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Dungeons & Divebars: A Shared-world LitRPG adventure anthology
DC Divebar, Juice-box, Handlebars, Part Two

DC Divebar, Juice-box, Handlebars, Part Two

Clayton

Before I could fully realize what it was before me, a second notification appeared before me.

(Notice once you begin pedaling if your foot or any part of your body touches the floor, the dungeon will be failed. To clear the dungeon, you must reach the end of the path. Failure to clear this dungeon will result in your termination from the life that you have known. Thank you for participating and I look forward to devouring your soul. )

There I was standing or I guess sitting on a bicycle on the precipice of the abyss and I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. While I knew this was a nightmare, I at least found a bit of joy at the thought of riding a bike once again, as while it had been years, it had always been a relaxing experience for me as a kid. Still, I knew this would be anything but relaxing as I found myself almost compelled to go forward. To say I struggled to balance would be an understatement as more than once, just moving forward, I found myself using the pole not as a balancing item but to push myself upright before I tipped to one side or the other.

I’d only just gotten what I felt like was the hang of it after about 30 seconds when the first face of what I could only describe as a thick mustachio demon with an excellent handlebar mustache appeared before me and laughed. I’d only just avoided falling over when another one appeared on the other side and lept at me as they said in unison, “no handlebars.” Out of a reflex more than anything, I swung the staff in my hand at them as it connected and instantly the first one died and I almost fell over as I jammed my staff into the second one, righting myself as I did so. I only just had time to catch my breath when suddenly another pair of the same handlebar Mustachio demons appeared out of nowhere and shouted, “no handlebars!” At least this time I was somewhat prepared as I once more hit them with my quarterstaff and moved forward ever so slowly as I wobbled back and forth.

I’d only just caught my breath when suddenly all around me eyeballs started to appear looking at me and hovered all around creeping me the fuck out. I’d only just gotten used to that when suddenly disembodied hands hovering in the air came looming past me as they seemingly tried to knock me off the bike. Somehow beyond my own abilities, I managed to stay upright and keep the hands from grabbing hold of me by using the staff in my hands. Though as I went forward, I found myself looking at what appeared to be wrapping paper blocking the path with the disembodied hands holding it up in front of me. As I crashed through it, I had to laugh at seeing the image of Jolly Saint Nick. Once I did, this was followed by another wall of wrapping paper. This time, it was covered with Rudolph. Then I had another wrapping paper, and this one was the Grinch.

As I broke through this third and final layer of wrapping paper, I found myself almost tumbling and so I tried to use my staff to compensate, only somehow I was too close to the edge and as I felt the floor beneath me vanish I couldn’t help but look up and notice how the path had only become crooked and the 20 ft I had to work with were 17 ft in the other direction. The feeling as my knees hit the side of the path before my upper body tumbled off taking the bike and my lower half with it was pure agony. Still as I looked at the fading ledge in the distance, I couldn’t help but smile wryly as I thought back to the window that I had just been looking at that very morning. Only I didn’t even know if this was real or a dream, a nightmare. All I knew was that the ledge was quickly fading and fading and fading as my thoughts became darker and darker.

I saw my mom, my dog, my dad, my best friend growing up. I even saw the idiot kid who stole my favorite pencil in second grade. Really as one event in my life after another flashed by, I couldn’t help but think about how boring my life had been, never having anything special happen. Sure, there were the times my parents went out of their way to give me a birthday party that was cool, but it was never anything more than going to the Chuck E Cheese down the road. Heck, even the best times with my friends as we tried to figure out what we wanted to do with our lives those last few years in high school were just us going to some park after dark and laying there staring at the stars as we tried not to get the cops called on us. Finally, I saw the only girlfriend I had ever really had, though the images of her were tainted by the final night that we were ever together as she told me that she was leaving for college and didn’t want to do a long-distance relationship. Then finally I saw the images of my most recent life dealing with tourists and other people coming to the Capital and going back to that crappy apartment every night. I found myself thinking about all the times I stared at that window and then suddenly there it was in front of me as I looked up from the street and felt the agony of my body hitting the pavement. Was this real? Was this just how my mind was processing everything or had I just sleep walked out of my own window and killed myself without even knowing it.

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Peter POV

As I watched the Newbie, who just managed to get a token after not even being in the bar for 10 minutes, enter the unisex bathroom as the music started to play, I gave Bob the bartender I look of utter astonishment. I had been coming to this bar for years and I knew just what was happening in that room, seeing as I had only experienced it a few hundred times myself. At level 12, I liked to think of myself as quite the veteran of the bar and was always looking to make sure that no songs ever passed level 10 again. I can still remember my first time entering a dungeon and, as I looked at Bob and spoke, all the rage I had from him handing me my first token came out.

“What the hell, Bob? You didn’t even warn the poor fool!”

“I know what I’m doing, yeah well, what I just did is might have been cold, but he had nothing to lose. Believe me, I could see what he had. Warning him would have just given him cold feet, and it doesn’t really matter if he completes the dungeon or not, at least not for him. He would have jumped out his own window in a month if nothing changes, if he makes it back, he’ll get that nice check that you all love me so much for, if he doesn’t well it will only be a level two song, so I trust that you or some other diver will be able to clear it.”

“Still a man should at least know what he’s facing before he goes into that place. You and I both know that at best, half of those who go into their first dungeon make it, and that’s with for a warning that it’s real. Depending on just what that dungeon is, he could think it’s all a dream.”

“Just go back to enjoying your drink, Peter, I’m getting tired of all this. Worst part is soon there won’t even be enough divers in this town to keep up with the backlog. You two keep on warning off most of the promising ones. I’m surprised that one of you didn’t block him today.”

“I might have had you given me time to react. But no, you just handed him the token and told him to go play music.”

With my final grumble, Bob seemed to lose interest and go back to whatever it was that he did while we were in there drinking. I didn’t quite understand exactly what Bob was. All I knew for sure was that he was older than us, but he was always there. In all the time I’ve been there, I never seen another bartender waitstaff or anything. I figure the man, if he was a man, wasn’t going to start giving me any answers that he didn’t want to. Best I could figure, he’d been stuck there by some other person and the jukebox was there to torment him for eternity. Still, he made some mighty fine chicken wings, and I’d be lying if I didn’t have a few fantasies of bringing a few of my bosses to the bar and having them take a turn with the jukebox. Still, as the song played, I sat there waiting and waiting and waiting and then when the song finished and the poor fool didn’t come out, I turned to Bob once again and just frowned. For his own part, I could see the mix of annoyance and sadness on Bob’s face as he watched another soul be sucked up by that damnable jukebox.

The only one in the bar who didn’t seem to be bothered at all was the damn cat. All that I ever seen that damn cat do was drink other people’s drinks and hiss at any of us when we tried to pet it. Though I did remember a few souls that were lost now to us who had been able to get that damn cat to warm up for a moment. Though those souls never lasted long and, like the mixed nuts that no one ever touched at this bar, they hadn’t been replaced. Before I could say anything, Paul seated next to me interjected.

“Just leave it and pour one out for him. Not like getting angry at Bob’s going to do anything but work yourself up. If you really want to make it up to the poor man, clear that song and make sure no one else suffers the same fate that he does.”

“You know, I only take on songs after they pass level five. Why don’t you clear it?”

“Same reason that I haven’t cleared the single level 15 song in there. I don’t care about the money, I don’t care about the songs, I just care about knowing I’ll come back.”

With one last pat on the back from Paul, I stood up, drained the last of my beer and I watched Bob toss the poor soul’s, who I didn’t even know his name, beer out. That night I was reminded once more why he’s at that bar, but at the same time I knew I’d be right back there the following night and the night after that and the night after that. With any luck, one day that bar would be gone, but that would probably be long after I was dead.