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How to Kidnap your Princess
That which we call a hoax by any other word would be as smelly

That which we call a hoax by any other word would be as smelly

Prince Brian of Heath watched as his elder brother and heir apparent to the throne of Heath let his body fall backward on the bed with a groan.

"My head doesn't feel well," Brody complained. "Oi, Sierra, do check if that bitch Lumina placed some spell on me."

Sierra sighed. Brian knew why, their sister would really like if Brody was just a bit polite, but he held all women as beneath him. He actually held everyone else beneath him. Brian was no stranger to Brody's plans of conquest.

Sierra walked next to him and used a couple diagnosis spells. She clicked her tongue, "You are clean. There is not a single trace of magic on you, not even on the recently regenerated leg that by all means should have it."

Brody raised his head to show a furrowed brow. "What do you mean, sister?"

"You are completely clean of any magic. There is not a single trace of foreign mana on you, only your own. It... It should not be possible. Somehow your leg grew back and it should have left some lingering trace of magic." Sierra shook her head. "I don't know what to make of it."

Brian looked around. The crystal chandelier decorating the room was shining because some sunlight was hitting it. It was nice but somehow odd. There was something in that chandelier that screamed danger. Was it a trap? He stopped paying attention to his siblings' chatter to look at the glistening pieces of crystal. Until Sierra shouted something at Brody. Brian decided to change the subject.

He approached the bed and asked his brother, "Did you finally fuck that bitch Lumina, brother?"

Brody glared at his brother. He shoved a hand down his pants, making Sierra sigh and turn around. His hand reached his nostrils and he sniffed.

"I don't know. My cock doesn't smell like it had a woman and there was no blood or fluids on the bed I was lying on. I don't think I fucked that wench, little brother. But I will make sure to, write my words." Brody smirked.

That drew an irritated screech from Sierra. "Please do. Once you deflower that loose-tongued Princess, we are going home. Forget Yutis, I am afraid for our lives."

Brody just snorted and shrugged his shoulders, "Those weaklings won't kill us. It is not Yutis' way. Didn't you see? They just berated us. Only Pearl was any savvy to charge gold. I can't believe it."

Sierra was not convinced. "Brody, there is something sinister here. Earlier today I went to the garden, the other Princesses welcomed me, hosted me in their tea party, even talked and confided secrets. I can't believe they have no guard up. It is like we were insignificant before them."

Brian heard some clattering. He looked up and saw some of the chandelier pieces swinging. "Did you see the chandelier move?"

"That is called wind, stupid little brother!" Brody chortled. "And about your worries, Sister. We are not leaving. Not so soon. Everything is in place, Yutis is vulnerable. I am glad they recalled Lucien, I would hate to go hunt him in that gods-forsaken barbarian lands. No. Yutis' strongest guardian is away, the old geezer Astromelicus is tangled in the Conclave politics."

"I don't think it is wise to go forward with that plan. They even changed the order of succession because of you."

"Nonsense!" Brody roared. "That is just one more girl to kill. I will even savor her before I slit that throat. If Lumina protected that maid turned Princess so fiercely, I bet she would be delicious in bed."

Sierra pressed her fingers on her temple. "Suit yourself. But I don't think you should use the assassins."

"Nah. Their security is crap. Some of the guys are already infiltrated in the castle, I saw their signs earlier when I left to get my leg healed. They will kill Helios and Lucien, I'll fuck the two sisters, maybe nail both at the same time and then I'll be King of Heath . Once I get my birthright back home I'll be halfway on my path to becoming Emperor!"

"Beware, brother," Sierra hissed, obviously angry. "Don't flirt with treason. Our father still has many years ahead of him."

Brody stood up. "As if you cared for father." He approached Sierra and took her chin. "After all the beatings he gave you? You should be begging me to take the throne."

It was true that their father hit Sierra, but all the times he did was because Sierra deserved some punishment. It might've been harsh, but deserved nonetheless. Even Brian himself got his fair share of physical correction from the King. Patricide still left a bad taste in the throat of the young Prince. But the way Brody was, Brian would not dare intervene or retort. It was too scary.

"Maybe I'll marry Melissa of Calanthe after my wife Lumina has some freak accident. I'll annex that greenhouse Kingdom next and will be at the doorsteps of the mountain to give Gohar their 'due tribute'. That wench Pearl will get hers too, in time."

Brian stood up and walked to the balcony. He threw the doors open and a gust of wind entered the room, making the chandelier chime. He looked around. There was nowhere for the wind to enter before. Too strange but Brian was distressed enough to pay no mind to these little details. He glanced at the chandelier, the hanging crystal pieces swinging and moving. He stepped out into the balcony and saw someone walking outside beneath a balcony. He recognized the person. Aidan, that necromancer that used to hang around Lumina all the time since they returned from Gohar.

"Hey, Brother, Sister! Come here and check this out!"

Brody looked at his brother by the balcony and went there after their sister. "It better be good."

Brian looked back into the room, waving a hand to call them faster. Whatever was going to happen, it should be interesting. He glanced at the chandelier one last time. Funny. Part of it looked like a dragon. Just his imagination. A trick of Dusk's light.

The three Royals stood partially hidden in the balcony watching the scene unfold.

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Aidan was near a balcony. He cupped his hand and spoke. "Arise, fair moon and kill the envious sun, who is already sick and pale with grief."

Brian blinked and asked, "Is he reciting poetry?"

"Shush, you!" Sierra chided her brother, barely containing her excitement. "I think I know that one, it is otherworlder poetry!"

Aidan continued, "It is my Lady, O, It is my love! O, that she knew she were!"

"Ahh!" Sierra squealed and sighed. "So romantic!"

"Shut up, sister," Brody growled. "I want to know what is that idiot doing. Who is he wooing?"

"The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars, as daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing and think it were not night. See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek!"

Brody laughed, earning a glare from Sierra. "What is this moron saying? The words are all wrong!"

"Look, there is someone by the balcony doors. A woman." Sierra pointed out.

"Of course it would be a woman," Brody pointed out. "He keeps talking like a complete moron."

"The door is opening!" Brian quipped.

"It is Lumina!" Sierra quivered as Dawn walked out into the balcony. She smirked at her brother, not one to miss an opportunity to taunt him. "He is wooing your woman, Brody!"

"That bastard!" Brody clenched his fist.

"Shh, brother. She speaks!"

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; So Aidan would, were he not Aidan call'd, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Aidan, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee take all myself."

"Interesting. The name of the man that is about to die is Aidan then!" Brody rubbed his hands. "Brian, what is that man's rank?"

Brian winced. He seemed really afraid of his brother. "I-I think it is a baronet, elder brother."

"You think? A guy is crawling next to my woman and you didn't research him? You are useless, Brian!"

"I am so-sorry, brother."

Sierra actually tapped her two brothers, her eyes peeled on the scene. "Lumina is standing aside. I think he is going to climb!"

Aidan stood on the ground under the balcony and looked both ways. There was nobody else there so he sighed and took a grappling hook from his side, already with a rope attached. He swung and threw the hook, missing the other balcony above him and almost getting the hook on his head. Brody fought to keep his laughter in check. At the second attempt, he got it right and climbed the rope.

Dawn threw her arms on his shoulders and he took her waist. From where the three visitors were, they could see their faces, the gazes locked on one another, the tension in these two bodies barely contained. They exchanged some words, inaudible for the ones peeping and shared a passionate kiss.

Brody roared. "That philanderer! I am going to kill him! A hundred deaths would not be enough!" He was actually loud enough to be heard around but the two lovers didn't notice.

Sierra cackled. "He stole her first kiss, Brody! You were upstaged by a Baronet, what a day!"

Brody was frothing with rage, "That is it. I am going there now!"

He went inside their chambers, leaving Sierra and Brian at the balcony.

"Lumina, did you hear anything?" Aidan asked the girl.

"No. All I can hear is the sound of your heart pounding next to mine, love." Dawn cooed with a sweet tone. Her chest was rising up and down, her lips apart.

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Brian gulped. Sierra was ecstatic. Brody was inside, rummaging their trunks for something.

"I can tarry no longer. I fear your fiancée or your brother will find us out. Lumina please, let me go. But before I leave, give me a kiss before we part, a kiss to build a dream on. Don't waste your love on somebody, who doesn't value it."

"Brody is too strong, Aidan. Please do not challenge him!"

"I can't!" Aidan cried. “Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.”

They kissed again, the bodies latched to one another as if they would disrobe and get down to business right there. They parted and Aidan climbed the rope down. Dawn tossed him a handkerchief that he deftly plucked from the air. He sniffed the delicate piece of cloth and stashed it in his breast pocket before he departed under the shade of the castle walls.

Sierra squealed, biting her knuckles in excitement. "That was so romantic! You should take a page from that guys' playbook, Brody!"

"Fuck you, Sierra!" Brody shouted from inside.

Dawn was dreamy, fluttering around. She glided and returned to the room, leaving the balcony door open.

"I guess the show is over," Brian grumbled with no enthusiasm.

"You men don't understand romance!" Sierra left the balcony in time to see Brody slam the door behind him.

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Dawn was laid over a chaise lounge sighing and glancing at nothing. The door opened and Brody entered the room, huffing. The room was poorly illuminated. Wind entering from the open balcony door made the curtains flutter.

"You whore!" He accused Dawn.

"Brody! How dare you enter my chambers! Go away this very moment!" Dawn stood up.

"You harlot, giving out your lips to any man, I am going to beat proper manners into you. You are mine, Lumina! Mine!"

Brody ran and in a few moments was upon Dawn. The girl was flinching, her arms raised to protect herself. She couldn't see what Brody was doing but soon she felt the cold metal against her wrists. Next, she heard a hum and felt weakness over her whole body.

"What are you doing, Brody? What are these?"

A set of manacles with glowing runes were clasped around Dawn's wrists.

"Mana-sealing manacles, you stupid wench. I want to see you use your precious Sky magic now! Without it, you are nothing more than a meek waif, Lumina!"

Dawn's eyes were watering. She looked at him and shook her arms. "Get these off of me, Brody! Please!"

Brody backhanded her. Dawn spun and landed on the chaise lounge.

"I am not done, Lumina. I heard Princesses liked Jewelry. I got this pretty necklace here for you. Quite hard to find one, I must say."

Brody produced a round piece of rough iron, two semicircles with a hinge and a clasp, covered in some spell diagrams. One Dawn was very familiar from a certain dungeon.

"What is that, Brody? I demand to know!" She was panting from effort. The mana-sealing manacles were shining in the twilight of the poorly-lit room. Brody couldn't see the faint haze around Dawn's neck.

"Shut up, woman! Tonight you become mine!" Brody lunged over Lumina and batted her arms down. He pressed the collar over her neck and its clasp shut closed. The diagrams on the collar shone. "Now tell me, slave! Who is your master!"

Dawn's gaze became blank. She stared into the beyond and spoke without emotion, "Brody is my master."

He slapped her. "No, bitch. Address me properly."

"Crown Prince Brody of Heath is the master of this slave. For he placed his slave collar over a Princess and made her his."

"That's better!" Brody laughed. "Now undress, bitch!"

Dawn started to slowly undo the buttons on her gown. It was hard to do with the mana-sealing manacles that for some reason were glowing red hot. It was then that Aidan showed up at the balcony door.

"Lumina, I forgot my grappling hook, but I heard you scream. Is everything alright?"

Brody looked and saw the faint silhouette of the young man. "You! Philanderer. Come in here and meet your doom!"

"It is dark in here!" Aidan commented. "Do you mind if I turn on the lights?"

"Fuck you, moron!"

Brody ran past Dawn and readied a punch aimed at Aidan's face. But he didn't connect before Aidan finished casting a spell.

"Searing Light!"

Brody was temporarily blinded and Aidan easily sidestepped the punch. The balcony doors closed behind him. The glass panes jingled and one of them even sounded like it broke.

"I'm killing you! Pray to whatever gods you believe in!" Brody lunged and grasped around him. Aidan was nowhere near the man.

"Maybe you should recover your sight before trying to murder anyone, your Highness." Aidan gave him advice with a friendly tone.

"Lumina, kill that man!" Brody ordered. Nothing happened. "I command you, slave! Kill that man!"

Brody recovered his sight and found himself in a well-lit room. Dawn was still on the chaise lounge, the mana-sealing manacles no longer glowing and the collar still around her neck. Aidan was right next to her.

"That is a whole lot of death orders you issued this night, your Highness." Aidan pointed out. "Too bad none of them will play out. Maybe hire better assassins next time?"

Brody raised his hands like a bear going to grapple someone. "I am going to kill you with my own hands then! And for you woman, I command slave punishment!"

Dawn rolled her eyes and spoke with a deadpan voice. "Ouch. Ouch. Oh, poor me. I am choking. Help."

"What?" Brody looked at Dawn, focused his mind and tapped something in his vest. He was so confused he missed Aidan casting a spell.

"Zone of Truth."

"Brody, please tell me before you murder me," Aidan asked. "How were you becoming Emperor again?"

"Moron! I am going to murder Helios and Lucien. Then I am going to make Lumina and her sister my women! My father is poisoned already and will die within the month. I'm going to unify Heath and Yutis!" Brody gloated. "Now you die!"

He lunged. Aidan cast a spell.

"Circle of Spikes."

Brody crossed the stone spikes with some bruises on his legs. He stopped to assess the damage and laughed. "Moron. Using Earth magic against me? Think again."

Aidan shouted, "Is this enough, your Majesty?"

One side of the room blurred. An illusion faded, revealing King Helios, Prince Lucien, Princesses Claire and Pearl besides Cythrel, Sora and Astromelicus.

King Helios clapped his hands, "I believe it is enough, Lord Aidan. Yutis thank you for your services."

Brody did a double-take. He looked at the people around him, at Dawn yawning on the chaise lounge and Aidan.

"Die, slave!" He ordered Dawn.

"I don't think so, Brody," Dawn replied.

She flicked the clasp on the slave collar throwing it open and removing the now crumbling piece of iron. Just like Kazuya's armor, the slave collar dissolved into metal dust after being exposed to the Ether mana Dawn placed around her neck before he collared her. Next, she shook her wrists and the mana-sealing manacles splintered and fell on her lap in dozens of pieces.

"I guess I am too strong for mere mana-sealing manacles now," Dawn remarked emotionless.

Brody pointed a finger at Dawn. "You tricked me!"

"Doh." Dawn snorted as she rolled her eyes again. "And now you are dead, Brody."

"Wait!" Aidan held a hand. "I want to challenge Prince Brody to a duel if he agrees to my terms."

"What terms?" Brody eyed Aidan, suspicious.

"You are going to be executed, Brody," Aidan pointed out. "But I want to give you a sporting chance. Duel me to the death betting everything. But let's move to a better place. We need to get your siblings up to date."

"Guards!" Prince Lucien shouted. The other side of the room blurred and revealed a dozen Knights with crossbows trained on Brody.

Aidan helped Dawn back on her feet and they all moved to the Knight training grounds.

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Magical lights illuminated the training arena. King Helios sat on a throne, with his three children next to him on both sides. Astromelicus, Pearl, Sora, Cythrel, Sierra, and Brian were also seating on the grandstand. Half a dozen other bureaucrats and bystanders were at the back. Aidan and Brody stood some twenty paces away from each other. Dozens of Knights from Yutis surrounded them.

The royal crier announced, "We are here assembled to witness the duel of honor between Crown Prince Brody of Yutis against Lord Aidan of Yutis. May the Twelve also bear witness and ensure that the two combatants will uphold their vows."

Brody took the initiative and taunted Aidan, "If I am already dead, wimp," Brody roared. "Why should I accept the duel?"

"Because you have something I want, Brody," Aidan replied matter-of-factly. "You are worth nothing to me dead."

"What is it that you want?"

"Before that, Let me tell you what I am betting on this duel. First, I have a favor to call from the King. If you win, I ask King Helios to let you live and take you across the border to your own country."

"How nice of you. I won't run away with my tail between my legs, whelp!"

"Fair enough. I also bet Princess Lumina. She will marry you tomorrow and go with you to Heath as your wife."

"What?" Brody raised an eyebrow. He looked at Dawn and she stood up.

"Yes. If you kill Lord Aidan, my life is worth nothing! I will go with you if you win, Brody. So I swear."

"No," Brody shook his head. "There is a trick to that."

"I also bet my two wives. Ladies Sora and Cythrel. You've met them in the bakery. They will go with you as your concubines."

Brody looked at the squirrel-kin and the elf with the mithril bracers. He licked his lips. "I am going to take really good care of your women, wimp."

"And since I am going to be dead anyway, you can also keep my dragon familiar. Skippy!" The little dragon appeared near him as Aidan canceled the invisibility spell. He landed on his shoulder and roared at Brody. "See, Skippy loves melting carriage wheels, blasting clothing trunks, breaking legs, and harassing Glurlock tribes onto unsuspecting travelers."

Aidan smirked and Brody screamed in rage.

"You! It was all you!"

The younger man just bowed. "At your service, your Royal Highness. I took upon myself the duty of making your carriage trip memorable."

"I am going to KILL YOU!" Brody took a step forward and two crossbow bolts hit the dirt in front of him. He stopped.

Aidan waved his hands, "Now, now. Not so fast. Now I'll tell you what I want."

"Speak!" The Prince could barely contain his anger.

"If I win, I want Heath to give up the engagement to one of Yutis' princesses. Heath is also bound to observe the trade treaty and swear to not block traders to and from Yutis. To this effect, Princess Sierra and Prince Brian will be co-signataries to our duel agreement. They will be spared and sent to Heath with their copies of the contract under Sancus."

"Fuck! Fuck you, scrawny boy! You tricked me!"

"Will you accept the duel?"

"No. Kill me now. There will be war. WAR!" Brody glowered at Helios. "Dozens of thousands will march upon your valley Kingdom, Helios. Your people will starve!"

"What a hard negotiation," Aidan wiped his brow with Dawn's handkerchief, blatantly showing Brody he had Lumina's favor. "One final offer. You get to deliver the first blow. I won't parry or dodge the first blow. I only ask you to avoid any dismemberment."

"I am onto you! You intend to use magic on this duel!"

"No!" Aidan waved a hand dismissively. "I, Aidan, will only use one spell. Pain Resistance. Nobody else will cast a spell on me or my body."

Brody stopped to think. He flexed his arms, looked at the sword rack on the end of the grounds. He glanced at the crossbowmen and slowly walked to the weapon rack. He measured and weighed the swords, testing their sharpness. He got one longsword he fancied and returned to his spot. It was easy to know where with the crossbow bolts. When he returned, Aidan was with a metal-shod quarterstaff.

"I take that your Highness has chosen your weapon," Aidan remarked.

"A staff? You really have a death wish, don't you?"

Aidan didn't answer. He just stole a glance at Dawn and sighed. "I guess I just can't compare to you." He mumbled loud enough to let Brody hear.

The prince guffawed. "Fine, you got yourself a duel."

Aidan made a wry smile and waved his hand. "High Priest of Sancus, please."

A man in ceremonial robes from the Sancus faith stood from the back of the grandstand and passed a scroll to both Sierra and Brian to sign. He climbed down the steps and collected both Aidan and Brody's signature. The prince stopped to read the contract before signing.

"All is in order then." Brody taunted. "Prepare to die, commoner. I got your thing now. You know you can't have Lumina and want to die with your honor intact. So be it. I will remember you as the first stepping stone of my Empire. Lord Aidan the Fool."

"Agreed." Aidan chanted. "Pain Resistance."

The Royal crier stood between both men, a few paces back. Aidan and Brody walked to their positions, just a few paces from each other. "The duel is about to start. May the Twelve watch over their souls." After a pause, he shouted. "Begin!"

Brody dashed the distance in a flash. His sword met Aidan's chest between the ribs and pierced him over the heart, coming out on the other side. Aidan gasped and grasped the cross guard. Brody let go of the sword and gloated. Aidan stumbled backward, blood coming out from both his mouth and wound.

On the grandstand, The girls were sitting side-by-side, all of them holding each other's hands. Nervous gazes.

"I win! I win!" He pointed at the women on the grandstand, "You are all mine, bitches! Mine!"

Brian was cheering and hooting, but Sierra was worried. She kept looking around, eyes darting everywhere.

Brody slowly strutted to the grandstand. "It is in order for the champion to earn the Princess' favor, isn't it, Lumina?"

Sierra stood up. She had a face of terror. She moved her lips but her voice didn't come out. She looked around and saw Dawn with the index finger crossed over the lips.

"What is the matter, sister?" Brody asked, seeing Sierra's distress.

Those were his last words. With a mighty swing, Aidan beheaded Brody. Before the body collapsed, he pierced it over the kidney and ripped the belly open. As it fell, the sword found lodging on the head, destroying Brody's face and pinning it to the ground.

Brody's corpse fell, and Aidan found support on his quarterstaff.

"Winner! Lord Aidan of Yutis!"

The Royal crier announced. Brody's copy of the duel contract burst in flames while all the others received a seal of Sancus. After that, Aidan was cleared to use magic once again. He picked up a red core from his pocket and placed it over his wound.

"Sanguine Genesis."

"Healing Light."

"Healing Light."

"Cleansing Waters."

He raised a victorious fist. Dawn dismissed the Undying Resilience spell she cast on herself.