Alicia needed to go home. She sprung out of bed at dawn, having only slept an hour, grabbed her luggage and burst out of her room.
She can’t go home. Her bruised bottom proved it. Her clothes still brushed it in all the wrong ways, leaving an omnipresent sting that she had got used to. Though she could feel it clotting. She traced the arc of the moon with her eyes and counted the stars.
She used to stare the full moon with Serena. Nothing of significance happened on those nights. No exchanges of vulnerability or empathy happened as they stared. It didn’t last long either; only ten minutes at most.
She thought very little of it then. She couldn’t stop thinking about it now. Below her, Dania strolled through the carpark with her fellow chatterboxes, giggling and laughing at each other.
Alicia looked at Zack, sleeping in a starfish posture, and reminded herself that she was his girlfriend now. That man was her boyfriend, and she was his girlfriend. Whatever that meant. But at least she knew this:
She can’t go home.
Zack woke up with the sun. He showered and double-checked it for cockroaches before she did. Right as they set off to the main lobby, he asked, “Can I hold your hand?”
No one had ever asked that before.
“Sure.” She said.
Her hand recoiled at first before burrowing into his. On top of that, their fingers intertwined. No one had held her hand like this before.
His hand, soft as a cloud, felt like a heated massage to her’s. The heat, though comfortable, caused both palms to sweat.
Still, she kept her hand around his, because they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Holding hands was what boyfriends and girlfriends did.
This was new.
They let go when they had breakfast. Biriyani rice. Rice was not breakfast food. She didn’t have a cup of milo either. Food without milo was not breakfast, it was a meal. With great reluctance, she ate it, and powered through how off the food tasted, how off her full stomach felt. But there was nothing wrong with her food or her digestion.
Dania came after they finished eating and returned to hand-holding. Her look was foreign, but Alicia guessed it to be positive. Dania got down to business. After some back-and-forth with her manager, they decided the couple needed to work at the motel to earn their stay. Alicia and Zack will become motel staff and earn a salary like everyone else.
Alicia and Zack agreed to this. They planned to work together, until they outlined the jobs they liked and disliked.
Alicia disliked guests. She’d rather die than talk to them. She preferred working alone in the background, away from everyone. In a weird turn of events, Zack claimed he liked guests and would die if he had no one to socialise with. This was antithetical to the Zack she recognised.
But Zack said he had always been a social butterfly who had its wings damaged by his mother. In her absence, however, the butterfly could fly again.
“But I want you to work with me!” Alicia huffed. “We’re in a romantic relationship!”
“Yeah, but I can’t take it if I don’t talk to anyone all day.”
“You can talk to me.”
“Well, besides you. I’ll get bored with talking to the same person all day. You know?”
“I don’t.”
Zack raised a brow. “What do you mean, you don’t?”
“Why would you get bored by that? I talk with Kat all the time at school and I’m not bored. Unless I’m boring to talk to?”
“You’re not.”
“So, why would you get bored?”
“I—I don’t know how—Nevermind. Let’s just work different jobs. We will still meet each other when we eat and sleep.”
“Fine.” She crossed her arms.
She couldn’t explain it. He didn’t understand it. No one noticed it.
Zack worked at the concierge. Alicia worked at the cafe as a waiter. Her supervisor briefed her on the menu and table numbers while her head felt off. It hit her; she hadn’t tied her hair. But her hair ties were back in her room, and she’d doubt the supervisor would let her.
For eight hours today, her head felt off.
She had thought to describe this off feeling to Serena several times, but could never find the right words for it. Hence, she never got around to it. The best word she had was ‘distress’, which she learnt from her research into autism. ‘Disruptions in their routines could lead to distress and possibly cause meltdowns.’
But ‘distress’ wasn’t accurate; not even close. Distress described the feeling of falling behind on homework or missing a bus. This off feeling was worse.
It also worsened.
She hallucinated faults in everything. Biriyani, a perfectly normal food, tasted weird. Waiting tables, a perfectly normal job, felt like a waste of time. Untied hair, a perfectly normal state for hair to be in, felt messy. Her lack of explanation made her doubt the emotion altogether.
Maybe it didn’t exist, and she was imagining things. Maybe this was her faul. Maybe she just needed to grow up.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
Either way, she had eight hours of spare time to host this debate. Eight hours. A third of the day, whilst another third was spent sleeping, leaving her with a third remaining. That cut her time in half for her to study—No, she didn’t need to study or revise anymore, because she stopped going to school.
No school. No school uniform with the itchy tag she kept forgetting to cut off. No sandwich during recess. No Kat. No Cyber-Strikers. No O’Levels. No FCE coursework. No stationery. No worksheets. No files. No bags. No Vinn…This was good news, right?
No school holidays either; this wasn’t relaxing. No TV. No phone. No tacos. No research for anything, let alone autism. No Dr Wang. No staying up and waking up late…
There was only coffees and eggs to serve.
Her breathing sped up, and Alicia came close to another meltdown. Where was Zack? Where was Dania? How long had it been?
She checked the clock; one hour. Seven more to go, for five days a week, forever.
Oh god.
She served the coffee and ran to Zack and Dania. Dania offered the staffroom for her to hide. What was she doing? What was she doing? What was she doing? Serena was right; she was a child. Stubborn, immature and stupid. She needed to go home.
Zack came in and sat next to her. She held him for dear life.
“I want to go home.”
“It’s okay.” He held her back. “You’ll adapt. You just need time.”
“Have you adapted?”
“I guess.”
“How?”
“I—” He shrugged and trailed off.
“How!”
“I don’t know, I just… I don’t know how to explain it.”
She beat her own head once before Zack could stop her.
Dania came in next. “I need both of you to hide in here. Your mother is here and I’ve asked the staff to cover for you. Don’t move and stay quiet.” She placed a finger over her lip.
Alicia and Zack covered their mouths.
She could go home now. She just needed to walk out.
Walk out. Stand up and open the door. Go home.
She stayed plastered to Zack, as if he was the only source of fire in a harsh winter. Without him, she’d freeze to death. Through the wall, she heard her mother crying, screaming, and pleading.
Walk out now.
Walk out now.
Walk out now.
After telling herself that a hundred times, someone knocked on the door. Dania poked her head out and gave them the all-clear. “Okay, your mother is gone. You can go out now.” She checked her watch. “It’s also time for lunch, so go take a breather and eat. Do you want to join us?”
Alicia shook her head. She didn’t walk out, but she cried.
For food, Dania discussed with the kitchen to give them a stove in the corner during off-peak hours; though they only had an hour. Dania advised them to use their salary to buy a portable stove and pot to cook in their room in the future.
Zack had brought a few packets of instant noodles in his backpack, and used two of them for their lunch today. Though she hadn’t cooked one before, she imagined it wouldn’t be too different from Kat’s pasta.
She was right. With Zack’s help and a chef’s supervision, cooking went smoothly. They collected their noodles and took a seat at the corner table of the cafe.
A thought struck her. She could get her hair tie now. Zack offered to do it for her, and came back with a bright pink hair tie.
Colourful hair ties were for weekend outings, whilst colourless ones were for everyday use.
“Wrong colour.” She clicked her tongue. “Can you get the black one?”
“I’m hungry. I’ll get it later. Can’t you just use the pink one?”
“No. It’s for when I go out, usually during the weekends.”
“Just use the pink one.”
“I’ll get it myself.”
When she returned, Zack had finished his noodles.
She tied it in the exact centre of her head, and let out a relaxed sigh as her head returned to its correct state. It was like finally using the restroom after holding it through an exam.
Only then could she eat lunch in peace if Zack weren’t itching for a chat.
“How’s the job?”
“Mm!” She stomped her foot.
“What?”
“I’m eating!”
“Ok…so how is it?”
“I Am Eating!”
“You can’t talk while you eat?”
“It’s distracting!”
“Oh, okay, sorry.” He sat back in silence.
Only then could she eat lunch in peace if Dania didn’t interrupt.
“Are you two okay?”
She shrieked, and stormed off with her bowl, “I’m eating alone!”
Only then could she eat lunch in peace.
She got back to work afterwards. The numbering system for the tables clicked in her head: arranged in descending order from back to front relative from the kitchen. She understood some abbreviations of the and lingo used by the chefs.
Then came the foot pain. A million pebbles pressed against her soles. They were dull, hence it didn’t feel like a stab. Yet, they were heavy, so it still hurt. Back pain; it didn’t hurt as much, but still contributed to the fatigue. Sore arms; they felt like string that were knotted beyond excess, which required an eternity to undo them one by one.
Peak hour arrived next. Guests flooded everywhere, threatening to capsize the entire motel in queries and requests. All hands were on deck, cooking and serving at lightning speed.
If food spilled, no one had time to clean it (unless a customer asked them to). If phones rang, no one had time to answer them. If things dropped, no one had time to pick them up.
This poured salt and squeezed lime all over the pain, doubling it in severity. Thank god she only had two hours left. She spent those hours focused on only one thing; the next order. The next order. The next order.
Peak hour ended as quickly as it began.
As a gift to welcome her to the team, her supervisor gave the excess serving of Eggs Benedict from a wrong order earlier for free.
She headed back to her room to find Zack already there, sketching. She sat next to him and watched as line after line brought a robot woman to life. The same woman she had seen ever since they started tuition.
The coincidence made her chuckle.
“How was work?”
“Everything hurts.”
“Yeah, same.”
“The girl is a robot?” She pointed to the sketch.
“Yeah. I was practicing how to draw girls first, and then I added the robot stuff on top later.”
“I’m a girl!” She chirped.
“Ok, I’ll use you as my reference next.”
“Okay!”
Maybe Alicia didn’t need to go home. She could make do in the winter with a fire going.