Fox came back on Thursday. Relief spilled into my veins at the sight of him. I hadn’t realized how quickly I’d come to get used to his presence in math. He looked up at me, the twist of his lips a little sheepish.
“Are you ok?” I fell into my seat, leaning across my chair to look at him. It was hard to tell with his light brown skin, but there were shadows under his eyes. Questions filled my head, and he gave me a pat on the head.
“Sorry for worrying you. I’m ok, just had a bad response to the magic I used the other day.”
“Please don’t do that again. Even if it is for my sake, I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me.” He studied me before heaving an overly dramatic sigh.
As I furrowed my brows, he said, “No more concerning predictions, then. I’m glad things have been going well at least.
There were still so many questions. The magic that had coursed through him, the way he had almost become another person entirely. Him breaking the rules when he’d insisted he couldn’t. Implied he wouldn’t.
My gaze must have looked severe still, as he offered a reassuring smile, “I promise I’m fine. As long as I don’t use magic around you, you’ll never even see that side of me again.”
“Are you sure it doesn’t hurt you in any way?” It would be my last question on the matter. “You were gone for a few days…”
“Did you miss me?” His grin widened as I fixed him with a look. “For the record, no, it doesn’t hurt me. Not physically. Or mentally. Or even emotionally. It just makes me feel like I’m not all there. Kinda like when you wake up groggy and you’re trying to wake up. Except I’m in that state for a while. Depending on how much magic I use determines how long I stay in that state. Basically, I spent the past three days sleeping it off.”
He hadn’t been here on the first day, in the original timeline. Had it been for the same reason? I didn’t want to ask any more questions. Not because he wouldn’t tell me, because there was a chance he would. And that was the problem. I was starting to actually see him as a friend. The more I resisted, the more I felt that way. The worry I’d felt had been real.
“If you’re sure.” Best to let sleeping dogs lie. I focused on the lesson and pretended like I wasn’t overly aware of Fox behind me. The scratching of his pencil on paper, or the way he’d shift his body every five minutes like he couldn’t stay still.
It was all proof he was right there. With how often Fox liked to disappear, and how easily Fox warded away the attention of others, it was easy for my brain to wonder if he was real at all sometimes. It was a train of thought I’d tried not to go on, but noting all his actions solidified him again.
As we were sent off to work on our own or in groups, Fox tapped my shoulder, “I’m going to be optimistic and say your math skills haven’t completely vanished over the few days I was gone.”
“…They haven’t.” Most of it was review for the test next week, but I wasn’t as confident as I’d hoped going through the notes the past few days.
With the clear uncertainty in my voice, Fox relented, “Alright, what’re you struggling on?”
“Thanks for helping me.”
“It seems you managed to get another tutor in the days I was gone.” I was starting to expect he’d know these kinds of things.
“Yeah, well. My acting skills are a lot worse than my math skills.”
“…I fear for your audition.” I mimed throwing my eraser at him and he ducked with a laugh. Both the audition and math test were next week. I felt like I needed to hand back glowing reports to everyone, considering how much help I’d been receiving. It was the bare minimum for paying them back.
“I’ll do fine! …Probably.” He didn’t comment, but I could tell there wasn’t blind faith in his eyes. It only got worse as we got through the questions, and he was giving me the most exhausted look I’ve ever seen before in my life.
As he once more circled an entire question, he mumbled, “How did you get through your math classes before?”
“Barely?”
“Yes, I can see that.”
“I-I’m trying!” He pointed at the question again, and I went quiet as I let him go through every step for me. I hated to say it, but if Fox wasn’t here I likely wouldn’t have been able to pass this class.
If we reset enough, maybe I’d become a master of the material. As the thought crossed my mind, I realized how much I’d thought about the reset. My mind had shelved so much of this into the ‘not real’ category of my brain, that even while engaging with it, I wasn’t truly in the moment. The conversation I’d had with Kade yesterday afternoon was maybe the first time my brain had registered him as a person. One with thoughts and feelings of his own.
As time went on, the more it cracked through my layer of protection. I’d never thought I’d worry over Fox, but I had. I never thought I’d have a meaning conversation with Kade, but we had. The realization made me falter, and all of a sudden, I couldn’t even begin to comprehend the question in front of me.
“Cinder? Earth to Cinder?” Fox waved a hand in front of my face, and it took even that a moment to register I’d zoned out.
Was it going to be silly to say it out loud? “…Sorry.”
“No no, what’s up? I think it’s time to jump into therapist mode again.”
“A tutor, a video game tutorial, and now a therapist? You have so many skills, Fox.” I deflected, and I saw the same annoyance flicker across his face as the last time I’d referred to him as such.
“I can’t believe you’ve added that to my list of titles.” He cleared his throat. “But no, you’re not distracting me. If I know anything, it’s that it has to do with all the story things. Because it always does.”
“It feels…mean to say.”
“What does?”
I squirmed, hoping he wasn’t further annoyed when I managed to speak, “It’s just…since everything happened, nothing felt real to me. But now I’m starting to realize, you’re all real. This isn’t a long dream. You’re…people.”
“…I see.” I hadn’t expected his smile to return. “You’re the same as everyone else.”
“…What?”
“It’s an impossible situation. It just registering as real now is normal. Heck, many don’t break through the fantasy until they’ve failed the first run.” He said it matter-of-fact, and it almost made me relax. But it wasn’t enough to quell these feelings.
“…Isn’t that…bad? To not see people as…” I’d dehumanized them. All my actions were based on what I thought would avoid or move alone the story. I’d been so keen on the idea I’d fail anyway, I hadn’t cared about them. Was it for the better?
I didn’t know.
Why had it taken me this long to realize what I’d been doing?
Fox’s hand shot up faster than lightening, his other hand slamming his books shut, “Cinder isn’t feeling well, I’m taking her to the nurse’s office.”
The teacher looked as stunned as I felt, and he dragged me from my seat, making me leave my stuff behind. We exited into the halls, all of which were quiet and devoid of life. Fox’s hand was warm against my wrist, although he let it go the minute we’d left class.
He turned towards me and I managed, “W-why’d you bring me out here?”
His hand raised and when his fingers brushed my cheeks I’d realized tears had formed. I didn’t understand why. It was the same as ever. Another day with all the same beats and rhythms. My thoughts had just gotten away from me. They’d just—
“I know this wasn’t fair to you,” his voice was just above a whisper, “It’s ok to cry, now that everything is finally sinking in.”
“N-no, I wasn’t the one whose been fair. I’ve—” My throat tightened and I buried my face in my hands. Shudders wracked my body. These were people, there were consequences. I had looked at them and thought of it like some kind of game.
“I’m so sorry.” I wiped furiously at my face, willing the tears to stop. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”
Fox hesitated for a moment, before he reached out and hugged me. Pressed to him, I could hear his heart, a slow, steady beat. His grip on me was firm, solid despite his early hesitation, “Grief hits everyone at different points.”
“Why would I be grieving?” He only held me tighter, and despite how awful I felt, I let myself cry on him.
//
The nurse had actually provided a note for class and some ice to reduce the redness in my eyes. I sat as far away as I physically could from Fox, humiliation coating my entire body.
“Are you going to be ok?”
“…Let’s please never talk about what just happened again.”
He didn’t move closer to me, even as I pressed myself further away into the chair, “I didn’t mind. And I won’t tell anyone either—not that I have anyone to tell.”
From the corner of my eye, I could see the wet spot I’d left on his blazer. I was going to be sick. I couldn’t figure out what had come over me, and now that I was here, I was too focused on what I’d done to puzzle out all the feelings that’d embraced me.
Fox sat with me in silence, and I pressed the compress to my eyes again. The feeling was soothing and I hoped it wouldn’t be too obvious when I showed up to afterschool acting lessons. Wells didn’t seem the type to say a thing, but it was impossible to call with Kade.
I flinched at the thought of them, and I wondered if this counted as manipulation. All of this. It was so much to think about all at once. A variety of thoughts I’d shoved away into the back of my head. It was all spilling out of me, even if I tried to push back against its force.
With all my thoughts so jumbled together, I said, “You should head back to class. I’ll stay here.”
“Are you sure? It’s not like there’s really anything to do. Math isn’t a struggle for me.”
“I feel like you’re bragging.” I heard his laughter, and it only made my stomach twist. Fox and Fable were like…the editors? Or could they be considered the Headmaster’s cowriters? For all my feelings on how I’d dehumanized those around me, it occurred to me maybe they were doing the same to all of us. Fox wasn’t being nice, he found me entertaining. A fun subject a part of his job. When we’d first talked I had thought he’d looked at me like a scientist would his experiment.
My hairs raised as my head overflowed, “I’m serious. I don’t want to leave you alone when you’re experiencing a burst.”
I latched onto that, slipping into my habit of asking questions so I could distract myself, “A…burst?”
“I mentioned pretty much everyone goes through that. Repression is common and a way for the human psyche to protect itself, but it doesn’t last forever. Your brain has a moment where it realizes what’s going on, and in the impossibility of it, all your emotions spill out. I’m sure there’s an actual, fancy term for it, but I’ve referred to it as a burst.”
“You said most experience it after the first story. Why?” He went quiet, and I peeked out from under the compression. “Is that another thing you can’t tell me?”
He was hesitant, “I want to, but—”
“Don’t worry about it.” I tried for a smile. “Like I said, I don’t want you to do anything that could get you hurt. And I guess I should add on, I don’t want you to do anything that’ll get you in trouble either.”
“I consider you a friend, Cinder. And if you don’t believe that, I consider you your own person. I hope you believe that much.” His gaze fell on the ground, his form stark against the white of the nurse’s office. “Maybe you don’t. I approached you after all. I asked you to play this part.”
“I always wondered why you chose me instead of Abigail. But I doubt that’s another thing you’ll be able to answer.” I couldn’t engage with the friend part. In the noise of my head, it wasn’t properly registering. At some point, I could hold it up and examine it to see if it held any truth.
“I told you, didn’t I? You’re not affected by magic and boundaries like everyone else is. There are few people like you, I’ve heard. And I think you’re the first person I’ve ever met who could do so.” I recalled the pitch he’d given me, but a part of me had thought there might be more to that answer. Maybe I hoped there would be.
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
Finally, I fully pulled the compress away from my eyes. They felt better, and blinked a few times to get rid of the stinging feeling. I steadied myself, “Alright. Do I look like I cried my eyes out in the hall?”
“…No.”
“You hesitated.”
“They’re a little red, but otherwise fine.”
I got up and stood in front of the tiny, oval mirror the nurse’s office had. My face looked back at me, with my eyes still a little red, “…I should be fine.”
“You don’t sound super certain about that.” He came to stand beside me and laid a hand on my shoulder. Seeing us together, crammed into the confines of slight glass, struck a nerve. My brain stored it away, a picture added to a scrapbook.
“We should grab our stuff. Class is about to end.” I pulled away.
“…Are you going to be ok?”
“I will be. I promise.”
//
My newfound guilt distracted me at the start of practice, but Wells’ dead eyes quickly made me forget the feeling and dive in. Kade hadn’t said anything when we met up, but he’d looked at me for a long moment, and I knew he noticed my face. I acted like everything was fine, heading straight for the drama classroom so he wouldn’t have time to ask.
He kept his focus on me most of the time, and it was the first time I felt like I had an audience. Perhaps it showed, because at one point Wells pointed aggressively at the open binder siting in Kade’s lap. His ears turned pink, and he ducked his head back down.
“You’re getting steadier, but you seem distracted today.” For the first time, he didn’t add anything to my list of notes. It almost felt like a sign I had a chance of making this. Or a sign he’d already found all of my flaws. It added some relief either way.
“Sorry I wasn’t able to focus.” I folded my hands in my lap, the weight of them meant to ground me. “I’ve been a little distracted.”
Wells shook his head, “It’s fine. You did well regardless. And you’ve improved.”
My shoulders slumped in relief, “You really think so? I feel like I’m just as bad as when I first started.”
“It isn’t drastic, but it’s there. We’ll think of a game plan tomorrow for the auditions Monday. Your anxiety is going to be the biggest factor.” He slid the script back to me and I nodded.
“I think so, too.” I got to my feet. “Thanks for today. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”
He paused like he was going to say something, but only said, “See you tomorrow.”
Me and Kade walked out into the halls. Without the distractions, my brain was already starting to fill up with everything I’d been thinking of before. I tried my best to wave those thoughts away, only to find the more I fought them the louder they got.
“H-hey, Cinder?” I snapped back to attention, realizing I’d zoned out.
“Sorry! Yes?”
His smile was nervous, “Do you want to grab some snacks real quick?”
“O-oh, sure. I have time.” My brain hissed I was only going because I was tasked to, not because I wanted to. The first time I’d considered Kade real was yesterday, and I’d only just now realized it.
His eyes lowered, “Ok. Great. We’ll go get snacks from the corner store.”
“Yeah. Sounds good.”
He swallowed, gathering himself up to continue, “You don’t have to tell me, but are you ok?”
The question I’d been dreading. I’d tried to think up a proper excuse, one that wasn’t the vague answers I’d taken to giving everyone who asked. It was still hard to think of something, but at least we weren’t close enough yet that being vague would cause issue, “Sorry, it’s been a rough day. I don’t mean to bother you, especially since you don’t know me—”
“It’s ok!” He flushed as his words tumbled out fast, and he lowered his voice. “It’s ok. You’ve listened to my problems, I can listen to yours.”
“It’s nothing major, really. You could tell I’d been crying earlier, huh?” Despite myself I moved my hand to face, as though trying to hide myself. I didn’t think I was currently deserving of sympathy.
“I wasn’t sure if I wanted to say anything. I was afraid it’d make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s fine.” It’d been my own fault for crying. “Guessing the snacks were meant to make me feel better.”
He rubbed at his neck, “Guilty as charge.”
“You said you owe me a favor, right? Pay for me and I’ll call it even.” Wells acting help must have been paying off, because the fake smile I flashed came easier than I was expecting it to.
“Deal.” He took the lead and I followed. It looked like I was getting my favor after all.
//
The edge of foreign territory laid in front of me. In one hand, I had a video rental from the local rental place next to the corner store. My other was gripping my backpack strap to the point where it was almost white. Glued to the concrete, I stared at what laid before me.
Why had I agreed to watch the movie at his place?
Kade’s house was about as average as my own. Small and compact, the lawn was only half green and the paint was well taken care of but chipped in some places. There weren’t any cars out front, and while there could have been one in the garage, it was enough to send warning flares up in the air.
He unlocked the door, waving me inside, “Come in.”
The command thawed out my limbs and I robotically entered the house. The smell of a foreign home drifted to my nose, a mix of scents I couldn’t quite identify. The living room was set up pretty close to my home, with a couch set in front of a coffee table and tv. The difference was how large the television was. I couldn’t help but be stunned by it for a second.
Kade walked in after me, kicking his shoes off to the side where a collection of them were laid, “Sorry if the place is a little messy. Cleaning day is Saturday.”
“N-no, it’s fine!” I followed suit, lining my shoes up at the very edge of the family collection of them.
He waved me forward, perhaps sensing my hesitation, “You can set your bag on the couch. I was going to pop some popcorn, did you want anything to drink?”
“J-just water. Thanks.” He disappeared through the archway into what I could only guess as the kitchen. I did as I was told and set my bag on the couch and I sat at the very edge. Any attempt to relax failed, and I sat rod straight, examining everything around me.
Family pictures were scattered alone the wall. Kade was younger in some of them, and other than losing his baby fat and growing in height, he looked overall the same. His parents beside him were smiling in all the photos, but the more I looked at them, the more I realized how far apart they all stood from one another.
It was a detail I would have easily missed if I wasn’t so hyper focused on every detail I could collect.
The sound of popping popcorn came from behind me and a second later Kade walked out with a glass of water and a can of soda. He set it down in front of me and I gave my thanks.
Sipping on it to give myself something to do and avoid any and all conversation, he took the DVD I’d set down on the coffee table and moved towards the tv. I was still stunned by its size, and I figured it had to have been at least a 52-inch screen. The television in our living room was still a box tv.
“Thanks for inviting me.” I felt like I had to break the silence or it would kill me. He paused, glancing back as movie ads started to play on screen.
With remote in hand he walked back towards me, “It wasn’t too sudden, was it?”
It had been. When we passed by the movie rental and he’d popped the question, I hadn’t even processed what it was he’d said. I’d nodded automatically and felt too awkward to take it back afterwards.
“No, no! Honestly, I’ve only ever been to Abigail’s place, so this just feels really weird.”
“If it helps it’s normally only Wells who used to come over. Sometimes the team, since we all rotate going to each other’s houses after games. But even then, I think I have the smallest house out of all of them so they prefer anyone else’s.”
“I thought you’d be more popular than that.” He was always hanging out with a group of boys whenever I saw him. It was a larger friend group than it was with me and Nia.
He flinched, and I cursed myself for landing on a sensitive subject again somehow, “The team is the team. They can be fun to hang out with sometimes, but our friendship is a lot more surface level than that.” He shifted away. “I’ll go grab the popcorn.”
My awkwardness meter was broken at this point. I hadn’t realized it’d be such a sore topic of conversation. But if he felt like that, wasn’t that why he’d been so upset when Wells left? The only person he seemed to be close with on the team had left him. It must have felt like some kind of betrayal to their friendship.
I mulled this over, along with all the other scraps I’d managed to acquire thus far, before Kade reappeared with a yellow bowl filled to the brim with popcorn. He set it down in front of us, before distributing the collection of snacks amongst ourselves.
“I appreciate you paying for me.” Another desperate attempt to dispel the atmosphere.
“I did say I owe you. Don’t worry about it.”
The movie playing was the latest action flick. I didn’t know much about it, but Nia was into those kinds of things and said it was fun. For a moment, I thought back to Fox. He’d probably like it too, if I’d guessed right and he was into comics and the like. This was in line with that kind of thing, right?
I guess I was supposed to know about this kind of thing. After all, my sister had always compared me with the nerds since I was into video games. I’d begged my parents for a game boy advance the minute it had come out. It laid in my desk with a collection of stickers all over it. A variety of games had become a part of my collection, and as long as I didn’t play too much my parents didn’t mind. My homework always had to come first and my gaming after.
I thought they were a bit disappointed they’d gotten a gamer kid, though. They were the kind who bought into all the articles about how bad it was for child development and how it was going to cause a sharp rise in violence. I doubted my collection of ‘girl games’ raised any red flags.
The movie played. Kane was utterly relaxed next to me, and I knew it was because if he was in his own domain. If he’d come over to my house he would have landed in the same position as me. Especially with my parents being there, focusing in on him like an enemy who’d broken through their lines. Papi would have had a field day.
It took to the halfway point for my body to finally unfurl. The movie was a little silly, but it was fun. Kade occasionally made comments, and it felt like any other moment with a friend.
As the movie came to an end, the hero laid in a field of grass. He’d saved the world, but at what cost? His eyes closed, the shot slowly zoomed out, and the credits rolled.
I was back on the edge of the couch, “What—? No!”
Nia hadn’t ever mentioned anything about it being sad. Kade laughed as I furiously wiped my tears away, giving me a light pat on the shoulder, “Sorry, didn’t mean to make you cry twice again today.”
“It’s not fair! What’s the point in fighting if you’re not going to get a happy ending?” The words hit closer to home then Kade could ever imagine. After he’d gone through all the struggles and strife, the hero had still died in the end. “At least he protected his loved ones, I guess.”
“Would you do the same? Protect others even if you didn’t get your happy ending?” Kade wore a similar expression to the one he’d had yesterday. I still didn’t know what it meant as I pondered the question.
If all I was doing only led to a happy ending for Abigail, would I be ok with it? It was hard to say, “I’m…not sure. Is it selfish to say I want to fight for my own happiness even if I can’t protect everyone?”
I did want to protect everyone. But at the same time, I had to admit I wasn’t as self-sacrificing as other people were. If I’d sensed true danger when I’d followed Abigail, I couldn’t confidently say I would have taken her place. Maybe I would have, or maybe I’d have run away at the last second.
“I think…it’d depend on the person for me.” Kade stood up straight, swiping the remote from the table. “Anyway, we’re not here for heavy topics right?”
“Ah…! Sorry.”
“No need to apologize.” Whatever smile he offered wasn’t enough to assure me. My thoughts had been spiraling all day. It was the first time I’d latched on so heavily to the idea of whether I was a good person or not. The answer to that question was scary to me. “What do you want to do now? We could—”
His voice was cut off by the sound of my phone ringing. We both jumped, and I scrambled to get it out of my bag. I flipped it open to find my mom’s caller ID staring back at me.
“I think I might have to go home. Give me a second.” He nodded as I answered the call and was bombarded with my mom’s voice.
“Where are you? Are you ok? You’re going to be late for dinner.”
“I’m fine, mom. I’m at a friend’s house right down the street.”
“Oh! You should have just said you were hanging out with Abigail.”
“Oh it’s n—”
“Anyway, hurry home. I don’t want you to be out after dark.” The line went dead and I heaved a sigh at how quickly she’d called and hung up.
As I snapped the phone shut, Kade stood, “Should I walk you home?”
“No, I’ll be fine. It’s just down the street.” I grabbed my bag and threw it over my shoulder, “Thanks for inviting me over today.”
“Yeah, of course. I…I hope you feel better.”
I did, too. I kicked my shoes off and he waved me off from his door. I hoped mom wasn’t too upset, since I had forgotten to call and let her know. Everything had happened so fast today I hadn’t even thought about it. As I made my way back, I found myself running into Abigail.
We both stared at each other, surprised to see the other outside of my house. She cleared her throat, “Are you just getting back from acting practice?”
“No. Kade invited me to watch a movie at his place.” The words were wrong when spoken out loud. I pretended like I hadn’t nearly flinched at saying them.
Abigail gave a half-smile, “Looks like you’ve got this all figured out. You really didn’t need my help.”
“No, it’s really awkward, honestly. I…” I was playing pretend. All the thoughts that had been running through my head today felt ready to overflow. For a second, I opened my mouth ready to spill my guts even if it wasn’t believable. But my tongue turned to lead and my vocal chords ceased functioning. Fear sliced through my bones, and she reached a hand out.
The coolness of her fingers made me realize how warm I’d become, “Are you ok? …He didn’t do anything did he?”
“What? No! Kade’s really nice. He even bought me snacks and everything. Today has just been weird.” There was no way to tell her it was real. I could say it, if it was pretend. But when I’d tried to be honest, everything had screamed at me to stop. It must have been breaking the rules to tell.
She pushed a stray piece of hair away from my face, “As long as he didn’t do anything. Come on, let’s go inside. You must be freezing still being in your uniform.”
I didn’t feel the cold, with how warm I was. But I let her take me from the hand and lead me inside. She unlocked the door with a spare key my parents had gotten her, and hauled me to my room.
I changed, pulling on the biggest sweater I owned while Abigail sat on my bed. Her legs kicked out, and I noticed the nail polish on her toes had finally begun to chip. She was looking at my desk, where I’d placed the book, the flower, and the paper sword.
“I thought you’d keep this in your closet.” Her fingers traced the cover of the book, and I tried not to overact like I had before.
“I did. But maybe it’s disrespectful to the person who owned it to keep it hidden away.” She raised her eyebrows, but didn’t comment. Instead, her hand trailed over the paper sword, and she placed it in her palm.
She held it so carefully, “Who gave this to you?”
“The kid that tutors me was doing origami before class started and made it. He said I could take it.” Her thumb brushed over it, before she let it slide back down onto the table.
“You know, I thought things were going well for you. You were talking about growing and making friends and going against Jen, it was like you would blossom. But the more I watch you, the more I feel like it’s weighing you down.” I didn’t know what to say. My eyes fell to my feet, and when she saw I was silent, she went on. “What’ll make you happy, Cinder? Let’s go and do that.”
“Being with you and Nia!” She blinked as I hopped onto the space next to her. “Being with the both of you makes me happy.”
“But you’ve always been with us. And even though you’ve said that, you’re not happy now, are you?”
“Because I said I’d change! I’ve never had to look into myself before. I’ve always avoided self-reflection and now that I’m looking inwards it’s been so much. There are so many flaws I have and so many questions about myself I don’t even have the answer to. It’s my own weaknesses doing this.”
Her hands were on my cheeks, squishing them together, “Then don’t forget your flaws can be your biggest strengths, and your virtues your biggest weakness. Don’t focus on something as overrated as being perfect.”
“But I always thought you were…” My words were muffled and she squeezed my cheeks harder before I could get the words out.
“Perfect to you. But let’s be honest baby doll, we both know I have a hell of a mean streak. I cause problems all the time. All because someone is your ideal doesn’t make them perfect.” I knew that. Even when I measured myself against her, I understood. I did know Abigail’s flaws, but they weren’t mine so they didn’t matter.
I pried her hands away, “Maybe because I’m a coward, I almost admire you for being mean.
“Maybe because I’m a bitch, I almost admire you for being nice.” She patted me on the head before jumping to her feet. “Now let’s eat. I’m starving.”
She wouldn’t have spiraled as quickly as I had. If Fox called all of this a ‘burst,’ Abigail wouldn’t have experienced one at all. She would have been aware of her actions and decided to go through with them anyway. The ex-main character. I glanced at the sword.
It was mine now. Guilt or not, fear or not, I had to keep going. My gut told me it’d only get harder from here.