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IMPROBABLE NONSENSE
22. Want It Shaken or Stirred?

22. Want It Shaken or Stirred?

Jenny McClain’s boots clicked on the cold dusty street of the ring, trailing through the dingy fog and stray pieces of trash. She had a feeling pressed against her chest; it was one that she had known all too well. The pirate had taken many lives before- many, many lives but somehow the feeling had never gone away. The Ring thought of her as a legend, a badass with a quick shot and an even quicker wit, she wondered if that would change if they ever found out that she still felt a little scared after taking a shot. No one ever knew this, and if they ever found out Jenny would quickly add them to her list of kills, that she was sure of.

She came to her destination shortly, it looked to be just another drab building burrowed into the countless other drab houses that lined the Ring like old rust, however, unlike them this building had its lights on. Through windows that had been clearly busted out more times than one could count orange light filled the darkness of the street. Above an old swinging door, a neon orange sign hung with curved and styled words reading:

The Candid Cantina

The pirate captain smiled and made her way inside, not realizing that she had been followed. The group of friends had made sure to keep their distance, they didn’t feel like ending up like their old pal Novan. Alex bent over and heaved a deep breath, despite it being a short jog he found himself out of breath and cursed his decision to join the book club instead of the track team. “Would you look at that?” Timothy said, his eyes going wide with excitement. “It looks so warm and welcoming!”

Neil occasionally questioned if Timothy was operating on the same wavelength as the rest of them. “Ah, no, no it doesn’t. It looks like one of the bars people go to when they want to drown out all of their sorrows in booze and loneliness.”

Sophia scrunched up her face, the sight of the place gave her an icky feeling that was typically reserved for creeps on the bus. “Doesn’t look like a place we’d want to go to.”

“Yeah, but do we have anywhere else to go?” Alex said softly, lowering his eyes. “I’m sorry but our best shot is going in there and asking around, maybe we’ll get lucky, and someone will take pity on us?”

“Or maybe they’ll chop us into teeny tiny bits and use our bodies as fuel?” Neil suggested with a shrug.

“You know Neil, sometimes I really wish you keep those thoughts yourself?”

“I know, but if I keep them inside of my head they’ll just fester there, best to blurt them out whenever I have the chance.” The boy smirked.

“Well, I think it’ll be fine, guys. Really, I do!” Timothy turned to his friends with a big smile on his face.

“I admire the enthusiasm, Timbo, but I’m gonna have to doubt ya on this one.” Sophia placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder and squeezed. “Look, I know you might see this place as… welcoming, but it’s not going to be- trust me. So, when we go in there don’t try and introduce yourself to anybody, or even say hi, or make eye contact.”

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The boy raised a confused expression. “Wouldn’t that be a little rude?”

“No, it’s called keeping a low-profile.” Neil explained. “When we go in there, we don’t want to draw attention to ourselves, we’re going to want to be as forgettable as possible.”

“Oh, that’s good to hear, I’m very good at being forgettable!” Timothy beamed. “Once Mr. Graham locked me in my room and forgot to let me out for three straight days, well actually he never let me out, the wood on the door rotted and I was able to unlock it myself- so this should be a piece of cake!”

The three others exchanged a worried glance. “Timothy, has anyone ever told you that your life was kind of messed up?”

Timothy shrugged. “You know, no one really talked to me before you guys, so no.”

The group collectively made a mental note to unpack that later as they had more pressing issues to deal with. With a nod to one another, they all strolled into the cantina with their heads held low and breath firmly held. Orange light filled their eyes as the sound of the place suddenly kicked up as if someone had just turned on a speaker.

The place almost seemed to be bigger on the inside, however, this did not stop it from feeling cramped by the sheer number of people that were littered around the room. The clear centerpiece of the establishment was the circle bar that sat smack dap in the center of the room. The counters were glowing in a faint orange hue that matched the lights that hung from the ceiling. Behind the glowing table, another alien was fast at work retrieving bottles and stoppers from a large glass shelf that accompanied him in his position.

“Want it shaken or stirred?” Said the man, his voice as gravelly as the bottom of a fish tank.

The bartender was very well cut out for his job, seeing how he had six arms that sprouted from his sides like a giant spider. With a flourish two of his many arms raised a shaker above his head and began to do what the name of the tool implied- shake. Another two arms were quick at work grabbing bottles off the shelf, cheap booze from the look of it. One arm was reaching out and grabbing a credit chip out of somebody’s hand and quickly stashing it into the alien’s baggy pants while the last extremity was resting idly on the bar tapping its fingers in a catchy rhythm.

“I don’t care, as long as it makes me drunk.” A blue woman wearing a giant spirally visor around her head called.

Neil could feel his heart begin beating quicker, his instincts told him to get out of this place as soon as possible but his legs locked him in place. Now isn’t the time to get paranoid. The boy in the tattered coat thought to himself, even though now was a perfectly reasonable time to freak out. Focus, what can you see?

Looking around he saw that the establishment had been fitted with quite a number of seats, booths lined the wall in a hectic fashion while several barstools fittingly surrounded the bar. His eyes scanned the people who sat in these seats, it was colorful assortment of alien species that he would have been amazed by if he wasn’t absolutely terrified. Neil’s intrusive thoughts started to win, they could be poisonous to be around, they could have pheromones that kill us instantly if we get too close! Or maybe they eat human flesh to survive, we could be walking into a kill-house!

Sophia noticed that her friend was currently shaking in his shoes, his eyes bulging and darting around the room. She grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay, Neilski.” She whispered, using her favorite nickname for him. “Everything will be fine, we just got to go unnoticed, okay?”

“Hey you!” Shouted the bartender, pointing five out of six hands directly at the group of teenagers. “I ain’t seen ya’ll in these parts before, where’d you lot come from?”

“Well…” Alex murmured. “…Shit.”