CHAPTER 20

I’m an idiot.

I push her away and her soft lips let go of me. Mary was standing in front of me, tears in her eyes, staring back at me. She was dressed in her costume, a long white dress like that of a bride on her wedding day. I could see that there was a small tear along the side of it, exposing her legs ever so slightly. She looked beautiful, her blond hair flowing in the spring air, and the fireworks in the window behind her highlighting her figure against the night sky.

She’d never wear heels…

Mary had just confessed to me.

This… this was not supposed to happen.

She’s waiting for me to say something, to make this situation less hopeless for both of us. I can’t believe that I couldn’t see this before. I should have known; I never should have been so blind to Mary. How I could have been so oblivious to one of my best friends? How could I put someone I care about through so much miserable tension without even acknowledging her? My time in World A(kane) has made me assume that Mary and Daisuke belonged together, but I never bothered to think about how the differences affected anyone but myself. Mary wasn’t with Daisuke because they were meant to be… Mary was with Daisuke because in that world, I wasn’t available.

I’m so sorry Daisuke…

Mary looks away and wipes the tears from her eyes, only to stare back at me once again, this time with a bold look of determination on her face.

“I don’t know what it was that made me fall for you Kazuki… I know that most people don’t see anything special in you, I know that you’re a real dummy most of the time, but you’ve always been my hero. When I needed someone, anyone, to help save me from my own mistakes, you were there, Kazuki. Not just when I were kids, but when I could barely even pass my classes. You did everything you could to help, because you haven’t lost your sense of justice and determination. Even when the world can be unfair, and make most people rude, or cynical, you manage to stay true to your ideals, to your sense of justice. Kazuki, I don’t care what anybody says, you’re my hero, and no matter what, I-”

Mary takes a deep breath.

"I love you."

My heart feels heavy.

I don’t know what I can possibly say. There’s nothing I can do that can stop our relationship from changing forever. Doesn’t she already know that I love Yuki-san?

This… this isn’t fair.

I know that she said that I always stick true to my way, to justice, no matter what life holds, but my head is spinning with these revelations. The desire to lie, to find a way to make all of this work, is so strong.

I don’t want to hurt her, but… what else can I do?

The only thing that would hurt her more than the truth is eventually finding out that her hero is nothing but a bold lie and a coward. I muster up my courage and tell her my decision. There was nothing else to be done.

I don’t deserve to be her hero.

“I’m sorry Mary. But I love-”

I stopped, as having looked into Mary’s eyes, I saw something that I could not have expected. There were tears, there was sadness, for sure, but there was anger written on her face, right where her usual cute smile always had been. Her teeth were clenched, her brow furrowed. I wanted to continue, but before I could, she finally exploded.

“I know you’re in love with her Kazuki-kun! Everybody knows! Or at least, we all know that you think you are.” Mary was shouting at me in a way that I had never been subjected to before, but this was no time to be taken aback.

“What do you mean I ‘think’ I am?” I asked, genuinely offended by what Mary had just implied.

“Kazuki, you really are stupid sometimes… You have no idea how hard this is to do, do you? I have to kiss your best friend on stage. I have to watch you try and try and try to get Yuki-san to notice you, to finally even let you in just a little bit. I have to pretend everything is working out just fine, and I just can’t anymore, okay?!?” She was still crying, but she was too far along now to not finish.

"I just can't take it anymore." as she places her hands on her chest.

I realize now that this is why she loves me, this confession must be her way of finally staying true to herself, finally putting to use the lessons that her “hero” had taught her. I may still love Yuki-san, and have no plans to abandon my mission in this world, but I would be lying if I said that I did not respect Mary more than anyone in the world right now. How could the person she loves so much be the cause of her tears?

“Mary, I-I’m… I’m so sorry that I never noticed this before. I’m sorry that I never tried to do anything to make things easier. I’m sorry that I lost focus on one of my best friends in the entire world in the pursuit of something else. I should have noticed, I should have-”

“Please Kazuki! Stop blaming yourself for everything all the time.” she interrupted me again, this time with her words. Her voice and her face were both much softer, but her pain was so tangible in her words that I myself nearly began to cry.

“Stop beating yourself up over things that you aren’t responsible for, Kazuki-kun… I just want you to be happy, I just want to help you to be the best that you can be. But I know I can’t keep hurting myself to make that happen, I know that you wouldn’t want it that way.”

She looks away from me, staring out at the courtyard quietly. Despite having seen more of her than I ever have before, I don’t feel scared, or awkward, I feel… closer to her. I feel like we have been in this room, alone - for hours.

“Kazuki?” she finally speaks, breaking the silence.

“Yeah…?”

“I don’t need you to love me back. At least, I don’t think I need it right away. I just… I just want you to promise me that you won’t just brush me aside, because I’m not her. I don’t want you to abandon me just because I can’t be her, okay?”

Without even thinking, I move closer to her and wrap my arms around her. I can hear her quiet sobbing on my chest.

“I promise, Mary.”

I don’t even know if I meant it, I just had to say it. I didn’t know if I could ever love Mary like that, but I did know that I couldn’t stand to lose her. I didn’t want to lose her.

“Thank you, Kazuki. Don’t think I’ve given up.” she sobbed, this time sounding more relieved than miserable.

After her tears begin to subside, I take a step back from her and beckon to her to follow me out the door. She tries to take a step forward, but stumbles to the floor. I rush to catch her before she falls, sliding to my knees to cushion her fall.

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“Please…p-please stop you idiot!” she yells at me.

I look closer at her foot and it was swollen.

She must’ve fallen somewhere…

I lift her off her feet and carry her by her legs and back, like a bride at a wedding.

“W-What are you doing?!?” she squeaks, as she tries to wipe away more of her tears.

“I-I’m sorry Mary! Your ankle…it’s…”

She was relatively light for her size, and her legs were soft.

Oh so soft. Soft like a doll…

Mary tries to hide her blushing, but her face was already red from all of her crying. She accepts my help and places her arm around my neck for more support.

“You’re such an idiot…” she sighs.

We walk to the first aid station in silence.

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I look myself in the mirror. I have never worn anything as intricate as this dress. Mary was wearing the official dress for the play, so the only option left was to wear something the crew had found last minute as a replacement. At a glance, it looked like I was getting ready for a wedding, rather than a stage production. My bare shoulders were cold, exposed by the dress’ elegant design, but I was still feeling a burning sensation in my chest.

“Are you ready Yuki-san?” asked Akatsuka-san.

I can hear his tired voice outside the changing room door.

I stand up and open the door to find Akatsuka-san standing tall in front of me. The design philosophy of his costume seemed to be in stark contrast to mine. Romeo’s costume was flamboyant, exotic, and modeled like he was wearing a fantastical military uniform. I remember how eye-catching his costume was from the performance yesterday, but up close, there were several little details that the costume department had implemented, like how there was a small sewn on patch of a coat of arms along the sleeves of his coat, like a military rank. His small brown cape also had a lion pattern embossed ever so slightly. I look up to him and give a somber smile.

“L-Let’s go Yuki-san. They’re waiting for us.” he blushes.

I nod and we both walk towards the stage. He peeks out the curtains a little, and sees that the room was still noisy, since we have delayed the start for about 30 minutes now. Akatsuka-san looks back at me and I can already tell what he is thinking by the look on his face.

“W-Woah. There’s like, way more people here than yesterday.”

I am not sure what I was thinking saying yes to this…

Kaneshiro-san still has not returned yet with Mary-chan, and I was beginning to get worried about them. All I could think about was their happiness together, how they deserved each other.

It does not matter how I feel.

“You’ve realized it too, haven’t you Yuki-san?” asked Akatsuka-san.

Immediately, I knew what he meant by that.

“Yes, I am afraid I have.” I can feel my eyes start to well up.

Akatsuka-san gives a long sigh, and rubs his eyes slightly. I would have done the same, but I have gone past the point of feeling anything. It is as if my soul has abandoned me, as if my body is merely a hollow shell of the person I have been for so long.

I feel cold…

Suddenly, Akatsuka-san hugs me. I am caught by surprise, but it is quickly gone as I embrace him. His gentle warmth comforts me. I can hear him sniffling lightly as the tears coming from his face leak onto my shoulders. We both understood the situation we were in, and we were both willing to sacrifice anything for their happiness.

“Are you willing to forsake everything too?” he whispers into my ear.

“Yes…” I say, as a single tear manages to leave my eye.

“You’re up Daisuke!” says Renge, who was engulfed in a wave of confused cast and crew, riding the wave of chaos as far as it would take her.

Daisuke wipes away his tears and gives me one last somber look before heading out stage with a smile.

“I’ll see you out there soon.”

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You would think as the school doctor I would have VIP seats!

Argh!

It’s so hard to see with all these fangirls standing in front of me!

“HEY, SIT DOWN YOU BRATS!” I yell at the students in front of me.

It was tiring enough to see these kids scream at the top of their lungs, but the show not even starting yet added onto it. There was a part of me that was excited to see the play, since the staff and public were only allowed at tonight’s final performance. I’ve heard a lot of good things about it, and I was interested to see how Mary-chan was doing with Kazuki-kun’s tutoring. I take a final swig of my coffee can and stomp it with my foot. It relieved some of my impatience.

“There you are my darling!” said a familiar voice.

It was dark in the room so it was difficult to make out who that was. But I spotted his signature red tie in the darkness.

“U-Uh! What are you doing here?!?” I say as he catches me off guard.

He sits down at the empty side next to me.

“Ahaha…thanks for saving me a seat Mugi-chan! I thought I was going to have to stand all show!” he heartily laughs.

“I-It’s just so I happen to have an empty seat next to me! That’s all! You should be grateful I’m giving you this seat since you haven’t even called back.” I say in an annoyed tone.

As soon as Junpei apologizes to me, the lights dim, and the curtains are lifted to reveal the set. It was pretty impressive for a bunch of high schoolers with basically no budget. There was a relatively tall tower created and placed behind in the background, with some scenery of buildings painted around it. The tower must have been raised several meters above the ground, and it was probably for the scene when Romeo sees Juliet through a window and describes her beauty. Some of the characters come out and the scene starts with Daisuke Akatsuka as Romeo delivering his lines.

“That’s Daisuke Akatsuka right Mugi? I’ve heard a lot interesting things about him…” Junpei remarks.

“I’ve had a few run-ins with him due to his reputation as a “bad boy,” but he’s actually the opposite. His friend Kazuki must be keeping him out of trouble.” I reply.

Kazuki better be keeping him out of trouble!

I look to my side at Junpei and it seemed he was observing Akatsuka-kun’s every move. He didn’t look like he was paying much attention to the plot, but rather he was trying to get a read on him. It was if he was playing detective and trying to figure out if Akatsuka-kun was a suspect for something.

“Is there something wrong with Daisuke as Romeo? The girls seem to love it.” I say.

“Y-Yeah. He’s great. Just great.”

Next was the scene where Juliet’s first appearance. I’m eagerly waiting to see how the Roadrunner would look in her dress and costume. A figure walks out into the stage, and causes much confusion in me and the crowd.

“Wait…that’s the Ice Witch!”

“Where’s Mary?!?”

What gives! I didn’t wait in line for this!”

“Hmm…I was invited here by my sister, and to think she’s actually acting haha!” laughs Junpei.

His little sister was on stage, not Mary Kaneko. I’ve heard from the students that Kaneko-san was almost a perfect fit for Juliet, and so to see her rival on stage was beyond strange.

“What happened to Mary…?” I think aloud.

I explain to Junpei that Juliet was supposed to be played by another girl he hasn’t met yet.

“Well…that’s very interesting…” he remarks.

I could see that Yuki-san was really channeling her reputation as the “Ice Witch” for the beginning parts, as Romeo tries to woo Juliet. But it was strange since there was something “hollow” about her, in the way she spoke, as if she was empty, as if there was nothing left in the tank for this girl. It was not a bad artistic decision, but it didn’t feel like she was acting. With Daisuke on stage, it was as if the two had experienced a doomed romance. It did not seem like acting. This was disturbingly genuine.

“Something’s happened, Mugi.” pointed out Junpei.

He has the same idea.

“I’m not sure what happened backstage, but I’ve seen that look before.”

I’ve seen that look she has right now.

She may be smiling and laughing along with the lines, but I know that look in her eyes all too well. She bore in her eyes a look that many a young woman before her had known all too well. That vacant look, as if there was nobody home behind the curtains of the eyes - the look of total and utter defeat.

That… that was the look of a broken heart.

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The noise from the crowd’s applause was still deafening, even behind the curtains. The cast and crew, coming up to me in droves, kept congratulating me on my performance. I would assume it meant I gave a competent performance. I smiled and thanked them, and Daisuke did the same. Afterwards, everything was a blur. Cast and crew cleaned out the stage and the auditorium, as people from the audience shuffled out, occasionally stopping to congratulate us.

Next thing I knew, it was just me and Akatsuka-san, all alone in the dim area behind the stage. We had not seen Kazuki-kun or Mary since before the play, and we had both resigned ourselves to finishing the night in despair, for better - or for worse.

“It was destined to be like this from the beginning, right Akatsuka-san?”

“I think so…it was going to be like this from the beginning.”

“We do not deserve them, do we?”

“Please don’t make me say it Yuki-san.”

“I do not want to say it either. Kazuki-kun will be happy with Mary.”

Those two were always so happy together.

“I thought she cared for me…”

“What gave you that impression Akatsuka-san?”

“The way she talked to me…the way she smiled.”

“When did you realize Akatsuka-san?”

“When she put on my favorite pin.”

“I finally understand now…”

“Hmm? Understand what Yuki-san?”

“I…I finally understand what love is. It’s so beautiful, but god…is it so painful.”

“I see…”

“Maybe we have more in common together than I thought Yuki-san.”

I cannot help but smile at his comment.

“So it seems Akatsuka-san.”

His hand meets mine, and I grip it firmly.

“We’ll put on the best show…for their sake.”

“I cannot betray Mary. I will do anything for her to be happy.”

“I can’t betray Kaz. I’ll do anything for him to be happy.”

We will do anything to make them happy.