I passed almost the entire two days until my coming of age ceremony alone in my bedroom. Scarcely was there any difference between the sunlight and the darkness, for the curtains were pulled tightly shut and I did not venture from my room. I wished Timoth would visit me, but I knew that he had many burdens and duties to deal with.

My own problems began to change in nature. At first I cried unceasingly at how broken Cha had allowed my world to become. It seemed that it would never be made whole again, that nothing I could do would put the broken pieces back as they had once been. Then I stopped crying. My initial reaction changed after the passage of several days and was replaced by something longer: simple loss.

No longer did I weep out of shock at their death, I now stared blankly into space as I realised that Father was not ever going to knock on my door again. It was doubly hard being back in Haelling Cove, with every servant and every stone a reminder me of my old life, yet with things so different to how they had been. Experiences I had intended to describe to Father I allowed to pass into fleeting memory. My sadness was no longer borne of shock, but of how reduced my life would be with my family cleft from my side.

As the eve of my coming of age arrived I began to metamorphosise not only into a woman, but also into a functioning human being once more. I aimed to have my first full night's sleep in some time the night before the ceremony. I even became enthusiastic and thought to prepare my dress in advance. Something bright and red, I decided. The ceremony was about me, after all, and I was permitted to show off. I only hoped that the castle would be open to enable the common folk to watch me come of age.

To that end, I knocked on Timoth's door on the morning before the ceremony, calling to him through the timber. The room had once belonged to our parents, but it was traditionally occupied by the ruler and I tried not to let the strangeness of the new arrangement get to me.

'Enter,' he commanded, and I obeyed, closing the door behind me.

'Timoth, I wanted to talk about my ceremony tomorrow,' I said.

'I do not, but I fear I must,' he replied. There was no reproach in his tone, yet his words bespoke dissatisfaction with his duty.

His chambers having been designed for not only a married couple but also the most powerful couple in the land, there was plenty of space for us to talk in his sitting room. Presently, Timoth sat before a wall-side desk, reviewing what appeared to be accounting ledgers. Behind him, the door to his bedroom lay ajar.

'I would like the castle gates to be open, so that the city folk can witness the ceremony,' I told him.

He shook his head, and it suddenly occurred to me that I might have a fight on my hands. Timoth would not look upon me with a father's affection, but with that of an equal sibling. I would have to convince him of my need.

'That isn’t possible. There are too many beggars in Haelling Cove looking for a way to get into the castle. Once inside, they will be difficult to remove. It is partially for that reason I have chosen not to raise the militia in preparation for the return of the Tokuans,' Timoth explained.

'Can we not fence off a portion of the courtyard and herd them into it?' I asked.

I didn't want to let this go easily. My coming of age was something I had imagined for some years, and it was bad enough that Father would not be around to lead me to the bridge.

'Beggars are not cattle, sister,' Timoth said irritably. I noticed bags under his eyes, the likes of which I had seen only in the mirror. No doubt grief and the responsibility of leaderhip had not mixed well for him. 'They will not be bound by fences. Nor would erecting fences within the castle be appropriate when we cannot even erect walls in the town below to protect our people.'

I sighed and decided to move onto the next issue on my mind, thinking that if I made enough requests and complaints he would be forced to compromise by accepting some.

'I would like some money to purchase new jewellery and shoes for the coming of age. I have selected a dress for the occasion, but most of my shoes have become unfashionable.'

Timoth simply gestured at the sprawled papers upon the desk before him. 'There is no money to spare for your shoes. The treasury is depleted, in no small amount due to Steib's generous gift to the Tokuans. I don't know how I'm supposed to fix this.'

I ground my teeth at the memory of the man. 'Surely the money for a single pair of shoes, earrings, and a necklace can be found. I do not require a bracelet, for Prince Alum gifted me one which I intend to wear during the ceremony.'

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

'Sister, I do not mean to be cruel, but you have been shut in your room ever since we came home. You have paid no attention to the affairs of the realm. You have not an inkling of the state of the treasury, nor the readiness of the soldiery. I have had this responsibility thrust upon me with precious little warning. It is all I can do – if I am even capable of such a task – to keep Ebonreach together until the Tokuans finally return across the Western Sea, and the rebuilding can begin in earnest. I have no father to guide me in my first steps as ruler, and no time of peace with which to become accustomed to rulership. So no, there is no money for shoes, earrings and a necklace. Perhaps some of the shoes, earrings and necklaces you already possess will suffice.' Timoth's jaw was set, but I sensed that his anger was only partially directed at me. He likely had more than enough to share around.

'Just the shoes then. Most of mine are too holed or too short,' I pleaded, but Timoth shook his head.

'There was not even the money for an artist to sketch my coronation,' he said. 'How do you think I can spare you coin enough for mere embellishments?'

'There will be an artist at my coming of age, yes?' I demanded of him, suddenly nervous. What sort of ceremony would it be with old clothing, no artistic record to make it remembered, no public audience, and no Father? It would be little more than a peasant's birthday party. It would be a farce!

'There is not the coin,' Timoth said stubbornly, his words dripping slowly from his mouth.

I became irate, but oddly enough the way my anger made my head turn forced me to view the rest of the room. The furniture, the tapestries, the bedside books… They had belonged to my parents. They lay undisturbed on the walls, the floor, the wooden furniture. Timoth had not yet changed anything. The sight of them calmed me. It saddened me also, but I was no longer at the stage where I would burst into tears due to such a stimulus. Instead, I found a wooden chair and dragged it next to Timoth. I perched myself atop it, and spoke in a neutral tone to him.

'Explain it to me,' I bade him honestly.

For a moment I feared that he would decline. He could easily have said that I’d never shown an interest before, or that I had been too self-involved to care. Yet, to his credit, he took a deep breath, and uncovered a buried page for me to peruse while he spoke. I was glad that he did not begin with an admonishment, or by telling me to listen closely. I still had his respect, at least.

'The Crown derives most of its income from three sources. The first is import tariffs extracted between Trackford and Trent. These tariffs are seasonal as most agricultural products are harvested in autumn, so no significant tariff income can be expected for the better part of a year. The next source is taxes paid by landholders. Many of them were Mother's siblings and cousins, and her and Kaeya kept them compliant. I fear they will withhold their coin, for neither you nor I know many of them by name let alone command their loyalty.

‘Finally, taxes paid by the cities and townships of the Reach account for the final primary source of Crown income. Cities like Haelling Cove can tax whatever they like, from the sale of cloth to the use of harbour berths. The Crown is entitled to a certain amount of each city's income, which we negotiate annually, in exchange for favours. Local tax revenue is already massively down on account of the raids. Even worse, Trackford typically accounts for almost half of these taxes, and this year almost all of the money intended for the tax went to the Tokuans, courtesy of Baron Steib. King Degron also takes a large amount of our money in taxes, just as we take them from the cities and towns. What little money we have must be spent rebuilding Haelling Cove, fortifying our coastline, and hiring and equipping new soldiers.'

I held up a hand to pause Timoth. He was giving me a lot of information and I needed a moment to take it in. In short, the raids, combined with the change in rulership, had cost Ebonreach most of its income. It could be built up again as the raids passed into memory and Timoth plied the landholders and cities, but that would take time. Timoth was telling me that until then, I would have to make do with the clothes and jewellery I already owned. I decided to face the issue in light of my nearing adulthood. I made the decision to be a woman, not a girl.

'Forget the shoes,' I told him, prioritising in my mind. 'Just let me immortalise this day. Is there no artist upon whom you can call to paint in exchange for some favour, instead of coin?'

My words stirred some thought, and Timoth cocked his head to the side. 'You may better than I at this sort of thing, sister. I think an artist in Haelling Cove owed Mother some favours. I’ll check with the resident ladies. I might be able to convince him that I inherited those favours.'

'That would be perfect,' I said, smiling, though it was a mere compromise. 'Have the soldiers seated at the back of the ceremony; I do not care to overhear their lewd comments. Let the nobles and landholders have the best seats.'

'Your relationship with the soldiers isn’t good, Saemara. Perhaps letting them sit near the front would go some way to showing that you think well of them. After all, they’re more important now than ever,' Timoth suggested, but I shook my head vigorously in irreconcilable disagreement.

'I'd prefer them not to be present at all, except that with the gates closed my audience would number only a few dozen,' I told him.

He was right though, I didn’t think well of the soldiers. Sure, I respected their ability to fire a longbow and follow orders, but I didn’t personally like them. They were dirty, they spoke dirtily, and their work was dirty. Best that they stay at arm's length, lest I become infected with their dirtiness at precisely the time I needed to stay clean for a self-portrait.

'Okay, it's your ceremony,' Timoth conceded.

His disappointed tone, in addition to the subsequent silence, told me that it was time to leave. He had debts and taxes to juggle, after all.

I stood and we embraced. His warmth made me miss Prince Alum, but Hollowhold seemed another world away. I felt displaced, almost mad, as if I’d dreamed a different life for two years. How could I have gone away for so long but still have my previous life waiting for me here? Did none of it matter?