Mateo

I showered after the unofficial soccer practice. Chet had skipped and went straight home. Ever since Kiet had tried to steal from them, Chet was paranoid that he was going to come back. But if Kiet followed his past pattern, he wouldn't try to steal from them again for another year or longer. Chances were he'd get arrested soon for drug charges or stealing from someone else and go back to prison. As far as I knew, Chet never told his parents that Kiet had stolen from them, but they had to notice the missing jewelry and video games. I was glad none of my siblings were like Kiet. Chet had another reason he wanted to be home early. He and Vincent were going to move into a new apartment soon and Chet wanted to go home and pack.

I got dressed and checked my phone. There was a text message from Alex.

Babe: Vincent is going to come hang out at our place for a little bit before he has to work. He'll be late if he takes the bus home and then all the way back.

I responded as I walked out of the locker room.

Me: Okay. Just finished practice. I'm on my way home now.

"Texting your boyfriend?"

Robert's voice made me freeze. I didn't want to deal with this today. He hadn't spoken with me since the coach's talk. He walked up from behind me until he stood in front of me. He was alone.

"You know you're a coward right?" Robert went on. "All this time, you just let me say whatever. I say one thing to Chet and he stands up for himself. You know you and your boyfriend are still going to hell right? You're sinners. Disgusting sinners. I want to throw up every time I see you."

"Robert!" Jimmy's strong voice sounded behind us. I didn't wait to see what he had to say. I brushed passed Robert and continued on my way. Robert was right about one thing though, I was a coward. I didn't deserve Alex.

When I got home, Alex and Vincent were playing a video game together on the couch. They both looked at me when I came. Vincent went back to playing, but Alex stood up and came to me as I put my backpack down on the table.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I needed to get better at hiding whatever expression was on my face right now.

"Nothing's wrong," I said.

He frowned at me. "I can tell something is wrong," he said. I glanced at Vincent. He pretended he was involved in the game and wasn't paying attention to us, but how could he not be? "Why won't you just tell me?" Alex asked.

"It's really nothing," I said. He didn't need to worry about Robert or my uncle or all the other things stressing me out.

His jaw set in that way it did when he was angry. He walked passed me and out the door. I stood there not knowing what to do.

"You're not going to go after him?" Vincent asked. He put the controller down and looked at me.

"What's there to say?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes and said, "There was a time when I had tried to break the two of you up and nothing I did worked. Now you're doing it all on your own."

My heart started to beat erratically against my chest at his words. Alex and I couldn't break up. I was doing this to avoid that.

"But now I like you," Vincent said, "so I'm going to give you some advice."

I went and sat next to him on the couch. He had known Alex a lot longer than I had. If he could tell me how to keep him forever, I was willing to listen.

"One of the first things I loved about Chet was how willing he was to help me through my problems and flaws. He didn't hide anything from me and he let me help him too. The first time he went to my old apartment, I told him something very personal I never told anyone. Alex and Trevon knew, but I never had to vocalize it, it was just something we all knew. And after I told him, he told me about Kiet and it brought us closer together. By keeping things to yourself, you are keeping Alex at a distance. You are holding the relationship from moving forward."

"That's not true," I said. "I'm doing this so he doesn't leave me. I need him."

"Then let him in. Stop shutting him out. He might put up with it for awhile, but he won't forever and he will leave you. He is strong. He doesn't need you to try and shield him from things. Trust me. I almost ruined our friendship trying to protect him from getting hurt. And if you're worried that he's going to find out you're not perfect, he already knows and he still chose you. It's hurting him more that you are keeping things from him than if you just told him. By keeping things from him you are sending him the message that you don't trust him, that you don't think he is strong enough, that you don't need him. Think about it from his perspective. If he hid everything from you - Jason, his dad, the trial and whatever else - how would you feel?"

I had never thought of it that way.

"I've got to go to work," Vincent said and stood up. I stood up with him. "But I'm going to tell you this now, go to him and tell him what is bothering you if you don't want to lose him. A relationship cannot survive with one person being so one sided like this. You need each other."

He walked out the door and left me standing there not sure what to do. Then I ran out of the apartment and beat him to the elevator. I took it first without waiting for Vincent. When I was on the ground floor, I looked for Alex, but didn't see him. I ran outside. My head swiveled from side to side as I searched the sidewalk, but still didn't see him. I went into the parking lot and looked for his car. He sat behind the wheel in the car. I rushed to the car and noticed the tears on his cheeks. I opened the car door and he jumped startled. I settled into the passenger seat and closed the door.

"I'm afraid to show my weaknesses because I'm afraid you're going to leave me." There I said it.

His face softened and he brushed the tears from his cheeks.

"I'm not going to leave you," he said. "But it hurts when you won't let me in - when you won't let me help you. We are in a relationship. We should rely on each other. Don't you trust me?"

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"It's not that," I said.

"But you just said you thought I would leave you if I knew of your weaknesses. Do you really think I would do that? Do you think so little of me?"

"No," I said and grabbed both of his hands. I had no idea that was how he saw things. "It's because it's what I would do, not what you would do?"

His blond brows furrowed in confusion, "You'd leave me if you saw my weaknesses."

"No," I said. I was saying everything wrong. "If I saw my weaknesses, I would leave me. Not your weaknesses."

His hands squeezed mine. "But I'm not you. I have weaknesses. You have weaknesses. Everyone does. I know that. I want to help you with your problems like you help me. Please tell me. What was bothering you when you came home?"

I sighed and took in a deep breath. Here it was. "Robert from the soccer team keeps talking crap about us. He says you and I are going to hell and that we are sinners. He said we deserve every mean comment and every mean stare that we get." I meant to stop there, but my mouth kept going like a flood gate that had been opened.

"And my uncle sent me texts telling me I repulsed him and he lost all respect for me and the only way to redeem myself is to break up with you and date a girl and have a family. It got so bad I had to block his number. My own uncle.

"And there is more going on with my grandpa and my parents had to take him back to the hospital and it turns out he not only has a heart problem, but a thyroid problem and now he has to be on another medication." Was this too much all at once? It didn't matter because I couldn't stop. I had to tell him everything that had been festering.

"And Serafina keeps saying she doesn't want to go to college and my mom keeps telling her she has to go and they argue over it all the time. They both contact me and want me to side with them. I'm trapped in the middle. I don't want to be in the middle. I'm stressed enough as it is.

"And my little brother still has a crush on you and I know he is young and it is harmless at the moment, but he won't be young forever and I can already tell he is going to be taller than me and more handsome and has more charisma. What if when he's an adult, he tries to win you over and he's perfect so why wouldn't you fall for him?

"I'm short, and not handsome enough, not smart, I'm a coward, I'm not strong enough to be with you and everytime you look at me with respect and love I feel like a fraud and I'm afraid you're going to break up with me as soon as you realize I'm not good enough for you."

"Maty," Alex gently cupped my cheeks in his hands. "I know you're short. Some people might not consider you handsome, but I do. In my eyes you are the most handsome. I know you struggled with some of the chemistry problems last semester, but you still came out of that class with an A-. Of course you are smart. You didn't receive that partial academic scholarship for no reason. You're not a coward. You came out to everyone at that party and introduced me as your boyfriend. You knew it wasn't going to be easy. You knew not everyone would accept you, but you did it. You bravely came out to your family. I know Vincent sped things along with that, but you still did it. You are not a coward.

"Not strong enough?" Tears welled up in his green eyes. "Baby, you have been my strength through all of this. If you think you're not strong enough it's because you gave all your strength to me. I give some of it back to you now along with some of mine. We can give each other strength when we need to. I'm strong too, let me prove it to you. I know your flaws and I love you even more because of them. Don't you see they connect me to you? You've helped me out so much and I know you always will, but let me help you too. I will love you even more when you show me your vulnerability, when you allow me my strength and my time to shine for you."

And I understood. At least, I thought I did in that moment. I closed the distance between us and kissed him. "I love you, babe," I said against his lips.

"I love you too," he said. The kiss was fire and passion. Tingles went down my spine and spread through my limbs. This time it was different. We were more connected. I could feel it and I knew he could too.

He broke away from the kiss and put his forehead against mine. He breathed heavily. "Let's go back inside," he said as his eyes smoldered. "I'll tell Vincent to leave."

"He already left," I said. Our lips melded together again. Then I opened the door and got out. He followed. We held hands as we went back inside and took the elevator up to our level.

We kissed again once we were inside the apartment. We made our way clumsily to the bedroom without breaking our lips. He fell back onto the bed and I crawled over him until our lips met once more. Our tongues explored and touched and licked. Our kiss broke briefly as I took my shirt off. He sat up slightly and I pulled his shirt off. And then I was ravaging his neck - licking, biting, sucking. My fingers twisted one of his nipples. He moaned and writhed underneath me. My lips continued down and took his other nipple in my mouth. My tongue swirled over it. His fingers dug into my back with his ecstasy. His head tilted back as another moan escaped his lips. I unbuttoned his pants and drew the zipper down.

He moved with sudden strength and I found myself on my back with him hovering over me. His eyes stared into mine.

"Mateo," he said.

"Hmm?"

"Can I top this time?"

I froze. I wanted to tell him yes, that he could do whatever he wanted with me, but I couldn't speak. I hadn't thought about this reverse situation ever. It might hurt. I swallowed.

"You trust me don't you?" he asked.

And I did so I nodded.

"Then I can top?"

I had already exposed my vulnerabilities. This definitely made me feel more vulnerable and I wasn't sure I was ready for that, but my head nodded because I did trust him.

He got off and went to the window. He closed the blinds that I didn't realize were open. Then he went and retrieved a condom and lube. He took off his pants and boxers. His lips crashed against mine as he crawled back onto the bed. His lips trailed down my neck. He was warm and filled me with heat. His kisses trailed down my chest. He took one of my nipples in his mouth and bit it gently. A sound of pleasure escaped my throat as the warm electricity shot through me.

His wet lips trailed down further. When he got to a spot near my belly button, a burst of pleasure shot through me and I moaned loudly. Goosebumps formed on my arms. He licked the spot and my breath hitched. He gently nibbled and my hands grabbed the quilt underneath me as another moan escaped me.

He slowly took off my pants and boxer briefs. All the while, his eyes burned into me. We were both hard and he was glorious. He put the lube over his fingers. I closed my eyes. This was it and I wasn't sure if I was ready. Part of me wanted to tell him no, but my mouth wouldn't open. Time passed as I tried to mentally prepare myself. I tried to prepare my body for the cool lube with his warm fingers and the pain that might come. Pain I wasn't ready for. I waited. Nothing happened. I slowly opened my eyes.

He was over me with his fingers inside him preparing himself. That was not what I expected. He said he wanted to top.

My body burned even more as I watched him pleasure himself. His eyes closed, his breath heavy which made my breath heavy. His pale flesh turned pink.

His eyes opened and stared at me. Then he removed his fingers. He rubbed my hard on with lube and then slipped the condom on me. I could only stare at him captivated as he prepared more lube. Then he straddled me and slowly guided me into him as he sat on me. He paused and stared at me when that was done. Then he moved. He shifted his hips and moved up and down and I was wrapped in euphoria.

I could no longer remain still as the pleasure and heat shot through me. I sat up and wrapped my arms around his waist as he continued to move. His arms came around my neck. My lips kissed along his neck. My tongue licked his jaw. I kissed his lips with fire. Our mouths constantly shifted not only from the movement of our lips, but as he shifted over my hard on.

He broke away from the kiss to stare into my eyes. The love filtered through us leaving no empty space. He released over both of us. He shifted his hips a few more times and then I climaxed.

I let go of his waist and collapsed onto the bed. He stared down at me with his hands on my chest as he straddled me. He slowly slid off and squeezed in next to me. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He stretched one arm out over my chest.

"That wasn't what I thought you meant when you asked if you could top," I said.

"I know," he said. "I wanted to see if you were really willing to trust me and open up to me. I want you to be vulnerable with me. And I do want to try to really top sometime, but I'm not in any rush. You didn't seem like you were ready so I'll wait. You tell me when you're ready. I can wait even if it takes years."

I leaned in and kissed him. "I love you, babe."

He smiled with contentment and happiness. "I love you too."