1995 It's dark and damp, the walls are closed. I can spread my arms and touch both sides, they're cool to the touch and feel like stone. I'm in a cave, a dark cave, the ground feels soft under my feet. I can see light ahead. It's small and glowing green, as I walk closer the cave widens and splits off into two directions. I follow the green orb of light to the right. About to touch the light, it disappears. “Firefly?” Turning around I see my dream man leaning against the wall of the cave, his welcoming smile and outstretched hand giving me an instant feeling of relief. “About time you got here.” “Sophie wake up!” Raymond shook Sophie until she opened her eyes “What? What's wrong?” Raymond sighed “You were talking up a storm.” Sophie frowned, Raymond sighed "You were talking in your sleep again." Sophie sat up and groaned, “I haven't slept all week and you woke me up because I was talking in my sleep?” Raymond shrugged “Well hell Sophie you woke me up.” Sophie groaned as she rubbed her face then searched out a joint from the bedside table and lit it. “I had a dream with him in it again.” Raymond turned over adjusting his pillow “The mountain man?” Sophie rolled her eyes “I never said he was a mountain man.” Raymond huffed “Same guy since you were a little girl right? Well, he sounds rather rustic to me, if we're done discussing your dream man, I think I'll be going back to sleep.” Sophie laughed as she took another hit and put out the joint. “I just hope I can get back to sleep.” With her agent sending her on one job right after the next she had convinced Raymond, her boyfriend to take a few weeks off of work to join her. Being a freelance writer Raymond jumped at the chance with it being fashion week and all he had hoped to find a story among all the chaos the fashion world might supply. Not to mention the excitement of traveling from photoshoot to photoshoot and going from one lavish party to the next, especially with Sophie Chance fashion photographer as his own shining star. The attention she got was almost embarrassing, beautiful people gathered at her feet begging to be on the other end of her lens, and she handled it with such cool and seductive ease. Never bitchy, never the snob, she was open-minded and willing to listen, giving her admirers a sense of acceptance, and her true interest in their ideas left them in awe and inspired as they walked away. And with Sophie, if she said she’d look into something she did, no bullshit, no I forget. Sophie Chance was of average height, she wore her long blonde hair down past her shoulders, her light green eyes were big and framed with long thick lashes. She had a slim yet curvy build with large full breasts that she had no qualms about displaying at work or at play, yet tended to keep her attire simple when possible and was usually okay with sporting a tank top, black pants, or jeans and her every ready boots. Being a fashion photographer her drastic mood changes seemed more about her artistic style and creativity than anything else therefore easier to camouflage. This was a great benefit to Sophie not that she was a monster or anything she was just sure that with the amount of chaos she had in her head it would be noticeable to everyone around her if they let's say had to be in constant contact with her. Especially if it looked anywhere near as fucked up to them as it did to her. Sophie hadn’t slept in days and despite her never-ending racing thoughts, she felt great. It had been a long week of photoshoots and parties; she and Raymond had been dating for almost six months which was a miracle in Sophie’s book, her being on the road for half of it probably helped. Raymond was an attractive man just under six feet with dark wavy brown hair and dark blue eyes. His style looked to be right out of GQ magazine, never a hair out of place, very neat, too neat, hell the man folded his clothes before going to bed, not Sophie's usual preference but he had a certain something that definitely caught her eye. Sophie knew he was a good man but she also knew he had some fucked up ideas about crazy people that he didn’t keep to himself and she didn’t want to be on the other end of his hatred without a doubt. Him not knowing about Sophie having Bi-Polar and being on medication was a bonus she was sure. The days began to blur together night after night without sleep. Sophie was hard at work all day while Raymond slept off the nights before in the hotel. Sophie would have her daily pow wows with the designers then translated what she needed to the models, not always the easiest but Sophie liked her photoshoots to go one way, her way and her way had an easy-going flow that always gave way to a smooth end and a satisfied client. Day five came without rest and the last thing Sophie wanted to do was return to her hotel room to find Raymond asleep or watching TV, not quite eight pm she headed to the bar, she had been happy that Raymond had joined her he could be a lot of fun especially when she was going through a manic stage but it was obvious by his concerned looks and questions he was beginning to worry about her lack of sleep. Hell, she found herself lying in bed with her eyes closed just to ease his mind, she felt ridiculous a grown woman pretending to be asleep just to avoid having the talk. Sophie gave a snort, talk alright she would talk while they would pack, hell most men didn’t care about her Bi-Polar as long as their needs were being met. But the second they weren’t getting what they were wanting it was hello crazy bitch, only then was she a freak. Before she was full of life, spontaneous and creative, a long list of colorful and appealing attributes that within seconds got narrowed down to one word, freak. Sitting at the bar a tall man approached wearing an attractive smile. “Good evening, what can I get you?” Sophie smiled, “A double of Jim Beam and a glass of Sierra Mist with lemon.” With a quick nod the man walked away returning with her drinks, Sophie smiled as she laid a twenty on the bar. “Thank you.” Sophie did a slow turn on the barstool taking in her surroundings then took her shot knowing she had to return to Raymond and their room to change for the party. With a sigh, she smiled just the thought of heading home was a relief. It had been a long few weeks with fashion week and all the traveling and she was looking forward to taking a little time off. After a while, she slowly made her way upstairs to find Raymond getting dressed. Hearing the door Raymond peeked out of the bathroom at Sophie and smiled as she walked in. “About time you got back, well Firefly, how did your last shoot go? Were the models able to deliver?” Sophie smiled as she took off her boots, rubbing each foot as she went along. “Came out perfect and the agency sent over two more girls, a blonde, and a redhead.” Raymond walked out wearing a sexy smile “Sounds like you finally got the ginger you were asking for?” Sophie laughed “Did you doubt I would? I don’t just get an idea and not follow through and I never do anything half-ass, the photo called for a ginger at its center and by the Gods, it was going to have one.” Raymond walked over to her and trapped her in the low chair, a hand on each side she could smell his cologne and clean-shaven skin. He wore a sexy smile as he leaned in to nuzzle at her neck, his wavy hair still wet from the shower. His warm breath on her ear made a shiver run through her as she leaned up wanting more. “It's late woman, get dressed can’t be late for your own party now can you.” Sophie smiled as she stood up “Give me about a half-hour okay.” Raymond smiled big as he grabbed her around the waist. “No hurry honey, I’ll go get us a few drinks.” Sophie smiled as she shed her clothes and jumped into the shower. She had to admit her body felt like it had been on a roller coaster and was in need of pampering yet her mind was still a go and going in every direction. Hearing the door and Raymond laughing, Sophie stepped out of the shower to dry off. “What makes you so happy out there?” Raymond walked in letting the steam out as he handed her a giant dirty martini “Guess who I saw at the bar?” Sophie smiled as she took a drink and began to dry off “Who"? Raymond laughed as he waved a fat bag of cocaine inside the door making Sophie laugh “So your boyfriend’s staying in this hotel as well?” Raymond laughed “Roger is not my boyfriend; he just enjoys lavishing me with gifts on occasion.” Sophie opened the door and smiled as Raymond started readying them both a line. “An older man that buys you expensive toys, jewelry, designer drugs, sounds like a sugar daddy to me. Makes me wonder what you give him?” Sophie laughed as Raymond grabbed her towel and threw her onto the bed making her laugh. “The man is sixty Sophie.” Sophie laughed “That doesn’t mean his pecker doesn’t work, now finish those lines I have to get dressed.” Raymond laughed as he went back first taking his line then handing Sophie the straw for her to take hers. Sophie had never been big on hallucinogens, Acid, Ecstasy, Psychedelic Mushrooms, etc. yes she had experimented with a few but with the amount of imbalance in her head already she never got the reaction expected or desired. She would on occasion dabble with cocaine, she found it like mania had its certain perks and found it a comfort. Marijuana had become a staple to Sophie and had since her adolescents it not only worked as a mood stabilizer but seemed to work together well with her medication. Dressed in a sexy black number with heels and feeling more than good Sophie and Raymond both partook of another line before heading out to their last party before heading home. About to leave the hotel Sophie was stopped by a man from the front desk. “Miss Chance, so sorry to bother you but you have received an important message.” Sophie frowned as she held out her hand. “It seems of the utmost importance, if you need a private room to read it in I can provide it.” Sophie’s heart dropped as she excused herself to an empty table at the bar to read the message. “Sophie please return to Camarillo State mental hospital immediately, your mother has taken a turn for the worse and is on suicide watch, she is refusing to eat and is having to be restrained.” Sophie shook her head as she closed the letter and returned to Raymond and the hotel clerk. “Thank you.” As they walked out Raymond watched her waiting to hear her news “Sophie what happened?” Sophie shrugged “Tomorrow I will be driving home; I need to stop and see my mother along the way. I hope you don’t mind flying alone.” Raymond stopped her “I can drive with you.” Sophie smiled, “It’s not your problem; I don’t want to be a burden.” Raymond laughed “Let’s have a nice night, then tomorrow we can rent a car, you’re not a burden Firefly you’re my girlfriend a road trip will be great.” Sophie smiled but deep down she knew the second he found out she was crazy and came from a long line of crazy women he would freak. She had seen his reaction to mental illness, he was a good man but mental illness was just something she knew he wasn’t going to swallow all that well. That night Sophie partied even harder than usual. Hell, she spent half the night with a straw up her nose, a martini in her hand, and a joint in the other. A crowd surrounded her listening to her every word as if it was gospel and for the life of her she couldn’t remember half the shit she had said. Raymond kept his corner of the party greatly entertained, his seductive laugh grabbing her attention every once in a while. So many hands grazed over her skin she had no idea who they belonged to and in all truthfulness didn’t care. As long as her empty glass was being filled and her photography being groveled over she was set. As the night faded and morning rose the tired and weary slowly escaped out into the city streets, finding Raymond among the dazed and confused Sophie drug him toward the sunlit streets, the lure of strong coffee as their only refuge. Returning to the hotel Sophie packed, canceling their plane tickets and reserving a rental car while Raymond got a few hours of sleep before checking out. Sophie kept her medication in her purse figuring it was the safest place, so like a sneak thief she took her purse into the bathroom and took her pills before waking Raymond, feeling like an idiot because she was ashamed or was it that she just wanted Raymond to continue looking at her the way that he did. She knew that would change, it always did. She was still wondering what she would tell him if anything at all, she could just leave him in town and visit her mother alone. Hell, she had a few hours of driving to think it over, and as long as he didn’t find her medication she figured she could hide the fact that like her mother she suffered from Bipolar as well, he didn’t need to know mental illness ran in her family. It wasn’t as if he was the one or anything, hell she doubted any man was when it came to her. Two hours into the drive Raymond laughed “Are you planning on telling me where we are going, Sophie?” Sophie smiled, “A town called Camarillo, Celeste, my mother is in a hospital there and I’m just going for a visit.” Raymond nodded “You huh? Not me?” Sophie smiled, “I’ll only be an hour at most before we can head home.” Raymond sighed “Embarrassed of me, are you?” Sophie couldn’t help but laugh “Quite the opposite actually, my mother can be very difficult. I’m surprised she actually asked for me to come. Bringing a man with me would not go well, in fact, I doubt my visit will end well, they usually don’t.” Raymond nodded as if he understood “If that’s the case, I guess I will let it pass. Where is your father?” Sophie shrugged “My mother met him in France. On a whim in her twenties, she sold all of her belongings and went there. She traveled abroad for years meeting people and traveling all over the world. Town to town, party to party, and yes man to man.” Raymond’s eyes lit up making Sophie smile “Exciting I know, she‘s also a talented jewelry designer as she got older she made a name for herself, and marrying one rich husband after another also helped her keep herself in good social circles.” Raymond smiled, “And now?” Sophie smiled “She lives a quiet solitary life, not always what she wants but it’s what’s best for her.” Raymond smiled “I sense you would like that to be the end of that story?” Sophie smiled, “You would be right.” Raymond held up his hands “What Firefly says goes.” Sophie laughed “We will be there within the hour, let's smoke a bowl. I’m sure I’ll need it if this is going to go as I think it will.” Entering Camarillo Sophie found a bar nearby and dropped Raymond off laughing as he made a spectacle of leaning into the car to kiss her. Sophie knew he was trying to lighten her mood and she was thankful for it. As she headed to the hospital it was like a veil of anxiety and gloom came over her the closer she got. The bell tower came into view long before the actual asylum. Just the term asylum fits the description of this place so much better than State Mental Hospital. The bell tower seemed to call out to the Chance women. It was their job not to answer, to stay strong of mind and heart and avoid its enticing lure. Raymond entered the bar and sat at the end of the dark bar watching two good ole boys playing pool, the older man behind the bar to his order then handed him a beer. “You’re not from around here that’s for sure and for certain.” Raymond laughed “I’m from L. A My girlfriend here visiting her mother at the hospital. I’m just wasting some time until she’s done.” The bartender shrugged, “Too bad, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be locked up in that place gives me the chills just thinking about it.” Raymond looked confused, and another man walked up “My cousin works up there and says the place is haunted and scary as hell at night.” The men around the bar nodded and the bartender shrugged “Creepy place if you ask me, but you have to keep the crazies locked up somewhere or they’d be walking the streets.” Raymond was silent for a moment. “Give me a shot of Jack, hell make it a double.”