“Okay.” Jack said as they sat in the gym, Hyde feeling silly in the clothing. “First of Jack’s lessons on how to fight something you can’t beat. You play dirty and you cheat. Here’s a syringe of drugs.”
“Those are not only legal, but assumed.”
“Déjà vu, I’ve heard that speech from Vinn. You’ll get the compressed version. This is not like anything you’ve had or will have again, because I never gave you anything and you don’t know what I’m talking about. What syringe?” he said giving him the dose in his bicep. “And this one too, you didn’t see this either and when I call you before the fight, you take that, and I want the syringe returned. That’s called evidence; we’re doing something called trust, it’s like we’re friends now or something.”
“Is this what you gave Vinn before his fight?”
“No. This would have probably killed him. It’s a way nastier dose with some extra spices and secret herbs. In fact, the dose itself might kill you too, but you’re gonna die anyway so…”
“Fuck it, YOLO?” he asked. “As Nicole says.”
“Basically. Now the fight is gonna be different than you’ve done before. You’re gonna get a sword and a shield and probably armor.”
“Delmarians don’t fight in armor in the pit. And no shield. The pit is a place of honor, where man fight with their bare hands and if they live to the first horn, they earned the right to carry a sword. A symbol for becoming a man.”
“This isn’t Fupar. This is war. You get body armor and weapons in warfare. Gizzy is not a Delmarian, she may only be 530 pounds, but she’s 530 pounds of metal and nuclear powered synthetic flesh. She doesn’t bleed, she has no heart, you can’t kill her. She’s basically living armor, and her own shield, and those claws cut worse than yours. They’re retractable alloy and the nail you see is just the top cover, underneath that the real claw is sharp as a scalpel, and I work with those a lot. You go in fighting like a Delmarian Fupar match, you’ll be dead in 4 seconds flat and everyone will boo. Not much respect there. You may call yourself the Hydra, but your head doesn’t grow back, that name is a metaphor, and whatever head gets cloned back may not be you anymore, so consider trying to survive this even if you can’t. Looks more honorable.”
“What if I sever her head first?”
“You can’t, her neck bones overlap like dragon scales, and they’re harder than your sword, plus she can live without a head and still kill you back.”
“What are her vulnerable spots?” Hyde asked.
“There aren’t any. The eyes are sensitive, go for those, but they regenerate so that’s more of a stun than a game changer, and it’s gonna piss her off. She won’t make the mistake a second time, so use it when you absolutely need the moments to rest.”
“Sword between the ribs?”
“Armored. Any vital organ is armored too and there’s never just one.”
“Then what If I just break her spine? Bend sharply with brute force until something gives.”
“She’s stronger than you, if you get locked in, that close, she’ll break you first.” Jack explained, bringing up a diagram.
“Jack… Am I actually fighting a god?”
“Well, more or less. Some of the older ones had wings and tails.”
“You’re not joking.” he said coldly.
“She’s 15 thousand years old, Hyde, She’s shrugged off weapons designed to kill cities. The goal is not to damage her, you just can’t. The goal is to avoid death for a long time and make it look entertaining and brave for the crowd…and then you die. The longer you fight, the more you win the crowd over. Gizzy is calling this a beast fight, the old Delmarian tradition of a warrior capturing the most dangerous beast they can and fighting it to prove themselves. You don’t understand that she’s the beast, do you?”
“I’m starting to get that.” He nodded. “Good then that that makes you the hunter, and the crowd roots for the hunter don’t they?” he smirked.
“The hunters are Delmarian men proving their honor. She is framing me as a Delmarian and herself as the beast to put the crowd in my favor. I understand. And when I die with honor, I die respected rather than a disgraced asshole who got killed for being an arrogant purist. Will she go easy on me?”
“At first she will. She’s an apex predator, likes to play with her food. The first round she will treat it like a Fupar match. Fist to fist, and then if you live to the first horn she’ll upgrade to blades, and that’s when her claws come out. Then you’re really screwed. She’s not playing anymore, she’s hunting you back. Don’t get cocky and think it’s more honorable to toss the sword and shield. For you, this is a beast fight, use everything you get. This is not just an opportunity for you to have a second chance with a clean start and honor, this is also her chance to intimidate the council and show them WHY a 37 time winning Fupar champion like Gandalf was afraid to fuck with her. So you’re gonna see that side of her too, up close and personal"
“It’s almost thrilling. As a soldier I wanted to die in battle, after experiencing it and realizing it’s not that glorious, it would be better to die fighting something even the council fears.”
“Exactly. Do you know why Osirians look the way they do?”
“Are they not merely evolved as we are, as top of their food chain?”
“Osirians nearly went extinct, back then they looked like something out of a nightmare, the top of a food chain forged on a world of radiation and darkness on a dead core of a dead planet left over from a dead star. They were almost wiped out by their enemies, a wave of living technology hell-bent on making organic life obsolete. They won, but not by very much, and the few Osirians that were left had to adapt to their enemies’ technology to survive. They refuse to get rid of the last bit of organic material to prevent becoming what they hated. They made themselves more human and more presentable to PREVENT fear, so the early humans would see them as gods, rather than demons. The Gizzy you see is the façade, the humanized face of an elder overlord trying not to scare her pets. A lot of the Delmarians here already see her as a god, but she’s tired of holding back. This is an excuse for her to let out her true form again."
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“Well now you’re making this sound fun, Jack. You should have led with this part rather than, look here fuzzy you’re gonna die, again.”
“I like to break the bad news first and then show the fun side. Ends on a higher note. I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen Gizzy go oldschool, so I’m excited to see what kinda monster I’ve been serving, but I do not envy you for the position you’ll be in.”
“Not even a little bit, little soldier?” he smirked.
“Fuck...that. I got good enough seats."
Better than the last time you saw me fight I hope. They put you so far back you needed a scope.” He reminded.
The festival lights were a sight to see. Posters on every corner. Numerous well known fighters listed, and the ominously named “legendary beast fight” as the final act. The news, the radio, even the street vendors selling undercooked chicken were talking about it. The tension of the group was mixed, Jack and Vicki solemn but calm, both Nicoles at the carnival with their appropriate Delmarian, Dee and silver back almost seeming to not care at all. Mel at home, watching from the TV with a box of tissues and a some luck charms arranged.
“So this is a carnival?” Hyde asked, Evil Nicole riding piggyback and rubbing her face on his ear.
“Yep. It’s how humans celebrate. Everyone always has to ride the Ferris wheel and get fried foods.”
“Cheer up, little one. It’s a celebration.”
“Not until you win, it’s not.”
“Don’t make me drop you.” He threatened.
“You wouldn’t." She squinted. He let go and caught her after a few inches, as she let out a yelp and laughed a little.
“There she is.” He said swinging her around and holding her in front, using his hands like a swingset.
“That’s not fair, you know I like scary rides.”Nicole beamed.
"I’m trying to get you to cheer up. Don’t make me drug your snowcone.”
“You don’t know what a snowcone is.”
“I’m a fast learner. Come on. Let’s pretend this is just our first date out together.”
“It…is.” She reminded, realizing the sad truth of it.
“Then show me how to carnival. What would you do if this was, your birthday gift?”
“Careful! Don’t break the table.” She hollered as his massive hands tapped the pinball paddles, rocking the whole thing.
“So the ball must remain above the paddles as long as possible, and we win long strips of paper?” he asked, towering over her and losing badly.
“You gotta be faster. It’s not about hitting the buttons harder, it’s about timing and speed.”
“And these strips of paper have value as money. So this is gambling?” he asked.
“Well, not really, you just have fun playing and win stupid prizes like a funny hat or a big stuffed bear. Obviously I’m getting the hat the bear would be redundant, since i have you.”
“So you play games for a source of income on your home computer, and then you take that money to a carnival and spend it to play different games with prizes you could have bought with the original money?”
"You...shut up. It’s about the experience. You furry bois are all just so uptight about things. Have some fun with me.” She insisted.
"Delmarian men do not typically behave like this." Hyde puzzled.
“Hey dorks!” yelled the other Nicole as she darted up, riding Vinn’s shoulders, both of them carrying huge wads of tickets and wearing large fuzzy striped hats of conflicting colors.
“We kicked ass and took names.” She chuckled with a big smile.
“I got my nose pierced. Look we match!” Vinn grinned.
The other pair stood there for a minute wondering if they really were the defective team or not.
“Do you require a piercing or a stupid hat?” Hyde asked.
“No…okay fine. But first I wanna get my face painted in your fighting colors and you’re gonna try an elephant ear with me.”
He sighed and stared at Vinn, Nicole using his horns as handlebars as he ran down the street weaving and acting like a fun idiot.
“Are we simply…less compatible?” he asked.
“Please don’t ask me that before you fight. We have to ask that afterwards anyway and I can’t do that twice.”
“You poor thing. It’s gonna be fine. I’m gonna win this.” He blatantly lied to comfort her.
“You really think so?”
“Absolutely. Jack and has been training me. If Jack can kick Vinn’s ass and Vinn can beat me when I’m too stupid to take my opponent seriously, do you really think with a plan and no mercy, tons of drugs and love running through my veins that I can’t beat a girl half my size?” he said as Jack approached him, signaling it was time to get ready. “I have my life and love on the line, and that makes me more dangerous than any predator fight for the fun of it. Jack and I handled it. It’s taken care of.”
“I hope you’re right. I believe in you.” She smiled sadly. “Now get out there and get mean and ready. Show me that monster you brag about deep down in there. Unleash the Kraken if there’s any left in there. Let her have that and leave it all in the pit.” She said fiercely, kissing him goodbye and holding back her emotions long enough to walk away strong and then shakily dig for her pill bottle.
“Good speech. Complete bullshit, but comforting. How do you really feel?” Jack inquired.
“Scared shitless, I’m about to get ripped to shreds in there and wake up in a big jar with unknown pieces of myself missing. I only appear confident on the outside. I used to love this moment before the fight. The stark difference between believing you can’t lose and knowing you can’t win really ruins that part.”
“Well, the drugs are gonna help with that. You’re about to take a truly psychotic amount of loosely tested drugs, so whatever you’re feeling is about to change significantly. Just keep focusing and remember, the longer you survive, the better the outcome when you wake up. And you’ll come back as you, maybe even better.”
“Well now you’re just lying to make me feel better, and you’re not nearly as good at it., Jack.”
“Well, I tried. Come on, let’s get you armored up and shot full of chemicals and ready to kill something.”
“Even that doesn’t sound as fun as it should.” Hyde huffed.
The lights dimmed and Gizzy in a top hat and black dress stepped into the pit, spotlights swirling around and meeting in the middle.
“Ladies and gentlemen, Scaled and tailed, clawed and pawed, have you enjoyed the fights tonight?” she asked, to a cheering crowd. And did I not promise a spectacle worthy of a festival itself, a fight like you have never seen before?’ She yelled, riling up the crowd as Leena clapped in the front row.
“That’s my wife.” She whispered to the people next to her in the north VIP section.
“Today, for no reason other than to celebrate the right to traditional celebration, I have brought you something from the past. And ancient tradition, with a twist.”
“What a load of shit.” Said the white rabbit, taking his late seat. “She fights a clone of a dead fighter, announcing it as if he was some mutant Alpha Thark to slay. I hope they boo her out of the arena for this joke.” He brooded.
“Now, don’t be so gloomy. Either the people are happy, and we have one less clone to deal with, or we get very lucky, and he humiliates her.” Chuckled his female.
“Much like the days of old Delmar prime,” Gizzy preached, “the wildest of beasts would be brought to battle to prove one’s honor. And today I will be participating in this tradition, for my first fight since being added to the council.” She grinned, as a few “WHOo!’s echoed in the crowd. “You may have seen me in the sporting ring, bound by rules and getting my big blue ass bounced around.” She chuckled. “But in the pit there are no rules but what we make for ourselves, and today you will witness a fighter take on the unstoppable beast that is so dangerous, they are banned on 13 private worlds and ALL Federation outposts. This game of hunter versus beast will go down in this moon’s history. And without further delay, let me introduce…” she said as the iron gates opened and out strutted Hyde, in familiar lime green paint and full armor, shield and sword out.
“The hunter.” She said with a maniacal grin as the elders looked at each other in confusion and frustration.
“Where is the beast?” said a voice from the crowd.”
“You’re looking at her.” Gizzy said, dropping the microphone and tossing her tophat. The crowd was silent, intrigued and a mix of disappointment and waiting for the big twist. She reached into the fabric around her neck, and tore away the evening gown, revealing a set of highly advanced shorts and sports bra. She kicked off her shoes and dug her bare feet in the dirt, her eyes glowing vividly blue.
“What a trick.” Said a voice from the VIP box “There’s no beast?”
“HAVE FUN, SWEETIE!” yelled Leena, sipping something slushy from a straw.
“You ready to dance, you oversized plush toy?”Gizzy asked Hyde.
“Bite me, bitch.”
“Oh, I plan to.” She said taking a strange fighting stance, arms back and down, lowered to a knee. The first horn sounded. The fight began.