“We really gonna do this?” Nicole asked, grinning happily at the idea.
“Of course we’re gonna do this, we set it all up and everything.” Hyde said
“I was kidding, of course we’re gonna do this. What’s the point of living on the edge as pirates if we don’t do dangerous shit like this?” she said, hitting the enter button on the laptop. “This is so exciting.” She grinned.
“Hello, this is Vinn and Nicole’s residence, who’s calling?”
“Hit the video button, Vinn.” Evil Nicole said in a cutesy tone.
“Nicole? Why are you calling the house from the house, are you…locked in your room or something?” he puzzled.
“Oh I’m locked into something, baby, hit the video button.” She said as the screen came up. “Locked into this set of furry arms.” She finished in a fake seductive manner. Vinn stared at his wife, plopped comfortably in the arms of some Delmarian he could only see from knees to collar bone.
“Wh…what the hell is going on?” he asked, blinking and rubbing his eyes as he watched his wife snuggle cheatingly.
“Put me on the line, Vinn.”
“You’re on the line, and you’re on some other guy’s lap?” Vinn barked.
“Vinn, shut up and just yell, the words 'Nicole, get down here now! And say it like you mean it'.” She ordered aggressively.
“Nicole, get down here right now!?” he ordered.
“On my way!” hollered a voice from upstairs. He turned to look up and back as Nicole darted down the stairs and into the den. “What’s wrong?”
“I…words don’t…just look.” He pointed. She looked confused.
“I don’t remember recording this video, Vinn did you record us…on someone else’s couch? When did I get that outfit? Vinn what the shit, is this like a virtual fantasy thing you’re working on?”
“That’s a live video call from offworld.” He noted.
“Buuuuuuut…We’re here, and why is your hair so dark?” she squinted.
“Hello Nicole.” Waved, Nicole.
“Okay, So I’m lost.” Vinn admitted, staring at her.
“Don’t look at me like I did this.” She snipped.
“You’re cuddling with another man and video calling me.” He said looking annoyed.
“You shitting me? I’m right here. I never cheated on you, I can’t cheat on you while I’m with you, that’s just stupid. You just said it’s not a recording, it’s live.”
“Live and well.” Said a dark gravely voice as the camera panned up to see Kraken’s big yellow teeth smiling like a kid at Christmas. Both Vinn and Nicole did a wide-eyed slow lean to the edge of their seat like a couple of stoned teenagers that just discovered a free R rated movie.
“You’re right, Vinn…words just…don’t, really. What am I looking at?” she asked herself.
“You’re looking at you, baby. That’s right. And Kraken is here with me. Aren’t ya, love fluffins?” she said, giving him a kiss and playing with his beard.
“I’m gonna throw up later, but right now I need answers.” Vinn muttered. “So…I have your skull in the storage room, and you have my wife on your lap. Anyone wanna explain how those are possible since she’s right here?”
“Magic lamp.” Evil Nicole chuckled. “But yes, he’s alive and doing great actually, he’s healthy as about 2 horses, and speaking of that, Vinn you didn’t tell me he was so much more BUFF than you. These arms are like hugging a hairy marble statue of Zeus.” She taunted, squirming around and pawing at Kraken’s bicep.
“Yea unfortunately I’m also aware, he’s had them around my neck while I was trying to stab him that one time when I killed him.” Vinn said coldly.
“Vinn old pal.” Kraken said. “Are you still mad about that? I’m the one that got decapitated in that fight, and I’m moving on. Got myself a Nicole of my own, they really are worth fighting for aren’t they?” he said, ruffling her hair.
“Holograms. Very funny, assholes.” Nicole scoffed. “So who are you really, and what do you want? Is this a scam call or just a prank. Dee, that better not be you just on some random Delmarian’s lap for a joke. Actually I don’t even totally doubt that part but me and Kraken? That’s just twisted. Too twisted for any of my friends.”
“Oh, I assure you it’s rea,l Nicole.” Kraken chuckled. “And it’s more twisted than you can imagine, especially the sex. Now, I never got to do this with you, but…this Nicole makes this little whimpering sound when you lightly claw the small of her back. Like this.” He demonstrated. “Yours does that too, doesn’t it?”
“Okay, now it’s worse.” Vinn barked. “How does he know that, Nicole? Did you two…?” he said looking at her, as she took on a face of shock and horror.
“Vinn, look at me, I’m not cheating on you with a dead guy. That seems self-explanatory. Obviously she’s just…I dunno done her homework, spied on us? I’m not cheating on you with a zombie”
“Well you kinda are right now, you’re making out with him, DAMNIT give it a break you two, you have our attention, stop making it weird!” Vinn yelled at the screen. They both seemed amused.
“Vinn I’m just busting your balls, like old times. YOUR wife is not cheating on you, dumbass, she’s right there. MY Nicole just wants what belongs to her…which is half your money and personal belongings.” He said, popping a piece of candy into Evil Nicole’s mouth.
“So it’s a scam? You’re robbing me?” Nicole asked. “I’m robbing me?”
“Of course not, they’re equally my things. I don’t even want the house or half of Vinn. But Gizzy gave you a shitload of money for that little experiment, and since I’m you, and I know you saved most of it, just give me half of what's left, one of my Misfits Hoodies, a copy of my computer drive and my elf sword. That sounds more than fair.”
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
“Or what? Not that I believe that you’re even me…oh you uploaded a retinal scan, okay that’s…a solid case. Pupil trick and everything. Shit. So what are you, a clone or some kind of android?” she asked. Evil Nicole clapped as Kraken brooded.
“Oh honey, she guessed clone first, you owe me a hundred credits.” Evil Nicole said as kraken rolled his eyes, paying up out of his jacket pocket.
“So if you’re my clone, just clone yourself all my shit.” Nicole snipped at Nicole.
“It doesn’t work like that. See, according to Osirian Law, we’re both fresh citizens, we looked that up. That means I have the same rights as you do, and since honeybunny here can’t land on M44 because he’s technically dead and has no clearance passports or birth certificate, we have to stay in orbit. BUT we can still get a lawyer and contest it. That may cost a lot more than half your shit. Gizzy has no legal say in offworld matters, so don’t even suggest it, and that goes to Delmar high court.”
“So someone cloned…me, and now you want our stuff, and you teamed up with fucking Kraken? WHY!?” She yelled. "And also HOW?"
“Because we have something special. You sure you didn’t already know there was a little spark there? I bet you did.” She grinned. Vinn did a slow turn to his Nicole with a very blank look.
“Gross, the guy tried to kill me…or, well, he threatened to kill me. It was staged, but I had nightmares from that. And then he actually gave a valid attempt to kill you, you think I like that asshole?” Nicole defended.
“Well…your clone clearly has some printing errors between her ears, and she seems to like him a whole lot.” Vinn sighed.
“Vinn buddy. Take it easy. We used to be friends in the core, or at least something near those lines. And yea, I was a real prick, I still am to some degree, but nothing shakes your radical beliefs like waking up dead and finding out it’s all bullshit. I’m not even mad at you for killing me. In fact, Vinn, it was the best thing anyone’s ever done for me, except maybe what Nicole does. You would know.”
“DUDE!”
“Sorry, I can’t help but mess with you a little. You did stab me in the eye and cut my head off. You have no idea how much that sucks. But I’m a new man now. And Nicole showed me that humans aren’t as bad as I thought. I was wrong, you were right, keep the skull, that’s fair Fupar rules, you won. Granted it was not by much and mostly luck, but you did win, and I’m kinda proud of you little buddy. No hard feelings, we square and even?” he asked.
“Nicole, that’s not Kraken, he’s too nice.”
“He’s still being an asshole.” She whispered.
“Yea but like…normal asshole, not KRAKEN level asshole. It’s too tame, he hasn’t called me anything vile yet or vowed to murder us.”
“He’s groping my ass in front of us.” Nicole pointed out.
“Yea but he could do so much worse, this is restrained and calm and look, he’s not even growling at me for cutting off his head. Even I’d be super piss about that.” Vinn noted as his nemesis interrupted.
“Vinn, you’re absolutely right. That Kraken is dead. In fact I go by Hyde, now. I kinda like it. Even trimmed off the old tentacle dreads and harem beads. I’m a changed man, and all I want from you is for us to bury the hatchet and act civilized. Or at least as civilized as two core buddies would be, which is why I’m still ragging on you a little bit.”
“You know what, fine.” Regular Nicole said. “You two can call it even and everyone can live their life, and I can drink till I forget this ever happened, but you can’t have half my money, and my Hoodie, and definitely not a copy of my computer.”
“Nicole, sweetie.” Said non-sweet Nicole, “I just want what’s fair, and I can prove it’s mine in an offmoon court. I have more money than you do right now, and I can’t buy those sentimental things. Don’t make you hate yourself for no reason.”
"Maybe we can negotiate like…20 percent or something?” Vinn muttered. “It’s just money.”
“My computer is sacred, it has all my game records, my music, my pictures…OUR pictures.” She said, gritting her teeth. “All of them.”
“Okay, maybe don’t copy those.” Vinn whispered.
“Don’t worry, baby, I don’t need your honeymoon pics. I got the improved model now, and I have all your memories until very recently, so I already know what Vinn can do and does exactly the same, every…damn…time.”
“I thought you liked the routine?” Vinn pouted.
“I do…this is not the time to discuss that. Screw you…me. Original me gets the original stuff.”
Now…if you don’t wanna be nice about it, we can be shitty about it.” Other Nicole replied.
“Wait…” Vinn said. “This is you guys NOT being shitty about it. It gets WORSE somehow? And you Kraken… I thought you were supposed to be a good guy now?” he said to Hyde.
“Well, buddy, I wouldn’t go THAT far. Think me more as a chaotic gray rather than good or evil. It’s a big step up from just pure evil, but we don’t wanna be unrealistic. But Nicole here, she is a very bad girl. She apparently went quite the other direction in the cloning process and ended up also fairly gray morally. Which is why she is both willing to forgive you both and part ways evenly and peacefully, and only wants a piece of her rightful belongings out of principal. That’s the good Nicole way. Would you like to hear the really dark part she came up with? I’m so proud of her, this is the most creatively masochistic thing I have ever heard of.” Hyde chuckled. "Tell them sweetie.” He nodded.
"If you refuse to cooperate and make us fight, I plan to fight real dirty. Remember when you told mom and dad you were dating an aborigine tribesman down in Australia? Well, I’m just gonna tell her I’m actually dating a big scary alien and living as a pirate in space. She’ll love that.”
“You wouldn’t.” Nicole said, glaring at Nicole.
“Oh I would, and mine’s not even the sweet alien they like already. It's Hyde. It’s like you’re just hopping from bunny to bunny out here. And if that’s not enough, we can just publically release a sex tape on Delmar internet. I bet that would really make you popular among the hoofed community. You really are just a regular Alice, chasing every bunny that you see.”
“You’re bluffing. You’d be humiliated too.” She scoffed.
“On a moon I can’t go to or among the friends I can’t ever see again? Because you got all of them in this deal, and all I asked for were some sentimentals and my promised payment for being a lab rat. TWICE. Computer files, hoodie, money split 50/50. Here, I’ll send you the video. Maybe you and Vinn can watch it later. In fact, Vinn you should watch it with or without her, The lighting is fantastic, and you could learn some new moved to use on the…older model.” She grinned.
“You little bitch. Fuck you and YOU!!” Nicole said to herself, and then death glared at Kraken.
“Hey,” Hyde defended. “Don’t fight among yourselves, and especially don’t blame me for this part. Not even my idea, I’m just starring in the video. Sorry Vinn, nothing personal but you really did get the nicer Nicole and I wouldn’t trade you even if you wanted.”
“Kraken, you undead son of a bitch.” Vinn snipped.
“It’s Hyde now buddy. Stop calling me by HIS name. Captain Hydra, if you wanna get professional.” He boasted. Good Nicole rolled her eyes with a sudden epiphany.
“Duh, Hydra. Another Earthly sea monster, but this one you can’t kill by cutting off it’s heads.” She whispered to Vinn.
“Your Earth oceans are horrifying.” He squinted.
“Well, it’s been fun.” Evil Nicole grinned, “but I really have to get back to some things here. We have plundering to do, but if you wanna chat sometime, here’s our number, there may be delay if the wrong side of the moon is facing our ship. In the meantime…” Evil Nicole said, leaning forward and clicking a few keys on the laptop. “Enjoy your best performance video ever, and let me know if you just wanna keep it between us 4.” She winked. Vinn sank down in the couch a little and winced.
“Oh that’s some emotional damage right there.” He wheezed, standing up and rubbing his eyes pacing the floor. He made his way to the upstairs, either to throw up or start drinking. The world may never know.
Nicole stared in disbelieve, unable to look away.
“You’re still there, baby?” Evil Nicole asked. “Good because we need to have a little chat about something. You surely remember the last time you were in the tunnels, don’t you?”
“Vividly.” Said a very also evil looking Nicole. “Too vividly.”
“So are you keeping secrets from Vinn too, or do you honestly still think you’re the original Nicole?” Said evil Nicole, as the other Nicole’s face went ghostly pale. More pale than usual.
“What are you talking about?” She asked darkly.
“Oh Vinn was right. There’s about to be some deep emotional damage.” Hyde said, getting comfortable.
"Bitch..." giggled Evil Nicole. "We're both clones."