Rick had taken her to a narrow alleyway. It was sandwiched between two buildings with decrepit entrances, a place without witnesses or light; he mentally prepared himself for what he was about to do. He rapped twice on the door, waited, then rapped twice again.

The windows flared and the door opened. Like a groping tentacle, an arm wrapped and dragged him in.

“Ricky! My favorite person!”

There in the foyer stood a girl wearing a white lab coat, a pendant, and a carefree grin.

“Who’s this floozy? Don’t tell me you’ve partnered with someone new,” said the scowling scientist, her smile just as easily replaced.

“I’m Pern, an S-Rank lady knight Adventurer with a 100% rate of quest success and Rick’s current partner.” ”

“Hands off! I’ll have you know that Rick and I are exes,” the scientist huffed.

“Exes. Standing for experimenter… and experimentee,” Rick said.

“—and the chemistry was truly fantastic!” Cure replied. “as was his stamina— ”

“—literally and painfully, Cure—”

“—praise Andrestia for your special skills—” .

“I don’t want to hear the details!” said Pern. “I said I was his partner, but Rick and I aren’t like that! While such… engagements …might be enjoyable, as an S-Rank Adventurer there’s simply no time.”

“Good. He’d signed a non-compete,” Cure opened the foyer’s second door, and revealed the inner room.

In the front, there was a box full of chestplates and helmets and gauntlets and greaves, then a counter, a cash register, and another door leading to a back room. The rest of the space was covered in rows and rows of clothing racks, filled with outfits ranging from factory overalls to fitted suits.

“Welcome to Mare Cure’s specialty armor shop!” Cure said. “What we carry here isn’t just conventional armor. I, a renowned “S-Rank Alchemist,” sell specially treated clothes that protect you not just from swords, but also from magic and elemental attacks!”

“There’s no ranking system for alchemists,” Pern pointed out.

“Or braggarts,” Rick muttered. “Pern, go ahead and take what you want. Cure is one of the few people who’s happiest when I’m in her debt.”

“There isn’t anything good though?” Pern said, and Cure glared. “I mean, it’s good! But what I’m wearing is S-class mythril mail. Nothing can pierce through.”

Rick glanced at her bare midriff.

“I’ll look if you care that much.”

Pern half-heartedly pawed through the racks. Even potion enhanced silks have a hard time holding up to mythril, which granted one hundred percent resistance to light and death magic skills along with complete impenetrability.

Mythril’s main drawback was that it was incredibly expensive to manufacture, so sets that fully covered skin were rare.

Some Adventurers mixed and matched mythril pieces with other armor pieces, but that was seen as tacky, especially because one’s companions could perish at any moment. Imagine if the last person one saw was a woman wearing the “optimal” pool floats, and tube socks and with a kettle pot protecting her head. Pern refused to be such a person! Her nails dug into the maid outfit she had pulled from the rack.

Rick returned to the counter. He had business with his old friend, even if Pern did not.

“Want to go back to being partners Ricky?” Cure asked.

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

“Just buy a doll.”

“What, and buy another when it breaks?”

“Cheapskate,” He shifted. “Speaking of. How’s the rest of the job? A lot of clients?”

“For armor? Yessir,” said Cure. “For alchemy? Nada. People just buy potions from the big guys.”

“Any government work?”

“Used to have some, but ‘nada’ means ‘nothing’… why? You thinking of becoming an alchemist too?”

“If ‘nada’ means ‘nothing’ you should know that ‘no’ means ‘no’.”

“You’re best used as a guinea pig. But if you don’t want something that uses your skills at all, I’ll train you up. I’m serious about that. I became an alchemist because I have no special skills. And in this job, you don’t have to listen much to other people either. Though you’d still have to listen to me—”

“We need to kill twenty-five more slimes, and I’m going to need your help,” Rick reluctantly said.

Cure was the second-oldest friend he had, and the second-worst person he had ever worked with. She was an expert at making both physically destructive potions and mentally destructive cosplays, and she had combined these talents when she had opened her specialty infused armor shop.

Rick shuddered when he’d remembered the things she had made him wear. Pern was flipping through bunny-suits, cheongsams, tights, and miniskirts with a thoughtful expression; they’d all look great on her if they were broad enough to fit. They wouldn’t look so good on a gangly hairy-legged boy. Suffering Cure’s attacks had been bliss in comparison to the costumes she’d force.

“So you need help searching for slimes….?” Cure grinned. “Does that mean you’d be willing to do some test work in exchange?”

“No! No!” Rick shook his head. “No thank you. I already know enough to find them around here.”

“That’s not possible,” said Cure. “Slimes don’t spawn in Mazevale.”

And Rick told her what had happened that day, and the conclusions he had drawn.

“I’ll need some lab equipment,” Rick said. “On top of whatever the lady knight wants, if anything. I won’t be your test subject, but it’ll be worth it for you anyway.”

“Gelato. Slime elementals. What happened at the Four-Leaf Inn, plus those shades of brown.” Cure said, her grin becoming wide. “Yeah, I see how I’d stand to gain. Go get ‘em Rick.”

Rick disappeared into the backroom, where Cure stored her glassware and scales. She turned her attention to Pern, who had gone past the skirts and was looking through the sundresses.

Cure had many good traits. But if she had one bad trait, it was that she was very zealous of her little pet Rick; that is to say, her guinea pig. She sidled up to Pern, who was still trying on some clothes.

“You really not in business with him? If you poach him, I won’t forgive you.”

“Nope. I’m not all up in his business. And could you get out of the way…?” The sundress was half over her head.

“But you two seem awfully close. If he’s taking you here to buy more equipment, why aren’t you sticking around?”

Pern sighed. “He knows a lot about monsters, but he doesn’t use that knowledge at all. Instead, he spends his time drinking and lying about, and only works hard if you force him.”

She put on the dress, spun around, took it off and put it back. It granted 80% fire resistance, but it provided negative wind protection; it felt breezy as it were.

“In my job, one needs to scrap and struggle, to survive. I found this dress quite cute and freeing, yet I know I can’t take it if I want to win fights. Rick, on the other hand, indulges in his base desires. If he were me, he’d buy this dress.”

“Rick’s not suited for Adventuring, huh? We can both agree on that,” Cure murmured. She checked her “farsight pendant”, another one of her inventions. Farsight pendants came in pairs. One she had in her hand, and the other she’d hidden in her lab to monitor Rick.

Rick had picked out a vial and a few other tools, and he found a box with an interesting prototype; armor with ninety-nine percent water resistance. He took it with him as he returned.

“Can I ask,” Cure said, leaning into Pern. “What was it that led you to become an S-Rank Adventurer?”

“I broke up the old Guildmaster’s slave ring. Can’t turn a blind-eye to those kinds of horrible crimes.”

“Then I think you’ll be happy to follow Rick’s advice; it always works out better than you’d expect.”

“What do you think of this bikini?” Rick said. “I think this would suit you.”

“Follow ninety nine percent of his advice,” Cure said, walking away.

“This is a quest, not a vacation!” Pern said. “There’s a time and place for showing off.”

“Buy a one piece,” Rick said.

“Is that some kind of fetish?”

“Put it under your armor…”

“That’s way too specific! That definitely is one!”

“It’s your funeral.” Rick shrugged. He wondered if there was a place in Cure’s Armor Shop where he could buy black clothes.

He certainly expected no vacation for Pern.