Chapter 54: Becoming

Have you ever got a feeling? The feeling that deep down inside of you, though everything is right with the world, something fundamental, maybe detrimental is wrong.

“HELP PLEASE IT BURNS!” There it is again.

A lot of people and I quote “Suffered” from anxiety back on earth. The sense that you're barreling towards danger, an early onset death.

Before today I never thought about it...about dying. I figured why would it matter? I'd only get a couple of hours a night to live my half-life anyway. I had to be satisfied and complacent with the world I was living in. At the end of each silent night, I’d go back to sleep before sunrise, returning to Nothing and all that I felt would matter even less than it did the day before. Nothing was weird in that way.

I'm considering Nothing weird.

“Dada!!! HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!!!” I do miss them, and being tucked in was nice, I guess. I wonder if this is how Adena felt back on earth, even here now in a new world.

Waking up to find out that everything has changed or will change, and it might not necessarily be for the better.

Papa would tell me “It's okay not to be normal or feel normal.” He would hug me tightly and whisper “Find the littlest things in life, things that are all of interest. Use all those little things to tie yourself down to the world.” Or was it the other way around? Did Dada say one of those things? I’d be lying if I said I saw their point. Even at birth, I felt that I was constantly being rejected, by Dada, by Papa, by the first Doctor who looked at me during delivery.

“PLEASE ANYBODY!! I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!!! PLEASE!!” Papa always warned Adena about strangers and danger. I on the other hand never thought I'd get to meet anyone other than my parents. Who knows maybe if I got older I'd occasionally sneak out of the estate to live a more pleasing half-life.

“IT HURTS!! Please!!” Quite sad really. Poor Adonin, still being tormented by matters of the flesh.

“AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

If only I could see the flesh that burned the whitest of blues, the soft reds of his young Dwarven blood, and the smell of my charred skin. Who knew that one moment in time could last so long? The memory almost lingers, unlike the corpse.

“Let me out! I can still live, It’s not fair!!! I want more!!! It almost sounds like I was here in Nothing with me now.

What’s left of it? "To think my abilities could backfire in such a way. It’s almost like I'm actively destroying myself."

“The clock ticks and ticks, time waiting for no one woman, man, or child.” I didn’t ask you to speak!

“Adonin, it's not like you to lose your temper.” Yes, you’re right it's not.

“Free me! It Burns!! Help me!!!” This again.

“Oh, please Dada! Save me!”

It just all sounds so pathetic. “You’re going to die, Adonin just let me live the life you always wanted."

“The life I always wanted. How hilarious. How exactly does that work? Enough, of that we both know you're trying to stall.”

“You could never understand. Let me out. Let me out! Let me out!!!” Adonin you are a figment of myself, you know exactly what I'll be forced to do if you go down this path.

Floating in the dematerializing Nothing. As it was now, mana was changing the space adding color where it didn’t belong. An existence where it should not exist. As crazy as it sounds. Hmmm, not so crazy when you think about it. I was having a full-blown conversation with myself for I think the third or fourth time today. To be more exact I'd been having a conversation with a Blaze of mana which found its way into Nothing, a little Blaze that’s been failing to hide its growing size for a while now. I thought it was just the mana creating another weird side effect, when in fact the growing Blaze had been thinking for itself invading my thoughts.

“Invading Isn't the right word, I was adding to what was already my own.” Silence.

“I don’t have to listen to you anymore, I'm my own Adi!”

"Ha! Is that so? Doesn't seem like it if you ask me."

“No, one asked you. So, die already!”

“That’s no way to talk to yourself.”

“I'm sorry, just let me out and I'll save you and the girl.”

“I’m not stupid. The little chamber experience had incinerated the parts of me that longed to be naive.” The Blaze of mana was using [Realities Intruder] to remain here in Nothing. The little Blaze managed to maintain multiple connections to me, Nothing, and the material world. A feat that couldn’t even be accomplished by me, but only accomplishable by me. Quite funny when you think about it. A gift to Adena but mostly myself had become something else entirely. To top it all off the gift got incinerated before she could even receive it.

“I’m not a gift!” I didn’t tell you to speak. Adonin with his little [Mind Over Matter], and his silly bag of miracles, who knows what else.

“Why couldn’t you just die normally? No, offense.”

“None taken. Now that we’re all caught up. Just die already Adonin. You said it yourself [Nothing Matters].”

“Ahahahah!” The kid tried to use my trick against me. That's truly hilarious.

“Adonin I'm not dying, and you know why.” This little trickster doesn’t have a care in the world. It could say whatever it liked but the Blaze couldn’t hide those volatile motives. The Blaze was no performer of a lifetime.

“What about them!? You see Adonin when I'm in control they truly won't matter. Not Papa, not Adena, not that incarnation you call a dad, not the dingy dirty Mut. I would like to still have some fun with that one.”

“As I thought.” No remorse whatsoever where would organs even reside in a Blaze of mana?

“Babysitting! The constant confinement! Aren’t you tired of living a half-life? It’ll be all about me, I'll be free!!!!”

“Hmm, sounds a bit boring. When you get free, you'll burn the bastards in all the facilities, and travel the world without a single need, all the special boys will ever need is mana, open skies, and Adonin. Let's cut to the chase, pretty mana Blaze.” Mana didn’t belong in Nothing nor did the Blaze. There was nothing pretty about this scenario.

“I’m the better half, so what if I want to do all those things!”

“Come on now, little Blaze should know better than to think yourself a half. Who are you?” I asked not having the time or patience to give the Blaze any more attention than needed. Nothing was falling apart, and I was still blind as a bat in the real world. Even worse, I didn't have echolocation.

“I’m… I’m.” Maybe I was wrong about this one why does it take so long to answer a simple question?

“I'm a goofy goober Yeah!!!” It's me alright.

“Who are you?” This might take a while, longer than I have.

“Adonin Servan Mabtali Lee ce Rapil.”

Oh, aren't I the lucky one? Well, debatable. "That's right and he’s a special boy not just in name. What do you want, little Baze? And when I say that I don't mean this world or the next. What do you want in this so-called life that’ll be yours in time, I’m sure.”

I was the same as him, and he was just a different aspect of me. The Adonin without Nothing. When it all came down to it we had to want the same thing.

“I want nothing more than everything. I want everything!!” That’s very relatable, quite gluttonous if you were to ask me.

“And what do you think I want, Adonin.” I wonder how that’ll turn out.

“You want nothing more than everything as well.” Close enough, I like the volume change.

“A minute there I thought you were going to say Nothing less, than nothing. I guess you pass. So little Blaze how can we get everything we want without losing anything? At the pace you are growing, Adonin you are bound to lose Nothing. How can you claim to want everything but have no problem with losing Nothing? I think you're letting mana get to your head, think about it for a moment.”

The Blaze of mana didn’t slow down in the slightest, still taking the mana from the 16th facility, Fallohar City, and the mana flowing from Nothing, constantly spilling out of my hidden world.

“Do you have a solution, so that we both come out on top?” The Blaze of Adonin asked.

“Kind of sorta.” It would be pointless to lie to myself.

“Well spill it!” We said in unison. I succeeded at copying myself without fail. The idea I had in mind was farfetched but there was no other choice being out of options and all.

“It’s simple, let’s evolve at the same time.” I had an idea of how it could be done. I was sure to be in control of my body in the material world. There was no way Adena was coming out to endure mana hell anytime soon. My body is currently leeching away Fallohar city mana remnants at such a leisurely pace. The skill [Matter Leech] should have leveled by now. What was taking so long? Wait a minute was mana still flowing out of the dungeon? Dang it, why wouldn’t it be?

“I’ll call it a deal only if you promise that I won’t die.” A smart Blaze this one. Aww, that’s cute. It thinks I'm going to let it die after seeing how much control it has over Mana. The Blaze is practically loved by Mana and besides, I have no plan of dying.

“You think I'm going to give up whatever you are.” This Adonin or Blaze was more manic than me. I doubt it could see how the flame was changing in shape depending on its response. I had seen so many faces come out of the little Blaze that didn’t belong in Nothing.

“We don’t have all day. Explain it to me.” It looks like it's time to evolve.

Although I knew it was time, I still felt deep down that I wasn't ready to evolve. I wonder why that was. The mana remnants had made me feel full for the first time, but it was one meal to the many I had missed. I wasn't in the position to take in any more mana being on borrowed time. Why did I even want to eat more mana in the first place could be

“No pain, no gain!” The Blaze has a point we had everything to gain.

“I don’t think you're aware but you're still alive like that useless Dravine Izocol. Your body may have disintegrated but you still have remains.”

“What does my body have to do with anything? It’s ashes by now! We have your body! My body! Okay, our body!”

“Okay, listen up and listen carefully. At this very moment, you are living mana. with a few given abilities since I wanted your system initialization to go unnoticed.”

“Give them to me!” Greedy little sucker, we should make their deaths slow and painful.

“Remember the plan is to evolve at the same time while wanting to share the same evolution. After all, I still view you as me. The fact that you're able to use [Realities Intruder] tells me one thing, and the fact that you feel our connection says another.”

“You talk too much, anybody ever tells you that!” I'm not talking technically, control yourself.

“Why!” This is going to take forever. “Continuing, I’m going to give you some control of my body and you give me some of yours.” I am tired of thinking.

“I don’t have a body anymore.” As I thought the little Blaze had no clue.

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“Little Blaze just think of yourself as a living energy source or some type of fire. Instead of oxygen and the other components you burn using mana instead."

"I can’t even see you here, much less have a form. I assume I'm in Nothing. It’s where I wanted to go. When...” Silence, and trauma how fun.

“Start small and build your way up. When we get control of each other's bodies I want you to make sure not to burn our physical form to ashes while trying to become the mana around you. Hmm, scratch that, I'm just going to need you to trust me and welcome me into the Blaze.”

“C’mon I'm you, I can be of help!”

“Okay fine, first I'm going to need you to build yourself a Sudo-body made out of mana. Even now you're absorbing mana and I'm positive you are not just using [Matter leech].”

This is such a hassle to explain and we’re running out of time. "How about this? I'll give you access to my memories, and we'll work from there but I'm going to need you to promise me that you won’t betray us.”

“Fine, already said we had a deal.” The liar.

“Okay, fine I lied. You have to admit it's pretty fun. Oh, I forgot the special Boy doesn’t lie.” Such a lively Blaze. I was surprised when the Blaze had given me control. The Blaze was starting to feel a bit off after a part of my mind that had been incinerated got re-attached. It was hard work from there on. I could feel the rejection and disgust the Blaze had towards gaining a physical form. Even the form we were currently actualizing out of mana inside of the glass chamber we were incinerated in.

The Blaze completely kept away from the body shared between me and Adena in defiance. Once it had left its shell it didn’t want to go back in. The rest of our time went to manipulating mana. Impatience being a similarity we shared the Blaze quickly took advantage of our connection and grazed over all my memories at once.

Coming to terms with what had happened in the 16th facility the Blaze and I had a common ground, with a more focused motive.

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Chapter 54: Becoming (Part II)

Being made out of mana was a minor setback but how long would it be a problem if there were two of me, working on how to regain a form in the material world? Neither of us was thrilled to get back into the glass chamber but we were driven by revenge. "We" as in me that wasn't me but me sharing the same bodies. The perspective of a Blaze of mana was a learning experience. An experience I wouldn't want to relieve being trapped in Nothing. Nothing still had somewhat of an effect on mana, without the connection between the mana and me. I could detect the lapse in Mana’s memory.

Mana has a memory, then again, it’s not that weird, I can live here just fine.

After having a stroll down memory lane, the Blaze and I were now in sync somewhat. We had to have an ideal form to start somewhere, the original body of mine was already in mind.

“A child comes to terms with never being able to grow up.” That was random.

The first step, to stop Nothing from being replaced by mana, strangely enough, had to continue letting mana seep into my hidden world.

Having no thoughts of disagreement. I ate the Blaze currently residing in Nothing. It wouldn't stop growing anytime soon, another problem. The Blaze was still useful, temporarily diverting the mana into one place, stalling its steady flow back into Nothing. If moving the Blaze worked, it meant me and Adena’s combined luck was paying off.

I would have to get over the feeling of being overstuffed by Mana in Nothing and just deal with it. In its current condition, Nothing could no longer mask the feeling that I was burning alive.

“No pain, no gain That’s it." How about we kill Adena and just become Mana?

“Step number two! Where there was trust, there was a better form of control that allowed us Adi’s to act together!” We both had control over the Blaze. It was Blaze's main job to pull mana into the hidden world, and my job to work on speeding up that process. I'm not going to nag your ear off. Sike, definitely going to do just that.

We started with one small mana remnant and then focused on another. Having the idea to just copy the physique and material composition of my body we just used the mana as a substitute for material matter. I think we did something wrong when gathering mana together inside a glass chamber to create a form made out of Mana.

The experience of creating New Clivent didn't help in the slightest.

As the Blaze it was a struggle to stay put, not having a body to anchor yourself to one place. It was a conscious choice to tie one’s self to one place and time. When I say “selves” I didn’t mean the fact that there were two Adi’s hard at work. The Blaze’s consciousness was somehow enacting its will onto all the mana it absorbed. In other words, we were hundreds of thousands of mana remnants at once trying to convince ourselves that we wanted to be in the 16th facility.

“Sounds confusing?” I was confused.

After getting the mana to stay in one place, things just became easier. I think the [Miracle maker] skill must have maxed which was a bad thing since it meant we were doing something wrong.

“It’s not a body!” It is in a way.

Took ages to be able to move the mana body. We had to have the mentality that we were one mind in one body. when we were a countless amount of mana remnants acting as one, forcefully compacted together in perfect order mimicking my original anatomical form. Everything had to be perfect to function. Manipulating, shaping, and moving the mana was easy when we didn’t have to meld it and mesh the mana together.

Also having to overcome not having sight. None of this could’ve happened without some awareness of the space around me. The little glimpse of the lab while inside the incinerator played its part. Our mistake was starting with the legs instead of forming the brain first and the heart next. It’s not our fault, we were already trying to focus on managing the amount of mana we burned. Also being crunched for time outside of Nothing didn’t help.

Somewhere along the process, we were able to see mana. Mana that belonged to others outside of the glass chamber. Mana could finally be seen outside of Nothing. There were key differences, but it was nice to know that mana had to be made of matter as well, just a shade we couldn’t see...yet.

“We did it!” It was like seeing matter for the first time all over again. Only this time around I could only pick up the once transparent mana remnants. A pity, other than for seeing mana the eyes were practically useless. I wonder if this is how it felt to be color blind. Seeing the unseen. A big headache, to summarize.

“No pain, no gain.” It’s not worse than the feeling that we’re currently burning alive. “Agreed.” We should be mostly blind rather than completely blind. What was most frustrating about waiting in the glass chamber as Mana? Watching the sick bastards walk around like they hadn’t just murdered us.

One of the bastards stood out constantly looking in our direction. "He will soon be ours along with his precious flowing mana.”

“Oh, wow that didn’t sound sane.” The bastard would suffer either way. It was only a matter of time before we’d be able to get out of the glass chamber.

Part of us had already made it outside of the glass. If only we didn’t have other priorities like saving Nothing.

“Oh shoot! They should be just fine. Yeah, we should move this along.” Working on actualizing a body made of mana wasn’t the best idea under the circumstances. I and the Blaze were working quite backward in the grand scheme. At least we had succeeded hopefully we didn't run out of time.

Hard to know having come straight out of Nothing into a world of Mana never seen before. Tempting I need to stay on track. The only job left was taking care of the mana in Fallohar City.

Focusing on the body that was in Fallohar City. Nothing had suffered a lot of damage from the mana that had been brought in from both Fallohar and the Blaze.

Looking at Nothing’s state, existence had wrecked the place which caused a bit of panic. In reaction, I decided to take in as much mana as I possibly could, transferring everything into the Blaze located in my hidden world.

Knowing the difference between the Blaze's mana and what was other, I didn't have trouble claiming the latter flooding into Fallohar city.

In my current mindset of trepidation and subtle hints of greed from welcoming the Blaze a reminder of what my body double had become. I started acting impulsively, more impulsive than usual. The pace at which [Matter Leech] was soaking up mana from Fallohar city, paled in comparison to the idea we had been stewing over.

The idea one-third of me refused to bring up in good conscience. Me and Blaze at the same time came up with the idea that maybe the Blaze inside of me didn’t even have to be a Blaze.

“I could be whatever I wanted as mana.” Why would the Blaze disagree with me? After all, when it came down to it.

“We want the same thing.”

“We wanted the same thing.”

Two Adonins were making the decisions, and there was only so much self-restraint to go around. The Blaze didn’t care about consequences, and I with two devils on one shoulder would only consider them. I currently had two bodies on the playing field.

One body is a ragdoll devoid of all sensory function, another invisible to the naked eye currently thinking about the best way to escape a glass chamber.

Three bodies if you consider the helping hand, I had up the system’s ass. This was what the title {Realties Intruder} allowed. The title came in handy to the point where I'd started calling it a skill in itself. My name had power, a power to take claim over whatever I chose to let bear my name. If I hadn't met Clivy, who knows how long it would’ve taken to realize the Title's true potential. I didn't need a soul to create my doppelganger just my title, some dead bodies, and [Matter manipulation]. My first title to backfire.

“Backfire.”

“Bring back the Blaze.”

“Just a flicker will do.”

A Blaze with colors of red, and light blue verging on traces of white burned over the planetary core of the hidden world. Adonin could say he placed the Blaze near the imitation core to curb the heat the Blaze generates, or he could say that he chose a place in opposition to Nothing. I could say that the hidden planet's core location was the only place the mana Blaze could safely be condensed to keep it burning, longer, stronger, and smaller so that ambient mana wouldn’t immediately float back into Nothing.

“Blazes made of flame are prone to die out, as do mortal men in time." Mana burns in human veins, as do flames but that’s just it. I was a Blaze made of purified mana, not a simple flame. A Blaze of mana held together by the sheer will of Adonin’s [Mind Over Matter] and our refusal to die.

The reason why the Blaze ended up in Nothing was plain to see. I didn’t want to die, I hadn’t even begun to start my game as the Normal boy, to experience Adena’s reality for myself. A life where I didn't have to spend the majority of my time watching my sister live a life where I didn't exist.

“Now, I'd get a life all to myself.”

“A life most fulfilling!”

Catching some of the mana Blaze's remnants that floated back into Nothing, before I swallowed it once again in an endless cycle to save inexistence. An opening was made between Nothing and the material world. An action I had grown accustomed to pulling off [Matter Manipulation] with [Dark Matter Affinity] which required substance from Nothing. Though I couldn’t see the opening while deprived of my senses. I didn’t need to use my human body or the mana one in the glass chamber.

I was the Blaze, and its mana remnants were an extension of me. Things were picking up, snowballing. Forcing my will on the Dungeon’s mana remnants became a game. A game that I wanted to win. With Nothing out of the way, nothing seemed to matter more than my desires. All I had was desire, an endless desire.

Simultaneously wondering why, I still couldn’t see mana in my normal body, still blind to the substance. I had become a living man at the exact time I was being blinded. The system didn’t even offer an answer. The long story is now short, unable to see the system in mana form. I lost my temper. It was so unfair, why couldn’t I overlap being completely made out of mana with my normal body?

The inability to not do what I desired didn’t make sense and that angered me. I admit. Without Nothing, I lost a lot of my self-restraint and the mana Blaze followed suit. The Blaze had been a bit greedy, but my hidden world was damn near insatiable. I started eating everything compulsively making sure to avoid anything arranged in the shape of a living breathing person.

To distinguish the difference between free-flowing mana and the mana of other people. I avoided the mana tucked away in living bodies that put up some resistance to my mana's second form. Things got a bit blurry after I created a mana form in Fallohar City. It didn’t take long to create a physical mana body; it was the second one we had made in the day. Or at least I don't think it took long.

I could say that we were out of options and ideas, other than evolving.

Evolong, evolving was the second thing on my mind. The third was saving Nothing, I think... It was hard to tell after the mana remnants floating in Fallohar city tried to recede. There was some backflow from the Dungeon. Did the Dungeon’s mana try to fight back?

I can’t recall. I had sort of become a pipeline using [Matter Leech] with my normal body, to send it straight to my hidden world. At the same time, I was using my new Mana form to absorb the mana right into the Blaze.

“It was an all-you-can-eat buffet!!!” I couldn't stop eating. Was I still eating!? Am I still eating!?

“I'm a special boy and all, but there was no way something was taking what's mine! Where did the Dungeon mana think, it was going to run off to!"

“No pain.” It hurt, but there wasn’t enough mana to go around.

“No pain.” A personal hell disguised as heaven.

“No pain, no gain!” We were starving.

Having the memories of Adena, Izocol, Clivent, and the Hero. I can’t say that I'd forgotten or ignored the truth of the matter. Nothing was insanely good at making me ignore existence, I can't stress that enough. It was a space dedicated to not existing. All my life I needed Nothing more than it needed me.

“Sounds like Codependency to me.”

“It does, doesn't it.”

I was going to evolve, and I was going to keep eating and leeching! Nothing in this goddamn world was going to stop me! The Mana could run but it couldn’t hide! You can retreat but I’ll chase!

The Dungeon was trying so desperately to recede. I get it since you can’t put up a good fight you run.

“I will have my mana!”

“Give it back!”

“I won’t let you take it from me, who cares if that makes me a Monster? I’m not a monster. I'm a special boy...”

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[SYSTEM ERROR… CONTACTING !! FAILING!!! CONTACT FAILURE!!!

[(Adonin SMLCR) “At your service. System Overwrite, Cancel Candralt Emergency protocol.”]

[SYSTEM ERROR…Emergency protocol canceled.]

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[(Adonin SMLCR) “What a petty fucking planet.”]

[(Adonin SMLCR) “Oh my god am I technically eating shit. No, it's mana, calm down my boy.”]

[(Adonin SMLCR) “Stupid Dungeon.”]

[(Adonin SMLCR) “Oooh, I should make another world or something. It’s pretty boring wherever this is.”]

[(Adonin SMLCR) “Never mind, the work never ends. Poor Clivy, I should think of a name.]

[(Adonin SMLCR) “Is anyone even listening? Ahhh, O’well. Suck’s being them.”]

[(Adonin SMLCR) “What the hell is it now! Ouch that hurts what the hell is he doing!!!”]

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[SUBSPECIES EVOLUTION STARTING]