead, how could I die?” I like the sound of that. If the city is being flooded with mana.

That's not the correct term to use. “Mana remnants!” Remnants of what?

“Mana remnants” Is it the first time I’ve used this term? I guess I'm still connected to the system.

"I must still be alive!" Quickly assess the situation Adonin.

"I can’t see anything. I can only feel pain!" that's a good thing.

This is my reason to believe that I am still alive in the real world. Mana somehow found me even in Nothing.

"How the hell did that happen? Where did the mana come from?” Adena absorbed mana by mistake.

It was another one of her accidents. Adena wouldn’t know how to absorb Mana, she barely knows how to manipulate matter.

"Yes, that’s why it’s called an accident." Does mana fill things without reason or something? Is mana automatically absorbed into things?

Why doesn’t that big-ass lizard have any information on the unseen substance? “Izocol, that good for nothing is so useless. Who cares about talent, just because something comes naturally doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to understand it.” I may not have access to mana or know how to use magic, but I do have a skill.

Stolen novel; please report.

I'm above this, it's just mana. So, what if I can't see it? [Matter leech] was it? Didn’t even read the description when I had the chance. Why can’t I see the system when mana’s everywhere?

Why is that the case? “Enough with the questions Adonin!”

Yikes, this whole time I've been telling Adena to keep up with the system menu when it’s been forever since I looked at my menu. I didn’t have the option to live another day out in the mountains. Now that I had that option it wasn’t even in my grasp.

"It's not your fault nor is it a priority." I should focus on getting out of this mana.

"Am I mana? Is the mana in me? Where do I even start?" I’ve got an idea. I could ask the system or browse Old Clivent memories for information on mana but where’s the fun in that? I’ll leave some stories for the road.

“Damn, I still have to name Clivent.”

“Adonin!” I can be quite loud.

“What can I do to survive? What do I have at my disposal?”

The skill is called [Matter Leech]. I got it during our first system Initialization by killing a dungeon core. The thing is, since I've never used the skill, how will I know if I'm using the skill correctly? One day I won't be able to theorize like this when I'm under pressure. I should make a plan for that day.

“Deja vu?” My thoughts were coming in waves and layers. One on top of the other sometimes all at once.

"I still can’t see anything." There was too much of it even in nothing.

“I can only see one thing.”

[Identifying...Mana] The system menu wouldn’t pop up, but I could still identify what was clouding my vision.

[Mana] was enveloping me and the risks of using [Matter leech] to solve the problem would be harming the people in my surroundings unintentionally. How can I control what I can’t see?

“Where would the mana go if I used [Matter Leech]? Was it safe to leech matter when someone could be positioned right next to me?

“Was mana even made up of matter?” How could I absorb something that could pose a threat to my life? Our lives.

“What if someone is by my side in this field of obscurity?” [Matter Leech] would probably end up harming others.

“I can Identify mana, that’s a boon.” There it is again a recurrence in my thought process.

“[Mana].. Am I just lying in a bunch of mana?”Using my skills could be dangerous. What if I copy system initialization by mistake? It's too reckless. Not to mention I have no clue where we are.

“Where am I?” What if we’re not at the guild hall anymore?

“It is now a guild pit, Adonin, your memory is falling short .” My memory is falling short.

The system menu would say that previously consuming a dungeon core was an example of using [Matter Leech]. Unfortunately, I hadn't used the skill on purpose, system initialization is what absorbed the Dungeon core.

“How long have I been like this? What day is it?” Silence, I'm thinking. If I was to copy system initialization all I would have to do is pull in all the matter from my surroundings slowly, so I wouldn't harm anyone.

“Honestly, who cares if I can't see! Ha, that's not a new experience at all for me.” I rhymed, that's as good of a sign as any. I had to still be alive. What I should be worrying about is where all this mana in front of my eyes would go. If my body can’t handle the burden, maybe I should have the mana go somewhere else.

Nothing is a fine choice, there’s no way it could harm me.

“Why can’t I just let the mana remnants pour over into Nothing?”

“It makes me feel weird and wrong.” What should remain empty doesn’t need to be filled.

Am I in pain? I can’t recall the feeling. What is a pain but a passing? “Haven't I said this already? It's like I'm talking in circles.” Does mana cause one to hallucinate?

“I hope this doesn’t stunt my growth.”

Since there are a lot of unknown variables maybe I should get rid of that Hero I've had fun with him. The bastards suffered enough. I can always use another book of life as well.

“Down with consequences!” I had made an illogical decision. Ignoring Papa's rules for that “I am sorry papa!”

This is also not my fault I'm not putting us at risk for this shitty kingdom and its shitty hero.

It only took a thought and a hero had died. I had killed him, but the Mana got in the way of my notification. At least I got what I had wanted from the hero, his book of life was at my disposal.

“What’s with this mana it doesn’t even allow system notifications. This is so unreasonable.”

Am I thankful? That I didn't have to pry into Old Clivent’s memories. He did give me his life.

“They are mine to do what I please.” Papa would also say that it's an invasion of privacy. Dada would debate about my decision being unethical.

“I am not my parents.” I had already watched a few years of Clivent’s life pass by when he offered himself to me.

“This is crazy! Why can’t I keep track of my thoughts?

Figures the Hero shit knows about mana realms.” How much more does he know?”

“I was wrong, he's not from earth. How could two planets hold so much similarity?” This is the information I was looking for.

“Mana is a substance that can be accounted for by the system.” I had decided some time ago to let Adena learn magic before me. I didn't want to take the experience away from her. This put me in a predicament.

Mana was touching on the topic of magic, and I would be robbed of another experience.

“No, we have a loophole.” The loophole.

“A Hero who turned down the call. A man who once ventured to the Dungeon that would one day be sealed.” I wonder how much the Fallohum Dungeon has changed over time.

“I would hate to go there.” The Hero had fled leaving his friends to die. That was the first turning point in his wretched life.

“What the hell am I going to do with another soul? I’m not reincarnating anyone else, naming another is quite the responsibility.”

The Hero is of no concern to me, he doesn’t even exist anymore. Why am I being so cautious? “[Mana] is an unforeseen variable.” Wow, giving Clivent that Oath must have given me a change of heart.

If I can’t tell up from down, I guess, I’ll just start small and go from there. I remember the size of my own body.

“Start small and go from there.” All I have to do is create a draft using [Matter Leech] and use the dark matter inside my body as a doorway that leads straight to my hidden world.

“Let’s start leeching some matter!”

I had grown impatient. My thoughts were erratic, but that wouldn’t stop me from acting on intention.

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High above the clouds, in a world failing miserably to mirror another. A small puncture shaped like a six-year-old child was made in a glassy sky. A sky of unblemished blue would unthread itself to allow this puncture to prevail.

Uncommon crimson clouds are torn, separated, and dispersed by the child-shaped puncture.

Nothing trying to keep its state of inexistence intact would soon expel mana into the hidden world forcing the imitation to co-exist with the unseen substance called [Mana]. In vice versa the world once said to be both “fake” and “lacking” would receive the smallest remnant of mana, having magically survived Nothing unscathed. From the smallest puncture behind crimson skies, mana had been expelled onto an imitation. In little to no time the imitation of the unknown had tasted a remnant of the divergence beyond. The imitation lacking would be offered a substitute unlike any other.

Nothing was slowly but surely pushing remnants of mana back into its beloved child. The beloved child had planned on directing the man into his hidden world. A plan that would seem to have worked. Why was it called the “hidden world” by the child loved by nothing?

Who was this world being hidden from?

A child loved by Nothing had driven himself into a corner.