Aside from Zazel - who looks like she'd rather be getting her fingernails pulled out - everyone comes forward a little, their eyes focusing on me. Even Pinky is watching me with expectation.

I sigh. It's not too late to back out.

No. No, I have to do this. It's the right thing to do. They deserve to know. I can 't keep pretending it didn't happen - it's fucking with my mind. Maybe confession will clear my head a little bit. Just do it.

I sigh - again - and get on with the sumbitch. Ripping the bandage off fast.

"So, all of you are caught up on the fact the that my ex, Kris, was the one who murdered me. And by the looks of it, she may even be a part of the invasion force. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and I'm not really sure why I didn't. I guess I didn't know what you'd think, and, honestly I'm not sure what I think, either. It's painful. It's embarrassing. But, I also thought you guys might not trust me if I told you. But aside from a few issues, you guys have been really good to me. You deserve to know the truth. About everything."

They are dead silent, apparently hanging on my every word. Even Zazel is holding back her snark for the moment.

"So, after I died, I met God who told me to come Astraea and prepare to take on the Limp Dicks. You guys already know that part..." I take a breath and swallow. "But what I didn't tell you is that I also died after coming to Astraea."

"Master?"

"Pardon me?"

"Surely you jest."

Althea raises a hand. "E-Everyone please remain silent during the confession ritual."

Emotions blaze behind their eyes. Zazel glares at me like I'm living garbage. But everyone keeps quiet.

I take it as a sign to keep going.

I let out a deep breath. "So, uh, the first time, the whole being a Hero thing really went to my head and I made a bunch of stupid fucking choices. It was all fun and games until it wasn't. Shit got real very fucking quick and me, Althea, and Zazel paid the price for it.

"And in case you were wondering - no, I never got around to Releasing anyone else," I sigh shaking my head. "Shit was really different the first time around. The Limp Dicks were supposed to come in 14 months, not two, so there was a lot less pressure to move quickly. But to be honest, that wasn't really the reason why I fucked it up."

I swallow, and everyone waits in silence. Zazel curls her lip and taps her foot.

"The real reason is I just got swallowed by some overwhelming feeling - like life and everything was all pointless. It made me angry, but I couldn't figure out why - and that pissed me off even more."

At this point, I sort of get blocked up, and my mind goes blank. I try to bridge the gap between the thoughts, but that's tricky when you can't see the other side.

"Hero," Althea says gently. "Do not think about it too much. Speak your mind without hesitation, and be cleansed."

I'm kind of stumped and keep drawing blanks, so I just decide to say the first shit that pops into my mind.

"After my parents disappeared, I had nothing. The "orphanage" I was sent to was basically just a labor camp with cute cartoon characters painted on the walls. And when I got the fuck out of that place, it was nothing but stealing, sleepin' on the streets, and getting wasted when I could afford it. And when I finally pulled my life together and met Kris, the Limp Dicks flipped the the table and killed me for having the nerve to complain about it."

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I shake my head. "So when God gave me another chance and sent me here, I was happy as a pig in shit. There was clean air, wonderful food, and I even got to have my house. A fucking house! And not just any house - a magical one that grows and improves itself! Even the top corpos don't have anything like that."

I catch Domina smiling a bit at this.

"And magic... I used to love casting spells. Althea and Zazel helped me study magic pretty much everyday. I think that's how we got close, now that I think about it."

Althea nods, and Zazel's face softens a little as a dash of curiosity ebbs up on it.

"You two were the best friends I ever had by a million miles - you still are. And, I'm pretty sure something more than that was starting to happen between us. I've never gotten along so well with two people, except my mom and dad."

Althea's eyes are glittering, but Zazel is determined to keep staring at the wall.

"But after a while, it all started to get kind of... lame. The food, the house, the magic, the sex - all of it went from fantastic to normal, and I was back to being as unhappy as I was before." I swallow and pause before going on. "Back on Earth, I constantly daydreamed about what I'd do if I was rich. Hell, once in a while, I would have an actual, legit dream about living the good life. So it just seemed so fucked up to get more than I ever dreamed of and still feel like shit. And it pissed me off.

"It was like, what the fuck was the point of anything? I was miserable when I didn't get what I wanted, and I was miserable when I did. And that shit just kept circling around in my brain, on and on and fucking on. I even started to question the meaning life. I kept thinking, 'What's the point of living? What's it all for?' To me, it seemed like I had been one long carrot-and-stick treatment - except I got a lot of stick and almost no carrot. And when I did get a good carrot, it went bad real quick."

The Elementals start to look at me with confusion and pity - except Zazel, obviously.

"And the anger kept getting worse and worse. For Althea and Zazel's sakes, I tried to keep it hidden - I didn't want push them away and lose them. But inside, I raged at everything.. I wanted to lash out, to make someone or something pay. Not just the Limp Dicks, but life, God, and all of existence. So, I guess I chose power over happiness and started pouring everything into the Hero shit.

"So me, Althea, and Zazel packed up our shit, gathered our thousands of Knights and Spawn, and tried to attack the nearest Elemental we could find. But that Elemental turned out to be the one Elemental who could wipe the floor with us - Raelith. And she did. She fucked us up bad."

Domina and Del look at each other. Zazel is still looking away, but she actually looks like she might be paying attention.

"Althea and Zazel tried to warn me, but I didn't care - 'I'm the Hero! There's no way I'll lose to the first Elemental we fight!' But by the time we really understood just how deep in shit we were, it was too late. So, I started abusing the Dice like crazy." I open my hand and flash the golden d20s for a moment. "And I got Snake Eyes."

Everyone's eyes are drawn to the glow of the dice and even Zazel turns her head to look. Her bitchy expression disappears for a few moments, as though she's hypnotized by their golden aura.

"Once you get Snake Eyes, you have only minutes to live, and ain't shit you can do to stop it - that's why I haven't been using them until now. So, since I was gonna die anyway, I charged Raelith's General to buy Althea and Zazel some time to get the fuck out of there, and then... death.

I feel my core stirring a bit as the Elementals stare at me with a collection of expressions.

"So, I guess I died again, and that's a real mindfuck, lemme tell you." I shake my head. "I mean, who gets a third chance at life? Everybody else gets just the one." I swallow. "God gave me a tongue lashing and told me that this was my last chance. And when I came to again, I was back in my little shack in the middle of nowhere - like the whole situation was nothing but a bad dream. Sure, I got one last chance chance at life, but I was distraught and pissed as all hell because it was like pushing the reset button on everything - including my relationship with Althea and Zazel. It was too much to cope with. Then my Hero Pendant exploded on me and-"

I pause for a moment. Should I really tell them about the fuckin' crazy burning skeleton guy living in my mind? If I do, then maybe they can help me... But if I tell them that this guy could come out at any moment, they could lose all their faith in me. Who wants to be led into war against a crazy alien cult by a living time bomb? No, best keep that shit to myself - for now.

My core is really starting to thrum, and I wonder if I should use the Dice again.

" And that's pretty much it, I guess. You guys already know the rest." I say, shrugging. "It was rough, and I don't really want to talk about it anymore. Confession over."

I look around at the ritual circle, and take a swat at one of the magical lights. "How do you turn this shit off?"