The rest of the train ride was silent and uneventful. Instead of the previous twisting knot of anxiety within Will, there was now a quiet, dark pressure, like he had sunk to the bottom of a lake.

Drifting between insensate wakefulness and insensate sleep, Will barely noticed when they arrived at Revelwood until Glory picked him up with a porcelain wing and set him back on his hooves.

“You’ve got to get a hold of yourself,” Glory said, sternly but sympathetically.

“I want to go home,” Will said, apropos of nothing.

Glory tilted his head slightly as he charted Will’s complex emotional landscape. “I know.”

What Will meant was that he wanted to go home, but couldn’t yet. One of the few upsides of Glory’s constant mind-reading was that Will couldn’t be misunderstood.

“I don’t belong here,” Will continued, which really meant that Will didn’t want to belong here, though only Glory knew that.

“I know,” repeated Glory, setting his feet on the ground and walking out into the open space of the train station.

Will begrudgingly followed. He was surprised to see Dio putting a pair of handcuffs on Skullcrusher, and thoroughly unsurprised to see that they were hot pink and fuzzy.

Skullcrusher waved meekly at Will, who managed a look of only mild bewildered disappointment.

“He is supposed to be under arrest,” Dio said defensively. “It was either this or, like, some kind of rope knot.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” said Will. “Skullcrusher actively wants to come with us.”

“I don’t mind!” Said Skullcrusher chipperly.

Will nodded and said nothing.

“Lord Daphnis will be pleased that we apprehended the culprit and retrieved the sprout,” Virgil said excitedly.

“I certainly hope so,” agreed Skullcrusher as Dio began prodding him down the path to Daphnis’s endless party.

It was early evening when they arrived at the grove, where nothing appeared to have significantly changed. Satyrs darted about offering new treats; sherbet that tasted like carrot or cucumber, and perfectly square cubes of what Will was pretty sure was prime rib.

“Hey!” said a voice Will vaguely remembered. It was the satyr waiter that he had prodded last time, except he was carrying a chevron-shaped plank of wood. “It’s a board,” he explained. “I didn’t realize last time that you were new.”

Will took it gingerly with a nod. “Uh, thanks. And it’s okay, really.”

“I get it, man, it’s a big adjustment!” The satyr continued, forcing Will to continue nodding along.

“I’m… not sure what you’re talking about,” said Will.

“Being a satyr, silly!” The satyr waiter laughed. “It’s pretty great, right? Takes some getting used to, though. Who turned you, do you know?”

Will decided he disliked this conversation. “Nobody turned me, except I guess Virgil. Speaking of,” Will shot a glance over his shoulder, where his friends were some ways away waiting for him, “I should really get going. But thank you. For the board.”

“No problem, man,” the satyr said, turning halfway away. “Have fun with it!”

Will jogged back up to the group, which was thankfully not too difficult.

“Want me to stash that for you?” Glory asked, and Will handed the board to the angel wordlessly. Glory dropped it, where it vanished into thin air.

The general party vibe gave way to the more subdued atmosphere of the deeper grove, where Daphnis sat still chained to his tree stump.

Without any words being exchanged, the crowd parted before Dio and Skullcrusher, discussion fading into scattered murmurs.

A man with antlers who had been passionately kissing what looked like a gargoyle reluctantly paused to alert Daphnis of important guests.

The gigantic elk that stood opposite the stump leaned down to examine Skullcrusher, its breath warm and smelling of mulch and rain.

“We have apprehended the culprit who stole your sacred Arcadian laurel,” Virgil said, half-shouting.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Skullcrusher waved in a nervous greeting. “Hello, lord Daphnis! It was an honor to trick you!”

“Hello, little gnoll,” Daphnis said, his jovial tone contrasted by his booming voice. If he was at all upset, he didn’t show it. “What’s this about a laurel? Have you brought this year’s one already?”

Skullcrusher made a confused whine, like a dog that has knocked a treat out of reach. “I stole it! From you! And unleashed a nettle hydra! Me! I did that!”

Daphnis turned to one of the antlered attendants, who appeared to be in charge. “Is that true, my child? Did that happen?”

The attendant nodded. “Yes, sir, just a few days ago. You were quite incensed.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound like me,” Daphnis said. “The laurel. Do you have the laurel?”

Skullcrusher, who was still handcuffed, began rifling through the pockets on his coat. This continued for several seconds until Glory handed him the correct vial.

Skullcrusher held it up triumphantly, grinning madly as Daphnis took the vial, which was tiny in his hand.

“Thank you, my child,” Daphnis said, looking only at the vial. “You shall be rewarded in turn.”

Skullcrusher looked blankly up at the gigantic satyr. “But I stole it! I stole it and tricked everyone and unleashed a monster upon your inner sanctum! I demand to be punished!”

Daphnis looked to the attendant again. “And you’re sure this happened?”

“Yes, sir, I still have the scars.”

Daphnis turned to Virgil. “And you apprehended him?”

Virgil nodded wordlessly.

“Well, good work, I suppose!” Daphnis said with a hearty chuckle, “You shall be handsomely rewarded for your service.”

“The agreed-upon reward was the seed of a warp flower,” Glory said tonelessly.

“Well, that’s probably fair!” Said Daphnis. He handed the vial to the antlered attendant and nodded. He walked off, gesturing for Virgil’s party to follow.

“Is Daphnis… always like that?” Will asked as smoothly as he could manage, which wasn’t very smooth.

“Forgetful?” The attendant asked. “...Sometimes,” he admitted. “Some days are better than others.”

They were led into a clearing from the forest, where what looked like a huge Victorian mansion had been built and then left unmaintained. The only light seemed to come from a large, dome-shaped greenhouse on the building’s side, which was where the attendant headed.

“What’s this place?” Will asked, running a hand through the leaves of what had once been a topiary. Rose bushes that had grown thorny and wild choked many of the passageways, and small decorative fruit trees had blossomed into an impromptu orchard.

“Daphnis’s home,” the attendant said, sounding almost apologetic. “He doesn’t use it much anymore, except for the greenhouse. Once upon a time, it had been for him and his lover, the scribe Polybius.”

“That’s a shame,” Will said. “It’s… beautiful.”

“It was,” the attendant said. “You’re the human from earth, right? I’m Uther.”

“Uh, yes,” Will said, taken aback. He wasn’t sure how many people were aware of his extradimensional origin, and wasn’t keen on it being known by everyone and their… well, not mother, he supposed.

“You have similar architecture on earth, yes?” Uther asked.

“We used to,” Will said. “If you had lots of money and land. We don’t build many mansions like this anymore.”

“That’s a pity,” Uther said. “This mansion was designed by another human from earth. Polybius has one of similar design in Arcadia.”

“Did you know him?” Will asked. “The human, I mean.”

“Only briefly,” Uther said. “When he was old and I was very young.”

“He never returned to earth, then?” Will asked.

“I suppose not,” Uther said. “But I don’t know for sure. One day he just… disappeared, and father and Daphnis never spoke of them again.”

“Father?” Will asked.

Uther made an embarrassed noise. “Polybius. Polybius and Daphnis never spoke of him again.”

“You’re their son,” Will said, not bothering to phrase it as a question.

“Yes,” said Uther. “Though Daphnis doesn’t seem to remember that most of the time.”

“I’m… sorry,” Will said. “That must be hard.”

“I’m over it,” Uther said with a shrug in a tone that suggested he actually wasn’t over it, but didn’t want to continue the conversation.

“What was the earthling’s name?” Will asked. “I haven’t heard much about anyone else from back home.”

Uther opened his mouth to speak, paused, then closed it again. “I don’t remember. That’s… strange. I don’t remember.”

It was at this point that a Tainted burst from the ground, intent on cutting Uther in half.

Will, in a moment of pure animal instinct, kicked the creature hard in the side, sending it skidding across the lawn. It looked like a crab that had been stuffed into the approximate body shape of a gorilla, with claws the size of barrels. It hissed angrily as two more Tainted leapt down from the trees, knocking Virgil and Skullcrusher to the ground.

Glory blasted a turtle-like one off of Virgil, then another attempted to grab onto him.

“It’s an ambush!” Uther shouted.

“Impossible,” Glory said, shrugging off the gnawing and scratching of a six-legged catlike thing, “The tainted don’t do ambushes.”

“We need to adjust our expectations,” Will said, snagging the catlike one and pulling it to the ground with his whip. “Because every time we’ve seen Tainted, they’ve been doing something they’re not supposed to.”

“We can’t prepare for every possibility,” Glory countered, his tone surprisingly reasonable for being currently clawed at by monsters, “It’s not as if they’ll suddenly learn to explode.”

It was then that a small, gelatinous-looking Tainted, which had previously been giggling nastily but harmlessly, exploded.