“Even after all that, I still couldn’t talk to her.” I groaned into my desk, head buried between my arms. The teacher eyed me, and I tried to remember his name. It normally took a week before I could recall any teachers’ names. To me, he was just a faceless, middle aged man. Even with the hint of disapproval flickering across his face, I kept my position.
Nia jammed her pen into my side, charms and all, “You should be glad you got a note. Could you imagine if your parents got a call that on the second day back you were already late?”
“Mamá wouldn’t care. Dad…might.” I didn’t linger on that thought. “I just wish I knew what was going on. She never hides things from me, you know?”
She jammed her pen into my side again, and I finally forced myself into a sitting position. Hair haloed my face and I let it stay there. When I looked over at Nia, she was pretending to take notes on whatever was on the screen. It was a lot of basics and going over what to expect from class. Typical first week material.
My whispers weren’t appreciated, but my head was alight with so many different things. When the headmaster had asked me to stay behind, I’d expected some kind of anger. Everything was so sudden, nothing had been processed in the moment. Looking back on it, I could puzzle out that he’d been studying me. A cool indifference.
There must have been something else he wanted from me. It was a silly thought, for he would have just told me there. But it lingered, an itch that wouldn’t leave no matter how much I scratched. Even when I’d left, the woman at the front desk hadn’t looked my way again. She’d returned to her computer, and her eyes hadn’t met mine.
When I’d left the building, I realized suddenly I could breathe again. I glanced back, only to find the boy still at the window. My feet had stalled, waiting for something. His lips moved, likely talking to the headmaster. I’d had to rip myself away and head to class.
I kept my mouth shut, despite the urge to say more. Nia kept scribbling away, and I tried to focus on the screen in front of me. Everything kept bleeding together, and my mind kept wandering. Before I knew it, the bell rang. I blinked, like waking up from a dream. Nia was already standing, her backpack slung over her shoulder. She raised an eyebrow at me, motioning towards my binder and writing utensils still scattered along its surface.
“Earth to Cinder? Anyone home?”
I shoved everything into my bag, not caring if it would turn into a mess, “Yeah, sorry. Let’s go to lunch.”
We slipped out the classroom, the teacher’s eyes burning into my back. It took all my willpower not to turn around and apologize for my previous behavior. It was almost a relief to be out in the hallway mayhem.
Before I knew what was happening, Nia pinched my cheeks, “Hey, lighten up. Abigail can’t avoid us during lunch! We’ll corner her and she’ll spill everything then.”
“I don’t know about that…She’s been acting weird since yesterday too.” I tried to figure out how to describe what it was that I was seeing. “It’s like, she isn’t all there, you know?”
“Kinda like you right now.”
“I’m all here!” My protest landed on deaf ears. No matter what I said, Nia only nodded her head in the most unconvinced way possible. I had to stop myself from puffing out my cheeks. “I just worry about my friends, is all.”
She offered a hum, “Our selfless friend as always.”
Sometimes, Nia would recede into her red jacket, as though being swallowed alive. There were times where I understood why, like when she was miserable or in the clutches of embarrassment. But other times, I found I just couldn’t quite fathom the reason. This was one of those times.
I tilted my head, a question perched on my tongue, but there were a series of shouts in front of us. Despite myself, we both turned to find the source of noise that somehow outclassed the usual hallway din.
Nia linked an arm with me as a semi-circle started to form in front of us. A fight. My eyebrows pinched together, wondering how my second day of school had already spiraled to such a degree. At least it wasn’t my fight, but as Nia scooted me across the outskirts of the circle to get passed, I caught sight of the two boys.
One was a stranger with black hair and olive skin, and the other was the boy I’d assumed to be the Headmaster’s son. My legs went rigid, almost forcing Nia to jerk back. A stone fell right into my stomach, as though I’d entered another realm. Even though it was logical he was a student, seeing him outside the strange realm of the main office distorted everything around me.
“Cinder? What’s wrong?” Even if I knew how to explain, all words failed me. Instead, I caught glimpses of movement and fury between the gaps of student bodies. Almost captivated, almost desperate, I slipped my arm away from Nia’s and shoved my way forward.
It was more I was on a string, a marionette being danced towards the front. Strings I wish had guided me yesterday. Heads turned towards me, but I barely even registered them. As I stumbled towards the front, I yelled, “Knock it off!”
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To my, and perhaps everyone’s, surprise, they did. Their hands were suspended in mid-air with their bodies splayed on the ground. Fists frozen around shirts, and punches hanging in the air. Confusion snaked through both their expressions, and I realized this unknown boy had the same feeling as the Headmaster’s son. The same kind of wrongness that I couldn’t quite grasp.
They pulled themselves away, although neither gaze left me. Without thinking, I took a step back, trying to push my way back into the midst of the crowd. Teachers were shouting down the hall now, telling everyone to scatter. Arms wrapped around my shoulders, and I half expected it to be Nia until I noticed the pale skin.
“You’ve been worrying over me, but you’re the one who’s been getting into trouble all day.” Abigail’s body was warm against my back. When I glanced up, her eyes were narrowed at the two in front of us, venom dripping through her body. “We should go before we get mixed up in their punishment, yeah?”
Her arms fell away, and instead she grabbed my hand and pulled me forward, weaving through the students scattering. Somehow, she danced through them all to Nia, and the next thing I knew, we were all hand-in-hand, rushing down the halls. As my feet stumbled to keep up, I couldn’t help but glance behind me. The teachers had arrived, and were likely lecturing them before dragging them away to be punished. Would the Headmaster’s son be punished?
He wasn’t looking at me, but the unknown boy was. He smiled when I turned back, and it made me immediately focus back up front. Questions weighed heavier and heavier as the day went by. At the very least, Abigail was here, and maybe she’d finally tell us what was going on.
//
“You shouldn’t catch either of those boys’ attention.” Abigail’s words were barely comprehensible around the large amounts of chips she was digging in to. The courtyard around us had a softer air than inside, and where we sat was far enough away from the main office. The warm air glided over my arms as I sat on the grass, trying to process what she’d just said.
“Not even the Headmaster’s son?”
“One of the boys’ fighting was who now?” Nia frowned at both of us as she snuck a few chips from Abigail’s bag. Despite Abigail’s quick swipe, Nia was faster as she tossed it into her mouth.
All of Abigail’s pouts were hard for anyone to resist. Except Nia, “Firstly, rude. Secondly, yeah, that’s him. He’s got that whole ‘mopey asshole academic’ thing going on, doesn’t he?”
Nia broke off a piece of my cookie, but I shoved the other half towards her as well as she said, “An academic? Based on that fight, I’d say he’d fall more into the bad boy category wouldn’t he?”
“So he still sucks regardless?” I poked at my food.
“Yep!” Abigail popped the ‘p’ without a care in the world, “At least we don’t have classes with him right?” My eyes burned into her, desperate to unleash a flood of questions. But she breezed on, almost knowingly cutting me off. “But anyway, back on topic. What were you thinking, Cinder?”
There was still a buzzing in my hands from what I’d done. Half of this day had felt closer to a dream than reality. Even my own actions felt like I was an outsider watching the life of a stranger. If I tried to explain it to myself, I couldn’t, and I doubt I could explain to them either. “It was…annoying?”
Nia and Abigail exchange glances, and I put my full attention on consuming my sandwich. Although I didn’t glance back up, I could feel Abigail scoot closer to me, “There are a lot of things that’re annoying. And a lot easier to deal with then two strangers having a fight.”
“Well…” I wanted to ask again what this morning was all about. I peaked up, her face blurred by my shroud of bangs, a reminder for a haircut I wouldn’t get. Her expression was so carefully painted on, that for a moment even I thought the pinch of her eyebrows was genuine concern. I swallowed, and the food went down hard. “I couldn’t tell you.”
“Either way, don’t do that again. I’m surprised they listened to you in the first place.” At Nia’s words, Abigail eased away again. My shoulders dropped, and I kept my gaze low. For a moment, I wondered when I’d feel like I’d returned to reality. With a heavy sigh, I noted Nia drumming in fingers against the grass. “Speaking of, what happened to you?”
“Still won’t let that go? I told you, I fell.” Disinterested now, Abigail went on to eat, and I once more rehearsed in my mind everything it was that I wanted to say to her. She’d have to listen if we cornered her, right?
When I glanced at Nia, she only shrugged, leaving the decision to me. I steadied my breath, “And why were you meeting with the Headmaster this morning? You know, even the receptionist wouldn’t tell me you were there.”
“Probably to maintain my privacy.” I flinched as she plucked another chip from Nia’s bag. The crinkling of the bag set off a wave of jitters through my fingers. I curled them into fists. “There was no reason to do that, you know.”
“I was just worried about you.”
“Don’t be. Just give me a few days to recover and I’ll be fine.”
A wall. I was talking to a wall. Every jab of rejection mad it harder to speak, and maybe I shouldn’t push her on this anyway. All I could do was look at her and fish for words or a new conversation starter.
Nia’s harsh sigh nearly made me jump, “At least be honest with us. Did someone do that to you or not? Simple yes or no.”
“No.”
“Abigail—” Nia raised a hand, cutting off any protest.
“Alright, and was your meeting with the Headmaster related to your accident in any way?”
“Yes.” I leaned forward as Nia’s eyebrows raised. Abigail still wasn’t looking at us, her posture as casual as it always was. “And I’m not elaborating on any of that. Can we move on?”
Although I didn’t want to, I didn’t see another choice. It was easy for Nia, to go on to the next thing as though that conversation hadn’t happened at all. They belonged to their own little world, and I was still stuck miles away from them. As they drifted off into endless chatter, I looked towards the direction of the main building. There must have been a reason it didn’t feel right.
By the time lunch was over, my mind was utterly detached from my body. Abigail took my hand and pulled me up, fingers sticky still from food. As I stumbled to my feet, I looked up at her, and it must have been the first time that day I’d managed to stare directly at her.
Nia bounded ahead, but Abigail kept me in place. My eyes traced over the bruises and the split on her lip and her gaze remained steady. Again, I was thrown from one unreality to another. The world blurred at its edges.
“Be careful.” I blinked, not sure how to take the warning as her grip on my hand tightened. “You don’t want to get involved with them.”
Before I could ask what she meant, she pulled me forward, and my steps stumbled after her as she rushed towards Nia. Her arm looped together with hers, voice full of cheer as she said, “Wait up!”
Despite the strange warning and how the off the day had been, I forced myself to settle again. I let Abigail keep my hand just like Nia let their arms stayed hooked together, and pretended everything was normal.