Vinn came home with no briefcase and a syringe in his pocket and about 20 mints. He plopped down on the couch and spotted Mel coming in from the deck.

"Hey Mel. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure buddy.” She said.

“Can I ask you something while you have a top on?” he corrected.

“Sure, you can. Shy little guy aren’t ya?” she smiled. “I’m only kidding. What’s up?” she said, grabbing a towel and covering the girls.

“The Nicole’s have this…unspoken thing. Like some secret they both have and it’s always bugged me. She won’t let me in on it. And then Kraken, or Hyde was involved somehow, and I drew some scary theories there, especially when the other Nicole was like…bangin him and whatnot. Like a lot apparently, and on camera. I thought for a while she was cheating on me WITH him, but it turned out to be the whole Gizzy house of nightmares tunnel fiasco. But there’s still something else she keeps hiding. And then I remembered when you were drinking Nicoles…uh, smoothie.”

“Sorry if that grossed you out. It’s pretty common among us.” She shrugged. “I didn’t know it was off limits. My bad.

“Exactly. You’re aquatic Eridani, basically a mermaid. She’s a little bit seamonster now, always has been and didn’t know it, and the guy named after sea monsters is the only Delmarian I know that can swim. I think I get what they have this connection. It’s a fish thing, and I’m just a big ol heavy sinkin bunny. I mean, the first time Nicole saw me naked was when she accidentally walked in on me taking a shower. What if it wasn’t just ME she was giving that look, but the water was doing it for her.”

“You may be totally off track here, but I don’t really know any of your sex lives, so go on. I’m very nosey and intrigued.”

“But I let her have all the leaks in the house, and I blasted out that hole for the pool, and she loves that pool. But I can’t get in it with her because I sink like a rock. I’m not part of the fish club, Mel. I married a little seamonster, and I’m just not one. What if she realizes I’m not watery enough and Kraken has that…Piratey Captain allure she craves. Maybe she can’t tell me because I’d be insecure and jealous, and she didn’t wanna hurt me, because I’m just a dry boi who can’t swim. What do I do here?”

“Have you tried just showering a lot?”

“Constantly, I’m 20 percent conditioner at this point, feel the fur.” he said.

“Oooh, silky.” Mel eyebrowed.

“I know right, and our craziest sex night was in the shower, but she almost never joins me now and on the rare case she does, then we just…shower. The sex has gone stale ever since her transformation, I can’t be doing our usual routine on the couch and like…just SURPRIZE and chuck some seawater on her with a big bucket. I got nowhere to hide a bucket within reach. Can I make myself like…fishy?”

“I really don’t know. I'm not a doctor of any kind.”

“You’re Eridani. Your whole species thing is that you adapt to your environment over time. If I inject your blood, would I get all…mer-bunny powered?”

“No, you’d probably just get blood poisoning and sick. It’s blood, not some experimental super serum Jack probably keeps for underwater missions. I’m joking, I assume that’s not a thing, but with jack I never truly know, you know? Maybe you’re over-thinking this. If it’s just the sex, then spice up the sex. Get some pirate stuff, get a beachside hotel for the weekend with a nautical theme and a nice couple's pool. I know you can’t swim, but you can touch bottom on most pools and you’d be fine. They’re like 6 feet deep max. I actually know a nice place.”

“I feel like if it was just a simple harmless thing she’d just tell me. Like ‘Vinn, I’m a seamonster, do me in the water.’ like that makes sense, nobody would be shocked. She’s completely shut me out. It’s like she knows I don’t belong somewhere that the other Nicole does, and Kraken knows something. He sure as shit isn’t telling me his trick. This is a solo mission, Mel. Something is fishy, and sadly it’s just not me. I have to figure it out and get her back. I gotta prove I can adapt to whatever she changes into. I’m about to do something crazy, you wanna be part of it?”

“Absolutely. Partly because whatever you’re doing does not sound safe, and you’re doing it anyway and need adult supervision, and also because I’m bored and highly entertained by this. What are we thinking? Magic? Science? Both?”

“We need to go into the tunnels.”

“Oh scary. You do know it’s just a fake haunted thing, and it’s for driving people crazy, right?”

“Oh yea. But you come out stronger. And fishy, apparently. Maybe the water is special.”

"Oh, I’m so glad I stayed behind.” she clapped.

Vinn waddled awkwardly behind Mel, using his demo knee-pads as feet to clear the roof and frequently bonking his antler on the pipe valves, jarring the flashlights he taped to them.

“You’d think it would open up at some point, maybe have some wider hallways. He said, looking at the crude map he drew from Nicole’s story descriptions. Lotta marked out lines and question marks.

“I don’t think it’s designed for your kind.”

"Well, how the shit did Kraken get down here? That makes no sense. There’s gotta be some like, bigger tunnels and shit. We’ve been here for hours"

“It’s been 38 minutes”

“Damnit. It’s like time doesn’t exist, everything looks the same and goes on forever, and it just feels like a loop. Are you getting claustrophobic?”

“Is your fear claustrophobia?” she asked.

“It might be getting there at this rate. Oh thank fart there’s a bigger tunnel, we’re going that way.”

“What exactly are we looking for?”

"No idea, but neither did Nicole, and she figured it out. She could feel the water and like sense where it was flowing. You can do that, right?”

“No. I'm a siren, not a homing pigeon.”

“Shit, maybe that happens later. Oh, no…the color scheme just got ominous as hell” he said as they noticed the color change from gray stone to black stone, and begin branching out in every direction.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

“Maybe we should turn around.” Mel suggested.

“Yea I literally can’t, my knees are on fire, especially the one that got shanked. So I have to stand up and go where the tunnels allow that. If you wanna leave me here and go back, that’s understandable.”

“Why are you doing this? You can’t be in here alone, you’ll get lost or stuck"

That’s what I said to Nicole, and she went in anyway, and she kept going back in and so did Kraken. There’s something down here, there has to be, answers.

“Well that’s horrifying.” Mel said looking at the hole in the wall.

“Why?”

“It’s just the right size to reach into but you can’t see what’s on the other side. It’s like it wants you to reach in, so someone can snag your arm, or maybe they reach out and snag you as you walk by…or it’s a glory hole, maybe.” She pondered, peaking in curiously.

“How did you make that worse every time you guessed something new?”

“Oh, well I thought it got better at the end, I’m sorry.”

“Wait…we found it. Or at least we’re close. Look…water.”

“Sweetheart, we’re under a lake, there’s gonna be some water. This is just a…drainage thing or something.”

“Yea, but it’s full and it’s flowing that way. Also, it’s pretty bright in here and I can stand up, so I’m feeling good about that part. Ohp, no. You were right. It’s a sex dungeon. That is a stripper cage and a couch. I hate it here, this was a mistake. Oh, what the hell, now we’re back at the stupid flickery tunnel? Did we just loop?”

“This is a different tunnel, see the pipes are wrong.”

“So this is above the tunnel we came in?”

“No, it’s below it. We’re further down.” She said examining the ceiling. “Or there’s 3, this could be the middle.” She squinted.

“Oh my god, I hate this. Mel, I have a confession to make, I did a Gizzy furnace job, and she gave me her cell phone that hopefully calls anywhere I’m using it to get out of here.”

“You have a Gizzy phone and a favor, and you’re wasting it now?”

“We’re lost…should I not use the phone?”

“What if it gets worse, and we need it then?” she asked.

“Then we should get out before it gets worse.” He said, checking the phone. “Okay, look, we have a signal. That’s shockingly great. I think I get it now. The tunnels freak you out, you get desperate, and your powers kick in.” he said, looking a little insane.

“Sweetheart you don’t have hidden superpowers. Your superpowers are already all out. You got big, strong and fancy penis. That’s it.” he turned and gave her a look of shock and horror. “That’s what the education hologram called it. And sweetheart, that's enough.” she defended.

“There’s no way it called it that. We’re moving on from that mess. I got this.” he sighed.

“Vinn…is the backpack full of things you think will give you superpowers?" she asked reluctantly.

“No…kinda.”

“Vinn I think you’re having a panic attack because you’re claustrophobic and lost underground.” She said, trying to calm him.

“Exactly. You gotta be borderline crazy, and lost, before it works.” He said getting out the kit.

"Vinn no, that’s not for you.” She sighed as he got out the lukewarm bottle of fishy goop. “Please tell me you made that yourself, and didn’t get it online at least.” He cringed and scoffed at her audacity.

“Ugh…Mel, there is no way I’m buying someone’s mystery goop off the internet. It could be anything. It could be glue or poison or milk. Yes milk is revolting to be, I’ll explain that when we get out, but this is one of Nicole’s homemade all natural shakes, and they make her feel better after she started evolving and needed the…salt? Protein?"

“Oh now you’re worrying me, Vinn those are needles, now let me have that, that’s not for you.” She said, like mom to some giant child as he batted her hands away immaturely.

“It’s a combination of 2 recovery shots and a vial of Nicole 2’s blood. She’s the stronger fishier Nicole, and this is double the healing power.”

“I’m not even asking where you got those, I’m just impressed, but you can inject foreign blood into your blood.”

“Why not? That’s where blood goes. It’s supposed to have it there.” He reasoned.

“You’re Delmarian, that’s human blood, 98 percent human and 2 percent something even Gizzy doesn’t know what, with 2 recovery shots that are designed for humans. It could kill you. It could do nothing. It could make you diabetic, nobody knows, we’re not doctors. I’m a part-time bar tender, and you work construction, we don’t know this shit. Stop being dumb, call Gizzy and we’re getting out. You’re panicking.”

“YOU’RE panicking!” he accused, as if bouncing off of him and sticking to her like glue.

“I wasn’t until you whipped out a bunch of intravenous drugs and a sketchy fishy milkshake. This is not like you.” she reasoned.

“You gotta trust the fuck-it YOLO, Mel.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know, but Nicole says it, and then it just works. It’s like when you have a hunch, and you know it’s a bad idea, but you do it anyway and then it just kinda somehow works.” He said, poking a vein as Mel started fanning herself nervously. He injected the serum and then readied the shake. He gave about 3 huge gulps before spitting it back into the bottle.

“Oh honey no.” she said pouting.

“It’s so bad. It’s worse than you think it would be.”

“Maybe you got a bad batch.” She said grabbing it and taking a sip. “It’s totally fine, see? Just chug it.”

“How can you drink that shit?” he asked.

“It’s good for you, and it’s not weird for us, have you never had raw eggs in a milkshake before, or sushi? It’s just like that but together all at once, and I think maybe hot sauce?”

“All of those are bad things individually, except the hot sauce.”

“There is a weird minty aftertaste.”

“That’s the mints I was eating. Mel, I just spit it out back into the container. You're just tasting my flavored fluids” He said. Her eyes widened. “I did not notice that part. Well now it’s awkward for everyone and we’re both embarrassed. Let’s never mention that to people. VINN DRINK IT!” she yelled.

“NOW you want me to drink it?”

“You took the scary drugs already if you’re gonna do this, commit to it, it’s yours now, don’t halfass this.” She said dialing the number for Gizzy and hovering over the call button. He powered through it, gagging several times and almost throwing up.

“I’m very proud of you, don’t ever do that again. Do you feel fishy? Powerful?”

“Kinda full, that was a lot of liquid all at once, but I feel something kinda warm. Kinda feels like…” he said, feeling dizzy and then the thump of stone against his head.

Vinn opened his eyes and he was in a hospital bed with both Gizzy and Mel staring at him with annoyed disapproval.

“What happened. Did it work? Did I black out and escape?”

“No.” Gizzy snipped. “That’s not how this works, Morbius, you don’t just inject another animal’s blood and become one of them. You just get blood poisoning from mixing your blood with something else your body does not consider blood. You blacked out, you threw up, a substance I won’t even attempt to decode, and Mel called me. There are emergency exits all over the tunnel system; you just have to know where they are. We drone lifted you out. What in the fuck are you doing?”

“Gizzy I want my favor.”

“You just did that. The favor was evac-ing you out of the tunnels.”

“I see why Jack keeps doing this. I need another favor.”

“Okay, fine, this doesn't count as the favor. What extra favor?” Gizzy sighed, dreading the answer.

“I need you to do some science shit and make me like part aquatic, so Nicole will love me again.”

“Nope, I’m counting that as the favor. The favor was getting your ass out and to the ER. Vinn I don’t have genie powers and grant wishes. Unless you’re Osirian with a nuclear power cell and a digital brain, I can’t just make custom bodies for you however you want. You know why we can do that? Because we evolved for millions of years as bio-nuclear hive minds and added 80,000 years of dangerous engineering to that. It doesn’t work on organics. I can’t put you in the body-matron and turn the fish dial to 3 and then suck your brain into a SuperVinn. I can do a 3 hour brain scan, make a digital copy of your brain, try and figure out how Delmarian brain waves work, we still don’t know what’s wrong with Kraken, that got screwed up, and then I could take that mess, kill you, and then clone you around that mess and see if what comes out is even alive.”

"So I’m gonna not be signing that form then. What about like just…like gill implants? Is that a thing? Prosthetic flippers that could, hey you’re leaving?”

“Vinn you’re medically okay now, and your psychological issue with your marriage is not my problem. I even gave you a huge hint and a serum, and you made your own somehow.” she said, heading down the hall.

“Oh, I think I got the…yea that makes sense. That wasn’t for me. Never mind.” He sighed. Vinn got up and grabbed his things, standing next to Mel and both avoiding eye contact.

"So…” she said. “Let’s not mention any of that to anyone, like ever.”

“Cool. Yea. You wanna just say we got a pizza and played games?”

“I’d like that.” She nodded.