Days drifted by until another week ended. Although Kade had told me where to find him in the mornings, I hadn’t dared seek him out. I couldn’t think of an excuse to see him, and Fox hadn’t offered any ideas despite his previous meddling. He’d said I was the one who wanted to change, and if I couldn’t even do this much, then there was little chance of it happening.

As far as I could tell, I wasn’t encroaching on a bad end by being stagnant. It was what I was worried about the most, despite being told I had time. Maybe because I could already see where the threads of the story were leading. The conflict between Kade and Wells and possibly even Jen. The existence of the story was also the easiest way to explain away why Jen had even started to notice me in the first place.

She’d spent more time in the back, to the point where people wondered if she’d been telling the truth. Jen normally took important roles in plays, if not outright playing a lead role. Seeing her take a step back wasn’t like her. Maybe it was because it was her last year of school so she wanted to take it easy. More likely, she was more interested in putting all her energy in basketball. It was strange to see, regardless.

It inevitably led to more of our interactions. Although she didn’t go out of her way to speak to me, and I did the same, being so close in each other’s atmosphere made it inevitable. Pointed remarks stating how I was in the way, or that I should focus on my own part.

It was easy enough to ignore her.

The chance encounter with Wells was a different story. The teacher would always have the boys help out when heavier props were involved, and since there weren’t a lot of boys in drama, it meant that it was easy to pick the one I was the most awkwardness about interacting with.

Kade at least made attempts. But Wells was a textbook introvert and I wasn’t faring much better. He hardly acknowledged me as I indicted where to move things, my own hands occupied with a box of old costumes. I doubted he even remembered my name, a thought that filled my veins with ice.

But that was last week. It was time for a new day. A new week. I’d thought all weekend about how to go about this story. I’d written out a bunch of notes and tried to practice sentences in the mirror. I could do this. I could manufacture some kind of meeting.

Abigail was texting someone on her phone as we walked to school. Despite my endless insistence to myself that I could do this, I knew I would have to bite the bullet. If anyone knew how to approach people they didn’t know, it would be Abigail. This was her story. Fighting that wasn’t going to help my case, but leaning into it might.

I took a deep breath, pretending like the words weren’t gross on my tongue, “Hey Abigail? How would…how would you…”

She snapped her phone shut, eyebrows raising as she turned her full attention on me, “How would I what, babe?”

The teasing in her voice wasn’t helping my case, “How would you…you know. Talk to…someone.”

“…Someone? Who would this someone be? Your newfound seatmate? Trying to create a real friendship?” I shook my head, surprised she remembered what I’d told her.

“It’s uh…Soccer Boy.” Her smirk was enough to make me die, but I pressed on. “I uh, I wasn’t sure how to approach him again. We don’t have classes together, and all of the times we’ve talked were chance encounters.”

She bumped her shoulder with mine, “I can’t believe it. My one and only best friend is seeing the start of spring. You’ve always been so disinterested in those things. It’s almost a little weird.”

“Please stop. I just…” I tried to fish for some kind of excuse and found none. “Anyway, I don’t know how to approach him again.”

“Wait, wait. Give the t-l-d-r. Tell me everything. I can’t help without the specifics.” This walk was going to be far more painful than I gave it credit for. With all the courage in me, I managed to run through a list of everything. The hardest part was the embellishment. Of the maybe hints that I maybe had a crush. I tried to emphasize any potential good points I’d found up to now, and hoped it was enough or that she wouldn’t question it. Hopefully I wasn’t trying too hard.

We stopped at the gate as she grabbed my wrist, “Hold on, we have to think of a game plan before we go on campus. He said you could ask him for anything whenever, right?”

“Yeah…? But I can’t possibly think of anything to ask him.” I refrained from mentioning all of my failed attempts of thinking something up the past few days. She’d tease me relentlessly, and I knew I was never going to hear the end of it for the next couple of days.

“That’s why we’re going to figure it out. What about…you accidently forgot your lunch and maybe he could pay you back by getting you snack. You’d be able to find an excuse to meet up again during lunch, too.”

“I feel weird asking him to spend money on me…and how would I even approach him like that?”

“Stage it. You met him when he almost nailed us with a soccer ball. Maybe something like that could happen again. By chance, of course.” She folded her arms in front of her, looking deep in thought. “Or I can just do it myself.”

It was a true Abigail suggestion, “T-that’s…”

“Come on, it shouldn’t be that hard. If it comes off as bad or awkward, just blame it on me getting in the way.” She had that light again in her eyes, and I heaved a long sigh.

If only Nia would show up and have actual suggestions for me instead of a desire to get involved herself, “…If you really want to.”

She practically cheered, and I didn’t want to know what she’d cooked up in her brain. I steeled myself for whatever events were about to follow. We walked into the courtyard and I could see the group of boys hanging around one of the planters by the high school building. I’d been keeping an eye out since last week, and had memorized the spot and the other faces around Kade.

Abigail kept a steady stride, and I knew she was going to go the direct route. I couldn’t do it, “Wait, maybe I should just do something on my own.”

“Will you promise to actually do something? I’ll wait here and watch.” When I didn’t respond right away she continued. “Weren’t you the one boldly declaring you were going to change last week?”

I knew that. I knew. But now all the doubt was back again and by tenfold. It took a week of trying to build up to this, only to feel like my chest was caving in and imploding at the last second. I knew I had made such bold claims, but it was all so much all over again.

It was so exhausting, being in my head, “I…I want to know how you can approach people so easily. It’s so scary, Abigail.”

“Then just let me handle it for now. You can build up to things later. When was the last time you interacted with someone you didn’t know, let alone try to form a genuine connection with them?” It had been Nia back in middle school, and Abigail had been the reason for that too.

At least it would give me a start. I just hated that I’d said I’d take her place, and here she was, playing the part anyway. Even if Fox had said not to worry about it, even if Fox had picked me, I wondered again if that was the correct choice. Maybe Fable was right, to not even consider me for a second.

Sick spilled into my gut, and it was enough to force me to shake my head, “No, I need to do this. You’re always doing everything for me. And isn’t it exhausting? You always say you don’t mind and so does Nia, but I know that can’t always be true. It isn’t for me so…”

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

“Just remind yourself he’s just any other person. Even if he’s a person that you want to get to know.” Any other person. Just like myself. It was hard to believe, but I could pretend.

He was just any other person. He would have always been. I forced myself to walk again, “Ok, ok. Maybe I’m not ready to approach him yet. But I could try…waving? A hello? That’s normal.”

“Oh Cinder.” She wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “At least it’s a step forward. Are you sure you don’t want me to help?”

I shook my head and pretended like I didn’t feel heat spread all the way to my ears. If I just pretended to be her, it’d be fine. A quick motion with my hand. There was even a chance I could avoid eye contact. Anyone watching me must have found this comical. Abigail at least was full of pity.

When we passed and I waved, a movement as quick and awkward as I expected, I could catch the flicker of surprise. Almost instantly retracting myself, Kade gave a small smile and raised his hand back in greeting.

Abigail dramatically leaned over me, “Hey again, Soccer Boy!”

I shoved her in protest, heat now dripping down my neck as I spun around, “Sorry about her!”

His smile was wider now as I dragged Abigail inside. At the very least, I’d done it. I’d made myself interact with him instead of the rest of the world forcing it upon me. A small, hapless step, but a step nonetheless. Abigail was a collection of barely suppressed giggles beside me.

“What did you say his name was again?”

“I…don’t know if I can trust you with that information.”

“No no, it’s fine. I promise. Calling him ‘Soccer Boy’ forever is just a bit much.” She said that, but all she ever did was give people nicknames. Especially people she didn’t know.

“Kade.”

“Right, right! That should be easy enough for me to remember. Sorry, I think I was too caught up in the rest of the story.” She pulled on my arm, now the one dragging me forward. “Come on! Let’s go meet up with Nia. She’ll love to hear this.”

This was all just one very long death march.

//

“Soccer boy was pretty cute.” I mentally apologized to Kade for his newfound nickname. Nia had adopted it as readily as Abigail had made it. “Not my type, personally. Sporty boys are normally way too loud.”

“The sporty girl doesn’t like the sporty boys? What’s your type? Quiet and nerdy?”

“I plead the fifth.” Nia reached out a hand and ruffled my hair. “And that isn’t the point, is it?”

“I’ve…suffered enough embarrassment today.” Like pretending to have a crush I didn’t have and roping my friends into it. If the seemingly all-knowing Fox found out about this, I was going to throw myself into the river.

My biggest concern leading up to lunch was better formulating how crushes worked. I’d pieced together all the talk I’d overheard over the years into a constellation of information. None of it was computing in my brain. I knew if I tried to mimic any of the other girls, it’d come off as distinctly fake.

With all the hope I could muster, I prayed they’d dropped the subject. Abigail, of course, did not, “Is this why you’ve been acting so weird lately? You found your first crush and a new friend. Color me impressed.”

“Oh! That’s good.” Nia’s smile was so bright and genuine I couldn’t hate her. “Sometimes I worry about you. But you really meant what you said, didn’t you?”

Now I was mentally apologizing to Nia for leading her on, “W-well. I’m still the same as always.”

“A start’s a start!”

“We’re here for you through anything.” Abigail threw her arms around both of us, squishing us together. Nia yelled a protest that cascaded into giggles as her lunch nearly fell off her lap. I gave my best smile, enjoying the warmth of her embrace.

“I’m here for you guys, too. No matter what.”

Nia and Abigail talked in game plans, because they were the doers. I listened, just because it might be useful for future reference. This morning was still seared into my mind. Every interaction left me hoping I hadn’t been too awkward around him. I’m sure I’d failed at least half of the time.

Would I be able to do this? I supposed the answer was no. This was the tutorial. The learning curve. But I wouldn’t learn if I didn’t try. Even if I was expected to fail, I needed to get used to this, because it wouldn’t be the first time that I was thrown into this kind of situation. I wondered how many other stories I’d go through, before it finally ended. Maybe I was thinking about it at all too soon.

//

Part of me had expected Fox to already know about the incident, so when he said nothing of it, I couldn’t help but feel my shoulders fall in relief. I was finally free from torment for the day, unless Abigail decided to continue her torture when we walked home together.

Class passed by as usual, with the haunting reminder our first test was already next week. Everything was pilling up so quickly. I was starting to miss summer, despite how much I hated it and it’s heat.

Fox normally walked with me to my locker, but he waved me on today. I stared at him, noting he seemed rather distracted. I thought about asking what was up, but I doubted he’d tell me anyway. I simply wished him goodbye and went on my way.

His intuition skills were probably just too good. As I got my things from my locker, I heard someone call my name. It took me a moment to realize it as my own, because it wasn’t a voice I’d been expecting.

“Cinder! Hey.” Kade popped up in front of me, smile sheepish and blond hair messy.

I stared at him for a beat too long, my brain trying to process what it was that was happening, “K-kade. Hey. I’m sorry about my friend earlier.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” He waved his hands in front of him, dismissing the thought. “I wasn’t expecting to spot you in the halls.”

“Oh yeah, what grade are you?” Locker assignments were separated by grade. I couldn’t tell what age Kade was, but I guessed he was either a junior or senior.

“Eleventh, you?”

“Same.”

“Huh, maybe it’s because your locker assignment is at the other end of the hall.” He started walking and by instinct I fell into step next to him. Despite how much taller he was, he quickly matched his strides to mine.

“Yeah, maybe?”

“Well since I caught you…would you want to walk home together again?”

I could stay calm. I could be normal. This was fine and exactly what I wanted, if not unexpected, “Um, sure. I should warn you I normally walk home with Abigail—my friend from earlier.”

He laughed, almost a little nervous, “Maybe she’ll learn my name along the way.”

“Heh, I hope so.” All I could think about was how much I wasn’t going to live this day down. What would Abigail think when I arrived with him in tow. She was going to go on forever, I knew it. I knew her. This was going to suck.

Kade himself was fine to talk to. The more I did, the more I noticed he was also just a little bit awkward. Any question he asked was hesitant, and he seemed keen on clocking just how much he was talking before he’d find a way to hand the mic back to me, so to speak.

It wasn’t what Nia or Abigail had pegged him as.

“Ciiiiinder, you should have told me you brought a plus-one.” Abigail’s greeting was bright as she offered a hand for Kale to shake. “I’m Abigail, Cinder’s bestie.”

“Kade, uh, soccer boy.” Abigail laughed, the one that was perfected from practice. If I hadn’t known her for years I wouldn’t have recognized the carefulness of the tone. A sound for anyone she was still unsure about.

They shook hands, and she skipped ahead, “Are you walking home with us?”

“If that’s ok? We uh, live in the same neighborhood.”

“So I heard!” She winked at me and I ducked my head to hide my embarrassment. When Kade glanced over at me, I pretended not to see it and acted preoccupied with the chipping sidewalk.

“How long have you two known each other?” Kade dipped easily into polite conversation. He didn’t have to worry about talking too much, because Abigail could take over any conversation whenever she wanted to.

Still, I noticed the balancing act she was playing while they talked. Everything was sugarcoated, instead of the bite her words sometimes had. It was meant to make her likable. It was a side of her I should have appreciated her using. She wasn’t going to ruin anything for me, even if it meant keeping her meaner side at bay.

I forced my body to stay relaxed, forced my voice to chime in when needed. In all accounts of the word, it went well. It went great, even. Abigail was the queen of conversation and never missed a beat. Whenever she mentioned me, it was like showcasing me on pedestal.

This was fake.

Relief washed over me when we got to the split in our path. I tried not to sound overly exhausted, “I’m glad we got to walk with each other again.”

It must have sounded fine, as he smiled and waved, “Yeah, I’ll see you again sometime?”

“If you want to walk together, just let us know.” Abigail cut in, sugar sweet voice still in effect. “We’re heading the same way, too.”

“I…yeah. Whenever we catch each other. I’d like that.” His eyes skipped over to me, and I swallowed.

“I’m fine with that!” It wasn’t forced. It was normal.

“Ok, cool. Later, then.” He turned and I couldn’t help but let my shoulders fall the minute me and Abigail had turned onto our street. The entire conversation had been a game of charades.

I rubbed my face with my hands, “Was that…fine?”

“You’ve been asking that a lot these days. It was fine! We were just talking about basic things like interests. Kinda hard to mess that up.” It was easy for her to say. I tried to recall any of the conversation and it was all a blur. I think I was a part of ten percent of that conversation, if even that.

Her hands reached out and squished my cheeks, and I yelped, “Stop!”

“You need to stop! If you don’t I’m going to eat all of the brownies at your house. You’re not allowed even a one!”

“No, no, no! I promise ok? I’ll stop acting like this.” I knew it was a lie, and she knew it was a lie. But at the very least, she got the answer she wanted and she knew I wouldn’t talk about it any longer. A win-win for her, at least for now.

I tried not to sulk as we made our way back. Talking with people took up so much energy. Pretending even more so. I’d get used to, eventually. But for now, I was depleted of stamina, and just wanted to go home to take a nap.