The ‘office’, if Serena could call it that, that Wei Xiang brought her to did not inspire confidence. It was in a similar run-down mall overdue for demolition, tucked in a corner and cloaked in darkness.
Why did Wei Xiang only befriend fellow failing healthcare practitioners?
The banner above had the therapist’s name, Dr Ling, written in cursive, floating on a low-resolution image of a water lily. It seemed like the type that glowed, despite it not doing so
The ‘office’ had two rooms. The first, a receptionist desk with no receptionist and a single couch across it. Wei Xiang sat there, still glaring at her.
The second, the therapy room itself, which was a stark improvement. A lamp in the corner embraced the walls with a soft yellow tint, like the sun on the days it spared mercy. The couch shared the same eye-candy tessellation with the rug.
Dr Ling offered her a cup of tea, which aroma reminded her of home. She had the exact flavor and brand in her cabinets. The man had good taste in tea.
Clothes too. The simple tee and jacket fit him so perfectly that Serena couldn’t picture him wearing anything else. After a brief exchange of tea brands, they got right down to business.
The first word brought her to tears, while the rest kept them flowing. Events were told out of order, in broken sentences and stuttered words.
His words, soft and slow, embraced her like a kitten. They were the last thing she’d ever expected to hear. They were the only thing she’d ever wished to hear. Something warm, something kind, something motherly.
A single ray of light, in a soft yellow tint, fell on her.
With that, he asked his first question. It brought her to silence.
“What would you say to Alicia instead if you had a second chance?”
Something warm, something kind, something motherly. Such as…
No. She shook her head. Alicia cannot ever hear any of this. Even if she was a million miles away, she couldn’t risk it. If Alicia did, she would…
But that was precisely what Alicia needed to hear all along, wasn’t it? The answer was already within her all along.
God, she hated therapy.
The first person to know Alicia was missing was Mr Lee. She was due for an FCE presentation today that would count towards her final O’Level grade. As if Serena didn’t know that.
A morbid thought came to her: what if Alicia skipped her O’Levels?
She lied, saying Alicia ran a high fever, and needed the week to recover. She promised she’d keep the girl on top of her studies and revision, and hung up.
Wei Xiang spent all day printing missing posters at his clinic with Carre, while she stapled them on every surface she could find. As she did this, she brainstormed on the next spot to send the search party (herself, Wei Xiang and Carrie) after.
A mastermind would drive across the border into Malaysia; the much bigger country to hide in. But Alicia was no mastermind. She was a child.
Where would a child go? A child would only go to places she’d heard of before, and Alicia had heard of homeless shelters from school. But Carrie had been calling those one after another, to no avail.
The second, third and fourth person to know Alicia was missing was her colleagues. She broke the news over lunch and hexed the table with a curse of silence. Even Cheryl, the serial interrupter, dared not say a word. Perhaps because she was a fellow mother.
Without hesitation, Kelly placed the bakery on hiatus.
Gen offered to ask her circles if they’d seen anything.
Cheryl offered nothing. In fact, she couldn’t wait to move on, but lingered out of basic human decency. Serena took several weeks off of work and headed home early. Everyone prayed for Alicia.
She didn’t need to cook the girl dinner. She didn’t need to knock on her door. She didn’t need to leave cookies Alicia wouldn’t touch by her door. She only needed to do the chores.
But she couldn’t under deafening silence. Only the TV helped to drown it out; Serena left it on all night. She watched it without watching it, thought without thinking, and slept without sleeping.
It all went static.
Except a recording of that night. So, she watched it, because that was easier than not watching TV. The ray of light from Dr Ling faded away. It showed her that the void she was in wasn’t black, but dark.
It hurt more to know that.
God, she hated therapy.
The fifth person to know Alicia was missing was Jacob. She summarized it all in one long text, and demanded some time off from their relationship. He respected it.
It was morning when she found the strength to move again. Wei Xiang knocked with the same irritability as an alarm clock. He brought breakfast, but she was in no mood to eat. She still had the coffee, though.
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He suggested they search through the motels and hotels across the country. They were the second refuge of the homeless, after social services. They started at none other than Motel 91. No matter how much she cried and pleaded, the staff offered no help.
Worse, the woman who helped her track Alicia down and had the gall to claim she abused Alicia was off-duty today. Everyone left either forgot about the incident, or wasn’t there to witness it.
She switched tactics. If the motel wouldn’t search for Alicia, she’d do it herself. She’d stay a night and inspect every room on her own. But Wei Xiang stopped her.
“What incident?” He raised a brow.
She expected this to break her even further. But no, this only flared her cheeks red hot. She expected Wei Xiang to give the disappointed look. But no, he only sighed. He had already got used to the new Serena; the failed mother.
Her justification for it was piss poor, she knew that. But she gave it anyway, because saving some face was better than none. It didn’t work.
“They already said she isn’t here, and I don’t think they’ll let you search every room like that, either.”
“I don’t care! I’m checking in! Are you coming with or not?”
Serena was one shout or cry away from being kicked out by security.
“Alicia can’t even afford to stay here! She gave all the money to the scammer. And even if she can, I don’t think they’ll let her. Their policy must’ve changed since—you know.”
Her sixth sense beeped like a metal detector, growing louder the further into the lobby she went.
Beeping, beeping, beeping…
“Plus, we have other spots to search too. We can’t spend all our time here.” Wei Xiang added.
“I know she’s here!” She stared him down. “I know Alicia better than anyone. She wouldn’t know where to go, or what to do, so she will only follow suggestions she heard from other people!”
Wei Xiang conceded and switched sides. “Can we walk one loop around?” He asked the staff. They obliged.
Serena knocked on doors like the police, holding up a photo of Alicia on her phone; rinse and repeat for every floor. Nothing. She would’ve suspected them of lying if not for common sense.
The rooms on the top floor were unused. A peek through the window showed no traces of a guest inside. Next, she checked the amenities. It alone transformed the motel she knew into one she didn’t. A swimming pool (albeit a small and dirty one), a restaurant (more like a cafe), and couches everywhere. It seemed business was good since she left.
Beeping, beeping, beeping…
Only the kitchen and the staffrooms remained. She tried sneaking into said kitchen and almost knocked into a waiter carrying piping hot coffee. The doors behind him stayed open long enough for her to scan the kitchen inside. Nothing.
She sat by the lounge and watched the concierge attending to all the guests like a lion watched a zebra in the grass, waiting for her chance to strike. As the concierge staff closest to her turned their back to call someone from the staffroom, she snuck past their gaze, only to meet the manager’s once again.
They called security.
Wei Xiang suggested they searched through other motels, but she had one last idea. She ran to the back alleys she was all too familiar with. There, a group of junkies with tattoos vandalising their skin stared at her. One of them pulled out a packet of white powder, business as per usual.
It felt like ants crawling all over her veins.
Wei Xiang yanked her away so hard that she almost tripped.
“No!” He roared, “Alicia’s not here! We’re looking elsewhere! Get back in the car now!”
Serena drove off. She knew Alicia better than anyone, and she knew nothing.
They only had the bandwidth to check three motels with equal scrutiny, and half-assing their searches could backfire on them. Hence, they called it a day and headed back home.
The force of stomach acid pushed against the power of procrastination; an immovable object against an unstoppable force. Her stomach acid won by a hair; just enough to bring her to the kitchen, and nothing else. The easiest thing to cook was rice and egg, hence it became her dinner.
It tasted like nothing, which was fine with her; her tongue was in no mood to taste. By the third bite, she already felt like throwing up, but she powered through. It was better than stomach acid.
Procrastination, however, won in the battle for chores against her pet peeve for unclean floors. She laid on the couch, put the TV on, and hid in a pillow.
Everything plugged into her and played tug-of-war with everything else for power; they refused to share. The friction from all the pulling baked her head like an oven. They pulled until the rope snapped.
The power went out. Everything shut down one after another until not even static remained. A complete blackout. Every switch in the power box refused to flick back on, no matter how hard she pulled the switch.
She overloaded.
Rest was the most important thing she needed. But her sudden idea was more important. So much so that it won against procrastination by a landslide.
She dragged herself off the couch and into Alicia’s room to search. For what? Who knows? The top few cabinet drawers were empty. Arranging Alicia’s plush toys together revealed one missing from the set. On the table, her math textbook had its cover page and plastic wrap torn out, perhaps from Alicia using it as a punching bag.
The idea was another dead-end.
She slept in the girl’s bed at night. The mattress still had her scent, though it grew fainter every hour. Every time she cleaned her room, Alicia drop everything she was doing to mess it up again. Unfolding her blanket, lining her plush toys on top of it in a circle, and taking attendance to ensure none went missing.
After primary school, this behaviour went from cute to concerning. But Alicia never grew out of it.
Yet, she’d rather abandon all of them than live another day with her? Unbelievable! In a fit of rage, Serena threw her pillow at the window, just like how she threw Alicia’s phone.
A second idea came to her.
She took the lift down, ran to the carpark, and stood at the exact spot where she could see Alicia’s window. A rough calculation built on a poor understanding of physics told her that Alicia’s phone would land on either the grass or the drain beside the sidewalk.
She searched the grass first. Shining her phone at every blade, she found branches, litter and a coil of dog poop camouflaged in the green like a landmine. No phone.
She searched the drain next. The contents within it were more vile. A rat scurried past the light so fast that Serena wasn’t sure if it was a rat. The mere sight of sewage water made her heave and cough. From a bystander’s perspective, she must’ve appeared insane.
Luckily, her insane antics ended on the two-third mark across the drain, as something peculiar sat underneath a pile of leaves. Using a loose brach, she flicked said leaves away and determined it to be a screen.
A phone screen.
One stick could fish the device up, but not out of the drain. About the half-way mark, it would topple off the stick and land face first into the vile liquid, splashing some on her hand.
The stick wasn’t working. She tossed it away, and prepared herself for the unthinkable. One hand was a worthy sacrifice for one clue. She rolled up her sleeves, held her breath, and dipped that hand in. It remained submerged until it had a firm grasp of the phone before it resurfaced.
Her fingers rested on every button and pressed them as fast as they could. In one second, Serena went from surrendering after learning Alicia’s phone was defunct to seeing the light as the low battery symbol flashed on the screen.
Gagging, she ran back home to charge it.