“Was that not a splendid performance?” said Fen.

“Performance? That was a performance?”

Pern was ready to convert to the Kitsune-Goblin Pantheon. She already envisioned herself in a priestess’s clothes, or those of a nun. But was a nun allowed to keep a bare midriff? A free stomach was one of Pern’s hidden commandments…

“Pern. Pern!” Rick snapped her back. “What happens when you overuse your Thunder Sword?”

“It overheats,” Pern said.

“Then, what happens if you overuse a mask also made from the same material?”

“Oh,” Pern said. “The Sage was stupid… and the mask started to burn up. That wasn’t a miracle after all.”

“If it was that obvious Gardalria existed, everyone would pray to her and not just I.” Fen nodded. “You mentioned the Thunder Sword malfunctions when used harshly; and while taking a stress bath at the temple it struck me that the mask might expire in roughly the same amount of time.”

“So then, Rick…” Pern said. “You weren’t trying to sacrifice yourself? You were waiting for him to burn up?”

“Yep,” Rick said, and then—

[THUNDER RESISTANCE S] [ACTIVE]

[PHYSICAL RESISTANCE C] [ACTIVE]

“Stupid!” Pern shouted after a slight tap and a static shock. “I was so worried! Why didn’t you say something!”

“You’d nag about it. And I’m pretty sure you’d squirm free and fight if I tried to talk.”

“And then I would have killed that goblin sage! Just because you were right doesn’t mean that you were correct!”

“Oh dear,” Fen said and Rick wiped his brow with a red handkerchief. Sweat poured from him; his muscles were sore and tight, and while Pern’s attacks felt more like massages they did make him ache. But his head pain was gone.

“Why stress so much after we’ve won!” Rick laughed.

With their numbers thinned and a Goddess who had seemingly forsaken them, it’d be a long time before the goblins returned. Rick, Pern, and Fen had the whole village to themselves.

“Foxgirl, floozy, let’s find a place to drink the night away. Sake? Fine wine? Fruit juice? What piques our Gods of the hour?”

***

Thunk!

They slammed down their cups. They were around a low table in a dimly-lit tatami mat room. The Fox Matriarch’s mansion was the perfect place for a party; and they had found a cozy corner with sweet yellow lamps.

“Maybe you were right to hold me back. If I had beat him, The Goblin Sage might’ve tried to burn down this mansion in revenge…”

They feasted on delicious meats and kept on drinking. Rick had five glasses; Fen had three and Pern imbibed just one. “Hahaha! Fen, what a fantastic idea, to stay the night here!”

“I am sure the Fox Matriarch would have delighted in awarding you a feast. Even if she would not grant one, you deserve one, so take your fill.”

They drank another glass. It was a hard cider.

“A toast to an unlikely success! The ‘Failure Adventurer’ is dead! Long Live the new Adventurer! Cheers to my rank one friend!” Pern put her arm around Rick.

“Cheers!” He shrugged it away.

“My best guy friend in the party…” Pern said. “That’s what I meant.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“The quest was still quite fun,” Pern said. “But as promised I’ll leave you be at your Inn.”

Another round.

“You know, most adventurers I work with are honestly kinda dull. ‘Loot loot loot loot loot!’ That’s all they think about. I don’t really care! I just wanna be seen!”

“I see you. You’re incredible… as in, sometimes your thoughts strain credibility.”

“Yeah, I bet!” Pern leaned. “And you’re interesting Rick! I like that I got you to try harder. That makes me feel kinda special. “

“I try what I like, and that’s all there is to it.”

Another round.

“What a stuck-up reply. Are you not really into the good vibes? Are you uncomfy both in a party and at one? Does my little mentee need to learn how to unwind?”

“S-Rank, your face is a little red. Perhaps I should put away the cider.”

“Fen wait wait wait wait! Just a few more….”

Four more. Pern’s face was very red. Fen had kept up with her role model and drank the same up to seven. She knelt with practiced poise, though she had started to mutter and sway.

“A-hospitable-disciple-provides-food-and-drink-to-her-guests-and-lights-incense-and-obeys-the-guests-cultural-mores-”

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“Oy, Rick. It’s gotten warm here. Why don’t you take that off? It isn’t fair that I’m the only one who’s dressed all cute… come on, come on.”

“”You’ve gotten pretty friendly.”

“-a-fox-may-desire-certain-exchanges-but-they-must-resist-the-urge-to-greet-them-as-a-fox-and-must-refrain-and-focus-and-resist-resist-resist”

“We’re off the clock, off the clock! It’s all okay, I say!” Pern attacked him, and tossed off his shirt, Fen pounced over the rags, sniffling. Then Fen shifted into Rick and snuffed his hair, shorts, and remaining clothing in every nook and fold. “Ah… that nice, woodsy smell…”

“Very friendly.”

“No, no, no! It is not like ‘that’, E-Rank, not at all! I just need this to help track your path back to the surface… it is not a comforting scent or an arousing one. You can scent me if you wish, it is not for reproductive purposes, no, no no.”

“But it is like that for me, Rickhead!” Pern said as she pushed into him. “You were lying when you said you could time the sage’s mask, weren’t you? What was that!?

“You’re drunk, Pern. Go home.”

“Go big or go home then. I’m never going to see you again and that’s just great!!! No strings attached! One and done!”

It was the opposite of how they were in the battle; Pern wrestled and straddled Rick.

“I’m so close to understanding you… this close! No, closer!” She moved each time, emphasizing the words. “It’s the first time I’ve had someone like this; who I could just talk to about how I feel. I can’t throw this away! I won’t let this be imperfect! I will fully understand you before! You! Go!”

Rick promptly caught and tossed her to the other side of the room. There’s one golden rule he followed as an adventurer: he never sticked his Rick in crazy.

But maybe it was all the cider, the wildness of the battle, or how the lamplight licked Pern… something about her—

“I don’t mind doing it. But I need you to do a short quest for me first.”

“Wha…? I thought you didn’t like that.”

“If you can walk in a straight line from the room’s other side. I’ll accept you.”

Fen flushed. “Right here? Right now? S-Rank rutting with E-Rank?!!” Fen put her mask over her face but did nothing to cover its eyes.

Pen gritted her teeth. She stepped twice, then thrice, then toppled over snoring on the floor.

“That’s what I thought,” Rick said. “It’s time for everyone to rest. Good night, Fen.”

“Good night adventurers.” Fen said, and bowed to them both. The cloudiness had left her eyes, and moonlight reflected inside them.

“Oh… and Rick?”

“Yes?” He had just put her coat over Pern.

“I’d like you to follow me to the temple. There’s something I’d like you to see.”

***

They traveled to the sealed cave early the next morning. Cricketing, bird chirps and sunlight seeped between the cracks in the rocks.

“I’ll be forever grateful for what the two of you did for me. Go down that third passage, then the third branch to the right and that’ll be the kitsunes’ secret exit,” Fen bowed.

“But we don’t have to part now, do we?” Pern asked. “No one seems to want to travel with me.”

Pern stroked her chin: “Was it something I did last night? I don’t remember it at all.”

“I do no-no-no-not either S-Rank!” Fen said. “I’d love to guide you further. But I think I’ll return to the temple, gather my things, and depart as Gardalria’s pilgrim since there’s no place for me in the clan.”

It was true that none of the other kitsune could know exactly what it was like, to have just one tail. Even if they pretended to accept Fen, she couldn’t have the same identity as the rest. There’d always be that caveat.

But to understand that and choose to be alone because of it—that was something unspeakably sad.

“Don’t you think there’s someone you’ve forgotten?” Rick asked, and Fen’s ears curled down.

“They’re all gone,” Fen said. “I asked the goblins if there were other foxgirls trapped in the village while I was pretending to be their God.”

And still Rick wondered. There were two people that followed them on the way here: one a cloaked reaper, and the other a ‘kid-sized cat.’

“I want you to take us to the entrance, Fen. My head’s still all messed up from the drinks.”

“As you wish.”

Their ears stuffed and popped as they ascended. The darkness was full, but beacon-like crystals lit the way, in vivid oranges and reds and greens. They stopped to rest in a small cavern with a deep pool, eating clementines and beef jerk sandwiches. Rick tossed bread crumbs into the water and eyeless fish raced to consume them.

They strolled through a passage with many abandoned spiderwebs, and then a narrow passage that they had to walk through one at a time. After following Fen for fifty minutes more, they made it to the mouth of another cave.

“Watch out!” Pern shouted, but Rick clasped her sheath.

They witnessed a shadow, then a petite figure shot between rocks and tumbled in. Two amber ears twitched atop her head, two tails swished behind her, and she adorably blinked.

It was Emory, the two-hundred year old cub. She had tracked Rick’s scent, and she sprinted to them, her eyes full of love. He sidestepped, but he was never her target, for those eyes held a different kind of affection.

“Fen! I was afraid that you were dead!” Emory jumped at the other fox.

“Em?”

“I knew it! I knew these Adventurers would help!” Em said. “They’re not the kind to care about rank, or class, they just care about how you feel about the world. And you’re a good kit Fen.”

“I am? But Em… how could I be?”

“You’re my sister! How could you not?”

Fen pulled away. Her shoulders heaved, and she covered her face with her arm.

“Please, never, never, never, never leave…” said Em. “I don’t care how many tails you have. If you’re leaving the Kitsune Clan then take me with you.”

“Em. Oh, Em.” The pair embraced, and Emory’s two tails wrapped around Fen’s one.

The adventurers watched as Fen and Emory chattered away. Pern leaned against the cave wall and her eyes lingered on Em’s splendid grin.

“Even if we hadn’t been successful, I suppose this quest would have been worth it. Can you imagine having someone to always support you like that?”

She hunched further til she was sitting down, right next to Rick.

“A successful quest, a touching reunion, it’s real happily ever after for everyone. I don’t really get you, Rick, but… may you find the cutest women and have the bestest drinks.”

She offered her hand, and Rick shook it.

“You’re a nuisance Pern. But a kind one. Your badge put a smile on Fen’s face.”

“It was your words that helped her most. But in the end it was Fen that made herself strong enough to let in Em. I bet when she saw ‘the scorn’ in her little sister’s eyes, they were just reflections of her own-self hate.” Pern yawned.

“Tired?”

“Yeah.”

“Crazy night?”

“Hah. It’s funny, I still can’t remember a thing.”

“You know, Pern—if I ever make a party, you’ll always have a place in mine.”

Pern tilted her head. “For the eye candy?”

“Even when you’re old and haggerty, I’d make some space. Four spots would be enough for two lovely ladies plus you.”

“Idiot.” Pern shoved him. “If anything, I’m the S-Rank Adventurer, so you’d join a party I’d lead.”

“You take E-Rank flunkies?”

“I take people I like,” said Pern. “I don’t really get you, but I’ll accept you; and maybe that’s good enough.”