Mr. Grumbles reacted to the water as if it to an electric shock. He leaped away from the source of the terrible icy deluge and into Koen's arms.

Koen could feel the tense muscles in the dumpy little body. Mr. Grumbles's head didn't even come up to Koen's armpit,1 but the erectus was strong for his size. If Mr. Grumbles shoved Koen over, Koen would go over.

But he didn't. Mr. Grumbles huddled against Koen, trembling, smearing chocolate crumbs across his chest. Koen's arms came around, instinctively protecting the smaller creature. Was Mr. Grumbles seeking protection from the shower? Did he not know that Koen was responsible for the cold water? Or was Mr. Grumbles holding himself back from punishing Koen? Trying to be pathetic, hoping the sapiens would make the bad feelings go away?

Why couldn't Laura do this? Because it would be sexist. Koen had been well brought up, and didn't want to be sexist. But wait, why were they doing this at all? Why was he here, in a shower, with a squealing ape-man? Koen couldn't find the answer. He should be cooking. He should be sleeping! Why wasn't Koen sleeping?

The shower had by now gone from cold to warm. Koen realized that whatever was going through Mr. Grumbles's mind, if the water went from warm to hot, they'd have a whole new problem. He reached for the handle, pushing Mr. Grumbles backward into the spray.

"Huh huh huh," panted the erectus.

"Shush," said Koen. "It's just water. See? Nice, warm water."

"Uh. Uh!" Mr. Grumbles looked up, and got water in his eyes. He squealed again.

The bathroom door opened. "Be quiet!" hissed Laura, and shut it.

Koen darted an angry look behind him, exhausted brain roiling. How dare she make this demand of him? What the hell did Laura expect him to do — quietly! — with an ape-man in the shower?

"Ooh. Ooh."

Mr. Grumbles was petting the hair on Koen's forearm again. They were both soaked now, but at least warm.

He sighed. It felt as if his weight had doubled. He wanted to sleep so much. What was he supposed to be doing?

"Shampoo," he said.

Koen did not do anything about Mr. Grumbles's clothes. Mark's shirt and pants would have to come off at some point, but not now. Koen wasn't going to go there. He just soaped up the piebald hair on the erectus's legs and arms, letting the water carry the suds down the fabric.

Now, the head.

Koen had never bathed a child, but his own memories were clear on the subject of soap in the eyes. He shuffled around behind Mr. Grumbles (now tasting the wet collar of his shirt) and applied shampoo to the back of the steed's head. Fortunately, the shower was on one of those articulated hoses.

The door opened again. "You didn't take off his clothes before you bathed him?"

"No. I didn't." Koen was angry enough to snap, but not enough to remind Laura that she was supposed to be sleeping. He needed her help.

"Well, what now?" Laura answered her own question. "Wrap a towel around him. Dry him off before you come out here."

Mr. Grumbles liked the towel. He rubbed his face against it and sighed and Koen squeezed water off him.

"We will have to dress him," Laura said. "You can give him one of your undershirts and underwear."

Koen fumbled his glasses on. They were opaque with condensation. "I have to go to sleep."

Her answer was steely. "I have to sleep, too."

Yes, of course Laura couldn't sleep with Mr. Grumbles in the same suite. Or was that sexist again? Koen closed his eyes and massaged his forehead, utterly incapable of imagining a solution to his problems.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

"I told you to take him back to your room. You both sleep there."

Before Koen could protest that he really, really didn't want to, Laura crossed the room and cracked open her door. She looked up and down the hallway.

"Nobody is outside. Go."

Koen couldn't think of any counterargument. He held out his hand to Mr. Grumbles.

Mr. Grumbles looked at Koen with horror.

"Come on, Mr. Grumbles, let's go."

The erectus tried to hide behind Laura.

"Come on, I said!"

Mr. Grumbles hid harder.

"You're scaring him," said Laura.

"I know I'm scaring him! I don't know how to make him follow me."

"Well, how did you make him follow you into the bathroom?"

"Oreos. I'd better take the whole box."

***

It was just before sunrise when his translator bug clicked. Perfect foraging time for a raven.

Koen did not so much jerk awake as give up on sleep.

When he had left Mr. Grumbles alone in the living room of his suite, the erectus crouched by the door and whined. When Koen had sat on his couch and nodded off, Mr. Grumbles sat next to him and tried to snuggle. The erectus snored.

Koen rolled over and pushed Mr. Grumbles off him. The erectus smelled like Laura's coconut shampoo.

"Hello?" he asked the bug.

"Ahoy! I demand assistance! I am dominant."

Mr. Grumbles jerked up. Like a child wishing on a star, his gaze fixated on the hovering translator bug. His hand extended and his chest rose as his lungs inflated.

"Coming!" Koen snatched the bug out of the air and closed the connection.

He opened his fist and stared at the iridescent green creature-machine. His head pounded. His thoughts rumbled and blared like commuters in a traffic jam.

"Huh?" said Mr. Grumbles. He began to search Koen's living room for birds.

"Laura," Koen said, and the translator bug rose into the air again.

"What? Argh. It's not even dawn. His mother's idiot.2 What is it?"

Mr. Grumbles perked up at her voice, too. "Ooh!" he said, reaching for the bug.

"Shut up," said Koen. "Sorry. Sorry. I haven't slept. All night."

"Koen, why did you wake me up?"

The bug clicked again. "Koen." It was Severo. "Why are the police here?"

Koen's brain was already gridlocked. Panicked commuters abandoned their cars and fled.

"Graa," he cawed.

"Eee!" said Mr. Grumbles.

"What?" said the translator.

"It's Graa! He's here."

"He brought the police?" asked Laura. She was now very much awake.

Koen was not. "He…demands assistance."

"Not surrender," mused Severo. "That's reassuring, at least. What do you think he wants?"

"I don't know! Mr. Grumbles!"

"Goo?" said Mr. Grumbles.

"Then call him back and tell him to go away, Koen."

"I can't." Koen pressed the heel of his palm into his right brow ridge, which ached. "I — Graa's voice. Mr. Grumbles was reacting to it. He was going to scream."

A pause, while Severo failed to volunteer to take care of Mr. Grumbles while Koen went to deal with Graa and the police.

Laura sighed. "Koen, I'm coming. I'll take care of Mr. Grumbles while you deal with Graa and the police."

Good, thought Koen. Good. That was good.

"Ooh," said Mr. Grumbles.

Another pause while Koen stared blearily at nothing.

"Koen?"

"…Yeah?"

Another sigh.

"I will wake up Mark," Severo decided.

1 Or axilla, now coated with plentiful apocrine secretion of its own.

2 Laura had forgotten about the translators.