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0.4 Godhood

If any logic still remained in my world, then both boys would have found themselves sent away to the Headmaster’s office or gone to be disciplined. Perhaps because one of the offenders was the Headmaster’s son, he would have gotten off lightly, while the other would have been dealt with heavily. There would be no reason for me to walk into class and find that my assigned seat would be right in front of one of the offenders.

I sat rigid, trying to figure out how this could have happened. When I thought about it, the seat had been empty yesterday. But I figured it was just because there weren’t enough students in class to fill up all the seats. But no, one of the resident fighters of today had apparently not shown up for the first day, and there he was, behind me.

Despite myself, I had half a mind to send an ‘SOS’ text to Abigail, but my phone had too many charms hanging off it to be quiet enough to sneak one out. Besides, it was quite possible the boy behind me could just read over my shoulder, since I swore he’d been eyeing me the entire class.

Part of me wanted to turn around and ask why he’d gotten into a fight with the headmaster’s son anyway. The other part wanted to feign sick and get out of there until I was mentally prepared to handle such a situation. Instead, I let the clock tick down and tried to keep my focus on the teacher in front of me. It was the end of school, and I was convinced I could get through this. What was another weird thing on top of a multitude of weird things?

The minute the bell rang I’d bolted to my feet with little care for subtly. As I collected my things, ready for my escape, his voice rang over the din of students, “I’m surprised the Headmaster left you alone.”

A bolt of static went through my synapses, enough to make me pause and look at him. A bruise had blossomed on his left cheek, but there wasn’t any further discernable damage. A surprise considering how I’d witness the two go at it. There was no expression on his face, except a faint tilt of his lips.

“…Who are you?” I slipped down the aisle, towards the door. His footsteps followed, and I didn’t dare look back again. I couldn’t recall seeing him when I was in the office building. With a steady breath, I made sure to keep my shoulders relaxed.

“Fox Carreras.”

For a moment, I was tempted to look at him again. “I can’t tell if you’re lying.”

“Is that so?”

“It doesn’t sound real.”

“And Cinder Chávez is so much better?” The more he spoke, the more dread unfurled in my stomach. Even as we slipped out into the halls, it was like he was the only one there. Knowing my name was easier to explain away, at least. He’d seen it on my binder or the handout I’d written my name on. It didn’t change how he was keeping tabs on me.

With a furtive look around and finding a lack of familiar faces, I continued on. I wonder how my locker could feel like half a world away, “Ok. Ok sure. So how…” I hoped he didn’t hear the waver in my voice. “How did you know I met with the Headmaster?”

“You caused quite a ruckus. People aren’t supposed to enter that building unless invited in.”

“I’m not a vampire, I can enter whatever public place I please.” My locker was a beacon. A sign that once I gathered my things, I was one step closer to getting away from this boy. As I moved towards it, I tried to note his appearance from the corner of my eye. His eyes were sharp now, the moving bodies around us casting shadows across his features. I didn’t want to decipher it.

“And why did you go?”

“My friend.”

“Fascinating.” I’d gathered my items in record time and snapped my locker shut. Throwing my backpack over my shoulder, I finally turned to look at him fully. Face to face, he was taller than me—most boys were—but not by much. Most of his intimidation points came from what I’d witnessed and not from his actual build. He’d now found it in himself to smile. “She must mean a lot to you.”

My grip on my backpack straps tightened, “What do you want? If this is about earlier…”

His eyebrows raised, and his smile grew once more, “Oh, you think that since I tried to beat the shit out of Fable I’d do something to you too?”

My brain was the equivalent of a damaged VHS tape, “…His name is Fable.” And his and the Headmaster’s last name was ‘Gnight.’ A collection of names that were so coincidental they circled back around to being almost believable.

“As pretentious as the name implies, too” I had a retort in my throat but didn’t have the bravery to speak it out loud. Somehow, though, he seemed able to read my thoughts anyway. “But back on topic, I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I…didn’t think you were.”

The tilt of his head was indication he didn’t believe me, “Of course. I’m sure it’s just awkward to have to sit in front of the boy you first met through a fist fight. I’d ask what possessed you to do that but—”

His eyes cut somewhere behind me, and I couldn’t help but tense. When I turned, I found Fable. In the now near empty halls, he was more a specter that’d spawned in front of us then a student. The severe look on his face made me realize Fox’s sharpness hadn’t been sharp at all. His eyes were an overused knife when compared to Fable’s.

“What are you doing?” He wasn’t looking at me, his only focus on the boy who’d stepped into the space beside me. Even though there was a distance between us, he still felt too close. I didn’t dare flinch away.

“My job.”

“We already agreed—”

“I don’t recall agreeing to anything.” It was impossible to decipher what they were going on about. All I could do was glance between them, wondering if I was about to witness them go in for a second round. Now that I thought of it, unlike Fox, Fable didn’t look like he’d been in a fight at all.

The two went quiet, assessing each other, as I decided it was best to slip away, “Well, I’ll be going now…”

“Stay.” My feet did stay as Fable addressed me. He still wasn’t looking at me, and I got the sense he didn’t truly see me. Whatever world he was in, he didn’t want me to be a part of. “Come with me.”

“Us,” Fox’s grin was back as Fable’s eyebrow twitched, “I’ll let you in on your friend’s little secret too.”

“That’s…” If there was any way I wished to learn about Abigail, it was through her own words. For the past day I’d done enough prying, and this felt like it would truly push me over the edge from ‘concerned friend’ to ‘bad friend.’ A thing I did not want to be. But maybe my mind cared more about information then about my own feelings on the matter. “Where are we going?”

“To meet with the Headmaster.” Fox slipped ahead, planting himself shoulder to shoulder with Fable. Side to side, it was easy to see how much smaller he was in comparison. Maybe it was part of the reason why Fox was the only one who’d been left bruised from their fight.

I kept a step behind them, noting that no matter how much Fable tried to change speed, Fox kept in perfect rhythm. I could only imagine their expressions, “Is the Headmaster still upset about this morning?”

“He wasn’t upset in the first place.” Fable sounded like he was, although I couldn’t tell if it was because of me or Fox. “After all, you’re…”

Fox glanced back at me, “Before we get into all of that, we should start the beginning. Do you believe in magic?”

“...Do I seem like a child?” Truthfully, the little seed of hope in my chest hadn’t ever ebbed. But being two years away from adulthood made it more preferable to walk barefoot on needles then admit it.

“Someone with a wish like yours would have to believe in something.” Again, it felt like Fox knew more about me then he should. He fell back from Fable to be beside me again, and this time I couldn’t stop the way I leaned to the right to gain distance from him. “Just look at my hand.”

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I did. A ghostly blue mist circled around his palm, snaking up his arm. The particles weaved themselves together to form the image of a rose, a butterfly, a castle, a dagger. The sight was enchanting, and without thinking my hand reached out to touch the images. A chill shot up my arm, and I jerked back. The mist dissipated and there was no trace of it on his hand or mine.

My voice was small, “Magic.”

“This world is full of it, and of people wishing on such things. There are so many hopes and dreams that people have, but only a few come true. If those wishes are strong enough, though, the world takes notice. Just like with you and Abigail.”

“Just Abigail.” Fable cut in, his hand pausing on the entrance door. Outside the glass, there were students again, the spell of isolation breaking the moment I saw them. “Your wish just happens to be the same.”

“I disagree. If her wish wasn’t strong, she wouldn’t have been able to break through the enchantment, now would she?” Fox was beside Fable again before I could even blink. “You can favor one without disregarding the other.”

Fable shoved the door open, not offering a response. I scrambled after them, trying to process everything. The Headmaster must know about magic, and he must know about the wish me and Abigail made when we were younger. And because her wish was so strong, it was decided her wish would be granted. But so was mine. Debatably.

As the rush of sound greeted me in the courtyard, it was all I could do to process everything. I could only stay in my head as we headed towards the main building. Briefly, I wondered if either Nia or Abigail was wondering where I was. Or maybe Abigail was also where we were going. If she was the main character in all of this, then maybe I was getting in the way.

“Are you sure she should be here?” I jerked, aware we’d slipped from one area to the next. I hadn’t even registered we’d enter the office building. Now, the receptionist woman was looking at me again, the same scowl she’d worn earlier. Judgement clouded the air, and I knew it was because of the stunt I’d pulled.

With a leaden tongue, I stumbled back to reality, “I’m sorry about earlier. I was just worried about my friend.”

She ignored me, only keeping her eyes on Fable. His expression mirrored hers, “It’s fine. We have a lot of things to talk about.”

“There’s no reason to worry, we both agreed.” Fox smiled, and the woman’s lip curled. I wondered if the Headmaster also didn’t care for him like her and Fable seemed not to.

“Go along, then. I have things to organize.” She went back to her computer screen, dismissing us. I glanced back, noting that in the afternoon light the colors from the stained glass were different than in the morning. The woman’s eyes had turned to stare back at me. I snapped forward again and quickly followed the boys.

Although I hadn’t paid much attention to the walkway this morning, I couldn’t help but feel something had changed. I stared at the doors we passed, wondering if details were skewed or if my brain had just encoded the memories wrong. Did the doors always have handles instead knobs? Was the shade of brown a degree darker? Were the halls always this length?

Fable pushed open the door to the Headmaster’s office without even a knock. I hesitated for a moment, but Fox tilted his head and waved me forward. It felt like he was trying to ensure I wouldn’t run away, with him behind me. I slipped inside.

The office, at least, didn’t feel as distorted as the rest of the building had become. The large window still filtered in light, overlooking the courtyard below. The desk was just as wide and organized as before. Headmaster Gnight sat, head angled down and a fountain pen writing signatures on various different documents. He didn’t look surprised to see me.

“Come now. Sit.” I glanced at Fable who lingered towards the side, looking for all the world that he’d rather be anywhere else. I couldn’t say I didn’t feel the same. But I did as I was told, and sat in the plush office chair that faced the Headmaster.

He continued his work for a few minutes, reading through whatever was on the pages and either crossing out various lines and setting it aside or signing off. Fox had placed himself next to Fable, although no longer bothering him. His hands clasped themselves behind his back, and his expression dissolved into stoicism. They both became closer to furniture then beings.

As the ticking of the clock continued, Headmaster Gnight finally raised his head, “Ms. Chávez. It seems you’ve found your way back into my office. By invitation this time, too.”

“I—”

“Don’t fret, I’m not upset.” How I wished I could mirror his relaxed posture. “How much did Fox tell you?”

“That…you wanted Abigail because of a wish she has. He didn’t tell me what for.”

“Has he mentioned magic as well?” He continued at my nod. “Then I’ll continue from there. I’ve been given a very important job. One that details the threads that make up this world. In order to ensure it runs properly, I’ve been selecting various people as test subjects for the kind of world I wish this place to be. As the world becomes more complicated, I’ve gone on from people with dreams that can be granted with a snap of my fingers—to people who are desperate for something nearly impossible to have.”

Again, the information was so strange, it was hard for me to process. But there was one thing I grasped easily, “So Abigail has an impossible wish?”

Being happy didn’t sound impossible, and my skin prickled at the thought. I wondered if she’d been told this when she sat down here earlier. If the Headmaster had looked upon her bruises and said what she wanted most wouldn’t be possible, not without his help. Something thick formed in my throat, and it hurt to swallow.

Headmaster Gnight gave an impossibly delicate smile, “Not quite. It’s just one that would require a lot of work on my end. Because of this, I decided to cut her a deal. If she would act as the main character in a story, she would be able to get her wish granted. If she failed to achieve what she wanted, she could simply go back to the beginning and start over again, until she suceeded. I’d also be able to observe her and collect any information I may need on how this world forms.”

Everything was getting tangled in my head. She had to fight for this herself, but it was a life with a reset button. All her mistakes and failures could be vanished with a snap of her fingers. I forced myself to speak again, “And this story is…?”

“It’s relatively simple; find the prince, defeat the villain, and achieve a happy ending. Each scenario also has a guardian to help, if you can find them.”

I could only stare. This was, in every way, the kind of thing that Abigail had wanted. The fantastical and romantic and the guaranteed happily ever after. Her entire dream laid out in front of her, presented on a silver platter, “A storybook life.”

My words rang out, and it made me wonder what I was doing here. If this was her dream, then it was hers to have. She didn’t say anything, because she knew I wouldn’t believe her. For her, it was easy to predict I think she’d been lying to me, trying to avoid the truth of the matter.

Except, that couldn’t be all there was to it. There must have been some reason why she had been hurt. If this was what she wanted, completely and truly, then there was no reason for that to have happened. I worried my lips under my teeth, nibbling them to the point where I thought I’d draw blood.

There was something wrong here that I couldn’t quite explain. I glanced back at Fable and Fox, watching their empty gazes. Their personalities had been drained the moment they walked in, to the point where even I could tell with how little I knew about them.

I redirected my attention back to Headmaster Gnight, ignoring how my body was growing more desperate by the minute to flee, “Does that mean you know what happened to her? Why she was hurt yesterday?”

He closed his eyes, his eyebrows drawing together. For a moment, I didn’t think he’d answer me but he slowly shook his head, “Like I said, the story must have a villain, and some villains are more then what you’d expect them to be.”

“You’re giving her a dream where others are going to hurt her?”

“I’m giving her a chance at her dream. It’s impossible to avoid conflict, as it’s just a part of human nature. And besides, I have no desire to influence the actions of others. I can set the stage, but I can’t predict the actions taken from there.” I leaned forward, wanting to know who it was that had done this to her. Who was it that was the villain and had caused her harm. Headmaster Gnight shook his head, as if reading my thoughts. “There’s little point in telling you, because there’s a good chance you won’t remember this conversation once you walk past the campus gates.”

“My memory would be erased?”

“I can’t risk outsiders causing too much trouble. While the ‘main character’ can know, anyone else would create too much external influence. The purpose for all this is to create something that’s as natural as possible.”

My fingers curled, nail meeting flesh, “What if I don’t forget?”

His patient smile returned, “Everyone forgets.”

“I will remember, because I won’t let her get hurt like this. Even if this is what she wanted, it’s—” I stood, no longer able to be stagnant. Feelings bubbled over as I forced myself to not start pacing. “—It’s my job to make sure she doesn’t get hurt.”

He said nothing, and the two boys only kept their gaze vacant. It was so calm even though reality was splintering all around me. There should have been something more to them, like how Fox had felt unbelievable in those minutes after school. If magic was real, they shouldn’t have become muted as I exploded.

My feet stumbled back, “I’ll walk past those gates and I’ll remember. And when I do I’ll come back here and prove it to you.”

“And what do you want, even if you do?” I didn’t know. All I knew was that I couldn’t erase the feeling of Abigail’s smudged lip gloss against my skin, or how sticky her hand was when she’d moved to hold mine.

“I don’t want her to get hurt.” I left with those words, desperate to prove myself as the afternoon sun started to dip down. The campus had become calm, with most students heading back home or attending their clubs and sport practices. There was no one to see me as I ran down the path and towards the gate. No one to see my feet skidding to a stop right at the line. I stared down at where it lay in front of me, desperate to cross over but unable to.

If I was made to forget everything, then what had the point of everything I’d done been? I’d betrayed Abigail’s trust for no reason, and I wouldn’t even remember having done so. All of the mistakes made today and all these awful emotions weren’t something I wanted to let go of. They were mine, regardless of them being good or bad.

I took a deep breath and crossed over the line. My feet landed safely on sidewalk, even as a chill shot up my arms. I looked behind me, staring at the office building. From here, I couldn’t tell if Fable was at the window again, watching me as I moved. I couldn’t tell if anyone had bothered to join him. I wanted to scream I still remembered. That I always would.

A laugh cascaded beside me and I whirled around to find Fox grinning wide “Let’s make a deal.”