The day was hot and dry, the sky a clear blue without a hint of clouds, the yellow star turning the entire reddish desert into a furnace. The convoy was pulled over at a small abandoned enclave, the cherry red muscle car surrounded by four heavily armored APC's, having the 50 gallon tank refueled by the tanker truck that was part of the convoy. The tanker truck had been attacked and graffiti sprayed on it. Such arcane statements as "MANTIDS RULE HUMIES DROOL" and "FREE KIKAKIK!" and "REMEMBER DOVER SPIKE!" on the sides in multicolor paints that had been sprayed by small task focused little drones.
Standing at a wooden table were two holograms, a Lanaktallan in a black tuxedo, a human with bad facial scarring and heavy cybernetics, and a massive bulky cyborg made of chrome, black durasteel, and ragged flesh.
There were also two humans dressed completely in black with swords sheathed on their backs sitting in the shade a playing a complex tile game as they ignored everything around them.
I have only the best ninjas, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd thought to himself before turning back and looking at the holographic map. It was of a complex military base in the middle of a dry lake. Strangely enough satellites couldn't get a view of it, all attempts at sat-survellience led to nothing but a blank spot of desert.
These Terrans are indeed crafty, but the plans for the F4 Phantom will be mine, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd thought to himself, rubbing all four hands together.
"So, with the hat and ID, the guards will mistake you for a three star Space Force general," his evI-liaison said in the heavy officious and stern accent. "This will enable you to get by security. Herr Otto will add a transponder spoofer to your implant that will identify you as a high ranking Space Force officer, so this will fool the computer and allow Herr Otto to access the computer and base communications."
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd nodded, staring at the map of the Space Force research and development site. He had to admit, it seemed much more impressive than even the R&D planets he had conducted espionage on. The location said "You do not belong here unless you are wildlife", the buildings were all squat, hardened to withstand an atomic blast, and drab and said "You are not welcome in this place" and the sheer amount of roving guards, guard towers, heavy fences, and security made Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd tremble with excitement.
Not one of the facilities he had infiltrated over his hundred and fifty years of life was this heavily guarded.
"Any response is at least two hours away for fast attack hovercraft, so even if the alarm is raised, you should be able to escape quite handily," Heinrich stated. "Once you're inside, Herr Otto will guide you to where they keep secret plans."
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd straightened up and thought for a moment. "So, there might be more technological plans than just for the Phantom?"
"Yes, Herr Ya'ahrd," Heinrich said. "As you see, Terrans are very security conscious, so technical plans are never stored on computers, but rather on blue paper with white lines called, of course, 'blueprints'. The file room should contain much data that might be of interest, but you have a limited time window within the blueprint room."
"Of course, of course," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said, putting his fingertips together. He nodded slowly. "Grab what I can as fast as I can then make my way out where my vehicle will be waiting."
"Yes, Herr Ya'ahrd," Heinrich said.
"Major Bloodfist and I will wait in the car. We will have identification stating we are typists and secretaries," the massive cyborg rumbled. Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd turned the cyborg, known as Chrome Cortez (Real Name: Juan Sqwakiki Lymner), and nodded excitedly.
"I should definitely take my grenade launcher and that wonderful shotgun weapon with me," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd mused.
"Yes, Herr Ya'ahrd, it is a legal requirement that individuals within the nation of the Hamburger Kingdom be armed at all times," Cortez rumbled.
"All right, we're ready," Ya'ahrd said, turning to the ninjas. They saw him looking, threw something to the ground, and disappeared in the smoke. Ya'ahrd heard the car door slam and nodded to himself, knowing that they were now hiding somewhere in the car.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd trotted over to his car, nodding to his two bodyguards. He had to admit they were impressive. Grey skinned Rigellians just rippling with oiled muscle, wearing crossed studded leather straps across their chests, leather pants with openings to expose their gray buttocks cheeks, and heavy leather belts around their waists where they kept knives and pistols and all manner of gadgets.
He was very impressed with them as they ignored him in order to watch the surroundings for any potential Terran Intelligence Agency assassins that might lurk about to capture or kill him before he could damage their war fighting ability against the Unified Council.
Before he got in the car he checked the back seat.
Yup, looked empty. Perfect.
He rubbed his upper hands together in glee as he opened the door and got in. Those ninjas were the perfect investment.
Getting in the car he watched as Major Bloodfist and Chrome Cortez got into the passenger seat and into the back seat with the invisible ninjas respectively. His datalink pinged and he took the call.
"All right, Herr Ya'ahrd, I'll be providing comms for you to the gate. After that Herr Otto will be assisting you. Just drive to the gate and show your ID," Heinrich said.
"Excellent work, minion," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said. "When the Lanaktallan people take over this planet I'll put in a good word for you."
"Thank you, Herr Ya'ahrd, you are as generous as you are wise and capable," Heinrich said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd drove through the desert in silence until he was only a few hundred yards from the gate.
"All right, there's a movement verification system in place, Herr Ya'ahrd," Heinrich broke in as Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd parked his bright cherry red automobile so that his minions could refuel it. He had driven fifty miles and the fifty-gallon tank was almost empty.
"I understand," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said. He got out and stretched.
"Now, just like we practiced," Heinrich said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd faced the gate, only a few hundred yards, a long run but not impossible for a highly trained agent such as himself who had spent months exercising in 1.25G to acclimate himself to the punishing gravity of Terra.
He leaned forward at the waist, put all four of his hands behind him at a 45 degree angle, looked down at the ground, and galloped forward as fast as he could in order to the fool the gait-identification system into thinking he was one of them.
"OK, Herr Ya'ahrd, I'm losing communications, so I will hand you over to Herr Otto," Heinrich said as he got to within fifty yards of the gate.
The running pose was difficult, but obviously working as Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd panted out "Thank you, Heinrich."
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd slowed down within ten yards of the gate, breathing heavy with all four lungs, straightening at his waist, and letting his arms hang down at his sides naturally instead of being held behind him at a 45 degree angle.
"Comrade Ya'ahrd?" the voice was a harsh accent that oozed with authority and menace and made Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd's flanks tingle with excitement.
"Yes, Otto?" Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said quietly.
"All right, just go up to the gate and show your ID. Your hat, jacket, and ID should get you past the guards," Otto, the Digital Sentience hacker told him.
The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd trotted up to the uniformed humans at the gate. They all wore solid olive drab green uniforms with strange patches on the tops, shined black boots, and metal helmets painted OD green with a white stripe around them and "MP" on the sides.
"Identification?" One asked, giving Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd an intent suspicious looked.
"General Ya'ahrd," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said, lifting his head up and holding out his identification.
"Hmm," the human said. He handed it to the guard inside the shack made of wood and glass. "Check it out, Private."
"Yes, Sergeant," the human inside said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd wondered what caste of humans they were.
After a moment the ID was handed back.
"Welcome to Area-51, General Ya'ahrd," the gate guard said, pressing a button so the striped wooden pole raised up.
"Thank you, human," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said and trotted onto the base.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd was in awe at what he saw. All the Unified Military Forces bases he had infiltrated before, most of the troops just sat around or spent their time lacklusterly doing makework. Here they drove around yelling to one another, ran from place to place in large groups in perfect time, carried packages, worked on vehicles, or paid urgent attention to papers in their hands.
To Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd is was frighteningly efficent.
My work could change the war, he thought to himself. Much more than acquiring the budget for a Senior Military Most High's personal account.
*"*Comrade Ya'ahrd, go into the building on your left. I will direct you to the hidden elevator that will take you down to the research sub-levels," Otta said.
Ooh, underground research facilities! Only the Unified Research and Development Council were allowed those! That the Terran Space Force would have their very own underground facility tells me that this place is indeed an important facility, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd thought to himself. The information I get here could turn the entire war around!
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd smiled to himself as he punched in the keycode number Otto gave him and got into the elevator.
When I get back, they'll see who's the best Superspy and who isn't! Why, I might even be asked to speak at the Unified Espionage Council meeting! he thought. He spent a bit fantasizing about how important he could become and how every Council being would want to speak to him and hear about his adventures deep in enemy territory on Terra itself!
The door opened with a soft ping and Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd trotted out.
It looked properly mysterious. Big boxes, some wooden crates, some metal boxes. A thick white mist a few inches thick covering the floor, mysterious stencils on the walls, old feeling concrete.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd followed Otto's instructions, twice hiding from human guards that moved through the dimly lit hallways, their features entirely obscured by gas masks. Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd had to admit they were quite creepy looking and those weapons looked extremely dangerous.
Finally he reached the room where the technical blueprints were stored. Following Otto's advice he quickly found the rolled up blueprints for the F4 Phantom Aerospace Multi-Role Craft. He spread it out and looked at it.
The stats horrified him. A max atmospheric ceiling of 100,000 feet! Twin engines! Mach 2.5 at under a 125 feet! Multiple weapon systems including the capability to carry atomic weapons! It was capable of operating as a parasite craft and could even land on a stretch of flat ground instead of a specially prepared runway with a magnetic assist system!
Worse, it could be piloted by a single being! Two beings made it even more efficient!
Yes, yes, if this gets into production it would be a disaster for the Unified Military Council's aerospace elements! It carries more weapons that any two aerospace fighters we posses! Worse, it doesn't require a high energy reactor, it can do all of this off of fossil fuels as well as being made of lightweight materials, meaning that it would be invisible to modern scanners!
He rolled them up and tucked them into his sash, then looked around. He took down several other blueprints and looked at them, gasping in shock.
The V-2 Rocket System made him curl his tendrils in horror. It didn't depend on anti-gravity systems or fusion thrust but instead highly refined fossil fuels! It was a disaster waiting to happen! Lanaktallan air defense systems wouldn't even be able to see them!
Another blueprint was for a system called the Challenger Tank. Nervously he spread it out and looked it over. While at first glance it looked crude, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd realized its small size, high speed, and massive gun made it a dangerous weapon system.
That too went into the tube he grabbed and put the rolled up blueprints into.
"Almost out of time, Comrade Ya'ahrd," Otto warned.
"No, no, no, I need more of this," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd moaned, grabbing some random plans and putting them in the tube. "This place is full of incredible military research!"
If the Terrans get these into production the war is lost! Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd thought to himself, grabbing another plan down.
It was a heavily armed and armored rotary aircraft called a HiND! Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd moaned in fear looking at the specifications. He rolled it up and put it in the tube, then slung the tube over his shoulder.
"Get out of there, Comrade Ya'ahrd," Otto told him.
"Lead me out, Otto," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said, taking control of his fear.
He followed the direction carefully, finally reaching the elevator. Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd was trembling in excitement and fear. This was his favorite part of any espionage mission.
The escape.
At least Yu'uMo'o wasn't there to sabotage him and take all the credit like the last three times that Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd had managed to gain valuable intel.
"Comrade Ya'ahrd, it appears that there is some difficulty. Quickly, ascend to the roof instead. I had Comrade Chrome Cortez put your jetpack harness up there," Otto suddenly said.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd pressed the cancel button and then the "Roof Access" button.
"What is happening?" Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd asked nervously.
"It appears that the Space Force Military Intelligence Division suspects you may be trying to break into the most secure research facility in the Confederacy," Otto said.
"Could I shoot my way out with my grenade launcher and shotgun?" Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd asked eagerly.
"Sadly, no, Comrade. You will have to flee via jet-pack. They have, umm, anti-grenade fields and anti-shotgun armor," Otto said. "Real cutting edge high tech stuff, but it Confederate Intelligence."
"Hmm, makes sense. I will ascend to the roof and make my dramatic escape from there!" Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said eagerly.
Then he waited, humming a song he had heard on the car's radio and tapping the cardboard tube with his fingers. After a few minutes the doors pinged open and he trotted out onto the roof.
The military base was a hive of activity. Aerospace fighters roared overhead, using vertical takeoff and landing systems to quickly set down. Tanks clattered around, pointing their guns everywhere. Entire dozens of Terran soldiers with rifles ran in perfect unison and formation sweeping the areas.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd spotted his jetpack harness and galloped over to it. He strapped on the flank harness, which had four thrusters, one over each hip, to provide him with lift, then strapped on the backpack section, which would provide him with forward momentum. He put on the helmet, which was bright chrome so it would blind anyone looking at him as well as reflect any attempts to use RADAR or LIDAR on him, then pulled the controls around.
He checked the roof real quick to make sure he wasn't leaving any ninjas behind, then activated the jet pack.
With a roar it lifted off.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd gave the traditional Terran escaping spy salute to a defeated enemy. He held out both middle fingers of his lower hands and called out "SO LONG, SUCKERS!" and jetted forward at the incredible speed of nearly four minutes per mile. The wind ruffled his hide and the speed almost made him dizzy.
"Comrade, you have a helicopter coming in! You'll have to fight them if you want to escape!" Otto called out.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd looked around, reaching around behind him and grabbing his Terran Burgerland make grenade launcher.
There it was, approaching rapidly!
"Comrade, when it..." Otto started to say.
Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd held his tongue between his teeth, curled his tendrils, and aimed his grenade launcher, squeezing closed all but one eye. He hit the trigger and the grenade launcher kicked hard.
The grenade that hit the front of the helicopter kicked harder and the helicopter burst into flames, falling to the ground in a shower of debris.
"Ooooor, you can do that," Otto said.
Following Otto's directions he landed just outside the gate, next to his cherry red car. Chrome Cortez and Major Bloodfist helped him out of his jetpack as the Terran Space Force guards stood on the other side of the fence and fumed impotently.
"You were all stimulating opponents, but alas, you faced the pride of the Lanaktallan Unified Espionage Council," Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said. He felt somewhat bad for them. "Fear not, against lesser opponents you would have prevailed! Sadly, you faced me, Ya'ahrd, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd, Secret Most High Secret Agent Spy, who has..."
Cortez and Bloodfist checked their watches and waited for the Lanaktallan to finish his villainous speech.
When he was done, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd chuckled at how obviously demoralized the Space Force soldiers were as he got into his car.
As he raced off into the desert to the next refueling stop he checked the back seat and smiled.
It was still empty except for Chrome Cortez.
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TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS
Oh my god, this guy is amazing!
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
I know, right?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
RIGELLIAN COMPACT
I'm curious about why his vitals spiked when he was looking over the old historical document replicas. That tech is like 10,000 years out of date for Terran military tech and he acted like he found the plans for the Viper-IX interdiction fighter.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
I know, right? Weird.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TELKAN FORGE WORLDS
He really likes that grenade launcher.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
MANTID FREE WORLDS
They're fun if you're on the shooty end.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TERRASOL
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!
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TERRASOLINT
AHAHAHAHAHAH!
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MANTID FREE WORLDS
Oh, Digitial Omnimessiah, now what?
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TERRASOL
Get the popcorn, it's about to get funny.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---
TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS
>Eagerly shoves popcorn into mandibles with both hands.
---NOTHING FOLLOWS---