I was left alone and confused by the incident with Khad. Not willing to be caught off guard by a servant I resolved to go to my chambers. Inside, Gwaeda was dusting the interior of my wardrobe.

'My lady,' she greeted me as I entered the room. I closed the door behind me so that none could overhear our conversation. I knew that I'd confide in Gwaeda. Despite being a mere servant, she was the closest thing I had to a friend other than Timoth. He certainly wouldn't understand; he cherished the soldiers of Haelling Cove. 'Word is that Count Djiron personally requested that you show him around the castle. Is there truth in the rumour, my lady?'

I nodded, too weary to elaborate without first being prodded. I thought to change my outfit, but as I unbuttoned my blouse I recalled how Khad had commented on the fullness of my beauty. I decided that my clothing was not at fault and collapsed onto my bed once more.

Gwaeda was too cowed by my mood to pry, but I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. Had he really turned on me that quickly? My growing depression led me to explain despite my weariness.

'He complimented me. He asked that I show him the castle. Father didn’t approve, but the Count insisted and he didn’t want to be impolitic.'

I continued and told her the story in full, not trying to pad what had happened. I felt no need to, after all I had let the soldier off without penalty. I certainly didn’t feel ashamed of my actions, though I was a little embarrassed. The first unwed nobleman to come to Haelling Cove in years and I’d offended him. I could have punched myself.

In response, Gwaeda surprised me by putting down her brush and sitting at the foot of my bed. She pulled my shoes off, which I’d been too lazy to do myself, and said, 'do you wish to be comforted, my lady? Or would you prefer to know where you went wrong?'

I frowned, not for the first time that day, unhappy that Gwaeda considered that there was a difference. Of course I wanted to know what I had done wrong. I wasn’t an infant to be coddled.

In my frustration I spat venom rather than kindness at Gwaeda's offer, 'what would you know of royal courting?'

Gwaeda did not take my bait. 'Men are men, my lady. You have never courted a man before. I have a husband. Do you think you can learn nothing from me?'

'And no children,' I retorted, angered by her restraint. Then I felt bad for attacking her when she had done nothing but try to help. I forced myself to relax and opened my mind to her knowledge. 'I'm sorry,' I finally said. It was less difficult saying it to Gwaeda than the soldier; she had truly done nothing wrong, and she wasn’t sweaty or dirty like a man-at-arms.

'I have no children, my lady,' Gwaeda said carefully, not outright accepting my apology, 'because Daegwin would suffer if I were to fall pregnant.'

'Is that why?' I asked. Gwaeda had never discussed her personal life with me before.

'Yes, my lady. You see, servants give up much of their lives in service to nobility. Khad sees it as part of his duty to reciprocate that generosity in kind. Not all nobles do, my lady, but it’s a nice trait to have.'

I thought she was admonishing me. 'Am I not generous? Did I not share my dinner with you just last night?'

'You can be generous with your family’s wealth, my lady. But that does not soothe a person's heart like generosity of spirit. Or of words.'

'Am I cruel, Gwaeda?' I asked her, bringing an end to her prancing around the main point of the discussion.

'It is not my place to say, my lady,' she said. She busily studied my bare feet to avoid making eye contact. I bade her answer and she sighed. She chose her words carefully. 'You are not cruel, my lady. But you do not see commoners as equals. It has been difficult to serve you at times.'

I ignored her last sentence. 'Commoners are not my equals. They are dirty. They brawl in the streets and don’t wash their clothes nearly often enough. I do not seek to be cruel, but nor will I forget my station.'

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'My lady, this is a fortress town. I fear that if you do not ingratiate yourself with the soldiers, your father will have no choice but to send you away for fear of provoking discord among the men. And I won’t be able to go with you,' she said.

With a lurch in my stomach I realised that she was right. I feared what would happen when word of the incident at the tower reached Mother. Father would be powerless to stop her from sending me to Hollowhold. If only I could summon a portal, then I would be able to say that I was making progress in my studies at Haelling Cove.

'Thank you for your honesty, Gwaeda.'

'While I'm at it, my lady, your feet look dry. Would you like me to wash them?'

I looked at my toes, so far from my eyes. They did feel dry, probably as a result of the uncharacteristic sunny weather. I sat on the edge of the bed and allowed Gwaeda to wash my feet. While she did so, I thought about what I could do to ensure that I was not sent away.

I didn't want to risk further upsetting Khad by talking to him or his men without an invitation, so I resolved to devote myself to my studies. Something useful that I could show Father as proof of my progress. Portalmancy was the obvious choice, but concentration was difficult while Gwaeda was rubbing my toes.

Instead, I turned to my bedside table and retrieved a book from it. Not the tome on family history, nor the volume detailing the culture of some distant land known as Nakhtare. Instead, I selected a book focusing on Yoru's Pilgrimage.

I had already read about his exile from the Holy Realm, the mystical land comprised of so many joined portals that it was equal in size to any earthly kingdom. Presently, I read about Yoru's ancient journey back to Karador. I knew a bit about it from childhood sermons at the monastery, as well as common knowledge, but reading about it provided significantly more detail.

Interestingly, though Yoru knew his path back to the Holy Realm would require him to return to Karador, he delayed his journey by three weeks as his gelding was ill. People accused him of cowardice, of not wanting to confront his exilers, but it was care for his companion beast that rendered him idle. I wondered if I could use that as a metaphor to convince Father that my journey to Hollowhold could wait until I had completed my studies.

Yoru's delay eventually saved the lives of his companions, as upon his arrival at Karador he found that a great plague had decimated those who had exiled him. The survivors welcomed Yoru's return, as the fallen had taken with them the knowledge of how to access the Holy Realm. Yoru was the only man alive with that ability, and he graciously offered entrance to the Holy Realm to his exilers and companions alike. Once inside, he took himself into the Holy Realm and since then none have left it. The final words in the book were a promise that he would someday return after the next plague, and rescue those who were worthy.

I realised that I’d finished the tome. I wondered when Gwaeda had finished bathing my feet. It had been nice, actually, reading the story and having my feet cleaned. I had briefly forgotten what had occurred in the guard tower and now it returned to me, accompanied by a sense of dread. Also hunger. I was hungry.

Neither of my ladies were present, though I knew that they would not be far. Nevertheless, I decided to get my food myself, fearing that if I sent them to the kitchens they would be told to send word that Father or Mother wanted to see me. Maybe if I locked myself in my room for long enough, they’d realise that I'd made a mistake and offer me sympathy rather than rebuke.

I doubted it.

I had no desire to hasten that encounter. I donned my slippers as they were the only shoes I possessed that would not clack against the keep's stone floor or the kitchen's tiles. I slipped a copper into the top of my chemise in case I needed to bribe one of the kitchen staff to bring me food so that I wouldn’t have to be seen in the kitchen proper.

I tiptoed out of my bedroom, closing the door behind me to mask my absence, and walked through the corridors and down the stairs to the kitchen. The smell of herbs and roast beef was strong, and as I peeked around the doorway I saw that many men-at-arms were eating in the kitchen. They were among the last people I wanted to see, so I waited until a servant neared my doorway and called to her quietly. A freckled girl in her late teens, I knew not her name. She approached and I retrieved and gifted her the copper.

'I am too weary to talk with servants. Bring me some bread and vegetables. And some bloodberry juice.'

'You need not pay me, my lady. I am duty-bound to obey you,' she said, hesitant to accept the coin.

'I buy your silence, not your service,' I replied, and she took it and disappeared into the kitchen. She returned a few moments later brandishing a tray with my lunch. I took it and thanked her, recalling Khad and Gwaeda's words. She smiled, and I felt a bit better. I returned to my room as stealthily as I could and ate my lunch beside the window, watching the soldiers mill in the courtyard below.

I took advantage of my solitude to attempt portalmancy once more. I bore in mind Timoth's words from the morning lesson, and kept my eyes open as I slowed my breathing. I could see the Haelling flowing into the sea, and tried to take in all that it meant. Its waters were the life force of much of Halivaara's. I could hear the subtle whoosh as it flowed into the sea beyond, and I sought to will the portal into existence through my awareness of my environment.

There was a knock on the door.