Driving into Los Angeles Sophie was happy to be back in the city for now at least, it hadn’t taken her long to decide she was heading to her family's land for what she didn’t know yet, but that’s where she was going. It didn't take long to email her mother's attorney and get all the information about the land and her mothers last wishes, her things had been placed in storage and Sophie was getting mailed the key, still too raw over the ordeal she figured she would put it off for another time. She figured she would buy a map and some camping equipment and start an adventure. She was sure she would get some great pictures and from her family's map although outdated she knew there was an old cabin and hot springs not to mention an old mine if her grandmother's memory was correct. Sophie had no problem being alone hell most of the time she preferred it that way. Before even heading home she stopped at an outdoors men's retail store, a handsome young sales man approached oozing with charm.“Hello what can I help you find?” Sophie smiled “I need camping equipment, it might be cold and rainy so something warm. Tent, sleeping bag, lantern, emergency food supply, just in case I can’t get to the local store, maybe even a first aid kit.” The man smiled, “For how many?” Sophie smiled almost proudly “One.” The man frowned, “Are you sure you want to be going out by yourself?” Sophie laughed “I think I’ll be alright, and if not I’ll have my gun to help protect me.” After about an hour Sophie left with a back end full of camping gear and a salesman more than happy with his sales percentage for the night. Sophie’s next stop was Leos, an older man in his early sixties, a free thinker with a talent for getting the hard to get and knowing the right people in the right places be it on the wrong side of town in most cases. Leo always loved Sophie’s visit’s and their flirtatious banter. “Well hello Firefly.” Sophie laughed “I should have never told you my family’s pet name for me.” Leo laughed “Middle name and pet name are two entirely different things honey, one you are born to and the other you are given.” Sophie laughed “Sounds more like a pet name to me, hey Leo the lion.” Leo laughed “Where is that man of yours? Sophie shrugged “Let's just say he found out about my secret self.” Leo nodded “So what he ran scared? He wasn't the man for you Firefly, any man that you have to lie to and be someone you're not just to keep him happy is not for you. You need a real man who can take care of you and who puts you first, deep down you knew he wasn't the right one for you.” Sophie gave a weak smile “I know Leo you're right all Raymond thinks about is himself, we have had some good times but in the end it all came down to his wants and his needs.” Leo smiled “I think it's about time you start thinking about yourself for a change.” Sophie smiled, “I'm taking some time off and doing just that.” Leo laughed “What can I get for you honey?” Sophie smiled “I’m going out of town for a while I'm leaving tomorrow. I need an ounce of your best green bud and I’d be mighty grateful if you could roll me a bunch of joints from it, not all of course just some to make it easy for driving and stuff, I’m willing to pay extra.” Leo nodded “No problem Firefly where you headed?” Sophie shrugged “My family owns land up in mountains and I’m headed up there for a while. My mother died a few days back and I’m taking some time off work.” Leo frowned “How did she die honey?” Sophie looked down at her hands “Same way all the women in my family die Leo, she committed suicide.” Leo reached out to touch her hand. “Not my place to say but you make sure to take your meds while you're away, you have too many people that love you and don’t want anything to happen to you.” Sophie laughed “Thanks Leo but as of now you’re the only one and you’re my dealer. No worries, I'm fine. I'll stop by here tomorrow morning early to pick it up.” Leo smiled “See you then Firefly and honey I'm not just your dealer I'm your friend.” When Sophie reached her house it was dark and quiet, right away she put on some music while she packed her bags and opened a bottle of red wine. Unsure how long she would be gone she packed enough clothes for two weeks she hadn’t had a break from work in years might as well take advantage of the time she had, hell she had enough freeze dried food to last three weeks if need be, she doubted they tasted all that well but with the amount of weed and alcohol she was taking she doubted it would matter. When morning came she returned to Leo’s to pick up her weed and nicely rolled joints. Leo met her with a look of concern “Be careful Firefly, I’ll be seeing you on the flip side.” Sophie laughed as she let him kiss her goodbye. “Be good.” After filling her tank, buying a few packs of cigarettes just in case the mood struck and setting her GPS Sophie was off and more than ready to start her adventure and to forget some of her present pain. It seemed strange to be going to a place she had never been but her family had owned for so many years. She had no idea what to expect, when she finally arrived she knew only what the old drawn out map had to say, it was four hundred acres of wooded area atop a mountain side that consisted of a cabin, a mine if her grandmother had remembered correctly and hot springs. Her great grandfather had used it for his logging company but was unaware of the mine. Other than that she knew nothing about the land but hoped to find out and take pictures of it. Driving a few hours Sophie approached the highway leading to the road that led to her land at around 8 am. The road through her land had twists and turns for miles before she found the dirt road that led to her cabin. Narrow and overgrown she followed the road up the mountainside for over an hour before reaching the cabin. For its age the cabin looked well preserved, made with logs. It looked large enough for a family, maybe one room and a large living room and kitchen area with two large windows in front and a large front porch that wrapped around the sides. Sophie knew it had to be over a hundred years old yet it looked livable having obviously been well made. Stopping her Jeep she stepped out and stretched, the crisp morning air putting a smile on her face, not quite 9:30 am she grabbed her camera and started taking pictures of the cabin as the morning sun shone across it. Walking up onto the porch the old wood creaked under her feet, trying the door she found unlocked. Excitement pulsed through her as she stepped inside, the smell of aged wood and years of dust filled her nostrils. It wasn’t what she had imagined, empty space, complete nothingness, but instead it was still furnished, an old table, a broken chair, even an old bed frame close to the fireplace that was framed with ornate carvings in the wood. A perfect place to set up camp before she checked out the area. It was a beautiful day and she hoped to get some good pictures of the mountain. First things first she opened the windows carefully and propped open the front door then lit a nag champa incense and turned up her Paul Simon CD in her Jeep, lighting herself a joint she smiled “Good morning Chance mountain, momma’s home.” Sophie couldn’t help but laugh at herself as she started unloading her camping gear including all the logs she had picked up at the gas station in town. The nag champa filled the cabin quickly and was billowing out onto the porch before Sophie had to put it out. She figured she would leave it open and it would air it out a bit. After setting everything up and grabbing a snack it was just turning 10:30 am so Sophie grabbed her camera, slung it over her shoulder and placed her gun in the back of her pants just in case. Walking through the woods the afternoon sunlight seemed to shine through the treetops in beams illuminating the still darkened forest floor making for photos right out of a dream. The wild life seemed unaware as they moved around her, the vibrant colors and natural beauty so amazing Sophie couldn't help but find herself mesmerized camera in hand, picture after picture she made her way through the mountainside taking in nature's many wonders. Later while trekking back to the cabin she was shocked to find the burnt orange sun setting behind the tree's unaware where the hours had gone yet a feeling of ease lying over her like a warm blanket. Entering the cabin the faint scent of musk hit her not the scent of her incense but a manly scent almost that of a man hard at work, a scent she hadn't smelled in a long time. Lighting the lantern she sat down and poured herself a glass of brandy and lit a joint. Looking around she studied the cabin around her even as old as it was she could see all the detail that had been put into its construction, starting a fire she could see all the ornate carvings that had been etched into the fireplace frame giving it a decorative look. Seeing an etching on the wall next to the bed Sophie moved the lantern to get a better look. It seemed whoever slept there had made it while lying in bed. The etching was of a beautiful woman, Sophie found herself staring at the woman “Damn that looks like me.” Shaking her head Sophie returned to her sleeping bag and pulled it closer to the fire, relighting her joint she laughed “This day is getting weirder and weirder, first I lose six or more hours in the forest taking pictures and it felt like two hours tops and now I find a etching of me on the wall of a cabin over one hundred years old not to mention it smells like a hot sweaty man's been in here after I had let an incense bomb go off in here this morning.” Finishing off her brandy in a big gulp Sophie laid back onto her sleeping bag and shut her eyes. Lifting her head she looked around. “Not to mention I don't feel alone here and it's not even freaking me out.” Turning toward the fire on her side she watched it as she finished smoking her joint, the fire seemed to dance above the fire wood, the only sounds were of the crickets outside and the crackling of the fire. Sophie couldn't help but smile. She felt good, relaxed, and even though she was more alone than ever she wasn't lonely or scared and she wasn't lying to anyone, not even herself for once. Sophie laughed then turned off her lantern, took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Sophie woke the next day to a crisp morning sun and fresh earthy scents, after having slept through the night she was wide awake and ready to explore her mountain and find her mine. Taking her gun and a flashlight Sophie headed out, knowing the mine was to the east of the cabin Sophie headed there first, the land was majestic, so quiet yet so loud with the sounds of the wild life surrounding her. After about a half hour of walking through heavily wooded forest she came to a clearing and smiled, seeing the mine from afar it looked more like a large crack in the mountain side, crossing through a small field of tall grass then a section of moss covered boulders she came upon the mountainside to find it held an old wooden sign so worn out all you could read was Booker Gr… T the rest had worn away and the sign hung sideways from one very old nail like it had fallen. Sophie smiled as she took a few pictures, with her flashlight at the ready she laughed with excitement, having heard about this mine as a child she never thought she would be here or that she would own it. Stepping inside she could feel the chill of the rock and the soil walls around her, the air smelled earthy and raw, just like the cave in her dreams. “Hello” Sophie laughed “Like an animal’s going to answer back.” Taking slow steps Sophie let her hands graze over the walls of the cave that now had grown wider and no longer felt cramped. After walking a few minutes she turned and took a picture of the entrance and the daylight then turned back and took some of the walls. Coming to a split in the road she went to the right no pause no question she just knew it was right or nothing at all. That struck her as odd when she realized what she had done and how she had felt, her heart began to pound as she walked deeper into the mine. The walls around her began to glisten when the light hit them catching her eye, seeing the end of the cave her breath caught, it was the man her grandmother had found, only bones now but his clothes seemed to be well in tacked and he looked to be pinned down by a mountain of boulders. “Damn old man your luck sucks, you finally hit gold then get buried in it and die.” Seeing an old bag she sat down and opened it carefully curious what she would find. “You don’t care if I take a look do you?” First pulling out a flask she smiled “A man after my own heart.” Opening it only dust came out. Sophie chuckled “What did I expect?” Next she pulled out a brown leather journal embossed with the name Booker T. Grant 1875. Sophie smiled “So Booker is it? I doubt an old man would be all that put out if a young lady like myself was to take a peek, it being a hundred and twenty years later and all.” Sophie smiled “Sorry darling, if I could have been here to save you I would have, this sure in hell isn’t the way to go.” Standing Sophie grabbed a large nugget of gold from the ground and smiled “I hope you don’t mind if I take this as a memento and a picture of course no disrespect.” Sophie smiled then took a few pictures before heading back to the cabin taking her time getting some great pictures along the way. After spending a few hours taking pictures along the way Sophie found herself anxious to see what the mystery man had written about so many years before. Just the thought of reading Booker's journal was making Sophie excited, to read someone’s personal thoughts was so intimate. When she reached the cabin she smiled “Home sweet home.” Pouring herself a vodka cranberry and lighting herself a joint she got comfortable in the slow but fading sunshine and opened the journal. This is the Journal of Booker T Grant born 1850 August 2nd, 1875 I have owned my land for two years now; I spent the first year building my cabin and readying my mine for production and the last few years hard at work in hopes of striking gold. The people in town call me crazy and say I’m too young to waste my life away on a joke of a mine. Being new to town I was thrilled to win the mine and the land it came on from Hayden Remington. Thinking at the time I might have a new start but as of yet I haven’t found a thing, not even a fleck of gold ,yet I still have a feeling it’s in there. I will say my land is beautiful, never in my life have I seen anything so majestic and tranquil. If I get nothing else from this land I still will be rich with the land itself. I’m still living off of my inheritance, staying frugal hoping for the best but planning for the worst, hell I sound like my father. Went into town yesterday. It had been two months so I picked up my supplies, this journal to keep me sane up here all alone and stopped in to see Jesse. I hate to say it because she’s a lady and all and I’m not attracted to the other girls but the woman doesn’t know when to shut up. It would be different if she spoke of our love making if you can call it that or if she spoke of something sexy but she only talks about town gossip, other men, nothing I care to hear about while I’m trying to get off. In the heat of passion I slapped her ass, she reacted like I had punched her, guess it’s a good thing I didn’t slap her as hard as I really wanted to or I’d be hanging from a noose. The truth is the woman I fantasize about is nothing like the women I’ve known or will ever meet. Hell, she probably doesn’t exist. That's why she’s a dream. So I came home fairly relieved yet unsatisfied and tomorrow I go back to work... with hope. Sophie smiled “Young hmm how young?” Looking at the date she smiled “Twenty-five, so my age.” August 4th Last night I made the sweet biscuits Harriet my old cook in Boston used to make. I was craving something sweet and it was all I had the fixings for, it made me think of momma and old times she sure did love those sweet biscuits with her tea. I would have rather had chocolate but I haven't had chocolate since I was in New York when I was nine. Now that was a treat, it was the only trip father and I went on alone. I had never traveled with my father, just him and I. It seemed strange at first to get all his attention; he had always seemed too busy for me. I learned a lot about my father that trip and he about me. August 16th, Long day, lying in bed, I think about what I would give to have a warm body lying next to me on these cool sheets, my cabin seems so quiet. I saw a brown bear today. He just looked my way and nodded , then walked away like a friendly hello from a neighbor. If I see him again I think I will call him King Henry. August 20th, My birthday is coming up, my mother and sister would be planning a party hell they loved to have parties and would go all out. To lose them both at once and so close to my father’s death seems like a curse, turning twenty-six just doesn’t seem all that important. I’ve seen King Henry twice since I last wrote about him. He shows no aggression towards me but I keep my distance for safety's sake, it might just be my loneliness talking but I think he likes the name I’ve given him. August 25th, Happy twenty- sixth birthday to me and I'm all alone, some company would be nice. Brandy will have to do, well that and thoughts of my dream woman how I see her every night I don’t know. I could map out every detail of her face and every curve of her flesh as if I had held her in my arms for a lifetime. My need for her grows by the day leaving me aching for her touch only to wake alone. I have etched her face next to my bed so that I can wake up to her every morning. Sophie smiled as she looked over at the etching of his dream woman. “I just wish I could have been here for you honey, hell I could use a man like you in my life.” Sophie shrugged “My dream man.” September 1st I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I would have stayed in Boston and kept my engagement. Would I be in a loveless marriage with children I never see because they are hidden away raised by nannies. I always thought that it is strange why have children if you don't plan on showing them love and raising them yourselves. Why marry a person you can't even enjoy, have fun with, talk to, have things in common with. I only got engaged to please my mother. Hell, she picked Miss Melody Blackwell and informed me of her decision after it was pretty much finalized. Sophie stopped reading and put down the journal. Getting up she walked outside and stretched, lighting a cigarette she laughed “I feel for you Booker, I'm just glad I wasn't around in your time I'd either be married off to a stranger for the highest bidding or hidden away for being crazy.” Curious to see what Booker had to say next Sophie finished her cigarette and hurried back to the journal. September 15th I visited the whore house today, why it has to be such a hassle every time I do not know. I don't require much, in fact I put aside my true desires and ask for just the same old lady as any man. If I asked for what I really wanted I feared the whole town would come after me. It's not as if I'm a bad man, I just like it rough, I enjoy a woman who likes to be spanked and fucked hard. I don't want to hurt a woman. It's about pleasure but most people don't understand that and the fact that I'm well hung makes it even worse, one look at my dick and they go running. I've only met a few women that can even handle me, the rest act as if I'm trying to kill them. September 29th I was at the hot springs late last night and I thought I saw her, yes I had been drinking but it seemed so real she walked from out of the forest. Dawned in strange garb she wore her long blonde hair down around her shoulders and her green eyes seemed to glow in the distance. I waited for her to come closer but she seemed to fade into the night. I called out to her but she didn't respond. She just held out her hand to me. I did the same but she vanished. I stood there staring into nothingness and realized I was crying. I had been so close to her, I saw a vision of my dream woman, a waking dream and I can only hope I will see her again.” Sophie put down the journal and stared off into the fire Booker’s words mesmerizing her, the way he thought and the words he wrote, she felt a connection to him, it was a new feeling for her if only this strong connection wasn’t with a dead man. October 1st As the seasons change on this mountain I find new reasons to fall in love with it, the colors of the trees and the leaves that blanket the ground. The wildlife changing with the seasons is so awe inspiring to watch them bring me company even though I know I'm all alone. My work even though barren is still holding hope for I know good things are to come. I 'm so optimistic today as I sit for my morning coffee more than ready for the day ahead, my thoughts still lingering on the Goddess from my sultry dreams last night. October 13th Went into town for supplies, Tom from the supply store tried to raise the prices on me again. If he keeps it up I'm going to have to find a new place probably in a new town but that' may not be worth the farther traveling distance. I might just have to pay the higher prices, the bastard. October 20th, I must admit I've been in a lousy mood of late. I haven't been able to sleep so no dreams of my Goddess and the lack of finding gold has put a huge damper on my mood. I regret ever playing poker with that old bastard and winning this land and ever stepping foot in that gold less mine. I find myself looking like a hairy mountain man when before this disaster I was a valued attorney in a renown Boston law firm. I never felt like that was my calling but I never in all my years thought I'd be here either. Setting down the journal Sophie sighed “How can this stranger of a man feel so close yet be so far away, it’s a tease to read his thoughts knowing we will never meet.” With a shrug she returned to the journal anxious to read more about Booker and his life. November 12th, I haven’t written in a long time, I find myself blue and lonely. My only purpose has been to live and work. I’m drained, I went to town for supplies and got into a fight with Wayne, one of Thomas Mill’s work hands, the sheriff got involved. Wayne was spouting his mouth off calling me crazy, nothing new really but my nerves were on edge and I lost it and broke his nose and basically made mush of his face. By the time the Sheriff got there to stop me Wayne was nothing but a puddle of blood and flesh lucky for me he had a pulse. Witnesses called me crazy, hell they don’t know the half of it. Guess next time I’ll head to a different town for my supplies it was made pretty clear I was unwelcome there. It's cold out. I'm glad I chopped extra wood for this winter and it looks like I’ll be needing it. Sophie stopped and removed her shoes, pouring herself another drink and making herself something to eat. Looking around she could picture Booker walking around the cabin, with a smile she went back to his journal. November 20th, It's been so cold lately hunting and trapping hasn't been as fruitful as of late but I've been surviving. I guess it's a good thing I still have my inheritance to keep me above water and enough firewood to keep me thawed out. Something tells me I'm digging in the wrong direction but I think I'll wait till after the new year to change direction, I wouldn't want to change now and be wrong. I've worked too hard for too long to give up now. I realized yesterday I was talking to myself. All I could do was laugh. Hell, I guess I needed a friend to talk to and I was the only man for the job. Sophie chuckled as she snacked on some cheese and crackers “Hell honey I talk to myself all the time, never have to worry about offending anyone that way.” November 25th I shot a buck two days back so there's plenty of meat for me to give thanks for, this isn't my first Thanksgiving up on this mountain but I must admit it seems like the loneliest. The small smoke house I built last summer will definitely come in handy now, if I'm lucky this meat will last me awhile. I can't help but think of my family and all the holidays we shared, so festive and grand ,my dear mother the happy hostess making sure everyone was fat and fed, my father and uncle Darrin sitting back cigars in one hand brandy in the other talking of old times in the library reminiscing of the past. The sweet smell of pumpkin pie as it lofted out of the kitchen and floated through the house. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water as my sweet tooth has been denied for what seems like ages. December 1st I've decided I hate the cold, I'm ready for spring to come and save me from this miserable existence. I don't even feel like getting out of bed, in fact I feel like crawling into the fireplace just to keep warm. My body aches all over. I must be dying or maybe I'm just wishing I would. I dreamt of her again last night. She was standing above my bed watching me wearing a look of concern. She leaned down and touched my head and for the first time I heard her voice. She had a sexy voice not sweet or soft or demure. All she said was drink and pointed to the water next to my bed then smiled and caressed my hair and told me to rest. When I woke to find her gone I felt my heart drop and my eyes well up in tears but I did as she said in hopes that this too will pass and a new day can bring about new hope. December 25th, Christmas was never my favorite holiday, Momma always loved it though. She dove in face first, tree, gifts, decorations, holiday cheer all of it. The house even smelled of pine and clove. I look around at my cabin and smile. Nothing here says it's Christmas except maybe the snow outside the door and the brandy in my hand. I miss my family but all I have left are the memories we made together. I’m fortunate they are such great ones. I wonder if I will ever have a family to make memories with and a woman to share my life with, it would have to be a miracle of fate for that to happen especially with me up here.