HAKANIAN GESTALT THINGY
So what's on after this?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
Um...
Puffies in Winter Wonderland.
Aw. I always cry during that. I'll be bawling again, only for a different reason.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
PUBVIAN DOMINION
You guys still watch that?
Wow.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS
Sis loves it.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
After that is...
Oh, wow, they're really pulling out the old ones.
AKLTAK SOARING WORLDS
What?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
They're pulling out "Daxin & KISS Save Santa."
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TNVARU GRIPPING HANDS
THAT SOUNDS AMAZING!
Wait, what's KISS?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS
A heavy metal band that's been going for like 9,000 years. They've had like 500 band members over the centuries.
Check out this picture.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TNVARU GRIPPING HANDS
They look scary. Is that guy breathing fire? And what's wrong with his tongue?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
PUBVIAN DOMINION
Don't ask.
They're STILL around?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
Yeah. They released an album like last year.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
HAKANIAN FUZZY TOWN
OK, tell me that they didn't really give kids what's in this commercial.
A BobCo Anti-Grav belt? Really?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
DIGITAL ARTIFICIAL SENTIENCE SYSTEMS
Oh yes, yes they did.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
HAKANIAN FUZZY TOWN
That just seems so dangerous.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
BIOLOGICAL ARTIFICIAL SENTIENCE SYSTEMS
You've MET humans, right?
Someday allow me to explain the concept of "Lawn Dart" to you.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TELKAN FORGE WORLDS
Oh, I so want one of those.
Ten Thousand and One Science Experiments! Now with Uranium-238!
That'll help our scientists!
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
PUBVIAN DOMINION
You realize that's for kids, right?
And made by BobCo.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TELKAN FORGE WORLDS
Wait, they're giving kids radioactive material to do experiments with?
What kind of psycho does that?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
ALL> BOOOOOOOB-CO!
ALL>LAUGH
MANTID FREE WORLDS
Hush, it's back on.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
We now return you to the SolNet Holiday Special, already in progress!
P'Thok stuck his head out of the hole he'd left, shaking his head to clear the snow from over his eyes and hanging off his chin. It took two tries, but he managed to do it. He reached up and touched his face, realizing that somehow he'd lost his helmet.
Well, at least he still had the 'magic' red hat.
He climbed out of the snow, taking time to shake off.
He blinked at the ship, where it was just laying in the snow, like nothing had happened. The little human girl was standing outside the ship, hugging herself tightly.
"Mister P'Thok, I fear it's a bit chilly," the immature human female said. "We don't have time to be a little silly."
"Right. I'll try to figure out..." P'Thok started to say.
Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.
A large animal, with huge horns and thick brown fur and four legs rather than the proper six, burst from the snow covered shrubs, followed by nearly a dozen more, all pulling an ornate red and white conveyance decorated with brass, shining silver, and more of the white and red striped bars.
Driving it was a Rigellian female, wearing fluffy red pants with white fur at the waist and the ankles, a set of cross chest leather straps dyed in white and red stripes, large black boots, and a hat like P'Thok had on his head on her head.
"I saw your ship and came as fast I could," the Rigellian called out, standing up and snapping a whip covered with bells that made a tinkling sound as she cracked it over the animal's horns. "I brought the sleigh like I promised I would."
P'Thok noticed her features were strange. She had a cleft chin, heavy brow, patrician nose, and her coloring was slightly off, looking more greenish gray than greyish green.
"Hanna Somme!" the Terran girl squealed, clapping her hands. P'Thok noticed she had pulled on mittens when he wasn't looking. "but we should call you SqueeWark."
The Rigellian female reigned in the prancing quadruped beasts, the leather straps attaching them all tinkling and winking as bells and lights danced.
"I have come to help the two of you with the work," Hanna Somme said.
P'Thok tapped his translator. That one sounded weird.
"Let us unpack the ship of presents and gifts," Hanna Somme SqueeWark said, adjusting her hat. "Luckily great weight I can lift."
P'Thok waded through the snow as the side of the ship lowered to reveal all of the brightly colored packages. Hanna got out, adjusting her thick shiny black belt, moving next to the spaceship. P'Thok moved up next to the Rigellian female as the little Terran female handed Hanna a package, who handed it to P'Thok, who stacked it in the back of the animal pulled sleigh.
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES!
PUBVIAN DOMINION
You know it only went to commercial so we don't have to watch them work.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
Shush, don't spoil it for the children.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TNVARU GRIPPING HANDS
Why is this Terran woman describing loneliness?
Oh. If I feel that way, I should call others or visit them?
What if I don't have family?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
LEEBAW CONTEMPLATION POOL
Oh, we can call her or another Terran via SolNet, free, and talk to them.
I think I'd like that. It's been kind of scary lately.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
You aren't alone any more, dears.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
HAKANIAN FUZZY GESTALT THINGAMABOB
Oh, more toys.
What happened to BobCo?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS
They were based on Pubvia. They moved there only a few decades before the war. They got glassed like Pubvia did and...
wait...
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
PUBVIAN DOMINION
Wait? What?
BobCo is here?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TELKAN FORGE WORLDS
HE'S GOT BOBCO MERCH! GET HIM!
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS
TURN HIM UPSIDE DOWN AND SHAKE HIM!
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
Will you two stop that?
Presents aren't going to fall out of his pockets.
Wait, is that a RealDog Robofriend™?
SHAKE HIM HARDER!
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
We now return to your holiday special, already in
RIGELLIAN SAURIAN COMPACT
Settle down, it's starting again.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
progress.
Holding on his hat with one hand, P'Thok looked behind him at the back of the sled and shook his head. The brightly wrapped boxes were piled into a huge stack that gravity and physics said must fall over at any second, but there it was, wobbling back and forth, once in a while decorative glass balls or large snowflakes flying off it.
Hanna Somme cracked her whip over the draft beasts as they charged through the snow, toward a large structure.
"If we can get safely to the top, we can make sure the presents are delivered to all the good girls and boys," the little Terran female said. "We'll deliver the stockings, cookies, treats, surprises, and toys."
P'Thok nodded, staring at the large building. It was round, with a crenelated top. It looked fairly ominous and P'Thok was more than a little worried about it.
Still, the Rigellian female was an expert at driving the conveyance, he had to admit. She deftly weaved between the trees, large snowdrifts, and stacked up balls of snow with crude faces made with black rock smiles and eyes and some kind of long thin orange tuber for a nose.
"There's a light on..." the little Terran female grub began to sing.
"Over at the Nahktomee Place," the Rigellian sang.
"There's a light on," P'Thok pointed out as a single window lit up with orange flickering light.
"Burning in the fireplace," the Rigellian female sang/answered.
"There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life," the Terran grub sang.
P'Thok shook his head as the other two kept singing as they drove through the snow filled night. He had heard Rigellians were a musical people and he had to admit, she had a nice voice.
The song went on and on as they headed toward the tall round building.
The red and white sleigh slowed down in front of the tower, coming to stop at the loading dock.
"Here we have arrived after a brisk sleigh ride," the Rigellian said.
"I'm almost home to my bed," the Terran grub said, "I'm all warm and toasty and fed."
P'Thok looked up at the building. It was made of slightly reflective clear crysteel and endosteel. A modern building with all the trimmings, complete with blinking lights at the top.
The Rigellian beeped a horn that sounded musical and cheery.
After a few moments the door slid open and the Rigellian cracked her whip, driving the twelve plus one beasts into the large garage. There were miniature Terrans inside, with wide eyes, pointed ears, sharp chins, and festive looking clothing. They quickly began to unload the packages, throwing them into tubes that pulled the cargo packages up into the tube with the characteristic "whoosh" of grav-lift.
They were almost done, in the time it took P'Thok to blink twice, when the lid of a box popped off. The furry green creature lunged up out of the box, grabbed the Terran grub with two long arms.
"You thought you were all free," the green thing said. "But you have no killed me!"
"Oh, no, it's the Grunch!" the Rigellian exclaimed, putting one forearm against her forehead and collapsing back slightly. "He'll eat Windy-Wu for lunch!"
"At the top of the tower I'll be," the green furry thing said as it did a somersault in place and dropped inside the box. "You must duel to set Windy-Wu free!"
P'Thok ran up and looked into the box, seeing nothing but a plas bottom.
"How many times do I have to kill that thing?" he asked, straightening up.
"It serves the Goobers, who everyone does fear," Hanna said. "I'll wait with the sleigh and stay right here."
P'Thok sighed, walking toward the elevator.
When he got inside he looked at the buttons for a moment. There were tons of them, all looking like white disks with red spiral lines. Looking at it, he decided to press the only one that had green swirls instead of red.
Sighing again, P'Thok leaned against the elevator wall, pulling out his two plasma caster pistols and checking them over. One was damaged, the barrel spitting sparks. The other was almost depleted. Only a few rounds left.
He checked his hold-out, a nifty Terran slug caster, made of shiny endosteel and embellished with bronze, he'd picked up, where he'd hidden it in his right foreboot.
For a second he wondered when he'd taken off his spacesuit, then shrugged. It didn't matter. He took the slug caster and tucked it behind his back where it wasn't immediately obvious.
Finally the elevator dinged and the door slid open slowly.
The room was lit by a cozy fire in a fireplace, with pillars holding up the ceiling and festive decorations scattered about, including a tree that had been hauled in doors and decorated.
Ahead of him, by the window that had the storm shutter rolled up, was the furry green thing and a tall Terran male all dressed in black.
"So you're the one out to stop me from stealing Christmas from all," the Terran said.
"I told you when I came back that he answered the girl's call," the green thing said, pointing at the Terran grub being held tightly by the tall Terran.
"Mister P'Thok help me please," the grub said. "Without presents happiness will cease."
"Let the girl go," P'Thok said, slowly moving forward and gauging the distance.
"Our answer is no," the green thing said.
"Don't say I didn't give you warning most true," P'Thok said. He looked down and tapped his translator.
"Say what you want there's nothing you can do," the green thing said, chuckling.
"Your plasma pistol throw it here," the male said. He shook the little Terran grub, who cried out. "Or I'll harm what you hold dear."
"Don't trust Hansel's words, Mister P'Thok," the grub said. "The Goober boys lie when they talk."
P'Thok drew his plasma pistol with two fingers before tossing it to the green thing.
He saw that both the Terran and the green thing were watching the plasma pistol fly through the air.
He had practiced the maneuver repeatedly after seeing a Terran bodyguard perform it.
P'Thok pulled the slug thrower from behind his back, firing rapidly. Four shots to the green thing, since three didn't do it last time, two shots into the tall human, center of the upper chest, above Windy-Wu's head.
The bullets went through the green thing, which slowly collapsed like a pricked balloon, shattering the window behind them.
The tall Terran male staggered backwards, still holding onto the little Terran grub. P'Thok rushed forward, grabbing the Terran grub with his gripping hands and pushing the Terran's arms away with this bladearms.
His instinct was to stab the Terran male, but he didn't have a good angle as the Terran male staggered back, still holding onto Windy-Wu. P'Thok pulled backwards, making the little Terran grub cry out in pain.
The Terran male stepped too far backwards, overbalancing, falling out of the window. He grabbed little Windy-Wu's hat, holding tight, even as he dropped. The grub gagged and choked, the string at the bottom cutting into her neck.
P'Thok pulled on the little girl, lifting her up, one bladearm moving to slice through the string.
The Terran male fell, waving his arms, vanishing into the snow for a moment before there was a sudden explosion that showered up sparkles and spinning lights.
"Thank You Mister P'Thok, for all you have did," the grub said. "You saved me, a cute little kid."
"Yeah, yeah, kid," P'Thok said. He turned and picked up his plasma pistol before carrying the grub to the elevator. "Let's find out what else needs did."
P'Thok looked down at his translator and shook his head.
The elevator door closed with a ping.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES!
MANTID FREE WORLDS
It's just not Christmas without Hansel Goober falling from the Tower of Nahktomee.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---