The last day’s walk was misery, and a cold rain pattered down.

The dirt path became a muddy bog, and their boots squelched as they forced themselves forward. They would arrive at the Crystal Caves at least an hour later than anticipated.

“I hate mud. It’s soft and irritating and gets everywhere,” Pern complained.

Her problems were compounded by Rick’s Earth and Water Resistance S, which spared him the sludge but propelled it at the others.

“Stop!” Pern stripped some mud from her skin, balled it up, and flung it at Rick, and the mudball was promptly ejected into the stratosphere. She tried hitting him, but her hand was so caked up that her fists also twisted away.

They walked and walked and walked some more, until the rain finally gave way to dull gray skies. Pern shouted again. “Stop! Just—everybody, stop!”

“But I’m not doing anything, Pern…”

“She wants us to stop for a war council,” Constance translated carefully. She unfurled their carefully kept map, and the Saintly Healer spoke again:

“There’s only one known entrance to the Crystal Caves and we’re just about there.

“The Kitsune Clan set up a town inside this big wide cavern here. With bamboo huts, stone shrines and temples, a wide plateau for celebrations, and even some soil and trees, they’ve improved their enclave for hundreds of years. It seems that this wealth’s attracted the gobs.”

She rolled up the map: “I suppose we’ll just have to kill them all. They’ll be gone for just a few years, so we don’t have to think about it all too hard.”

Isaac nodded, and Rick made a generic guttural sound. Pern was too busy wiping herself off to reply.

Though they had neared the goblins’ captured territory, the actual goblins were nowhere to be seen. The path to the cave’s mouth wound up and down in a gravel-filled field.

Opposite this entrance was a long, rolling slope. Rocks aggregated at its apex in strange formations and casted long shadows, and it felt as though these silhouettes were gazing down upon their party. Rick shuddered.

“That cliff…” Pern murmured. “ that’d be the perfect place to—”

“If you’re thinking of having a picnic up there, I wouldn’t,” Rick said. “That place is dangerous, ‘specially after rainfall.””

“Shut it Rick. It’s just that if the goblins know we’re coming, it’s the perfect spot for them to ambush us. They could hide behind the rocks and use that slope to quickly charge down.”

A bad feeling crept over Rick like an icy vine. Rick caught a wisp of not a goblin but a person in the corner of his eye—the “Reaper”’ he saw before, but this time without any heat baking his brain.

Rick really didn’t want to talk to Pern. He’d rather ignore her. But she was still an ace Adventurer, even if she just wanted to use him.

“Pern.”

***

“What?”

Pern was a little bit miffed. Not just because of the rain and the mud and the potential for an ambush, but because of what Rick had said before. Do it? What did he mean, do it? Do what!?

She sure wanted to do something… she wanted to kill him! Her S-Class beauty was supposed to render him speechless!!!

She had made one last attempt at seducing this sleazy excuse of a Man. When she put on her mythril armor in her tent this morning, she had put on only that. There was no cloth between metal and skin.

Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

But what did Rick do? He spat mud and covered her all up again! What the hell was this? Why was he totally unaffected by her charms? Did he just hate her?

Pern had no choice but to be mad. If she wasn’t angry that her attempts to “motivate” Rick had failed, she’d have no choice but to be embarrassed, or even worse she’d be just plain sad.

“Pern!” Constance called, as Rick peered at the hills. “We’re going to enter the caverns, so we’ll have to decide our approach.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s an easy choice.”

Their formation was decided as the following.

Pern the Warrior would swing in first. Constance would be next, so she could constantly heal her; Rick the useless E-Rank would be in third, and Isaac the rogue would take rear. If the goblins awaited at the cave mouth, Pern would fry them, and if they ambushed them from behind, Isaac’s sharp eyes would notice their approach. It was a perfect arrangement.

Rick cut in line. “I’ll be behind Pern.”

“What? Why?”

Rick’s request defied all logic. His special “Man” class was technically a combat role, but a “Man” was meant to be a disposable soldier to throw at enemies. It was a class designed to do nothing, then die.

Meanwhile, Pern was a warrior, a hybrid offensive-defensive class that would benefit from sustained healing. A fighting order of Pern, Rick, Constance, and Isaac would mean the Saintly Healer would focus uselessly on curing Rick, and by all rights his suggestion should have been denied.

However, the Saintly Healer had some logic of her own. Mainly:

“I hate that bitch Pern.

“I hate her. She keeps me awake all night writhing doing Goddess-knows-what. And she regaled me the day before, asking me about “dating strategy” and whether she should “bring her element-resistant bikini.

“I know what Rick wants. I recognize that conniving, sleazy grin. Yes, like all those other worthless Adventurers, he wants to have all my healing. He wants to feel as if he’s in an important role by taking needless amounts of damage then making me top him off.

But if I don’t have to stand next to Pern, and don’t have to heal her. Then maybe it’s worth it. And this order won’t matter much once we’re in the cave, anyways.

Pern’s mind meanwhile worked to its own special conclusion.

“Oh! Rick wants to be close.”

This was correct, but her other thoughts quickly veered off into Pernland.

“Huh. Hm. Huhuhu… hahahahaha!

“What a simple-minded, easily beast. On our first quest, and at the lake, I didn’t try motivating him with that, not really… maybe that’s why I failed.

“I suppose… I’d be willing to encourage him a little bit ‘that way’ too..

“Yes. Maybe he’s not actually into cups, but globes.” She envisioned giving him two golden awards.

As a result: “Sure, we’ll order it like that,” said Constance..

“Fine. As you say Rick,” Pern smirked “My precious mentee.”

Isaac objected, but he completely was talked over. And they set off for that last hundred feet.

***

Pern, Rick, Constance, and Isaac crept forward across the plain. They were tight against one another, and though Pern was a warrior she moved a little awkwardly, swaying.

Pern felt an intense gaze upon her. It was Rick’s!

Look at how stressed he is! How adorable! Surely he’d fallen for her now! Pern thought. She stopped, Rick bumped into her, and his breath was against her ear—then he spoke in a low concerned voice.

“Pern—are you okay? Are you hurt? Your center of balance is swinging from leg to leg; if something happened you’d trip and fall.”

“I’m just excited to kill some goblins! How are you feeling Rick? Hot-blooded and ready to fight?” Pern pivoted back towards him. Then her playful expression changed into fear.

There was a chill. An instinct. An explosion rattled through their eardrums, and then part of the mountain itself began to slide down towards the entrance. Three thousand tons of stone plummeted down like a herd of gravestones.

FWOOM! DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Rocks fell. Everybody died.

That’s what would have happened were it not for the quick thinking of Constance and Rick.

Seeing the boulders approach, Constance used her healing staff to propel her backwards, and pulled at Isaac’s cloak as she did so.

Rick, meanwhile, tripped forward, and tangled with Pern. The two were piled together when the dust cleared; uncomfortable but unscathed inside the cave. He staggered up; his hand caught Pern’s platemail as he stood, and her mythril breastplate went flying.

Pern caught a cold wind and she desperately covered herself. But Rick paid no attention. He was looking at the rocks that blocked the cave

“...Rick?” She hadn’t bothered to fetch her armor piece. Pern lowered her hand.

“As expected.” As he put his palm on a muddy stone, several thoughts hit Pern at once.

Oh… Rick wanted to save me. That’s why he was watching so closely.

That should make me very happy. That he cared about me. Right? Is that the first time someone’s cared?

But I don’t have that pleasant feeling.

No, I’m angry.

No, I’m agonizingly mad!