The weekend felt closer to a ticking timebomb. Part of it was my fault, for avoiding both Kade and Wells. I wasn’t sure how to approach them, especially with all the information they’d given me. As math slowly came to a close on Friday, Fox tapped his pencil on my nose.
“S-sorry,” I stammered automatically, trying to snap out of my thoughts.
“I think it’s time for the daily report.”
“…Daily report?”
He leaned his cheek against his hand, an eyebrow raised, “The one where you tell me everything that’s been going on. You’ve managed to give me details related to the story nearly every day at this point.”
“…I’m sorry.” I hadn’t realized I’d done so. Maybe it had become a habit to talk of such, since I wasn’t sure what else to talk about with him. If I ever veered off into another topic, I wasn’t sure how I’d manage to get through the exchange. Maybe it’d feel like starting back at the beginning, like we were strangers.
Fox shook his head, “On the contrary, it is useful for my job. You’re free to tell me anything you desire.”
“Wells is the Prince and Kade is the Villain. That’s why I messed everything up and failed so quickly. I know I said I’d keep going until the bitter end but… I’m not sure how to approach them anymore.” I tried to ignore how Fox was reporting everything in some degree. I knew that, in a distant kind of way. But hearing it said out loud made my stomach swirl.
His eyes slipped away, “Well, at least you figured it out in the end. Whatever happens now is what happens. You could always try to reverse it.”
“I don’t think I have time. And besides, would I have to push Kade to the side?” He’d lied about something as terrifying as hurting another. It should have made it easy to think of doing so. But I couldn’t let it go. A part of me wanted to help him, even with this knowledge. If Wells had forgiven him, then…
“That depends on what you want to do. There’s no reason to humor the Villain, but you wouldn’t consider yourself humoring him, would you? He’s more of a friend to you at this point than he is anything else, right?”
“We’ve been becoming friends. At least, I hoped we were.” I looked down, focusing on the packet in front of me. The half filled page, spilling with numbers and equations suddenly seemed easy when compared to what was going on in my heart.
What did I want to do? It would be quicker to let the story come to an end. But the more I told myself to let the inevitable to come and pass, the more I felt myself push back against it.
“It’s not meaningless.” I jerked, surprised at Fox guessing my thoughts. “If you want to try, keep trying.”
“But none of it will mater after the reset.”
“It will. You’ll see.” I knew the look on his face at this point. It was the one he wore whenever he thought about doing something he shouldn’t.
Still unsure of the consequences he’d face, I shook my head, “You don’t have to tell me how. But if it is then…I really need to figure out how to go about all this.”
“Since you’re going to fail anyway, I’d say go with your gut.”
“But my gut is telling me to stick with Kade. I know it sounds like a bad decision, especially with what he’s done but—” My fingers curled into fists. The buried trophies showed in my mind’s eye, along with the photos hung on the walls. This was more than just magic out of control. It was the sadness that gripped each and every drop of it.
The bell rang overhead, and for once I thought it was over too quick. There were so many things I wanted to sort out, and so little time for any of it. Fox slid out of his seat, stretching his arms over his head, “Then stick with Kade. After that talk with Wells, it’s probably important to let him know that you know.”
I knew that already. I just wanted to avoid the conversation for as long as I could. As I stood and collected my things, I tried to steel myself. There wasn’t any time to put it off, and I’d already been putting it off as long as I could. When all this happened, I found myself thinking of Abigail. I couldn’t tell her the truth, but I could still seek out her advice in some way.
As my hands worked slow, bogged down by my thoughts, Fox said, “You’re going to be alright. Just take a deep breath.”
He placed his hands on my shoulder and spun me around as I finished collecting my things. I shuffled ahead, spurred on by him behind me, “I know I will be. I just need a moment. Or five.”
We slipped out into the hall, where he vanished almost instantly. My back straightened, peering around to look for Wells and Kade. I didn’t find either, but as I got swept into the sea of students, I did catch Abigail’s eyes. It was like I summoned her.
She weaved through the crowed to land next to me. I blinked at her, “We normally meet up by the gate.”
“The teacher let us leave a little early.” She winked, a joke in there that was lost on me. “I was hoping to catch sight of your rumored tutor.”
“You just missed him.” I couldn’t fathom why he vanished. Fable had been fine with letting Abigail and Nia see him. It seemed like Fox wasn’t the same. “Oh right, can I…ask you about something.”
I had to look around again, just in case I’d catch sight of Kade. Her eyebrows rose, “Uh-huh. What is it going to be about? Wait, wait. I can guess. It has something to do with a certain boy.”
“It’s a lot of somethings to do with two boys.” Her eyes were alight at that. I tried to ignore it as I got to my locker to put my stuff away.
“Hopefully Nia isn’t busy. We can all hang out together. It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve done something after school.”
“Oh, there’s a smoothie and ice cream place close by. I’ve been wanting to take the both of you. It’s really good.” Abigail was glowing at all of this, and I wished I could mirror it back to her. It was enough to make sure my shoulders weren’t drooping and my expression didn’t twist into distress.
“Then let’s grab Nia and go!” She hooked her arm through mine just as I got my locker shut. I let her drag me, preparing a speech for the both of them in my head.
//
“You weren’t kidding this is fantastic.” Abigail had gotten the largest smoothie size they had. Nia sat next to her, and I felt like I’d been placed in a job interview with them across from me. Normally Abigail always sat next to me. It felt weird being alone on my side.
Nia had opted for the ice cream, and she had already managed to eat all of it, “Did your parents show you this place?”
“Ah, no. A friend did.” When the two shared a glance, I added. “The tutor. For math.”
“I think I’m going to need to meet this tutor sometime.” She tapped her fingers along the plastic of her cup. “Especially if you’re comfortable enough with him to hang out after school.”
“I’ve hung out with Wells and Kade after school, too.”
“But Wells was only for the play right?” Nia smiled as I shot her a pleading look. “And Kade is your—”
“My friend. That I’m worried about.” I cut her off, not wanting to hear her say it. If it was spoken out loud, my face would show the lie that it was. Somehow, this only made Nia giggle and Abigail form her own smile.
It lasted for a second, before Abigail took a sip of her smoothie and her expression grew serious, “Right. What happened? Why are you so worried?”
“Honestly I…I’m not sure if I should be telling you this, since it’s personal. But I don’t know what to do.” Spilling even a fraction of Kade and Wells’ secrets felt like a betrayal almost. I said nothing about magic or scars, only about how Kade had hurt Wells, and due to circumstances I felt caught in the middle.
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
Nia’s expression had grown grim the more I spoke, “Well, shouldn’t you just be honest?”
“I…I’m going to tell Kade I know. I just don’t know how to do it.” If anything, talking to the two of them was just me stalling further.
Abigail’s smile was wry, “I think this has nothing to do with you. You should tell Kade that you know, but that’s really it, isn’t it? You may be friends with him and you may be getting along with Wells, but at the end of the day, you’re still separate from the two of them.”
“I know.” I was just an intruder in all of this. Wells didn’t even have to share the things he had with me, especially something so personal.
“But I know you. I know that isn’t enough, right? If you want to help, ask them. If they say no, too bad so sad. But if they say yes, you didn’t have to keep looking like this.” She shook her cup, draining the last of its contents. “We can talk about a game plan all day, but it’s all going to make you anxious until you do it babe.”
“He was ashamed, right?” Me and Abigail both turned towards Nia. Absently, she tapped at her empty bowl with a plastic spoon. “If someone I was just getting to know asked me for my sins, I’d want to avoid answering, too. Especially if I liked them. I want to show the best of me to that person, because if I showed the worst of me they’d leave. I’d have to be certain they wouldn’t, before I’d be comfortable being honest.”
“A lie is still a lie, regardless. In that regard, Kade fucked up. I understand why, but it doesn’t change that he did.” Nia nodded, her eyes meeting mine instead of Abigail’s.
“What do you feel about him lying? Honestly?”
“I mean, I agree with both of you. And I think a part of me wants to help him because wouldn’t I do the same? Wouldn’t I want to show an ideal version of myself, no matter how untrue it is?” I leaned back, the hard cushion of the table seats digging into my back.
“Really? I think there’s nothing wrong with not being your ideal, as long as your striving for it right?”
“You’re going to hate me,” Nia interjected, a smile slowly returning to her face, “But Jen shares the exact same sentiment.”
“Why would you even bring up Queen B’s existence?” Nia laughed at Abigail’s deadening expression. The distaste was in full force. “I like to think that we have nothing in common, thank you very much.”
I would never say it out loud, but there were similarities between the two, and that was why they hated each other. It was looking in a mirror, and seeing your worst qualities shown to you. But instead of seeing it in yourself, you saw it in another person. Instead of having to acknowledge it in you, it was easier to hate it in another. That was how Jen and Abigail saw each other. I think either one would put me six feet under if I ever mentioned it.
Abigail and Nia drifted into another conversation, half spun by the two’s hatred of Jen. I only listened at the start, before my attention drifted. Everyone was right. There was nothing to do, except to go ahead and do it.
//
Maybe it was a foolish decision to head out as the day grew dark, but if I didn’t do it now, I’d once more back out. The flower in my room was reminding me how little time I had left. After staring at it after finishing homework, I’d gotten up. Abigail had said she expected a full report on what had happened over the weekend. She would have come with me if she hadn’t been busy with homework for the rest of the night.
My parents had retired to their room early, and I could hear the lull of the tv coming from their room. Carefully, I slipped out and headed towards Kade’s house, not sure if this was going to go how I wanted it to.
A part of me had expected to finally see his elusive parents, but when I arrived the driveway was still devoid of cars. There were no lights inside, but the front porch light casted a flickering orange glow around the door. I lingered, unsure of what to do next. I reminded myself of what Fox had told me. That somehow, this wouldn’t all be useless in the end.
It was the only thing that made my feet walk forward and reach out to knock on the door. I didn’t expect anyone to answer and it was after eight besides. I personally refused to answer the door at any given time unless my parents were around.
“Kade?” My voice was too loud in the still night. I didn’t even think he could hear me when he was inside. I lingered for a moment, telling myself I’d leave if he didn’t answer before then.
As I rolled back on my heels, the door slid open and showed a very confused Kade, “Cinder? What are you doing here…?”
What was I doing here? I still wasn’t confident in what I was doing, “Sorry, I didn’t have your number to give you a heads up or something. I, um…”
“Here, come inside. You look cold.” He eyed my flimsy t-shirt and pajama pants, and I pretended like I wasn’t here on a last minute dose of confidence. He shut the door behind me, and I wrapped my arms around myself. As the warm air hit me, I realized just how cold I was.
There was a lull in the house, the white noise of a tv playing somewhere. I didn’t hear anyone else. Just like I thought, Kade was alone. With my shoes kicked off I wandered towards the center of the living room, trying to find something to say.
Maybe it was best to pull the band aid off, “I talked to Wells today.”
“Oh.” I turned to him, noting the way his expression crumbled.
I waited for a moment, but he didn’t say anything else. I swallowed before I went on, “I wanted to know why…”
My stomach turned and my heart rate spiked. If I focused, I could pinpoint it as magic, even without the color spilling out. I drew my eyebrows together. It hadn’t occurred to me before, but how much was Kade aware of when it came to his magic? Could he feel it right now, spilling out of him?
“…What?”
I shook away the distractions at his prompting, “I wanted to know why you lied to me. Did you think I’d be scared of you?”
He turned his head away, body shifting as though he was trying to escape, “I’m surprised you aren’t. I don’t have control of this, and if Wells told you what I did then…”
I wasn’t scared. Even though I wasn’t sure what made him the ‘villain,’ I could only assume he meant well. I wanted to believe that, “Your magic. I can feel it.”
His focus snapped back to me, “You can?”
“I think I’ve been feeling it for a while now. The other day, when me you and Wells were playing games, I could see it, too.”
“I didn’t even realize…” The heaviness in the air eased, although it didn’t go away completely. Kade was searching for something in my face. I wondered what he was trying to find. “You can feel it yet…you’re really not afraid?”
“…Wells showed me the scars.” He flinched back. “I know what you did was horrible, but if Wells thinks he can give you a chance then…I want to believe him. I want to believe you, too. That you wouldn’t hurt anyone. I’m not sure if I can do anything about your magic but if I can help, then…”
Warmth seeped through my body as Kade hugged me. This hadn’t been the first time he’d done so, but it still read as foreign. I felt small pressed against him, acutely aware of the tremble in his body. I was hesitant as I reached out and wrapped my arms around him as well.
His voice was soft, even right next to my ear, “Sorry, I just…”
“It’s fine.”
“Wells thinks I’m going to hurt you.” His grip tightened just a little more. “I don’t want to hurt you. But I didn’t want to hurt Wells, either. What if there’s nothing I can do? What if you end up scarred, too?”
“You won’t.” I wished my voice could always be this firm. Like Kade’s grip around my torso, tight enough to leave marks on my side.
I let him stay like that, feeling is body slowly relax against me. The strange magic that’d filled the air dissipated, leaving nothing but silence.
//
“What do you know about your magic?” I sat crisscross on his bed, only half as uncomfortable to be there as I’d been the other day. Kade had offered me a blanket, and I’d pulled it over my shoulders with thanks.
Kade sat across from me, leaving a tv show playing on the screen. It was turned low, creating a steady rhythm of ambiance, “Not…a lot? I know it spills out of me sometimes, but I don’t know how to control it or what it even does.”
It was something I meant to ask Fox about, but I’d lost track of time swimming in my own insecurities, “Well, we know it can take physical form, right?”
“Yeah, it bleeds into the air.”
“It makes everything blue.”
“…Right, you said you could see everything.” His gaze fell, curling his knees to his chest. “Is it scary?”
“Not really? I’m not the one who was hurt by it, though.” I had to keep pushing away the thought of Wells’ scars. “Have you ever tried controlling it?”
“I’m not sure how to go about it.” I had Fox’s number, I remembered dimly. It felt like losing if I contacted him, somehow. He was meant to only exist at school. Even though we’d been outside the school gates together, he only belonged to that world. I wasn’t sure I’d make it to Monday, and so I’d cross the line I’d drawn in my head.
“I’ll…figure something out. We could meet up tomorrow or Sunday? Maybe try to figure something out…?”
He lifted his head, a small smile on his face, “Yeah, I’m free this weekend. Do you want me to come over tomorrow?”
“A-are you sure? My parents are going to ask a million questions—” I couldn’t even begin to fathom how many questions mom would ask me, let alone how long Papi would interrogate Kade.
His smile only grew, “Yeah? Are they like that with all guys you talk to?”
“…I’ve only ever had Nia and Abigail over.” It wasn’t like I’d ever bothered with boys before this, either.
“Well, I don’t mind being interrogated. Besides, my parents are going to be home during the weekend. It’s better me than you.”
It was an in to something that’s been bothering me ever since I first visited Kade’s place, “Are you…not on good terms with them?”
The smile slipped away, and he turned his head. For a moment I didn’t think he’d answer, an apologize about to flee my mouth, but he shrugged, “It’s a long story.”
“I have time, if you ever want to tell it.”
He didn’t look back at me, but his posture eased, “Maybe tomorrow. It’s getting late, and you should go.”
“Yeah.” I slipped out from under the blanket, flinching as the air hit me again. Kade stood up and swiped a jacket from his desk’s chair.
He offered it to me, “Here. I’ll get it from you later.”
I hesitated only a second, “Thanks. I’ll see you then?”
“Yeah. I’ll see you.” He walked me to the door. I could tell by the look on his face he wanted to walk me back but I slipped out the door and said goodbye before he could offer.
My parents were going to meet Kade tomorrow. The thought was more surreal than any notion of magic I’d seen. I tried to imagine it, as I made my way back home. My brain failed to do so the rest of the night.