After finishing up her shoot Sophie flew back to California and the hospital. It had only been six weeks since her last visit yet it seemed like it had been ages. Just the thought of walking the ghostly halls gave her a chill but she knew she had to see it through. Dr. Reagan met her at the door wearing a sympathetic smile “Have you been taking your meds?” Sophie nodded “Yes, I wouldn’t have come here if I thought you would have an excuse to keep me.” Dr. Reagan smiled, “I’m sorry it had to end this way.” Sophie nodded, asking a question she already knew the answer to “How did she end it?” Dr. Reagan started walking Sophie followed “Just as your grandmother did, she wrote a letter, dressed in her street clothes, put on make-up, packed her bags then climbed the bell tower and jumped at midnight.” Sophie swallowed hard as they neared her mother's room trying to stay calm even though her mind, body, and soul was screaming out in utter chaos. Hold it together she chanted to herself over and over or it will be you in here. As they entered the room the doctor turned and pointed to the letter on the bed.“ It’s sealed and addressed to you Sophie, take your time I’ll be in my office. Your mother has been taken to the mortuary in town for your viewing before the cremation as per her wishes as was her mothers.” Sophie nodded as she looked around her mother’s room. Her suitcases were all nicely stacked at the end of the bed just as she had left them. As soon as the door was shut Sophie’s knees left her and she sagged against the bed for support before collapsing across it sobbing as her mother’s scent of rose oil filled her nostrils so strong it was as if she was laying her head in her lap like she had so many times before as a child. Trying to calm her breathing she reached for the letter, almost scared to read it, scared to know her mother’s last thoughts hoping she had been forgiven, yet knowing deep down she already had, they never kept grudges for long, not when they both knew how each other's minds worked. Firefly, I have given you so many gifts in life, an eye for beauty, a lust for life, a passionate nature, a kind and giving heart, and the ability to be fearless and strong. I have also cursed you just as I have been cursed and my mother before me and her mother before her. Some call us crazy, some have even called us possessed for we cannot control ourselves or what we do. We change with the wind and moods are heightened only to fall without hope or understanding. At times life seems like a delusion so real, so true only to find it’s a shadow of lies conjured up in our sick minds usually only realized when it’s too late and the damage has been done. Funny how just yesterday the sun came out to warm my face but today it does not. The walls of my cell are cold, my future looks bleak, I dare say the sun will never shine again at least not for me. Your grandmother calls out to me from the bell tower; I can hear her because she knows my pain and welcomes me with open arms. I leave you now my Firefly in hopes that you go on to find a happiness I never could. Remember the stories your grandmother told you, the happy memories of her childhood, her secret cave where she found the gold. That land is part of us, it's our roots, all we have left of our ancestors and I regret having never explored it or had ever taken the time to make it my own. I always let my sickness get in the way, giving one excuse after another until I let myself forget about it. Please don’t follow my lead, take the map and the deed and go there. You are now the last of our kind Firefly take what’s rightfully yours. I ask you only this Sophie Chance do not end up in a place like this, break the chain that so many of your ancestors have come together to make. Crazy or not bearing the Chance name is an honor and a privilege. Celeste Chance P.S The deed to the land is current and has been watched over by Mr. Klein 454 Pope st San Francisco Ca, along with the remainder of my assets and belongings. C.C Sophie wiped her eyes as she looked at the old map her mother had left with her letter, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible she grabbed her mother’s things and headed toward the doctor’s office. The sounds of the patients as she walked down the halls brought back memories of not only her brief stay but also of visiting her grandmother as a child and later her mother. Reaching Dr. Reagan’s office she sat down her mother’s suitcases then went inside. Dr. Reagan smiled “How are you feeling?” Sophie frowned “My mother just killed herself. How do you think I’m doing?” Dr. Reagan nodded “Sorry stupid question how about the rest of your life we haven’t spoken in a while?” Sophie shrugged, “My boyfriend Raymond just broke up with me after six months.” Dr. Reagan nodded “Why?” Sophie shrugged “Same reason they all do, I’m too bold, I say what I’m thinking which shocks people. I’m too dark, too cold with no soft edges, oh and what kind of woman carries around knives and a loaded gun. I told him the kind that doesn’t trust some pansy to protect me. Did I mention I never told him about my disorder, I just tried to hide it. He noticed my mood changes then found my medication and broke up with me calling me a crazy bitch. Guess I scare him.” Dr. Reagan smiled “Did you tell him the meds were for Bipolar disorder?” Sophie sighed “No I doubt he would care or understand, crazy is crazy to him. Either way, it’s pretty much over.” Dr. Reagan sighed “Are you looking for a long-term relationship?” Sophie shrugged “I’m not closed to the idea but I don’t want to have to lie about who I am anymore either. It's just too hard. Casual sex will have to do until then.” Sophie smiled Dr. Reagan laughed “What meds does Dr. Yeats have you on?” Sophia shrugged “Lithium, Seroquel, and Wellbutrin, which seems to be working alright, I still have my ups and downs but I'm okay.” Dr. Reagan nodded “If you don’t mind I think I’ll give him a call and let him know about your mother if that’s alright with you, and you can of course always call me.” Sophie smiled, “That’s fine with me; I think I’m going to take some time off.” Standing up she smiled “Thank you.” Turning she walked out hoping that she would never have to see the place again. Feeling weak and drained Sophie walked out to her jeep Cherokee and put her mother’s suitcases in the back before grabbing her camera and heading to the bell tower. She knew she had to take pictures of it and she needed something to look at later. Morbid or not, both her mother and her grandmother had leaped to their deaths from it and she wanted a picture of it. It was about a ten-minute drive into town and to the Faith hill mortuary. The town itself seemed a ghost town; the streets were bare except for the few people coming in and out of the local market. Sophie wasn’t looking forward to seeing her mother, not like this, not a lifeless corpse but she knew it had to be done before she could be cremated and her ashes placed in the Chance cemetery plot along with the rest of her family. Reaching the double doors Sophie took a deep breath calming herself before she entered. The air-conditioned air smelled stale with the hint of lemon-scented wood polish, seeing her enter an older man with white hair approached wearing a solemn sympathetic smile. “You must be Celeste’s daughter Sophie, my name is Henry Truman. I'm the mortician here. If you're ready I can take you to view her body.” Sophie nodded her throat so tight she doubted she could have spoken if she had wanted to. Henry had placed her mother in a beautiful mahogany coffin for the viewing and after opening it turned to leave. “Let me know when you’re done, I have some papers you’ll need to sign.” Once again Sophie nodded then watched as the man walked away before turning back to look at her mother, she looked peaceful as if any moment she would open her eyes, her long blonde hair flowed down around her shoulders her streaks of white looked like highlights flowing through her hair and she wore her favorite blue dress the one she would wear when she was manic and wanted to live life to its fullest and go out and dance. Seeing that she wore her jewelry Sophie took the time to remove them knowing they would only get burned up. Her mother’s sapphire ring seemed to sparkle and the matching gold nugget necklace her grandmother had made for them both for luck from the gold she had found as a child still lay across her chest having never taken it off. So many memories of being a child and holding it while lying in her arms came to mind as she stared down at her mother’s lifeless body almost waiting for her eyes to open and some outlandish over the top comment to come out of her mouth, just the thought made her smile. “I hope the afterlife treats you well momma, I hope you see grandma Lola and great-grandma Leta and they welcome you with open arms, I’ll do my best to keep my promise and to never end up in a hospital again or let my illness win and cause me like the rest of you to take my life. Even though they are words that have been left unsaid, I love you momma, and will miss you.” Leaning over Sophie kissed her mother for the last time then walked back to find Henry’s office “I’m ready to sign those papers now.” Henry smiled and offered her a seat “Your mother's lawyer Mr. Kline took care of the financial part. I just need your signature.” Sophie nodded still standing, she signed it then smiled “Thank you” then turned and walked away. Reaching the car Sophie placed her mother’s ring on her finger and her necklace around her neck looking down at the gold nugget Sophie smiled she could remember visiting her grandmother Lola at the hospital as a child and the vacant stare she had worn, yet as soon as the doctors and nurses would walk away she would smile and say “Hello Firefly have you ever seen a gold nugget?” Sophie had always loved to hear her stories. They had such a childlike quality to them as if she told them from the viewpoint of a child with excitement and innocence. “My daddy owned land way up in the mountains. He was a logger and owned his own company. My momma was a sick woman and couldn’t be trusted alone in town or left alone with us kids. People called her crazy, said she wasn’t right in the head so daddy had to take her and my brother and me up the mountain with him to keep an eye on her. When I was ten I was out playing and found a cave which ended up being a mine, I kept it a secret and went there every day exploring and getting deeper and deeper even finding gold nuggets. I wasn’t supposed to be there so I didn’t tell anyone worried my daddy would be upset with me. Then one day I came upon a dead man with just skin and bones. His legs had been buried under rocks and he looked to have gotten stuck and died. I got scared and ran back and hid the gold I found. Do you want to see it?” Sophie could remember holding the gold nugget “Was there more?” Lola had shrugged her eyes going back to their vacant stare “Never went back, that night momma was upset and daddy tried to calm her down like he always did but she was screaming and crying in front of all daddies men and before daddy could stop her she shot herself in the head while everyone watched.” Sophie could remember her grandmother staring off into space “Grandma?” Lola blinked “The men used to call her loony Leta because of the things she would do and say.” When Sophie had asked her mother later what would make her great-grandma Leta kill herself her mother had told her it had all started because she had forgotten to make cornbread to go with the chili she had made for the workers and that great-grandpa Chance told her not to worry about it and that it was no big deal but she couldn’t get over it and went over the deep end making herself so upset about it she turned it into something else altogether. Just the thought of Leta killing herself over cornbread made her stomach turn yet how many times had she felt the world crumbling around her over things almost as trivial and that’s while on medication mind you. With another few hours until she reached home she had a lot to think about, Raymond had called her twice and left messages funny how much you want something when you no longer have it. But Sophie was finished and no amount of begging on his part was going to change that, if her having bipolar and being on medication upset him six weeks ago it would always be a problem for him and she didn’t need another shrink nor had she changed from the woman he had fallen for in the beginning it was him that decided he wanted something else and she had no plans to change into his new idea of perfection just to keep him happy. Even his messages still had selfish undertones to them, lots of I’s and me's, she had enough going on right now and to be truthful she was bored of the whole affair.