The Great Picnic Panic - Part Finale

May 30th, 2011.

Afternoon of the Great Picnic Panic

Taylor was busy setting a blanket down atop the hill with Cass holding down one corner and Leviathan the other, when Dragon's suit came down from above like a dragon-shaped comet. Bursts of fire and exhaust shot out of the suit as it bled off speed, then twisted in midair to come to a delicate landing on the edge of the hill.

It wasn't the same suit Taylor had seen on the Rig, it was a lot smaller and more humanoid, though still rather draconic, with metallic scales and a pair of bat-like wings on its back.

Taylor stood up, dusted off her knees and then raced over to Dragon to tackle her with a squeal. "Dragon!"

"Ah, hello, Queen Administrator. It's good to see you too," the Canadian Tinker said. She tentatively wrapped the arms of her suit around the much smaller girl.

"Oh, man, you can give hugs now too!"

[Dejected. Can also hug.] The Simurgh's many wings drooped and for a moment she looked like a kitten caught in the rain.

Dragon laughed, and if it sounded a little tinny, no one commented. "I can indeed. It's good to see you again. So, do you need help with anything? Oh, and I brought snacks." She patted the thigh of her suit which opened and revealed a rack filled with still-warm cookies. The panel slid back closed when Taylor reached for one. "Maybe for dessert."

Taylor would have protested but a voice in her head stalled her. {Unit-02 detects incoming Hosts.} She looked around, then saw Glory Girl flying towards them from more or less the direction of the hospital, Panacea pressed close to her chest and a basket held awkwardly in her off hand.

The Dallon sisters landed right next to the blanket and Panacea climbed out of her sister's arms with what looked like a bit of reluctance. "Hello everyone," she said.

Glory Girl was a little more verbose with her greetings. "Heya Dragon, and... Legend? Damn, Queenie, you've got friends in high places. Heya, Cass, nice shirt," she said with a smirk. "It's good to see that my sister has fans." Her grin grew to shit-eating proportions when Cass glared back.

Taylor just shook her head and walked over to the pair. "I'm glad you made it! Dragon just arrived too. We've got, maybe one or two more guests coming, but this is most of us." She pointed at the basket. "Are those the plates and things?"

"Yup," Victoria said as she passed the basket over. "We asked around and they pretty much ran around looting the staff rooms for us. The folks at the hospital really love my sis."

Legend walked over and picked the basket up with a grin. "It's good to see one of the best healers around being appreciated," he said. "Hello, Victoria, Amy. It's good to see you on such a casual occasion."

Taylor yoinked the basket away from Legend and made her way over to the blanket where Cass was sitting, her arms crossed over her knees. She dropped the basket next to the bags full of food and then tapped Cass on the thigh with a shoe. "Scoot over, would you?"

Cass did as she asked and let Taylor flop down next to her. "So, your thing going down as planned?" she asked.

"Hrm," Taylor said. "More or less. The plan's mostly to make sure everyone has a good time. Speaking of, wanna help me prep the food? Most of it is easy stuff."

"Can I help too?" Dragon said as she walked over. She paused on the edge of the blanket, then stepped on it carefully to see if her rather sharp boots were cutting into the fabric. "I've been told that I'm a decent cook."

"Sure!" Taylor said.

In no time at all they had a bit of a workstation set up, where Taylor would pass the ingredients to Dragon who revealed that her suit had a toaster in it--or at least the vents to one of her engines could be quickly converted to one--and who was the fastest at spreading jam and butter around. Then Dragon would pass the sandwiches to Cass who had a half-dozen plates floating around her.

Soon enough Amy wandered over and sat on the edge of the blanket to watch them work. "This is surreal," she finally said.

"What's surreal?" Taylor asked.

She waved all around her. "All of this. There are two Endbringers just... sunbathing, I think, and you have three parahumans just making sandwiches and my sister's over there talking about flying with Legend. It's so weird."

"Weird is what I do!" Taylor exclaimed. "Weird is different, and I know that I haven't been a cape for a long time, but I really think the cape scene could use some shaking up."

"Hi everyone!" a sweet voice called from just down the hill.

Everyone paused for a moment to look where Bonesaw was standing atop the head of a monstrosity, one arm waving at everyone like the leader of a parade. She slid down the monster's side, then started to climb up the hill while bunching up her skirt.

"Bonesaw," Legend said as he turned to face the Slaughterhouse Nine's littlest Tinker. Whatever good humour he had fled as he started to float a few inches off the ground.

Bonesaw grinned back. "Legend! It's nice to see you." She curtsied. "Actually, I think it's the first time we meet. Uncle Jack said that the last time he saw you, you were hanging around with Hero, or was he hanging off you?"

Taylor stood, though she did it slowly enough that only Amy and Cass looked her way. "Unit Two, I think it might be time to interfere before this party turns into a bloodbath."

{Unit-02 understands. Beginning Intimidation Protocols.}

Bonesaw was about to say something else when the entire hill shook, throwing her to the ground on wobbly legs. When the smoke cleared it was to reveal Leviathan, standing tall in between the two capes as if he'd been there all along. It helped that no one had seen him move from where he'd been resting on the other side of the hill.

Four sea-green eyes stared first at Legend, then his long neck twisted so that the Endbringer could give an equally bland look at Bonesaw. "Now now, this is supposed to be a nice picnic," Taylor said from her place next to Dragon. "As the host, I think it falls upon me to make sure that no fights break out, and I take my duty as host very seriously." She clapped her hands once. "Dragon and Cass have just finished making us all lunch, why don't we all take a seat and a plate?"

Bonesaw smiled sheepishly then stood up and brushed the dirt off her skirt. "Ah, right, I wanted to thank you, Queen Administrator, for inviting me! I was going to bring something, but Uncle Jack told me that I'd better not. Oh, and I hope you don't mind that Crawler came along? See, Mister Crawler had something of a favour to ask you."

Immediately all the heroes tensed up, but Taylor just blinked and looked around until she saw Crawler crawling out of the treeline. Then her cheeks went a little rosy as she took the man in. He looked like a black six-legged monster the size of a minivan with tentacles sliding out from his underside to run across his body. His entire form was covered in spines and scales. His mouth was huge, like the maw of a shark filled with crooked fangs covered in sickly acids. "Oh, you're Mister Crawler?" Taylor asked.

"That's my name, girl," the man said, his voice sounded like gravel being shaken in a milk jug to Taylor. He climbed closer, all six legs digging into the side of the hill.

"Now, Ned, be nice, you're going to ask her a favour after all," Bonesaw admonished.

"Ned, that's your name?" Taylor asked and her blush only deepened when Crawler made a sound that could charitably be called an agreement. "It's a very handsome name." She looked at her feet, suddenly feeling very much out of place.

Behind her, and just out of her hearing, Victoria leaned closer to her sister, eyes riveted on what was happening. "This is a hallucination, right?" she whispered.

Cass took one of Dragon's sandwiches from a floating plate--cut into little triangles!--and took a bite. "Nope, really happening."

"Hrm, right, I want to fight them!" Crawler said.

"Fight... them?" Taylor said as her suddenly slow brain processed that. "Oh, um, yeah, I guess that would be okay, since you're asking." She started to wring her hands together. "Um, but maybe I could ask a favour in exchange?"

Crawler looked at her very hard with most of his thirty-odd eyes. "Depends. What do you want?"

Taylor opened her mouth to speak, squeaked instead, then felt her ears and cheeks warm up. Swallowing hard and shoring up her resolve, she let everything out in one breath. "CouldImaybepetyou?" She said all in one word while her face went thermonuclear.

The Simurgh made a squealing sound very much unlike her infamous scream and clapped her hands--even Bonesaw joined in. [Joy! Shipping! OTP!]

Taylor turned to glare at the Simurgh. "D-don't laugh! And what's an Oh Tee Pee anyway?"

While Taylor continued to berate a far too bubbly Simurgh, the Dallon sisters and Cass shared a look. "So, Amy, I know you don't do brains, but can you do, like, concussions?"

"I'm thinking about it," the healer admitted.

"You... want to pet me?" If anything Crawler looked as if the request was giving him pause. "And then you'll let me fight them?"

Taylor refocused on Crawler, then back down to her fingers which were interwoven over her chest. "I, yeah?"

"Um," Crawler said. "How old are you?"

Taylor's blush, which she had just gotten under control, returned full force. "You, you can't ask that kind of thing to a girl, Ned!"

Behind her, the Simurgh splayed out all ten fingers, then she stretched out a wing and spread five feathers next to her hands.

"Uh, you know I'm forty, right?" Crawler said. "That's... probably your dad's age. Don't you know the half plus seven rule?"

Taylor tried puppy-dog eyes. Crawler, who had spent the better part of five years throwing himself into the very worst Parahumanity had to offer, was unaffected. She sighed. She should have realised that no one would want her that way. Despondently, Taylor shrugged at Crawler. "That's okay then. And, um, yeah, I guess you can spar with Unit Two for a bit after. But, before that." Taylor stood a little taller, then turned to all her guests.

She met their eyes one at a time. Legend was paying close attention, though he seemed ready to jump in and help her at the drop of a hat. Amy and Vicky were genuinely curious, but wary too. Vicky looked ready to grab her sister and run. Cass had no more shits to give, and Dragon was unreadable in her suit. Bonesaw was busy pulling the tomatoes out of a ham sandwich.

"I've tried to hide something for a while, and it probably wasn't the best idea, but I didn't want people to be afraid of me." Taylor swallowed and licked her lips. "But now... now I think I might as well tell you all, since you're pretty much all my friends." She took a deep breath. "Unit Two... is actually Leviathan."

They stared. She stared back.

Cass rubbed her forehead, then grabbed another sandwich. "We know, dumbass."

"Oh," Taylor said. "Well, okay then." She noticed one of Cass's sandwich plates floating by and took one off the top. "In that case, I guess you should all just, enjoy? Oh, and Mister Crawler, um, maybe you and Unit Two can play in the woods?"

{Prepare Single-Target Termination?}

"No, no, just spar with him. You remember what you did with Mister Lung? Basically that."

{Affirmative.} Leviathan turned to stare at Crawler whose face twisted in what could charitably be called a grin. Then Crawler jumped towards Leviathan only to be smashed back into the woods by a swipe of the Endbringer's tail. Leviathan jumped after the parahuman, arms extended to grapple with Crawler amongst the trees.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

***

"Are you sure that's a good idea," Legend said as he walked up next to Queen Administrator. "Letting Unit Two--Leviathan, I mean--fight Crawler. It will only make him stronger."

"Stronger, maybe, but probably not as strong as Unit Two. And you can keep calling him that, if you want, it is his real name, after all. Though I guess it's not as catchy as Leviathan. Oh, and Simurgh's real name is Unit Three, which I guess means the next Endbringer to show up will probably be Unit Four."

Legend had many things he wanted to talk to the young parahuman about. Her image in the public eye, how consorting with villains, especially the Slaughterhouse Nine, might not be a good idea, about the responsibility of those with power. Most of those ideas stalled at the mention of a fourth Endbringer. "You... know about the next Endbringer?" he asked.

"Well, no, but I bet Simmy does," Queen Administrator said.

He waited for her to ask, but she never did. "We, the Protectorate would be willing to pay a lot of that kind of information, you know. We would be willing to do a lot to help you."

She shrugged. "I really don't want many things. Like, maybe next year I'll want to buy a car or something to learn how to drive, but I'm mostly okay. And what I really want is mostly this." She gestured towards the picnic where Dragon seemed to be having an amiable conversation with Bonesaw while pushing a plateful of veggies on the girl. Beyond them, the Dallon sisters and the Cass girl were chatting in quick whispers, a conversation that ended in a round of giggling.

"I see," he said, and he did for what it was worth.

Queen Administrator was a rather ordinary girl, once you looked past her ability to control Endbringers. She might have been a little strange, perhaps a bit antisocial, but her wants were fair. More than one person he knew would be using her powers as leverage to get rich, or to become politically powerful. Instead, Queen Administrator was organizing picnics.

He had no doubt that she would give away just about anything she owed to someone who needed it more. She was the opposite of materialistic. That wouldn't reassure the voices in the government or PRT who wanted to control her though.

"Tell you what, Mister Legend," she said. "How about I go visit you guys one of these days and we can have tea and talk about things like civilised people. Maybe, um, on Saturday?"

He smiled. "That would probably work just fine," he said. In the back of his mind, he was wondering how he could prevent some of the more extreme members of the PRT from showing up.

"Cool! Hey, speaking of tea, do you want some?"

***

Taylor left Legend behind--he was more of a coffee person apparently, the heretic-- and rejoined the rest of the group on the blanket atop the hill. "Does anyone know which bag the tea is in?"

Dragon, who was still talking to a beaming Bonesaw, lifted her head a little, then pointed to one of the bags without cutting off the young biotinker sitting before her. Bonesaw was shifting restlessly on the ground as she spoke. "It turns out that the Passenger's connection will actually stay active for a little bit, even after all their vitals are gone. If you're really fast, and really careful, you can stitch them back together and they'll still have their powers. It's mostly the corona pollentia and gemma that are important, you can replace the rest, no problem. Heck, I've even mostly automated it! Actually, Mister Mannequin did that, I just helped."

"Sorry to interrupt," Taylor said as she stood up, three boxes of tea balanced against her side. "But do any of you guys want some tea before we start on dessert?"

Bonesaw looked at Taylor, her eyes brimming with unbridled joy and what might have been tears of happiness. "We're having a tea party?" she squeaked, All thoughts of vivisecting brains leaving in a flash.

"Of course!" Taylor replied. "It wouldn't be a proper picnic without tea."

She stood up, then looked around. They had a bag filled with juices and a couple of six-packs of soda, but no water. "Uh. Hey, Leviathan!" she called down into the forest where even now trees were being torn apart to the sound of guttural laughter. "I need, like, a gallon of water. Clean water. And it has to be boiling." She lifted the boxes of tea as if that would help explain things. "I'm making tea!"

{Unit-02 Accepting Task from Host-Queen_Administrator. Temporarily Shifting Computation Allocated from Genocide Protocols to Tea-Making Protocols.}

The was another explosion in the forest, but the half-dozen parahumans on the hill ignored it. Instead, most of them watched as water vapour condensed into a bubble a few feet next to Taylor, then started to shimmer and smoke as it boiled.

"That's very cool," Bonesaw said.

Taylor agreed. "So, is everyone okay with green tea? It's not the greatest, I know, but it's one of those 'you can't go wrong' blends." Seeing as no one disagreed, Taylor opened one of the boxes of tea and poured a bit onto the bubble where the leaves started to darken the water.

She found a few mugs in the basket that Amy and Vicky had brought and just scooped them through the tea bubble. "Here you go," she said as she carefully handed Bonesaw the mug. It didn't take long to get anyone who wanted some a bit of tea, so after taking a mug for herself, Taylor plopped herself on the ground next to Dragon and Bonesaw. "So, what're we talking about?"

"Implanting powers by stealing them from people's heads!" Bonesaw said.

Taylor blinked. "That sounds kinda cool, I guess. Um, I'm afraid I won't be able to add to the conversation, I'm not much of a Tinker."

"Aww, that's okay, we can talk about other stuff. Jack says that when I start talking too much about Tinker stuff, I get excited, then I just have to try things. And then I get all dirty and we have to stop somewhere so that I can take a bath." Her eyes widened. "Oh, you must be able to take the best baths with Leviathan warming the water and all."

"You know, I hadn't thought about that," Taylor admitted. "In fact, I haven't even asked the Simurgh what she can do. I mean, I've got an idea, but it's not very precise." A shadow fell across her, and she noticed a fringe of white feathers in the corners of her vision.

[Can do many things! Mind-control, Mind-reading, Mind-raping, Mind-flaying, Mind-torture, Mind-probing, Mind-editing, Mind-wiping, Mind-splicing. Can fly. Can use Macro and Micro Telekinesis. Aware of Multiple Sciences. Can Build Tinkertech. Can use Precognition. Can use Postcognition... Is pretty.]

"Well, that's all useful, I guess," Taylor said to the Endbringer floating above her. "But what do you do for fun?"

That gave the Simurgh some pause. [Uncertain. Watch Anime. Troll PHO.]

Taylor's head snapped up at the last one. "You have a PHO account?"

Dragon twitched, then her dragon-shaped head bent forwards and into a waiting palm. "Oh no."

[Many!]

Bonesaw gasped and started clapping her hands together in excitement. "We could trade usernames and chat. I, um, can probably stea-- find a phone somewhere and keep up with all of you."

"That," said Jack Slash said "Sounds like a wonderful idea!"

Everyone stopped again, and this time they stared at Jack Slash who stood on the edge of their group wearing a cardigan over khakis and sock-filled-sandals. "I'm terribly sorry for interrupting everyone's good time, but I'm afraid that my associates and I are about to leave."

"Aww, do we have to?" Bonesaw whined. "We didn't even get to the desserts yet!"

Jack's smile was radiant and he somehow managed to ignore the glares of nearly every person there. "I'm afraid so, Bonesaw."

With a disappointed sigh, the girl got to her feet, then waved at Taylor. "Thanks for the invitation, it was really a lot of fun," she said.

Bonesaw was leaving the little group atop the hill when Taylor stood up. "Mister Jack, could we talk?" she asked.

The leader of the Slaughterhouse Nine looked at her, amusement writ large in his eyes. "Of course. Are you considering joining my merry band of misfits?"

"I'm afraid not," Taylor said easily. "Just a chat. Maybe down the hill a ways?"

Jack's smile was resplendent. "Of course, lead the way." He bowed extravagantly, as if ushering her into a ballroom instead of down the side of a hill.

Taylor nodded and walked right by him, a smile on her lips the whole time. Dragon looked as if she wanted to follow, and Legend was moments away from jumping to his feet. She lead him towards the woods, nowhere near where Leviathan was fighting with Crawler, but close enough that they could feel their clash through the ground as it shivered beneath their feet.

She ran a foot over soft grass, wishing that she'd taken her shoes off at some point. Then, with a smile fixed on, she turned.

***

"Mister Jack," Queen Administrator began, and as she spoke Jack Slash saw the mirth leaving her eyes like sand slipping through numb fingers. But her smile never changed. "You know, there are a lot of people that are really afraid of you." She giggled, and something told him that she wasn't laughing with him. "But I think they're a little bit more afraid of me and my friends."

He gave her his most charming smile. "We do tr--"

"Shush, Mister Jack, I was talking." Queen Administrator tilted her head to one side, then gave him a once-over. "Your perspective really changes when you have a precog on your side. You start thinking more about what will be, rather than what is. Your little group have been doing a lot of bad things, Mister Jack. Now, who am I to tell you to stop? Still, it would be mighty nice if you stopped hurting good people and focused a little more on the... not so good people."

It shouldn't have been intimidating. She was a girl who barely reached his shoulders wearing a silly costume. Of all the heroes, villains and other parahumans he'd faced, she was, on her own, perhaps one of the least intimidating. The Simurgh was watching him from atop the hill and after a particularly strong impact, he saw Leviathan's four eyes catching the light from within the forest.

Jack Slash swallowed despite himself but he was experienced enough to keep his composure. "And if we don't want to do that, little miss?"

"Then, perhaps it's time for your luck to turn, Mister Jack." Queen Administrator smiled again, and this time it reached her eyes; there was a gleam of calculation in that smile, hidden behind mirth and madness.

She turned and started walking away, back towards what was left of the picnic. "Oh, and Mister Jack. If you ever step foot in my city again, I'll kill you."

***

Taylor tried to skip back to the top of the hill, she really did, but the incline was killing her calves after just two hops so she gave up on the idea. Instead, she walked over to Bonesaw and wrapped the girl in a tight hug. "See you around, right?"

"Right!" she said before looking into the woods were Jack and a somewhat bedraggled Crawler were waiting. She then looked towards the hill covered in heroic figures. There was longing in her eyes, but she still stepped back and away from Taylor. "Bye everyone!" she called and waved at the group. "Oh, and I really hope you all enjoy our big surprise!"

With that, the bio-tinker raced downhill with a squeal of delight and glomped onto Crawler who faded back into the woods with Jack by his side.

"Fuck me," Cass muttered just loud enough that everyone could hear.

Legend started to ring before he pulled a phone out of his pocket. Dragon gasped and shot to her feet.

Then the explosions started.

***