‘What on earth is going on? Is that my party?’ There was a cat dressed as a fighter with a sword on its back. Was this Daivan or Rehna? We’ve got a cat dressed as a rogue that must be Mai, looking all sneaky and smug. Then I saw the cat dressed as a wizard with a staff on its back, which had to be Sol. Looking around for the other three members of the party, I spotted what must be Bren. He was now a black furred cat with a miniature bow and arrows strapped to his back. ‘How on earth are those not falling out of the quiver?’ beside him was a larger cat with a massive shield on his back. I had no idea how he could even stand while carrying that thing. This must be Arvin. Finally, I spotted what had to be Rehna. Her fur was a mix of the black and purple in her hair. The sword on her back somehow looked delicate. ‘What am I even thinking? How does a sword look delicate? Never mind the sword, my party is now freaking cats.’
I had to keep a group of cats together. Cats are not known for listening to directions very well, made that not at all. ‘But these were people a minute ago. Maybe they will listen to me?’
“I know you have been changed into cats. If you can still understand me, please gather together and I’ll try to cast dispel magic on you.”
I don’t mention that I had only two casts of dispel magic since I had a gut feeling that it won’t work, but I had to try. The cats gather together. ‘Good, they clearly still understand what I’m saying, so that is a good start.’ I cast dispel magic on Arvin, and as I had expected, nothing happened. ‘Darn dungeon, always has a twist to make my life miserable.’
Quest: Keep the party together and alive.
Completion Criteria: Explore the dungeon and defeat the enemies. Must keep the party together.
‘Well, okay, let’s deal with this. It’s cats. I just need to get some catnip for them, or better yet, I just have to chain them all to me. It’s not like the dungeon’s full of dogs or anything. Oh shit, where’s the wood to knock on.’ I don’t see any wood, so I knocked on my head instead hoped I hadn’t just jinxed us. Even though I didn’t think I had catnip, I checked my inventory just in case. As I thought, there was no cat nip, but I did find a sack.
“I know you probably don’t want to go in here, but I need my hands free in case we are attacked. Please get in the sack, and I will search for an antidote.” I was not surprised when Arvin was the first to enter the sack. He was quickly followed by the others, except for Mai and Rehna. “Come on, I’ll leave the top untied, so you could see what was going on.”
With that assurance, they entered the sack. I gently put it on my back while keeping the top open. I began walking, going through the twists and turns of the path while keeping my eyes peeled for any dangers. I heard the sound of dogs barking in the distance. From the noise, I expected to see large dogs that would be a major threat. I almost laughed as the dogs turned the corner, revealing a large group of Chihuahuas and other toy dogs that were more like moving footballs than actual dogs. ‘What in tarnation’s? Why are they all green?’ It took everything I had not to burst out into a fit of laughter at the ridiculous sight. ‘Are they supposed to be this dungeon’s version of orcs? That might explain the green color.’
These little rat dogs swarmed me, nipping at my ankles. They were unable to even get through the boots I was wearing. I could feel the cats scrambling inside the bag. ‘Dang it, these rat dogs are agitating the cats. They need to go away.’ Bringing my foot back, I punted one down the corridor. It smacked into the wall and burst into a pile of goo with a splat. ‘Oh that would not have been a field goal, eh, but it’s a nice splatter. Someone would call that great abstract art.’ I continued kicking the little rat dogs down the corridor while the cats scrambled desperately at the bag.
“You’re fine.” I called to them and hoped they would listen. “None of the dogs are coming near you.”
That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. The cats struggled harder, almost as if their lives depended on it. A sudden ripping noise had me cringing. Within seconds, the bag had split open, and the cats had scattered. A meow drew my attention, and I saw that Arvin was the only one who had not scattered. I picked him up as I got a notification.
Quest Failed.
Penalty: Vision range is reduced by 5 feet, your new range of sight is 25 feet.
Remedial Quest: gather the party.
Time limit: 15 minutes.
With only 15 minutes to gather the other five party members, I went back the way I came. Sprinting down the path, I call for everyone while checking my inventory for anything that I could use to secure the cats. Not caring what I was revealing, I pulled out a length of rope and a knife. I moved Arvin to my shoulder and told him to hold on. I heard a yowling sound from ahead. On a small protrusion about five feet up were Mai and Sol with a group of dogs yipping at them while futilely trying to reach them. After kicking the dogs against the walls, I grabbed the cats by the scruff of the neck. With no time to secure them properly, I threw the rope over my shoulder and tucked the knife into my boot. Holding Mai and Sol securely in my arms, I made sure they couldn’t get away again. ‘I need to find the others, then I can work on keeping them with me.’
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“Hold on,” I called to Arvin. “We have to find the others before the dogs get to them. Do you hear them?”
With a meow, Arvin pointed his paw back the way I came. Turning around, I sprinted back to locate the others. As we got closer to them, I began to hear the yips of dogs mixed with the yowls and hisses of the cats. I turned a corner and saw Daivan and Rehna surrounded by dogs as they somehow swung their swords to keep the dogs away. A few kicks later, the dogs were splattered on the wall and the fighters had sheathed their swords.
“Do either of you know where Bren is?”
Two paws point towards the ceiling. ‘Where is he? Oh, there he is.’ Bren had found a shallow recess where the wall met the ceiling and was hiding in it.
Remedial quest complete: no further penalties enacted.
Resume quest: keep the party together and alive.
“Bren, is there room for everyone up there for a minute?”
A meow and shake of the head was the only response I got. He was told to stay there for now as I cut several lengths of rope to make collars from. Daivan and Sol were easy enough to get collars on. Mai and Rehna both dodged around my ankles, resisting. I finally caught them and got the collars on. Not letting go of their collars, I made leashes from some more rope. The troublemakers got their leashes first and the two that had behaved went after. Not wanting to hold all the leashes, I tied them to my belt, which in hindsight was not the smartest move.
With the leashes tied to the collars and my belt, I pulled Bren from his hiding spot, which caused some sort of dust to fall in my face. I was sent into a violent sneezing fit that took almost a minute to stop. Breathing deeply once the sneezing stopped, I turned back to Bren and made him a collar and leash as well. The party gave me glares and yowled like I was murdering their mother. I sighed at their mutinous expressions.
“I can’t have you running off again. I signed on as your healer and until you are human again, you are vulnerable to these dogs.” I explained.
They turned envious glares on Arvin, who was still sitting on my shoulder. I rolled my eyes at their childish behavior, but explained that Arvin was the only one who had not run off, so he was the only one that I currently trusted to stay with me.
With reluctance, the cats began following me as I led them further into the dungeon. Soon I regretted putting the cats on leashes as they frantically ran around when more dogs came to attack. They quickly tangled the leashes together around my legs, making it impossible for me to kick the dogs. Mentally cursing the dang cats who were too impulsive, I swung my staff at the dogs, which knocked them back. I could not get enough momentum to kill the dogs with the rope hindering my movements.
“Stop running around.” I ordered the cats with no effect. “If you don’t cut it out this instant, I’ll feed you to the dogs.”
That got their attention. They froze, looking up at me like I had just killed their puppy, no pun intended. I still needed to be able to move, so I used the dagger to cut the ropes from my belt while telling the cats to stay put as I dealt with the dogs.
Even with the ropes tangled together, they did not listen. They took off, running away from the dogs and back the way we came. Cursing colorfully, I kicked the dogs into the wall and took off after the cats.
Quest Failed.
Penalty: Vision range is reduced by 5 feet, your new range of sight is 20 feet.
Remedial Quest: gather the party.
Time limit: 10 minutes.
‘What the freaking heck is going on here? Not only is the time to gather the cats shorter, but my range of vision has been reduced again. Not that I’ve noticed it much with all of the curves this dungeon has. But still, this is so annoying.’ I quickly caught up to the cats and stopped them by stepping on the tangled rope, which jerked them back. They landed on their rears and shot me accusing glares.
Remedial quest complete: no further penalties enacted.
Resume quest: keep the party together and alive.
“Now you are going to stay put, or I will hog tie you and dangle you over the dogs. Is that understood?” I snarled at them, fed up with chasing them down.
They cowered under my ire and curled up together. Not taking the risk that they would take off again, I kept my foot on the rope as I searched my inventory for something else to hold them.
Before I could locate anything, another pack of green dogs surrounded us. Arvin jumped in front of the other cats and brought his shield out to make a barrier against them. Sol tried to cast a spell that failed, splattering a slimy orange substance everywhere. At least I assumed it failed, and he hadn’t just intentionally slimed us. With my foot unable to move to keep the cats pinned, I swung my staff and smacked the dogs as hard as I could away from the cats. It took a bit to figure out, but I found I could knock the dogs to the side, then kick them with my free foot. A few minutes later, I finished dealing with the dogs and turned back to the search for something to hold the cats.
I settled on a grenade belt with individual expanded pouches that were bigger on the inside than the outside. After emptying the grenades back into my inventory, I put the belt on. Grabbing the cats one by one, I placed them each into a pouch with only their heads sticking out. I made sure that they could not move. Satisfied that they would finally stay put, I headed back down the corridor for the third time.
As I walked, the little green rat dogs kept swarming around me. Even though I could get rid of them with a single kick, it got really annoying that I continually had to kick them out of the way. Several times I almost fell over because they swarmed around my ankles, making it difficult to move. I continued to walk and kick dogs while getting frustrated at the petty annoyances. ‘Why the flip am I at level 15 having so many issues with a level one dungeon? Oh yeah, it’s herding cats. I shudder to think about what this would be like if this dungeon leveled up. It would be utterly monstrous and evil.’ Thinking about it, I could easily see even a level five or six diver dying in this dungeon.