CHAPTER 45

Today is February 2nd. It was only twelve more days until Valentines’ Day. I’m not sure if I’m gonna be ready in time, but it’s gonna be a close one!

*DING*

C’mon Mary…this is the one!

That was the sound of the time. It seems the chocolates were ready to taste.

Here goes nothing…

I pick up a small piece and take a bite.

“Argh!”

It’s the worst thing I’ve ever tasted! Chocolate? It tasted more like burnt cardboard! At least it looked appetizing compared to my previous runs.

Kaz isn’t going to like this…

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been secretly practicing my chocolate-making skills. Of course, students were not usually allowed to be in the home economics room outside of designated class periods, but I managed to convince Dr. Mori. I thought it was going to be difficult to take an entire classroom for myself, but Dr. Mori immediately understood.

“You got this” she said…

“This is hopeless.” I audibly sigh to myself in this empty room.

At this rate, Kaz was on track to hate my guts forever! He should feel grateful that Mary Kaneko was going to give him some homemade chocolates on Valentines’ Day. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong! I’m following the recipes exactly as it’s written, but so far, every single one of my attempts ended up with burnt crisps, barely edible. This is literally impossible.

I-It’s not because I like him or anything…

I just wanted to pay him back for all the tutoring sessions…that’s all! It was just a friend giving another friend a token of appreciation. It just also happens to be a coincidence that Valentines’ Day was coming up. Papa taught me that it’s important to make sure you thank the people that are important in your life.

But…I don’t exactly hate Kaz either…

*RING*

That was the school bell. It seems that our break period was just about to be over. For the first few attempts, I always cleaned up before leaving, but since I was the only one using this room, and home economics wasn’t being taught this semester, I just left it as is.

Hopefully I’ll get some results tomorrow.

A heavy sigh leaves my breath, as I lightly slap myself on the cheeks.

“Oops.”

I notice that a small speck of chocolate stained my green tracksuit. I quickly try to rub it off with my spit, but it doesn’t look like it’s coming off that easily.

Just great…

On the bright side, I don’t think my day could get any worse.

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“What did you get on number 12?” I ask him.

“The answer is ‘facsimile.’” he replies.

What the heck is a facsimile?

“A facsimile is an exact copy of something. In the sentence, it’s the only one that would make sense, given the context.” he explains. “You have that deer-in-the-headlights look on your face Mary.”

I thank him.

It was just me and him. Kaz was sitting across from me, on the other side of the table. In this old and dusty club room, the two of us were reviewing materials for the next test. I just hate English so much. It’s like I can totally speak it just fine, but on paper, I start getting headaches!

I put down my head onto the table.

“NGHRNGHRNGHR! I deserve a small break.”

I close my notebook, and stretch my arms towards the ceiling.

“What are you studying Kaz?” I ask him out of curiosity.

Kaz was quietly reading his book intently. I’m sure he must have heard me. In this quiet afternoon, you could practically hear a pin drop. I stand up from my seat quietly, and tip-toe closer to him.

“Helloooooooo? Earth to Kaz?” I pull down his book.

“M-Mary?!?” he freaks out, startling me a bit!

“Eep!” I pounce away.

Kaz quickly composes himself, and closes the book.

“Sorry, I was just mesmerized with this.”

I pick up his book and read the title.

“Si…Simulacra and Simulation?” I say out loud, not sure if I was pronouncing the first word correctly.

I sit on the table next to him, and quickly flip through the pages carelessly, but one phrase stands out to me immediately:

“Desert of the real itself.”

I close the book, utterly convinced that I have no idea what it’s about, despite reading the vague summary.

“What is this for?” I asked.

“For the past few days, I’ve been having these weird dreams…like I’ve been living some other life or something. It’s hard to explain really. I went to Dr. Mori, and she gave me this thing.” he explains. “I honestly have no idea what I’ve read so far except for one thing.”

“What thing?”

“Have you ever had a dream Mary, that you were so sure was real? What would happen if you were never able to wake up from that dream? Would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world? Would there even be a difference?” he asks.

“Yeah…sometimes.”

I’ve occasionally had some weird dreams like that. Often they involved food and stuff like having super powers or something, but I think that was because I was up late watching the Masked Avenger.

“Are you feeling that way Kaz?”

He rubs the back of his head; his usual tell that something was off.

“Sort of?” he sighs.

My hand instinctively grabs his hand, holding it firmly.

“What do you think?”

Kaz stays silent, his blank expression giving me no idea what he’s thinking.

“Pretty real, right?” I chuckle.

Finally, a smile appears on his face. He nods.

“You’re right Mary. I’m probably just worrying about nothing.”

Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a way to tell the difference between something that’s fake and real, even if they were exactly copies. It’s scary to me to think that there’s some parallel universe out there that is a one-for-one copy of this one. But, if I was with the people that I cared about, that’s all that matters.

I’m not so easily replaceable!

“Umm…”

Kaz spoke up, breaking the silence.

“Mary…umm…”

“What?”

His face was turning slightly pink, as Kaz was averting his gaze from me, unable to look at me in the eyes.

“Umm…your hand.” he points out.

“Eep!”

I immediately let go, jumping off the table and onto my feet.

“S-Sorry about that…I don’t know what got into me…must be my tired brain haha…” I try to play it off.

I lightly rub my Masked Avenger pin, trying my best to calm my racing heart.

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I only managed to finish reviewing the English portion during our study session. Now, Kaz and I were walking home together, though this time there was an obvious distance between us. I was almost home, as we just arrived at the intersection, though it was mostly empty right now. I couldn’t help but feel responsible since I impulsively grabbed his hand. I just don’t know what I was thinking at the moment.

NGHRNGHRNGHR! I’m so stupid!

I rub my pin again. It was my nervous tick; I couldn’t help it. It was completely brand new, the glossy paint and detail bright and clean. Dad gave it to me after returning home from abroad. I got a few compliments and some curious questions from people…all except for one dense boy.

I suddenly step in front of him.

“Hey Kaz, do you notice anything different about me right now?”

I puff my chest forward with pride. The knucklehead has to notice now!

Then why isn’t he saying anything?

I open my eyes to notice that he was staring at me with a dumbfounded expression on his face. Do I really have to spell it out for him?!?

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“I’ll give you a hint! It’s something around my chest.”

“Really…?”

His eyes turn towards my breasts.

“Y-You pervert!” as I immediately zip up my track suit.

“W-What?!? I-I mean…they looked slightly bigger?”

What was this idiot thinking?!? Not to brag or anything, but my chest was modestly sized. I was still a growing girl, so that meant anything was possible!

“Just look at my chest…but not at my chest.”

I reluctantly drop my arms, hoping that this time the dense idiot in front of me would notice.

“I-Is that?!?”

Gotcha!

“Papa came home overseas and brought me this as a gift! Jealous?” I say with a wry grin forming on my face.

“I-It’s just a pin…” he replies.

“Makes me look super cute doesn’t it?” I rub it in his face.

“I don’t know? Maybe a little.”

I try to take off my pin to let him take a closer look. As I’m fumbling with the back, I accidently drop it! It rolls on the ground, towards the middle of the road.

“Oops!”

I instinctively turn my attention to the object and rush out to get it before it rolls further away. Luckily, I managed to step in front of the pin, stopping it dead in its tracks. I breathe a sigh of relief, since I wouldn’t know what I would do if I lost it.

“Mary!”

Finally something snaps me out of my daze. If I didn’t know any better, that sounded an awful lot like Kaz, but I wasn’t sure since I could barely hear his voice over the loud horn. Suddenly, my vision is gradually being blinded by this bright light, in conjunction with the wailing horn still banging against my ear drums.

A truck is heading my way.

Kaz appears in front of me; he manages to push me out of the way.

I collapse onto the road, the back of my head lying on the ground.

I sit up, only to see my hands covered in a mix of dirt and blood. They can’t stop shaking and yet I can’t control them at all.

My eyes finally blink instinctively, and I turn my attention to the horrible display in front of me. The truck had crashed and hit a light pole, and I notice a body lying on the ground, with a small pool of blood forming underneath.

I think I shout something, but nothing leaves my mouth.

Through sheer will, I managed to stand up, though I stumble a bit since my legs felt like string, unable to support myself. I try to step closer and closer to the body.

“Ka-“

My voice comes back. I scream as loud as I can.

“Kaz!”

I finally fall to his side, holding his cold hand. His face was white pale, his cheeks bruised and puffy, and I can hear his sporadic breathing, wheezing and stuttering every other breath.

“Kaz!” I say, tears coming out of my eyes.

I can’t stop crying. I keep calling out for help but there is no one around right now. I can’t do anything.

“M…Mary…”

Kaz!

With the last of his strength, he raises his other hand to me, and opens it – my Masked Avenger pin.

I feel his grip on my hand becoming weaker, and eventually it’s only me holding it close. I can’t feel a pulse anymore.

“Kaz….?Kaz!!!!!!!” I clutch his body close to me, as I cry even harder and louder.

It’s my fault!

By now a few pedestrians have gathered around, forming a small crowd. I can hear the sound of sirens coming closer and closer.

Kazuhira Kaneshiro was struck and killed by a truck. It would not be the last.

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“Mary?”

“Where have you been all day idiot?!? I can’t believe I ran around look for you Kaz.”

As always, Mary is teasing me yet again.

It’s lunch break at the moment. Akane and I skipped most of our morning classes, which of course, led to a multitude of rumors and gossip. Thanks to Akane’s death glare to our classmates, they quickly stopped. I couldn’t shake the feeling that they were still watching us, observing every move.

Right now I have encountered Mary Kaneko. She has seemingly lost her memories, as she is not wearing her usual Masked Avenger pin alongside her trademark old red tracksuit. She doesn’t have any makeup on.

“Listen, to tell you the truth-“

I immediately stop myself. Right now Mary is a completely normal girl, unaware of what is really going on. Maybe it was better that way, but I suppose I should keep my guard up, just in case. Because of her facial expression changing from joyful to serious, I could tell that she wanted to say something serious. I quickly glance at Akane, who gives me a look of approval.

“We can use this to our advantage.” Akane quietly mouths to me.

Mary Kaneko leads me out of Class 2-B.

“I want you to give me an honest answer, okay?”

I nod, slightly anxious about what Mary is about to ask me.

“What’s your relationship with the transfer student?”

“W-Why do you ask?” I couldn’t help but feel my cheeks become warm.

I have a feeling of what her question was really asking me. Mary looks away from me, averting her gaze.

“It’s hard for me to describe our relationship.”

“Is that so?” Mary looks at me adoringly.

Wait a minute…

A thought appeared in my head. It is true that it was difficult to define what my relationship with Akane Yuki meant to me. Despite her telling me that we were lovers from a different world, I still had no memories of our time together, going off only a vague sentimental feeling inside. I also couldn’t deny that Kazuhira Kaneshiro was in love with Mary Kaneko as well. From our earlier investigation, we know that Mary and Daisuke are secretly working together, though there was one fatal flaw in their plan – Mary being unaware of the loop. Akane was currently holding onto Mary’s pin as we spoke.

Maybe Mary can lead us to where Daisuke is…?

Finally, a statement escapes my mouth.

“But I love someone else other than Akane Yuki.”

Mary’s blue eyes widen when she hears my words. Technically, I wasn’t lying, though I did feel a sudden lump in my throat when I said that.

“However, I think my partner-in-crime Daisuke might have a different opinion on her.” I smile.

Technically it was true. For the last few thousand loops, Daisuke had always expressed his love for the new transfer student.

“Can you do me a favor Mary? I haven’t seen Daisuke around all day. Maybe he’s-“

“Say no more!” Mary shoots me a mischievous smile.

“I got it! You want me to confirm the transfer student’s feelings. He’ll believe me when I say it to him. I don’t think I can stand to see Daisuke rejected publicly again.”

When I breathe a subtle sigh of relief, she looks at me again. However, I can’t guess at her real thoughts. Maybe she really has forgotten everything.

“Ahem.”

Akane, who has been watching us from inside the classroom, calls out to me. That was probably a sign for me to back off.

“Okay! I’ll see you later.” Mary waves me off.

So that was the plan – to use Mary to get to Daisuke’s location. I’m sure he has the answers to why Mary’s pin suddenly reverted back to its original state.

“What was that about?” Akane asks.

“Nothing. She’ll lead us to Daisuke.”

Sorry, but it was the only way.

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Kazuki owes me big time!

School is over and I am following Mary to the home economics room. As part of our plan, I would be acting as the bait in order to find out where Daisuke is. So far, he is our only lead regarding Mary’s current amnesiac state.

“So…Akane? Why do you like Daisuke-kun?”

I don’t remember introducing myself…

I would only assume that Kazuki probably mentioned my name. I suppose she was probably thinking “a friend of Kazuki is a friend of mine!”

“U-Uh…he is very cool and super nice.” I try to hold back my cringe.

“Really?” Mary looks at me with a skeptical expression.

“Yes…really. I-“ I pause to sigh heavily.

Kazuki…!

“I fell in love at first sight.” I say reluctantly.

I wanted to scream aloud! I could feel my embarrassment was at an all-time high. This was more embarrassing than getting kicked out of the buffet for eating too much as a kid. But, I decide to endure, because I will do anything to get out of this loop.

“Well, I hope you can handle that knucklehead.” Mary teases me.

I force myself to laugh along with her. A brief silence is followed. We don’t speak until we finally approach the room. Mary motions me to enter first.

“Where is Daisuke?”

“He’s not here?” Mary sighs in frustration. “That dummy’s late again. He’ll be here in a few minutes.”

The home economics room was one of the few rooms in the school where a weapon could be easily found; there were kitchen knives stored in a particular cabinet. Of course, access to it was different, as you would need the key to open it, which was located in the school’s office when classes were over. The only way to access the cabinet after school was through the president of the culinary club, or well, stealing it. Looking at Mary, I don’t think she poses any threat right now. If anything, Kazuki was outside as backup.

Though I’m not sure if he would be of any help to be honest…

“Yuki-san?” Mary speaks up.

“What is it?”

“What is your relationship with Kaz?”

Her question takes me by surprise! Shouldn’t we be concerned with Daisuke right now?

“N-Nothing. We only met this morning. I sit next to him that is all.”

Mary turns away from the door.

“No, I mean, what does Kaz mean to you?”

Ah.

It seems Mary was asking something else entirely. I am sure she asked Kazuki the same thing when they were alone together earlier at lunch period.

“It’s hard for me to describe our relationship.”

“Is that so?” Mary looks at me with unease.

That was the problem – our relationship was difficult to describe. In another world, we were lovers. No matter how hard I’ve tried to get Kazuki to remember, it seems all the memories of his previous life are gone. He doesn’t remember our dates, the time we’ve spent together in our original world, how we confessed to each other. Maybe breaking the loop is the one way for him to remember, and we can escape this hell together.

“But I like someone other than him.”

That was a lie, but I can see Mary relaxing a bit.

“I see.”

I know Mary is in love with Kazuki – at least, the Mary in front of me right now. Even though I didn’t care about that, I couldn’t shake this strange feeling in my chest. Was it jealousy? The more I thought about it, the pettier it seemed to me. None of this mattered – only breaking the loop did. Mary tried to impress Kazuki, to be noticed.

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School has ended. Most of the students were shuffling out of the classrooms, and so Akane followed followed Mary to a clubroom in the old building, the home economics room to be precise. Our plan was simple – Akane will follow Mary to Daisuke’s location, acting under the guise of a confession. I’ll be right behind her, waiting for the right time to spring into action. Daisuke would never hurt someone innocent like an amnesiac Mary Kaneko. When he sees her, he’ll immediately realize something is off though, so we only have one chance.

“You owe me for this.” Akane groans beforehand.

I see the two of them enter the room, and I lean my ear against the door, trying to listen in on what’s happening.

What’s taking so long…?

Strangely, I don’t think I’ve heard a male voice. Daisuke’s voice was rather deep and recognizable. In fact, it seems as if there were only two people in that room.

Didn’t Mary say Daisuke would be waiting for us?

Akane mentioned Mary wasn’t wearing any makeup. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I’ve never seen Mary actually wear any makeup. She wasn’t wearing some earlier today if I recall. I’m the most oblivious person in the universe, so when it comes to makeup, I’m not the best person to ask.

But then why does Mary have a makeup pouch?

That was a question that was bothering me. Even though it is insignificant right now, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Akane had a logical explanation – she got tired of using it.

Was Mary ever the type to care about her appearance? Maybe at the beginning she wore makeup, but slowly over time she stopped caring. Then by that logic, if Mary truly lost her memories, wouldn’t she have applied makeup?

Then did Mary really forget everything?

A rush of blood went through my body. My hands began to feel clammy, as I couldn’t shake this uncomfortable feeling that suddenly appeared.

Then that means!

“Hey!”

That sounded like Akane! I can hear shouting behind the door. I spring into action, but the door is locked!

“Akane!”

I pound the door with my fists over and over, trying my best to figure out what was going inside the room.

“Open up the door! What’s going on in there?!?”

Keep calm Kaz! Akane can easily overpower Mary right? She knows Martial Arts and all that stuff.

Even though Akane knew all those skills, it was useless if Mary had a weapon and the element of surprise. And the home economics room happened to have plenty of cooking knives.

We’ve been trapped.

“Hey dude.”

I see my best friend casually walking towards me.

His eerily calm expression brings a shiver down my spine.

“The transfer student should be fine – at least, for now.”

“If you hurt her…” I clench my fists tighter.

“I’m sorry.” he sighs. “I assume you have Mary’s pin?”

I stay silent.

“I have something to confess to you Kaz.” Daisuke averts his gaze. “That object you’re holding onto isn’t Mary’s. It’s actually mine.”

So our theory was right…

“It seems Mary someone passed ownership of the pin over to me, hence why it probably looks brand new.” he explains.

Why even return the object back to Mary? It seemed way too convenient, almost as if it was begging to be stolen.

It was a trap all along…

“Mary’s experienced this loop longer than you and the transfer student could ever imagine. Of course she knew that you two would snoop around and stumble onto the Masked Avenger pin. This is our final play Kazuki. There’s no point in me trying to convince you to not destroy this loop. I’m giving you the chance to potentially break this loop, only if your resolve is strong enough.”

“What are you talking about…”

“Are you willing to cross that line?”

“No!” I immediately shouted.

I can’t murder my friends. That’s something unforgiveable.

“I know you won’t Kaz. But maybe someone else doesn’t think the same way.”

“No, Akane won’t. She’s not like that Daisuke!”

“I’m sure by now you’ve probably figured out that Mary still retained her memories?” he confirms.

Then Akane must’ve figured it out as well.

“If your theory is incorrect, then you two have done something unforgivable, and a lifetime of repentance sounds terrible doesn’t it? You two wouldn’t be able to look at us in the eyes anymore.”

It’s just like when Akane thought she had “killed me.”

“I’m guessing the transfer student is alone with Mary right now. You two were always trying to play the hero.”

Akane was keeping an eye on Mary right now. It was supposed to be the other way around until we figure out what happened to Mary’s memories. How did she retain her memories without an object?

“But…how? Emotions can only retain a small part of our memories.”

Daisuke’s next statement shakes the very foundation of everything Akane and I have worked for.

“You didn’t think you could only possess one object right?”