I have a knack for remembering conversations. I could do the accents and speak very much like these mortals do, but I’d never stoop to such levels of depravity. I articulate gonna as going to and fidna as fixing to.
I leave out if’n. I’m not sure what it’s a contraction of. If not? If and? If an? Who knows? Not Ace Blacky.
These hillbillies say worsh instead of wash, and mowr instead of maw. And maw should be ma anyways. And paw should be pa.
Normal people in the United States say mom and dad. A good number of grown adults in Oklahoma call their father daddy like some real super weirdos.
Anyway, I try to clean up the language so you can understand it.
I know I haven’t told you anything Luke has said other than the time he screamed out, “Monsters!” He had actually said a lot more stuff. Maybe I would’ve included some, but I couldn’t understand a word of it. When he talked, it sounded like a donkey giving birth while also passing a kidney stone.
If some of my team members didn’t understand the noises he spewed, I’d bet all I’m worth what he spoke wasn’t English. He’s such a Luke.
Just FYI, I’m trying to make that a thing. Calling stupid people Lukes.
[Stay focused. Back to Dan.]
Come on, Boss. Give Ace Blacky a little credit here. There’s a reason I was telling you this.
So, we received a ton of new information on Dan. All the most important and juiciest bits were earmarked and separated from the rest. We had transcripts of every conversation, and believe me, they were needed to follow along.
About a third of every transcript was logged as unintelligible. Some of it was due to poor audio quality, but most of it was because these fools speak a nonsensical gibberish language.
But the trauma team and profilers don’t know Dan like Ace Blacky does. Not only could I decode some of the hillbilly-speak they couldn’t, but I also had a much better grasp on what was happening.
First, a little history before I get into the good stuff, or you’ll be lost.
While Dan was in the Army, this big corporation named Masani tried to buy his father’s land and farm, but his father wasn’t interested in selling.
This led to a lot of coincidences happening that had never once been an issue before, one right after the other, such as beaver, groundhog, and various insect infestations, water rights, land, and regulation disputes, water turning murky and killing his crops, and so on.
The father was getting worn down. He wasn’t sleeping or eating and had no energy. Nick and the mother thought it was due to all the coincidences that had started happening and the pressure he was under to sell his land and make the coincidences stop.
Well, it turned out the father wasn’t being worn down. He had cancer. Late stage by the time it was found. The doctors were surprised he was still alive. He died less than a week later.
We already knew how the father died. We also knew there was some animosity between Dan and Nick over the father, but our assumptions about why were very wrong.
A couple years after the father died, Dan transferred to a college in Alva his brother was attending.
Nick was dating an older lady named Millie when Dan got there. He was hopelessly smitten by this broad and proposed to her on their third date. She told him the stars didn’t want them to get married yet or some wacky shit like that.
Not long after meeting Millie, Nick began claiming his father was a terrible and abusive guy. Dan vehemently disagreed. They’d fight whenever Nick brought it up.
Now Millie was batshit crazy. For instance, she believed mundane crystals were packed full of all sorts of magic and that the stars in the sky somehow controlled every aspect of everyone’s life.
She also bought a fake therapist degree online and was charging Nick 50 bucks a session. Once Dan transferred in, she convinced Nick to convince Dan to start seeing her for 100 bucks a session.
Dan didn’t want to talk to her. After his kid died, he didn’t really talk to anyone besides his brother and mother. Nick nagged him about it so much that he ended up relenting.
Most of the first session was Millie trying to convince Dan his father was an abusive dickhead. Dan did his best to avoid talking. He denied everything politely and kept trying to change the topic. He eventually blew his top and started yelling. I’ll skip to right after that part.
Dan told Millie, “Look, I’m sorry I yelled and cussed at you. You just keep harping on about this dumb shit. I’m telling you there weren’t no abuse. There weren’t nothing strange. And there definitely weren’t nothing traumatic. Period. End of story.”
“Trauma can manifest in many ways,” said Millie. “In Nick’s case…”
Dan interrupted to yell out, “In Nick’s case, you done twisted up his mind. Nick was pissed off when Paw died. Felt abandoned. That’s all. You twisted everything around and put all this dumb shit in his head.”
“Really,” asked Millie. “And your Masters in Licensed Professional Counseling led you to believe this? I assume you have the same degree I do, right?”
Let me chime in here and add that I’m almost certain the degree Millie bought online didn’t count the same as earning it the usual way and getting licensed to practice.
“I don’t need no degree to know what’s what,” replied Dan.
Millie scoffed and said, “So you’re calling your brother a liar? You’re honestly saying your father never did anything to hurt either of you and Nick is lying about everything?”
Dan sighed in annoyance and said, “I never said Nick’s lying. He’s just so twisted up, he don’t see what’s truth no more, is all. And I ain’t never said Paw never done nothing to hurt me. Hell, I reckon everything he taught me, how he raised me, ended up ruining my life.”
Millie leaned back with a smug look on her face. “And what did he teach you? This was during the forced exercises?”
“I told you there weren’t no damned forced exercises, lady,” exclaimed Dan heatedly. “Jesus Christ, you just refusing to listen, ain’t you? I meant just watching Paw be a man. How he lived. Looking up to him. Seeing how Maw respected him. How everyone with problems came to him for help. Everyone. He never laid a hand on me in anger, even when I deserved it. Nick neither. I’d just watch, listen, and learn. All that ended up ruining my life.”
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“I don’t understand,” replied Millie. “What exactly did he teach you?”
It took Dan a moment to collect himself before he replied. “He used to tell me, ‘Danny, there ain’t nothing a man can’t shoulder. Nothing he can’t handle. No matter what life throws at you, keep calm and get done what needs doing to fix it, no matter how much you’d rather not. That’s the whole secret. That’s all being a man is. Getting done what needs doing.’”
Dan paused for a second before adding, “And he used to tell me, ‘Danny, when you find yourself a girl and settle down, remember, being a husband ain’t no different than being the captain of a ship. It’s all on you, good and bad. Can’t blame no one else if you crash your ship on the rocks. Your job is to be a good captain and avoid the rocks and everything else.’ Stuff like that. Just stuff about how to be a man.”
Dan took and held a deep breath. After letting it out, he said, “Lord knows I tried. I tried so hard. His wife was sane. My maw was great. He couldn’t have married a better woman. I ain’t trying to make no excuses neither. I take full responsibility for everything, but only up to a point.
“Everything after that point was just me trying to do right by my wife and kid. Now she’s dead. My kid. I never knew loving someone so much it hurt was possible. Amanda, my little angel. God, I loved her so much.”
I was expecting Dan to break down and cry right in front of Millie like a huge sissy. He didn’t though. He clammed up after that and didn’t say much until two sessions later, the last one he went to.
This part is vomit inducing, so I’ll try and get through it quickly.
“My brother probably told you what life was like growing up in Woodward County,” said Dan to Millie. “Our school was real small. Over the years, some kids moved away. No kids ever moved there. A few seasonal workers would bring their kids with them sometimes, but that was it.
“When the Hernandez family moved in from California after having their big home built, we knew something was up. Mr. Hernandez worked for Masani, and they weren’t too popular with the folks in the county.
“They had a daughter in my grade. We were both juniors. She was the most beautiful girl I ever seen. A California girl, just like the song. Even her name was beautiful – Marisol. I fell in love with her the first second I seen her. But I knew nothing would ever come of it. She was too good for me.
“She hated it there. She’d always make fun of Woodward County and call us all hillbillies and rednecks and whatnot. Steve Pratt was the most popular boy in school at the time. A senior. She hooked up with him not too long after moving there.
“Even though we was in every class together, she ain’t never seemed to notice me. Not until one night, day after my seventeenth birthday, when all of us was partying in the woods behind the old Mills’ farm. Marisol and Steve got in a big fight, and he peeled off in his truck and left her there.
“All of a sudden, she knew who I was. She was all over me. Sitting in my lap. Touching my face. Smiling that smile at me. She wasn’t drunk or nothing neither. My heart was pounding so hard, and I was so nervous. I just locked up and gave one-word responses to everything. She kept smiling and laughing anyways, like I was saying witty stuff. It was like a dream.
“Not once did I ever think about Steve. I was just…just…it was like none of it was real. My mind wouldn’t accept what was happening. When she got up and pulled my hand and dragged me off into the woods, I thought I’d faint. My heart almost burst out of my chest.
“After we got back with the others, she sat in my lap the rest of the night and kept kissing me. I really thought we had something. That she was my girl. I didn’t want that night to ever end.
“When I got home, I was so excited that I’d get to see her the next night at the same place. I wanted to text her so bad, but all the stuff online said that weren’t a good idea and would scare her off. I did see her the next night, but she was back with Steve, and he was fixing to beat my ass.
“I hate to say it, but that’s the first time I thought about what I done to him. I felt awful about it. I was more than willing to let him beat my ass some for what I done, but he took it too far and I had to fight back. I gave as good as I got. I think that’s why she picked me. I was the only one she thought had a chance against Steve. She told me something different, but nothing she says can be trusted.
“A couple months later, Marisol and her parents showed up at my house. I could tell she was crying right before she got there. She was pregnant. Said it was mine and that I was the only guy she ever been with.
“I got down on my knee right then and there and asked for her hand in marriage. And don’t get me wrong – I was excited about it. I wanted her to be my girl so bad. I was scared and nervous, but excited. I wanted her to say yes more than anything. She eventually did. Said it was her decision and her parents ain’t pressured her into it or nothing neither.
“Me and Paw had a long talk about my future. The farm couldn’t support both our families. Her parents was rich but ain’t no way I was fixing to let no one else take care of my wife and kid. Every man needs to stand on his own two feet.
“I got my GED and joined the Army so I could take care of my family on my own. And it would give me a lot of tuition money so I could get paid to go to school when I got out. Give me a path to something. I was in AIT – that’s part of basic training – when Amanda was born, so I missed that.
“Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I should’ve never asked Marisol to marry me. She’s not right in the head. She didn’t want to have a kid or be a maw. She wanted to enjoy being young and doing hot girl stuff. I tried my hardest to captain our ship. I tried so hard to be a good captain. I thought and thought on how to fix things. I never could figure it out.
“I’m pretty sure she was cheating on me the whole time. I never once caught her though. All we’d do is fight. Everything was a fight with her. She didn’t want me to have no pride neither, always taking money from her parents.
“After my time was up and I got out of the Army is when things got real bad. We had to move to California to make her happy. Living there is real expensive, so I had to work full time while going to school full time to afford it. Since she was back with her old friends, she started going out way more than she used to. Sometimes I’d be late for work or class because she wouldn’t get home until late the next day.”
“The only thing keeping me sane was Amanda. I loved her more than anything. No matter how rough my day was, getting home and hugging my little girl made it all worth it. It’s hard to explain. The type of love a father’s got for his kid. It’s so overwhelming. She was the most amazing and wonderful thing I could ever imagine. I cherished every second we spent together.”
“Then my paw died. Maw and Nick say Marisol’s paw was the one that put him in the grave. I didn’t even know what Paw was dealing with and going through. They kept it all from me since they reckoned I had enough on my own plate to worry about.
“I kept trying to get up the courage to tell Paw I weren’t captaining my marriage so good. That I was failing bad. Ask him what I should do about it. I kept putting it off though. I was nervous. Scared of him being disappointed in me. He made it all look so easy. I was at my wit’s end and just about fixing to call him when Nick called and told me Paw had passed.
“I gave up trying to captain after that. My schedule was tiring but not half as tiring as fighting with Marisol every free moment I had. I wanted out. When I finally got fed up enough to be truthful, I told her I wanted a divorce and full custody of Amanda. She said her parents would bury me in court and I’d never see my daughter again and started hitting me.
“I knew she didn’t give a shit about Amanda. She didn’t want no custody. Didn’t matter none. That’s just how she is. She’d do it just to hurt me. She didn’t want to be married to me. She didn’t want Amanda. She could’ve been free. But she’d rather be miserable if it meant I was too. Like I said before, she ain’t right in the head.
“I almost hit her back that day. Almost. I was seeing nothing but red. I had to leave to calm down. Amanda seeing all that stuff, us fighting like that, couldn’t be good for her. And I was real close to snapping and doing something stupid.
“I got a hotel room for the night, trying to plan and figure stuff out. I couldn’t sleep. If I had to choose between keeping Amanda in my life or getting Marisol out of it, that weren’t no choice. I’d stay.
“Since I couldn’t sleep, I was awake when the cops knocked on my door. They cuffed me and took me down to the station to question me. I was so confused about what was happening. I reckoned Marisol done said I hit her or something. After an hour of being questioned they finally got around to telling me Amanda was dead.”