When you stand on the summit of the tallest mountain, the world is beneath you. Your gaze reaches far and wide in a cloudless day and your outstretched hand touches all. The feeling is exhilarating. The place where you belong. Lofty, exalted, all eyes look up to meet yours yet they fail to. With a wave of your hand, you can send an avalanche to crush the lowly ones. Being on the summit of the tallest mountain, wearing the Crown, is where I belong.
But I wasn't told that at the summit, nobody will be by your side. There I am alone. Everyone will aim and plot to get your place. And you will forever be assailed by a flesh-rending, bone-chilling wind. It hurts.
I should leave my heart behind if I want to keep my sanity. You betrayed me anyway...
Excerpt from Princess Lumina of Yutis' journal.
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Aidan woke up in his cloister cell. It barely fit a bed and a narrow desk. Shelves near the ceiling were available for storing stuff. He looked out the small window and it was almost dusk. His eyes were crusty, he was crying during his sleep. The emotional rollercoaster Dawn went through was a rough one, and he didn't even know what a rollercoaster was. Some sort of ship with wheels that only sailed near the shore, probably. More otherworlder madness. The idiom stuck though.
'What am I doing?' He asked himself. Ever since he crossed those town gates, scratch that, ever since they met those knights on the road he has been at the verge of a stroke. His stress levels were skyrocketing. He was afraid, of course. The duel with Captain Melty was a close call. He lost and almost died. He ran a finger over his face, the scar was almost gone, courtesy of Astromelicus' life magic.
Then the assholes blocking them from reaching the academy, dealing with Lumina's daddy issues in her stead, the shock of learning Claire's true bloodline, the trial, the murder attempt, the dance, and everything became a snowball. He was acting on his gut feelings, and guts are notoriously capable of making only a single type of product.
And in fear of losing what he had he neglected that same very thing.
"I am a moron. Probably insane too. Any comments, Lumina?"
Nothing.
At least his male brain was expert in tuning out uncomfortable things like overwhelming feelings. Dawn was not so lucky but her coping mechanisms were more advanced. And she could cuddle with the girls all she wanted.
He stretched and got out of the bed. There was a water jug on the desk, he washed his face and made himself presentable. He dressed in his academy uniform and sighed.
"And here I am. Speaking alone with stolen souls and my other half that is not even awake. Definitely insane, exactly what the world needs. A crazy and super-powerful dark mage. I must work on my cackling and get someone to build me a skull-themed castle. The inane monologue part is aced."
He left the tiny bedroom and walked to the laboratory where Dawn was sleeping. He could feel through their connection that she needed to rest a little more. But he had to see her.
With a mote of his mana, he opened the magic lock on the laboratory door. It was keyed to their mana signature, three students and one teacher. Inside he found the sleeping figure of the princess. He sat next to her and remembered the conversation she had. The conversation he had with the other girls.
He laughed in self-derision. If they were instead a group of boys they would just mock him and tell him to toughen up and go sweat his problems away running laps on top of the town walls.
But he was at least glad for the women in his life. Including herself. No. He was very thankful for those four girls, not 'at least glad'. He had to work on being honest to his feelings if he were to also live as a girl.
It could be five if you count Lumina, but was he thankful for Lumina? All she did was to make his life miserable. Was that true? Besides that brief flashback in the garden, he had no other recollection of his childhood. At least he knew where Dawn got her name. There was that praise she gave him right before...
Better not go further, or he might have another PTSD episode. An attack of his anxieties and traumas was the exactly what he didn't need now.
Why did he behave the way he did in the party?
"It was all our fault for letting them tie that corset. If only you were breathing normally. Yeah, let's blame asphyxia for our own shortcomings. So utterly convenient."
He closed his eyes and remembered the Queen's face. Opening them he placed the two images overlapping. Remarkable resemblance. Lumina was beautiful.
He felt angry, his old wounds bleeding inside. The pain of humiliation, the scorn he endured in that very facility.
"But with a rotten demeanor. Seriously Lumina, why do you have to go after everyone's throats? Is your Highness a rabid dog?"
Nothing.
And yet he yearned for a connection. For a path out of that mess. He needed to understand. He needed to talk, to convey everything that was stuck in his mind, his heart, his throat.
"I would love to talk to you, Lumina. See your opinion on this whole mess. I wouldn't even mind if you threw your whole repertoire of insults at me. A slap or two just for good measure."
Nothing.
At any cost, go to any lengths. It might hurt but he cared not. He needed to find a way out. He needed to get it out of his chest. He needed someone to tell him he wasn't going insane.
"C'mon, Lumina. Show yourself. Make me bleed. Fight me. Kick me from within. I'm going to imagine you marrying Brody of Heath. Doing naughty things to him. How would you like that?"
Nothing.
No matter how he placed it, the girl in front of him only looked like Lumina. It should be him, wearing Lumina's skin. That is what he needed to know, this doubt. His identity melting, breaking.
"Eww. Nevermind. I'm disgusted even without you manifesting."
Nothing.
But if that body was his, why refrain from using it? He felt the impulses, the urge. But it wasn't right.
"If you don't manifest I'm going to do terrible things to your body. Like tickling it. Or kissing. I'm going to steal your first kiss, Lumina. It is already established that girls don't count, so Pearl and Sora are out."
Nothing.
He couldn't. He might be insane, but he wasn't a monster. He could kill, he had killed those that attacked him. But he couldn't tarnish innocence.
"Just kidding. Why would I take advantage of a sleeping girl? I'm a wuss. Three-fourths girl, indeed." He gave up with a lot of self-loathing.
He laid next to her and watched the girl sleep peacefully. Her eyes were a little swollen from crying. There was a strand of hair over her face, he lifted it and pushed it aside. The movement was enough to rouse her.
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"Rise and shine, me." He greeted herself in front of him.
they just kept there looking at themselves. Her mind started to rummage through everything that happened in those two days. He closed his eyes and watched the strands of thought run amok in the girl's brain. It was rather fun, like seeing a bunch of kids running everywhere.
"We should make a spell to let us talk to Lumina." He told her.
There was no need for an answer. A few threads of her thought started to assemble some runes. Of three different spells.
"I think if I am crazy enough to talk to an almost dead soul, talking to my own other self is less crazy."
"But still crazy. Hi, me." She spoke and smiled a little.
"Hey, Dawn. How are me? I'm glad I joined me. It was boring talking by myself, at least now I can talk to myself."
Both chuckled.
"Yay for me. I'm fine by the way."
"Seriously? I look like I've been crying, girl." He touched the bags under her eyes.
"Nah. Don't mind me. Girl stuff." She gently brushed his hand away.
"I look like I could use a hug. Do I want to do it?"
"Sure!"
He opened his arms and she dove headfirst into his chest. She felt his own arms around her and her worries melted away.
"I'll never give up on me." He promised.
"I better never forget it. I was so scared. I don't want to vanish."
They stayed there, hugging without speaking further. It felt right. Reassuring. They fell asleep again.
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Dawn heard voices and slowly awoke. Between the two, Dawn had the best hearing. She remained still, without opening his eyes. It felt so damn good and safe where she was.
"That is so endearing," Pearl said. "Too bad we need to disturb them."
She sent a signal through their tether to wake Aidan up. With their shared mind already alert, he just shifted his brain from sleeping to vigil without much physical reaction. Just a twitch as control of his muscles were returned to his conscious mind.
"Indeed, but we need them to start drawing the ritual diagram or we'll be late," Astromelicus pointed out. "And with the number of students complaining about the hellish mana affinity exercise they were put through to charge those cores, I'd hate to have to pin the blame on them. Princess or no princess. Did you hear me, cadet Aidan, student Dawn?"
Aidan opened his eyes and saw a mess of hairs in front of him, right on his face. Something soft in his hand. Dawn's stomach. Around the bed they were sleeping on the whole cast was looking at them with varied expressions.
And he was spooning Dawn.
'I should just roll with it. If I get awkward or embarrassed it will be worse.' Dawn advised.
They just yawned, stretched and sat on the bed at opposite sides. Sora placed a robe over Dawn's silk camisole and took her behind a folding screen to get her changed back into her uniform.
"How are you feeling, girl?" She asked.
Dawn put her hand over Sora's, giving her a gentle squeeze. "I'm fine, Sora. Thanks for being there for me. I thought about what happened a lot and talked with the other me. He and I came to a decision. I'm not giving up on me."
She talked while changing clothes with Sora's help.
"Good for you... And you." She answered, a little confused.
"I might've gone a little insane too. The whole talking to myself thing."
"You were doing that before. What changed?"
"I don't know. I don't want to think too much about it. It's scary." She whispered at the end.
"Talk to us before you do something you might regret later. What should we do with your hair? It will take too long to brush it and it is all ruffled."
"Just tie it up in a bun. This way it won't get in the way of casting the ritual."
She rolled up Dawn's hair and bound it with two long pins. Another thing they assimilated from the otherworlder culture.
"You are all set. Good ritual." Sora gave Dawn's waist a little push forward.
"Sora, wait." She turned around to face the squirrel-kin and stuttered. "I, ah. Me... I was just thinking with myself, putting my thoughts in place and I fell asleep, I hope you aren't angry."
"What? That the two of you were sleeping together?"
Dawn nodded, a little embarrassed. Sora got really close to Dawn and answered looking in her eyes.
"You are Aidan, aren't you? The same person, right?"
"Yes. That is the only thing I am a hundred percent sure. I'm Aidan's girl side. The same as always since I woke up at the hospital."
"Then it is fine. I felt a little jealous but it was because I wanted to be on that bed too." Sora confessed in a hushed voice. "I don't mind."
Dawn lunged and placed a kiss on Sora's lips. "Payback for earlier. We hadn't any alone time for ourselves. I'll make some tomorrow. I got something special planned for you."
Sora's eyes changed. She looked hungry, sultry. "Looking forward to it."
Some of her worries dispelled, Dawn smiled and sighed in relief.
"I have to go."
"Good ritual."
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Aidan woke up and his head rang. A throbbing pain that irradiated from his heart through his entire being, signs of mana overuse. He opened his eyes and saw the canopy of Lumina's bed. He also felt the soft fabrics of her sheets and comforter, the subtle and sweet perfume they placed on the cloth. He felt a weight on his left arm and instantly knew what it was. The owner of this bed, or at least her body. He looked at the windows and the sun was on the wrong side. It was already late afternoon.
According to Astromelicus' instructions, they performed the ritual on the two princesses only. They left Aidan out to avoid progressing with the fusion too much. Some energy would seep through their tether, but it was a calculated risk. They had to make sure Dawn was in a perfect condition so she could shoulder most of the burden that splitting apart the soul in Aidan's body would cause.
However, using those twenty charged cores and all of their mana over a 10-hour-long ritual was taxing, to say the least. They used about sixteen or seventeen Shinjis worth of mana. The materials for both the circle and the herbal concoction were also all top-notch and the ritual room had safeguards against feedback, overflow and a mana void spell in contingency to make sure any mishaps wouldn't be catastrophic.
There was none, but with that amount of mana, an undead dungeon underneath and the nature of the ritual, Yutis could very well turn into a necropolis if it were not for the safety measures.
"Wake up, Dawn." He sent the command. She opened her eyes.
"Good afternoon, Aidan."
"How are you feeling?" He smiled. It was a rhetorical question. He could feel everything she felt, sense everything she sensed.
"Why don't you show us?" She asked and sat on the bed, turning around to put her chest in front of him.
Aidan put his hand on her solar plexus and cast a spell.
"Soul Reveal."
In front of them, the usual images appeared. No bigger than an outstretched hand, the effigies were almost the same. The seven affinity orbs were there, slowly spinning on both of them, the three of the absorbed affinities the same size as before. The biggest change was in Dawn's side. Her soul was completely shaped as her female body and had a dark silvery, metallic reflexive sheen on her brown color. It felt like a metallic figurine of Dawn, perfect to the last details. Aidan's side had a few changes, minor though. The Lumina portion was still discernible and the edge between the gold and brown was blurring a bit more than before, taking on the same dark metallic appearance transitioning between the two colors. The fusion progressed, but it didn't seem to be preoccupying. He looked back at Dawn and his gaze drifted for a while.
"Damn, Lumina's boobs are awesome." Dawn voiced Aidan's thoughts. She rolled her eyes and both laughed. The partially transparent silk camisole did a poor job of hiding anything anyway. She covered them. "These are not Lumina's. They are mine. Until she comes back, at least."
"Well, don't blame me for staring at them. They are right in front of me."
"Oh, shut up. You know I don't mind. I know everything there is to know about being a boy." She pushed him away and dismissed the spell, making the effigies vanish.
"I like being able to talk like this. I think we should continue like that."
"It sounds less crazy like this, doesn't it?" She smiled and left the bed. Phrasing everything in the first person was crazier. At least it seemed to them.
"Yes, it does. But who can tell us what is normal and what is crazy? How many dual entities are out there?" He analyzed.
"I know as much as you do, me." She turned around to show the stuck out tip of her tongue out at the last word.
"Go get dressed. We have things to do."
Aidan looked around for his uniform and it was right where he left it. Dawn went to Lumina's vanity set to get her hair brushed. He changed into the uniform and approached the girl. She just handed the brush back and he seamlessly took over the job of untnagling her long locks.
Without much to do, Dawn just kept looking at the mirror waiting for Aidan to finish, relishing the feeling that he was able to stop tugging the knots before it hurt. She leaned forward to let him free some hair she was sitting on and placed both hands on the top of the vanity.
There was a little humming, a faint glow and a seam appeared on the wooden top of the desk part of the set. It slightly popped up.
"A secret compartment." Pointed out Aidan. "What is inside?"
Dawn pulled the lid up and indeed there was a compartment. Inside, a small locked book, an inkwell and a fancy writing pen.
"I think this is Lumina's diary." She said. They didn't have access to Lumina's memories, but some feelings, some cues, it felt like her diary.
Aidan uses his mana sight.
"There is no keyhole. And I can see an enchantment on the lock. Probably keyed to her mana."
"Should we open it? I can emulate her mana."
"I don't know. We took her soul and her body already. Now her memories?"
"What is inside could help us make me pass for Lumina better. But I agree to respect at least this part her privacy."
"Maybe we should put it back and take the time to think about it. The book is not going anywhere."
"Or ask Claire for her opinion." She concluded.
Dawn placed the diary back and lowered the lid. The seam disappeared. Just to make sure, she tried again and the hidden compartment opened without a problem.
Aidan styled her hair and put some powder on her face.
She stood up, he pulled the chair back to help. Even with their new talking game, they were the same mind. A basket case and a psychiatrist's wet dream, but the same mind, the same heart.
He looked at her, checked her hair and did some light touches on her makeup. Looking at her from top down, he could only be amazed at Lumina's beauty. But his heart was set.
"Get dressed, we have a date with Sora."