Alex

I pretended I was still working on the last problem of the general chemistry assignment. Mateo and I sat on his couch. To my disappointment there hadn't been any making out yet. I peeked over at Mateo's homework. He was still struggling with the last problem.

He was smart and excellent when it came to biology. He wouldn't have received a partial academic scholarship otherwise. Most of the time he breezed through general chemistry, but there were times where he would have problems with certain questions. This was the case now.

"I can help...," I started, but he interrupted.

"No thank you." He smiled at me, but it was one of his fake smiles he used when he didn't want me to know he was struggling with something. "I've got this. Easy."

It wasn't the first time he turned down my help. In fact, he had never accepted my help. It bothered me. A lot. I had told him about Jason when he had first expressed an interest in me because I wanted to be in a completely honest relationship. Mateo was always willing to jump in and help me whenever needed, but wouldn't let me reciprocate. I wanted to feel needed too.

I gave Mateo some slack though. This was his first relationship and we had been dating for only a few months. I knew he loved me and genuinely cared for me. He would open up to me eventually.

I put my homework and book back in my bag. There was only so much time I could fake working on that last problem.

"I'm done too," Mateo said. He put his homework on the little coffee table in front of the couch. I doubted he figured out the last problem, but I let it go. I was his boyfriend not his parent and he was an adult.

He leaned in immediately and kissed me. It was gentle at first. His lips were soft and warm. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer to me. The kiss became more intense with our lips crashing together, moving together.

He leaned into me pushing me gently until my back was on the seat of the couch. He hovered over me, his body stretched out over me. I shifted so my legs were on either side of his hips.

Our kisses were now open mouth kisses. Then our tongues entwined and mingled. Our connection deepened and my arms around him tightened.

His lips broke away from mine. He kissed my jaw, trailed down my neck until he found the hollow spot that sent fire throughout me. A sound escaped my lips as he licked and sucked. Pleasure tingled through my entire being.

One arm grabbed his waist tighter while my other hand trailed down between us over the cloth of his shirt. I could feel his muscles beneath the cloth. My hand continued down over his pants and cupped the front of his pants. He backed away.

"We can't fool around that much," he said. He leaned in for another kiss, but I sat up and pushed him away.

"What's wrong, babe?" he asked.

"Tell me truthfully, Mat. Is it really because you made that promise with Gareth or because you don't want to sleep with me?"

He looked aghast that I could even ask something like that, but it seemed like a reasonable question to me. He was the one who always pulled away when things started to get heated. He was the one who made that promise to his roommate. Gareth told him he could break it anytime. And Gareth was right. I was frustrated.

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"Is that what you think? That I don't want you?"

That wasn't it exactly. I knew he wanted me. His body didn't lie, but his head always made him pull away so maybe there was some unfathomable reason in his head he thought we shouldn't have sex. Maybe he thought I would break. Maybe he thought he wouldn't be good enough for me. Or maybe...maybe he held back because I already slept with Jason.

Mateo took my hand. "I want you," he said. "I want to sleep with you. It takes everything in me to hold back. I made that rule with Gareth and maybe you think it's silly, maybe he thinks it's silly, maybe everyone thinks it's silly, but I want you to know that I'm a man of my word. I want you to know I'll never break a promise to you or anyone. I want you to know I'm dependable."

I studied him hard. I searched his deep, brown eyes and saw that he was telling the truth, but he was still holding something back. Whenever he held something back like this, it was because he wanted to appear strong and perfect in front of me so whatever he held back was due to his own insecurities. What he didn't understand was that I didn't want him to be perfect. I wanted us to be imperfect together. I wanted us to grow together.

"I love you," he said.

I decided to focus on the fact that he did want me, that he thought so highly of me, that he loved me. That melted my heart. I withdrew my hand from his, but only so I could hug him. I bent awkwardly so I could place my head on his shoulder. I could only hold that position for so long before I started to get a kink in my neck because Mateo was so much shorter than me.

"I love you too," I said and sat back up.

He wrapped his arms around my waist. He didn't try to kiss me again. That moment had passed. It was nice to feel him in his my arms, to be wrapped in his arms.

"I'm going to get my own apartment," I said.

His arms were still wrapped around me, but he pulled back slightly to look me in the eyes. "Are you sure? What about your mom?"

"I'm an adult now," I said. "She'll be lonely for a little bit, but isn't every parent when their child moves out? It is an inevitable reality. And I want to. I'm ready."

"When?"

"Soon," I said.

"If you wait until the end of November, we can get an apartment together."

This was unexpected and I was filled with a burst of happiness.

"You want to?" I asked. "Live together?"

"Yes," he said. "Unless you don't want to."

"I want to," I quickly said. "I could get an apartment now and you could move in when your lease is up here."

"No," he said. "I want to split the rent fairly with you. I can't afford to do that while I'm still paying rent on this place."

"I can just pay the full rent until you move in and then we can split it."

"No. I...just humor me please. Just wait for me. We can search out an apartment together and get one that is right for both of us."

I didn't really want to wait another month. More than a month, but instead of arguing I squeezed him tighter and said, "All right. What about Gareth?"

"He'll probably move to the dorms. He wanted to live in the dorms originally, but when we decided to be roommates we got an apartment instead."

We sat there in silence just enjoying the moment while we held each other. After some time had passed I said, "I want to go to the police station Monday between classes. Will you go with me? We probably won't have time for lunch."

"Of course I'll go with you," Mateo said.

"I think I'll tell Vincent before we go."

"When will you tell him?"

"In a few days. Sunday probably."

Mateo's arms tightened around me. His warm lips kissed my jaw. I moved so my lips met his.

The door opened. Gareth paused at the open door. "I'll come back later," he said.

"No," I said. "It's all right. I should get home."

I picked up my bag and walked to the door. Mateo followed me. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said before he tiptoed to kiss me gently on the lips.

When I got to my car, I sent a text to Vincent.

Me: Is it alright if I come over Sunday at 6? I want to discuss something with you.

Vinny: Of course. You can come over anytime. I'm truly sorry.

I didn't respond to that. I knew he was sorry and I was in the process of forgiving him, but it honestly still hurt that the person I trusted most even thought to use my greatest pain against me. I would forgive him and he would remain my best friend, but some of that trust was gone now. I believed he would fully regain my trust in time.