-- Aster --

Pain, annoyance, and frustration. Those were the terms that described Kerria's instruction. I quickly found that the man had fully intended to make good on his threats, making the previous days seem more like a casual stroll, compared to the tempest of non-stop exercise. He wasn't even instructing me anymore, or pretending to, just constantly telling me to pick up my weapon, after hitting me. He had even switched to a wooden sword, to allow me to go on longer.

After the first hour, I was covered in welts and bruised, barely able to hold onto my weapon let alone, defend against the man. I don't know what Kerria was thinking just swinging his sword as hard as he could. It was like because his weapon was now non-lethal he needed to make up for it. I didn't think he would take me trying to go out so seriously. Did he really think I was trying to run away? If anything this would just make me want to leave more.

The thing that made this worse was that the siren had become even more active. Now they weren't even waiting for me to attack. They would just send out random intervals of the sound at any time, making it much harder to predict, and forced me to keep my guard up at all times. Which in itself had a lot of downsides, as I was constantly finding myself absorbing power again, and again. I felt I was losing my mind. There was a positive to all this, I was learning how to defend myself from any possible mind attacks.

During many of the exercises, I found myself lost and wandering from absorbing too much power. Those moments Kirria struck hard, thinking I just wasn't paying attention, or acting to receive a moment's break. That only made them happen more often as it was having trouble fighting off the effects. During one of my bouts of mental deficit, Kerria. Actually, seemed to think something might actually be wrong with me, and I wasn't just pretending. I actually felt a tendril of hope, that we could expose the siren, and I could at the very least, take a break. When the men he sent out to where I said the Siren was they found nothing. They even went as far as saying there hadn't been any sign of anyone having been there.

The worst part was my team was around and heard. That was where I think they truly started to believe I was making it all up. Especially since we had all started to train in the same room, though working on our own things. Bay casting spells, James with his strange exercises, Rowan oddly stoic as tears fell from his face, and Violet angrily sipping tea. Though with my eyes I could see the currents of power whipping at each other. Then being bat away or destroyed.

Not to mention, I was learning that absorbing this amount of energy was having negative long-term consequences. My body was becoming weaker, and more fragile. My skin is thinner and paler. It was like I was aging at an extraordinary rate. Yet I could still move fine, if it wasn't for everyone telling me I looked like shit I might not have really noticed it. Though my body becoming slower and more sluggish was a clue, I would have chalked it up to a form of mental fatigue from the constant beating and healing I was going through. At this point, it was just torture.

Violet even gave me a clean bill of health and told me to stop whining, when I asked her on one of our rare breaks, to look me over. My breathing was feeling a little shallow and was having trouble getting enough. When I asked why she said it was probably a mental thing.

It was near the end of the day that I realized there hadn't been a single attack from the Siren since Kerria had sent his men to check. He must have got spooked when people went after him. With that realization I couldn't help but wonder, why was I was still fumbling about?

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I would take a step forward to attack only to misjudge my footing and stumble over nothing. Twist to dodge a sword strike, and find my pants bundle up slightly causing them to be too tight not letting me wist out of the way. And a thousand other small things that kept me from being able to fight, properly. Most of the things that were hindering me seemed just on the brink of being impossible, to cause as many issues as it did.

I began to search out some reason for things to cause this, but after a while, of finding no cause I even began to think maybe I was going crazy and imagining it all. But I couldn't escape the feeling that this wasn't it. I was not this incompetent, even with my body starting to fail me. Refusing to believe, this was all in my head I flared as much power as I could through my eyes, then pushed harder. Looking for something. Anything to explain what was going on.

I fought with Kerria and kept stumbling and fumbling, my eyes hurt, as blood began to fall from my eyes never letting up on the flow. Instead, I was slowly increasing the amount to dangerous levels. Nothing. There was nothing. Was I really just incompetent?

For a momentary second, I thought I might. No.

I pushed even harder. I felt my left eye pop, but I ignored it as I heard a ding in my mind, and I finally saw it barely there, a small blueish mist. I ignored the horrified look on his and everyone else's face's as I tried to understand. Nearly impossible to see. It was all over my body, and when I moved the mist would randomly bundle, or scrunch around my clothes, or in front of my face, warping my perspective. When I looked for the source I found Kerria emitting a strong stream of whatever it was.

He was using a skill! I was about to yell at him for it when I noticed multiple streams flowing towards me. As I followed them back to the source, I found it was coming from everyone in the room looking at me.

That's when it hit me. The true scope of the Sirens plan. I looked over to the trainers, then my team, and as I moved. A look of pity, and what's worse all of them looked like they were expecting it.

I moved to dodge a sword strike from Kerria and felt my shirt catch, and tighten, making my turn short and mobility-limited, as the dodged turned wrong and awkward, the attack landed hard on my shoulder.

I was missing an eye, and physically weak and beaten. I fell to my knees and laughed, as I understood. I understood the Siren had taken everyone's belief in me and turned it on its head. Rot they wouldn't even need to screw with me anymore. The instructor never truly believed in me, and all this only solidified his idea that I couldn't fight. Nothing would change his idea of me being a coward who stumbles over his every move, and nothing would ever change that. Not anymore.

When I looked at my team, I could now truly see how much they believed my a fumbling fool. They may have believed my story this morning but ever since the people came back I think they're having too much doubt. Now they only see me as completely incompetent, and because they've seen it, and seen it constantly they now truly believed it. No matter what I do know they would never believe me. The Siren had taken her revenge and there was nothing I could do.

There was one more aspect to all this I realized. The footage. They would probably play it up to my stumbling and make it worse. There won't be anywhere I could go without people thinking me a fool. I wonder if I'll even be able to walk down the street without falling over my own feet, so heavy their belief will be.

My laugh turned into tears as I broke, I didn't know what to do. Or if there was anything I could do. I had fought a city and won, beat a vindictive keeper, and did the impossible. Now even with all that. I would be crippled by anyone around me.

So lost in my own sorrow I nearly missed Violet's concern, "Aster it's ok I'll fix you right up."

For some reason that made me laugh so hard, I felt my brittle bones break a rib or two. Letting a moment of clarity sneak by as a cold flame of anger filled my heart.

"Fuck you siren. I'll get past this." I shouted, startling Violet.