Serena Liu Yi Shan couldn’t stop herself from blinking whenever she stared at the ceiling of the pet store. The fluorescent lights above had been flickering since last week, and the manager had yet to call anyone to fix it. The flickering carried a sort of pattern, almost resembling morse code. Though she could not decode it, she knew they were gossiping about her. In specific, her pathetic life.

What had gone so miserably wrong that at her age, she worked at a pet shop? Forty years of life, of time, of experience, all culminating in the success of today: stocking shelves with canned food, sorting them by colour and ensuring the logo faced out. A life well lived.

It was possible for her to work without calling anyone by name in this shop. Hence, the remembering of names was a choice, not a necessity. And Serena only made that choice with the three colleagues she befriended.

Kelly, pushing a basket to the Cat food aisle, was only here to put food on the table, whilst chasing her ambitions of becoming a business-owner. Just married a few months ago, the honeymoon period still went strong. Filled with prospects, it saddened Serena to see her waste it here. She wished Alicia would find a man like Kelly’s husband, who made Kelly smile in that way that revealed her dimples with his surprise visits. Out of everyone, the uniform fitted her curvy figure the best.

Gen, feeding the rabbits by the front entrance, was the only person who enjoyed working here. A mother to three dogs, she was the only one who benefited from the staff discounts. She was also a foodie, which was evident from the extra pounds on her double chin and stomach. Gen never stopped complaining about those.

If not for Cheryl, she would’ve been the oldest woman in the store. Cheryl couldn’t hold one full conversation without bringing up the apple of her eye; Zack: Zack scored single digits for O’Levels. Zack got into the badminton school team. Zack was in one of the top JCs in Singapore, on track to be in one of the top universities in Singapore, and to get a job in one of the top industries in Singapore, making one of the top salaries in Singapore. If only Alicia was more like him. Cheryl also took her role of store manager way too seriously, ruling this run-down place with an iron fist. Along her neck was a necklace that glistened against the flickering lights above like moonlight. Everyone knew all the subtle ways she’d flaunt it in conversations, but no one had the gall to call her out on it.

The trio broke for lunch, leaving the part-timers with the remaining pile of cans to sort. As each of them swung the glass door open, an annoying set of chimes crashed into each other, playing that melody that was forever stuck in her head. Whenever Serena went into another store with a chime by the door, her heart skipped a beat.

Cheryl was always the first to speak: Zack placed in the top three of his cohort this semester. She was the only mother who could grow this sprawling garden of talent and promise in her child. Serena, meanwhile, could only borrow the fertilizer the woman used in nuggets: ban all technology, only use tough love, and always be in charge.

Understanding it was simple, executing it was impossible.

Cheryl’s boasts stirred the cauldron of guilt Serena held within. She dealt with it by admiring a polaroid of Alicia in her wallet. In the photograph, the girl smiled from ear to ear, and stood beside her favourite teacher with a peace sign on Teacher’s Day in her primary school years.

The girl promised everyone she’d score full ‘A’s when she went into secondary school, and be every teacher’s star pupil. It was in these moments where Serena felt like a good mother.

They grew rarer and rarer with each day.

Her phone buzzed. She dug it out of her handbag and went, “Hi, this is Serena from Happy Tails pet store, how may I-”

“I’m looking for Mrs Liu?” He said. It took her a second to recognise him to be the principal.

Oops. Her cheeks warmed up. “Sorry, I haven’t had my coffee yet. Yes, speaking.” She told a white lie to save face.

“I’m calling to inform you that we caught your daughter Alicia smoking a cigarette today. Could you please come down to settle this matter?”

She seized up, “Uh… Sure.”

“When would you be able to come down?”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Okay, see you.” He hung up.

“Um, Cheryl…” She bowed down. “Alicia got into some trouble at school. I— I need to go. I’ll work OT next week to make up for it and buy you your favourite mala.”

She prayed for Cheryl’s leniency.

“Xiao-la (mild spicy).” Cheryl folded her arms.

“Thank you! Thank you!” She bowed her head and headed to the carpark.

She got into her run-down car and sped off. The radio crackled regardless of the station, played through the god-awful speakers that had too much bass, and too less volume. Alicia couldn’t stand it one bit. The air-conditioner couldn’t go below twenty-four degrees, which was only a problem on the hotter days, and would choose to blast out warm air any time of its liking.

Alicia always complained about the sorry state of her school, not knowing how good she has it. Compared to Serena’s old school, this place was a five-star hotel. Back then, a computer lab was a crowning achievement a school could have. Nowadays, everyone complained that the computers themselves were older than their phones. She knocked on the glass door, and Mr Lee led her to the principal’s office.

“What happened?” She asked.

Alicia was staring at the window with a deadpan expression, watching… What was she even looking at? Zero respect. She cranked Alicia’s head forward. “Look at me when I’m talking to you!” Their eyes were like magnets of like poles. They repelled. But Serena demanded the girl defied the laws of Physics, because eye contact was basic manners.

The air-condition in his office was way too cold for any human person, but she tried her best to resist shivering. His exquisite wooden desk would look amazing as a coffee table in the living room.

“No one was talking to me”, Alicia said.

Clever. “What happened?”

“I’m sorry.” Alicia had tears in her eyes. “I made a mistake.”

“What mistake?”

“The principal already told you about it on the phone.”

“So he’s right? You smoked?”

Alicia nodded.

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Her jaw opened wide. If this was Zack, what would Cheryl do? What did tough love entail in this scenario? A firm scolding, and a firmer punishment. She was never good at that.

“Why would you do something so stupid?”

“I was just curious…” Alicia started turning away again.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you! Where are your manners?”

The principal cleared his throat. “Mr Lee caught Alicia throwing a cigarette and lighter into the rubbish bin during recess today. I had the school janitor retrieve it and wash it…” With a sleight-of-hand, he revealed them like a magician and slid them across the table.

She picked it up, noticed the black char inside. Two decades ago, she would have smoked it with the same desperation a man in the desert drank water. “You see this black part inside? You want your lungs to be like this? Chao-tar (Burnt)!”

“No!”

“Where did you even get this?”

“Vinn left it behind after he ran away.”

“I thought you promised never to do stuff like this!” Don’t end up like me. “Don’t you know better?”

“Mrs Liu.” The principal said, “We take smoking very seriously in this school. Especially after the incident a few months ago. I’m sure you remember?”

“Yes.”

“I have decided that Alicia will be given a disciplinary warning—”

“No!”

Strike one of three before expulsion. What would happen then? Alicia cannot end up like her. She’d rather die.

“Please… Alicia needs to finish secondary school and get her O’Level certificate! Think about her future!” Serena pleaded.

“Alicia, what do you think about what your mother had just said?”

“Why is Vinn not expelled yet?” Alicia mumbled, thinking no one heard it. But Serena did.

“You still dare to talk back?”

Finally, Alicia shut up.

The principal continued, “And she will be given a week of detention.”

There was no use arguing with the principal, “Okay. Thank you Mr Xun. Your office looks elegant.” She bowed her head, forcing Alicia to do the same. “I will talk some sense into her when we get home. This will never happen again, right Alicia?” She pinched Alicia’s elbow.

“Ouch!”

“Right? Alicia?”

“Right?” Alicia asked.

She thanked him again, and continued pinching Alicia by the elbow through the courtyard. There was a vast wall by the pavement displaying the best works of art the school produced, starting with a painting of the Botanical Gardens, with the signature of the artist at the bottom corner: Ahmad from class 3A. The leaves had unbelievable detail, with the branch reaching to the end of every leaf. Even from all the way here, those leaves stood out.

First, she gave the firm scolding.

“You know what cigarettes are made of?”

“They are made of nicotine, which is an addictive substance that reaches the brain in seconds and triggers your neurotransmitters, which help regulate mood and behaviour!”

“Oh! So you know about it, and you still smoked anyway?”

The Merlion, painted by Sarah from class 2C. Unlike the rest of the painting, the stream of water from the lion-mermaid statue’s mouth seemed rushed.

“I thought if I smoked, something good might come from it.”

“Something good? What amazing good can come from smoking? Go on, tell me!”

“I was mistaken.” Alicia lowered her voice.

“You’ve always been such a good girl, even when all your other classmates are off causing trouble. First you join them smoking, then what’s next? Slacking off on your studies? O’Levels are coming, you know? This exam determines the rest of your life! You mess this up, you mess up your whole future, and you’ll never stop regretting it!”

Alicia gulped.

She scoffed again. They entered the car and drove back home.

“And thanks to you, I have to skip a day of work just to come rescue you! Do you want me to get fired? You know what will happen if I got fired? My job is the only thing that brings food to the table, you know? If I got fired, we’ll have to rent out your bedroom just to pay the bills! No more wonton noodles, and definitely no new laptop!”

“But you promised!”

“You dare talk about that right now?”

She slammed the steering wheel. The worst period of every parent’s life had arrived right on schedule: teenagehood. Filled with knowledge, but without experience, they walked around thinking they knew better than anyone. This complex had to be beaten out of them, literally or figuratively, or they’ll end up in rehab.

Cooking was the only me-time she had nowadays, and she treasured every second of it. Even in fuming anger and with a migraine, this had to be done. The carrots, she sliced like a lumberjack cut wood, imagining them to be the teenagehood in Alicia that led the girl to do such stupid things. The eggs, she cracked and tossed it in the bin like a baseball. The rice, she squeezed the life out of whilst soaked in water, before dumping it in the rice cooker. Ingrate.

At least Alicia still had the diligence to do the laundry, as a daughter should. But said diligence would fade if she didn’t act fast.

Tonight’s dish was Alicia’s favourite: wonton noodles. No, the girl didn’t deserve it, but the ingredients had been in the fridge all week, begging to be used.

To accommodate Alicia’s picky taste buds, she added scrambled egg to the dish, and calculated the precise amount of chili to add. If even one thing was wrong, the girl would pout. After years of this pickiness, she had all but given up on trying to correct it. At least the girl liked vegetables.

“Alicia! Dinner’s ready!”

The girl hid in her room all day, secretive about whatever she was doing, which always set off Serena’s paranoia. Sighing, she knocked on the door.

“Come out and eat at the dining table! Dinner is ready! I cooked you your favourite. Wonton noodles. Eat while it’s still hot!”

Alicia came out smiling. “Yay!” Alicia flapped her hands like penguin fins.

Serena never knew where the girl learned that from. She only knew how embarrassing it was. The worst instance of this was when Alicia did it at a high-end restaurant at a friend’s party, causing everyone to give her a weird look. That night, everyone commented on the girl with passive-aggressive, sarcastic compliments when talking to her.

They weren’t invited ever again.

“You can do that when you’re at home. But when you’re outside, please control yourself. People will think there’s something wrong with you,” she warned.

Dismayed, Alicia stopped. She dug into the noodles and started again. It was like a dog’s tail, which could be controlled, but wagged on its own.

“How is it?”

Alicia nodded profusely.

She couldn’t help but smile. If only her daughter wasn’t caught smoking today, and got herself a disciplinary warning. Then perhaps she could enjoy this moment more.

“You know why I’m so worried about this, right?”

“I am eating! And I know!”

“Ok, ok…” She put her hands up. Alicia hated it when people talked while eating. “Tell me why, and I’ll stop. I want to make sure you understand.”

“Because you married Dad, and he turned out to be a junkie, and that was the worst mistake you ever made.”

The truth hurt.

“Ok… good. So you see? It’s incredibly dangerous. It can leave you making mistakes you’ll regret for the rest of your life. It can lead you to end up with a junkie!”

“I know.”

“Promise me you will never do anything like this again.”

“You said you will stop!”

“Just promise me!” She raised her voice, but didn’t mean to. “Don’t end up like me. You’re better than that.”

“I promise.”

They crossed their pinkies. She let go of a breath she didn’t know she held all day. Alicia finished her food, cleaned her plate, and headed to bed.

Serena accomplished the firm scolding well. But what about the firmer punishment?

While Alicia slept, Serena swept the floor, paid the bills, checked the fridge, updated the shopping list, and showered. Though, even that wasn’t enough to wash off the bags under her eyes, or the wrinkles on her sagging skin. All of that took her two hours to complete.

At last, she had some time to herself, which she could either spend struggling to sleep, or unwinding with some TV. She chose the TV every time.

Then came the burning back pain. Then came the stabbing migraine. Then came the unshed tears; she didn’t know why though. Her eyes were already half closed when she held the remote, and before she could find the right channel, her eyes shut.