I don't have time to think about the fact that Zazel was just nuked by a giraffe wizard.

"You wanna go, asshole," I explode into a sprint, "Let's motherfucking go!"

The strange creature points his staff right at my head.

"I'll ram that sick up your ass!"

As I close the distance, and he launches another bolt. I duck and it goes whizzing past me, and I can feel the heat of the light as it does. It must have missed my head by less than an inch.

"RRRGH!"

I take a deep breath and pull out my power as I charge at this fuckhead. My rage explodes out of me, and the ground shudders and cracks under my feet.

I cock my fist back. "See you in hell!"

Just before the swing, he explodes in a super fucking bright flash of white light.

I punch blind with a haymaker, and there's a crack of thunder and a rush of wind. My eyes readjust quickly enough, but I can't find the bastard.

Sure wish I had my fucking shades!

Raelith and Domina shout in alarm.

I spin around, and Giraffey McFuckFace is behind them, holding his staff, pointing it at the pile of Domina's clones that are covering Zazel.

The asshole launches a big-ass beam of light that tears up the grass and trees in a straight line. Raelith sees it and jumps in front of i

"AAARRRRGGHH!" She screams as she gets hosed by a continuous ray of white energy. She turns her weapon into a shield, but her body is already smoking from the burns.

"Fuck!" I explode over in a mad sprint, but just before I get there, Domina pops out of the pile of clones.

She claps her hands twice and thrusts them forward, sending out a flurry of five smokey glowing blue darts of energy. They flow in an arc at the asshole, and he freezes for a moment before disappearing in another bright ass flash again. The darts float by him harmlessly.

But then they start arching back toward us.

I rush over to the Elementals to play human shield, but the shots of energy curve around me as they whiz by like bunch of pigeons flying into oncoming traffic. I secure the girls, then spin around again, ready to act as soon as the fuck tries to blast us again.

But fortunately for us, he's totally distracted by the nasty pickle he's gotten himself into.

Giraffeface sees the missiles coming for him again, and he flashes away. But as soon as he reappears, they change direction and come back for his ass.

"Ha! Motherfucking homing missles, bitch!"

The hairy asshole blinks and flashes here and there and everywhere. But no matter what he does, he can't shake them.

"Hahaha! Get fucked, dude!"

He blinks one more time, and the energy blasts come back at him once again. He gropes around and shakes his staff, but nothing happens, and projectiles converge on him. The bastard tries to hightail out of there, but he barely gets 10 feet before they slam into him with a series of gentle poofing sounds. The air around him becomes filled with big, bright blue puffs of smoke, and when it clears, the giraffe dude is on the ground, passed out.

"Yeah, that's what the fuck I'm talkin' about!" I shout. "Domina, you're fucking badass! Nice job!"

Domina's cheeks get rosy. "You're too kind, Master, but I was only able to do that because of the gift you gave to me."

"Raelith! You good?"

She coughs a couple of times, nodding. "Now I know what was watching us."

"That's why you were staring off into space today?"

There's a loud moan from under the pile of clones. A loud, angry moan.

"Shit, Zazel!"

"Ugh, ge- get off of me, wine dispenser!"

"My apologies, Madam Zazel!" The clones say in unison.

The clones vanish in a blink of purple and Domina rushes to her side. "Are you alright?"

She looks like she just got nuked in the face. Her skin is covered in black crusty splotches, her white outit looks torn and melted, and one of her pigtails is now just a smoldering stump.

"No, I'm not alright, you nitwit! Do you have any idea how much it hurts to get hit by such raw Order magic? Where is that wretched creature!?"

"He's over there," I point. "Domina put him to sleep, I think."

She bend as bit and looks past me for a moment. "Well, that's not good enough. Out of my way, egg!"

"What? You're gonna kill it in its sleep? Do we even know what it is? It kinda acted like a person."

"Do you truly know- Do you really know nothing? With one s-stupid exception, there are no people aside of Elementals on Astraea." She points a shaky finger at giraffe man. "That thing is a- It's a monster."

"A monster?" I turn back toward it. "Are you sure? Wait, since when does Astraea have monsters?"

"Since you started release- Releasing Elementals and the mana started co- Coalescing into these damnable rock- These bloody crystals!" She raises her left hand, which starts radiating some weird ass energy. "I h-have no more patience to attempt- To attempt to move the mountain that is y-your stupidity. Stand. Aside."

Raelith steps forward, anger written all over her face. "If we don't kill it, it will surely stalk us again." She warps her weapon into the biggest hammer she's made yet. "And I would have blood. It has been far too long, Beautiful."

I shrug and sight. "This is fucked, but I guess you're right."

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

"Of course I am! N-now move!" Zazel's hand shit starts intensifying. "Sister! We strike at the same- At the same time!"

"Whatever." I start walking over to Domina. "But we're not eating it."

Zazel and Raelith get a little closer to the unconscious, furry giraffe wizard. Raelith warps away her hammer and raises her left hand, which starts radiating a bloody red aura.

I shake my head and take a deep breath.

"Stnaryt fo enab eht ma I! Soahc Ekove: Suoticilpud Gnireffus Fo Eht Nori Nediam!"

"Liaf sdrow nehw semoc tahw ma I! Latem fo Mortsleam!"

In an instant the hairy dude bursts into three duplicates, each of which is skewered mercilessly by Raelith's rain of flaming spikes. The poor fuckers wake up and screaming like panicked animals, struggling uselessly with their impaled bodies.

Then some crazy, silvery glowing coffin things come up from the ground and swallow them up in a huge fucking maw filled with long spiky shit.

The poor fuckers are silenced almost instantly as the mouths slam shut, crushing their bodies into a bloody paste.

"Jeeeesus!" I jump away from the carnage.

The boxes disappear in a puff of thick gray smoke, leaving behind only some florescent orange blood, a broken staff, and a couple of broken limbs.

Raelith turns to Zazel. "Thanks for the assist, Sister."

"Shaddap."

I sigh, looking at the two Elementals' burnt bodies. My conscious is pestering me like all hell about killing something that can't defend itself. But seeing their awful, cauterized wounds makes me realize that I'm in not in any position to judge their actions, especially given the way I act.

Motherfuckers've gotta pay, after all.

I walk over to them. "Fuck. Are you guys satisfied now?"

They exchange looks, then give me a curt little nod.

"Okay. I'm gonna smash that crystal and then we can get outta here," I glance around at the dark forest bathed in the red light of the huge crystal. "This place gives me the creeps."

I get in front of the crystal, take a breath and punch it hard as I can. It glows pink and cracks a little.

"Shit, not hard enough."

As cautiously as a possibly can, I carefully draw up some rage power.

Careful, Ferdie.

My core starts burning, my hands start shaking, and my blood starts flowing like hot, molten iron. I clench my fists, grit my teeth, and punch hard as I can. The impact is so fucking violent, it's like being in the middle of a bomb blast.

My ears are ringing, and the ground is a little smoky from the energy of the strike. Fortunately, the crystal is gone, and a small glowing red marble is floating where the mass of the rock was.

"Hmph. Come to daddy."

I walk over and grab it. The little jewel feels pleasantly warm in my hand.

I close my eyes. Pendant! You know what to do!

The blue runes start scrolling.

ORDER SPELL: ALCHEMICAL FORM: LEVEL 2: THE CASTER'S BODY, CLOTHING, AND GEAR INSTANTLY BECOME GOLD, SILVER, PLATINUM, RHODIUM, OR ANOTHER PRECIOUS METAL OF THEIR CHOICE, IN EITHER SOLID OR LIQUID FORM, FOR UP TO TEN MINUTES.

WHILE TRANSFORMED, THE CASTER'S BODY TAKES ON ALL THE PROPERTIES OF THE CHOSEN METAL, AND LOSES THE PROPERTIES AND ABILITIES OF THEIR NATURAL FORM EXCEPT THEIR CONSCIOUSNESS AND COGNITIVE CAPABILITIES. IN THEIR METALLIC FORM THE CASTER CAN EXTENT THEIR MATTER AWAY FROM THEIR CORE UP TO 50 FEET.

IF AN EFFECT WOULD CAUSE THE METALLIC BODY TO SEPARATE IN ANY FASHION, THE SPELL'S EFFECT ENDS INSTANTLY AND THE CASTER TAKES A MODERATE AMOUNT OF SLASHING AND BLUDGEONING DAMAGE.

"Ugh, let me guess: it's an Order spell," Zazel growls.

"What? How do you know?"

"It's obvious, isn't it? That crystal was overflowing with Order mana. Couldn't y-you feel it?"

"Huh? Feel what?"

Zazel sighs and turns to Domina. "Maid. I've had quite enough of these shenanigans. I would enjoy some dinner, wine, and a good night's sleep."

"Of course, Lady Zazel." She bows, then turns to me, hands folded in front of her. "It has been quite the journey, and, if I've understood correctly, we have a hike through a jungle to undertake soon. Perhaps we should stay here tonight and tackle the next leg of the journey fully refreshed under the morning sun?"

I turn to Raelith. She has burns all over her arms and face. She's staring at me, her eye twinkling in the darkness of the evening.

"Yo, Raelith. You good with staying the night here?"

She shrugs. "Whatever you say is fine, Beautiful."

"Cool."

I look at Zazel, she's hunched over a bit with her hand on her roasted side.

"How are you feeling? Are you okay?"

Zazel narrows her eyes and frowns. "Don't get soft on me, egg. The creature didn't hit my stone, so all will be well enough in- In due time! Let us stay here for now."

"Guess that's a green light," I shrug. "Yeah, might as well set up here. I'm not about to go marching through the jungle in the dark anyways."

Dominal bows. "Excellent, Master. Now, if you would all kindly make your way to the edge of the clearing, I may begin my duties without worry."

We all walk over to the treeline, and I give her a thumbs up.

She bows, and starts clapping clones into existence. In a few moments, there are a dozen of them, and they start clapping even more copies of themselves, and they start clapping, and it just keeps going. Soon, the grove is full of of clones, and they spread out in a circle, forming a ring of maids on the edge of the grove.

"Everyone, on three," Shouts the real Domina. "One, two, three!"

CLAP!

There's a big, gentle purple glow that hangs in the air for a few seconds, and when it fades, my house stands in its place.

"Whoa..."

"Your home, Master," she says, bowing to me. "Please, go inside and get comfortable."

"Oh, I intend to," Zazel says, walking over.

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Just going inside makes me feel comfortable and safe, like getting wrapped up in a warm blanket on a cold night. And it looks like the Elementals feel the same way. As soon as get inside, I can hear Zazel complaining and shouting orders, and Raelith starts stripping off her armor, letting the pieces fall on the floor as she grunts and sighs with relief.

I strip off what's left of the cooked pirate shirt and hand it to Domina, who swears she will fix it tonight. I tell her to take her time.

I 'm just about to head to the kitchen to get some booze and jerky when a big, soft hand claps on my shoulder.

"Well, Beautiful, it seems I landed the finishing blow today!" Raelith's eye glitters with pride.

"Yeah, how about that." I smile weakly, thinking about how the giraffe got eaten alive by those weird boxes.

"Come. I would bathe before our meal."

I do a double take. "Huh? You wanna take bath with me?"

She grins, her teeth white in the candlelight. "Yes, I do."

"I dunno, I-"

Domina's words pop into my mind. I remember what she said about Elementals, and how having a relationship with the hero is important to them. And seeing the wound where the giraffe fucker melted through her armor makes me feel kind of guilty. She's not mad at me, but I know I still let her down.

If I use my power, I hurt them. And if don't use my power, get hurt anyway. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

Raelith grunts and pulls me by the arm. "Less thinking, more bathing!"

"Yo, hey-"

----------------------------------------

The huge, soapy bath feels nice. It reminds me a little bit of the bath in Harry Potter, but instead of an annoying ghost girl pestering me, I have a huge Elemental washing my back way too fucking hard.

"Raelith, cool it on the sponge, okay?" I wince as she scrubs my back. "You're gonna peel my skin off."

"Sorry! I'm a bit eager, is all." She laughs. "I can't tell you how good it feels to take down a flesh and bone enemy."

"Even when you get your shit rocked like that?"

"Especially then. I'm proud of these scars. They are proof that I am stronger now than I was before I received them. And you can't put a price on that kind of pride, Beautiful."

"But they're gonna heal soon, aren't?"

"Unfortunately, my skin will soon return to its inglorious state."

"Yeah." I grunt again as she applies more pressure. "Your stone didn't get damaged, right?"

"It is fine. You would know if it wasn't."

"Yeah. Well, I'm sorry I couldn't stop you from getting hurt. Fucker was fast."

"Hmph. I do not need your protection. My only disappointment was that the fight did not last longer."

"If you say so."

She's actually really forgiving, in her own way. I almost wish she would bitch me out a little.

The scrubbing gets harder and harder.

I crank my head around. "Ow, Raelith! That hurts!"

The scrubbing stops.

"You don't have to stop, just ease up a bit."

No more scrubbing. She's dead silent.

"Yo, what-"

Raelith stands up and climbs out of the bath. Soaking wet and covered with suds, she stomps over to the stained glass window, and opens it.

I stand up too. "Raelith?"

She doesn't say anything. She just stands there, staring at the forest.

"Shit, are there-"

The Elemental holds out a hand to shut me up, as she scans the darkness. Then after a few more moments, she steps back and closes the window.

"What is it?" I whisper.

Her face is dark. "I think we're still being watched."