The smell of fried foods and rich brown ale filled the Crowning Glory. Coach Beardenbeard led the adventurers to their reserved table, smiling broadly as they each took a seat.
“Now, I know what y’all are thinkin,” he said. “And you’re thinkin, “Why did Coach take us to a tavern when we should be practicing?” And then your second thought is, “Why is Coach tryin to make me fat?” Well, I’m here to tell you that this here is an active restoration day. Y’all have been working so hard and you need a break. A yummy break. Trust me, you’re gonna burn off all the fatty foods you’re gonna devour. So eat up! It’s all on me!”
Delighted, everyone looked at the board announcing the night’s specials. And there were quite a few options to choose from!
-CROWNING GLORY-
Tonight’s Specials
* Cockatrice Wings (a full pound!)
Sauce: Mild, Wild, Fireball (wash your hands before using the toilet)
* Fish and Chips (a pub favorite!)
* Tavern Steak (choose from one side)
Sides: Fresh salad, baked potato, chips
* Plate o’ Gold (deep fried potatoes, onions, and more!)
* Fried Fingers (deep fried chicken tenders)
* Miner’s Pie (mushy peas, onions, and ground beef under a bed of mash)
* Pit Lord Chili (now horse-free!)
In short order, a pretty dwarven waitress came to their table. “Oh, is this a special occasion?” she asked.
Coach Beardenbeard answered before anyone else could. “It sure is! We’re taking an active restoration day! My adventurers have been trainin hard, and we’re all just starvin.”
The waitress smiled, obviously not comprehending the exuberant coach. That smile was like armor to her while she worked her unimaginably busy shift. “You came to the right place, then. Can I get you started with something to drink?”
The majority of the party opted for Icewind Ales, but Nirlid shook his head at the offer.
“Oh, c’mon Nirly-bird! This is a night to loosen up!” Coach Beardenbeard said.
“I do not drink alcohol,” the sea elf said.
“Why the hell not?” Thurnal asked, looking personally offended.
“My body is a temple. I do not pollute it,” Nirlid said.
“Hey, I’m not about to peer pressure anyone. Your decision is your own and I’ll support you,” Coach Beardenbeard said.
“And what about you, sweetie?” the waitress asked Euclid. She was a consummate professional and showed no trepidation going up to him.
“I will just have water,” he said.
“Not you too!” Thurnal shouted from across the table. “Why?”
Euclid thought for a moment. “Religious reasons.”
Thurnal stroked his red beard. “You know, you can drink whatever you want at the Table. And it welcomes everyone.”
The [Mage] shook his head. “If I become an apostate, I will…” he faltered a bit. “My soul will be sent to a bad place. Probably for eternity. And I will not like it.”
“And what god do you follow?” Thurnal asked.
“The best one,” Euclid said. “We do not say its name. It is…blasphemy to speak its name aloud. And drinking alcohol is blasphemy, too.”
Thurnal threw his hands up in the air and turned to the waitress. “Can I just take his?”
She laughed. “I’ll be back soon to take your orders.”
The party chatted amongst themselves. Most of the conversation revolved around Coach Beardenbeard’s recent trip to Hell.
“And then Nirlid and Berik struck me with all their might and I went flying right through Dredmorgg’s chest!” the coach concluded.
“Been meaning to ask you about that, Coach,” Berik said. “How did that work? How is it that I didn’t slice you in two and Nirlid didn’t punch your spleen out through your nose?”
Nirlid nodded. “Yes, what happened?”
Coach Beardenbeard leaned back in his chair. “Back in my day, I was a [Fighter]. Specifically, I was a Berserker. And I’ve got an Action where I take all force damage and turn it into energy that sends me flying into the enemy!”
Berik’s eyes went wide. “I could do that, too?”
The dwarf grimaced. “Sorry, buckaroo. The Commission decided to take it out of the Dungeon League rules. On the grounds that it was too destructive. To the monsters. To the party. Hell, to the dungeon itself!”
Berik wasn’t satisfied. “Then how were you able to use an Action that had been decommissioned?”
“To take out the Action I had spent points on would have caused my whole character sheet to experience an error. A really bad error. So, they just grandfathered me in. And I can’t use that Actionin any official Dungeon League dungeon. If I did, I’d be expelled from the sport!” Beardenbeard explained. “We weren’t even practicing! That whole thing was an unfortunate accident that you wonderful people rescued me from. But don’t you worry! You’ll all get your chance to go to Hell soon enough!”
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Somehow, the waitress brought all their tankards of beer in one trip. She set each mug in front of the people who ordered them. “Have you decided what you all want for dinner?” she asked before people could panic about going to the realm of eternal torment.
Dayaka was the first to speak up. “I’ll have two Tavern Steaks. Each with a baked potato.”
Coach Beardenbeard raised his eyebrows but said nothing about the outlandish order. He understood Dayaka was a big boy with a big boy’s hunger.
“I’ll have the Pit Lord Chili,” Thurnal said.
Rosemary hung her hat on the back of the chair. “I will have the Miner’s Pie.”
“Ooh, me too!” Key said.
“Stop copying me,” the gnome said.
“I’m not!” The elf pouted.
The waitress moved on to Euclid. “And what can I get you, sweetie?”
“Oh, I’m not hungry. But thank you,” he said.
“Dude, you look like a stiff breeze will knock you over,” Berik said.
“Do not worry about me,” Euclid said. “I already ate.”
“Bullshit,” Berik said.
“He did,” Beacon interjected. “Just leave it already.”
The waitress stood behind the [Fighter]. “And what can I get you, handsome?”
Berik blushed. He wasn’t used to anyone calling him handsome. Other than his own mother, of course. “I’ll have the Cockatrice Wings. With Wild sauce. And can I get a side of chips to go with that?”
“Of course, honey.” The waitress moved on to the surly sea elf. “And what about you?”
“I’ll have the fish and chips,” the monk said.
“Will that be all?” the waitress asked.
“I’ll also have the Tavern Steak and a side salad,” he said.
Everyone in the party looked at him, shocked that he would order so much.
He crossed his arms. “I’m bringing some home for Ma. She’s been out of sorts since I moved out.”
“Are you still staying at Lord Monrovedere’s?” Beacon demanded.
He scowled at her. “No. I found my own place. My own bachelor pad. It’s pretty swank. I’ve got my own totally sweet flute that I can play as loud as I want.”
Swank? Berik couldn’t help but snort a laugh. He had a hard time believing that anyplace Nirlid would live would be worth boasting about.
The waitress made her way to Beacon. “What’ll you be having?”
The ranger peered at the board. “How about Cockatrice Wings. I’d like to try Fireball sauce.”
“You sure?” the waitress asked.
“Oh yeah.” There was a glint in Beacon’s eyes that spoke to her familiarity with spicy wings.
Smiling, the waitress made her way to Coach Beardenbeard. “And what’ll you have?”
“A round of Heroism for everyone, and I myself will enjoy a hearty Miner’s Pie,” he said. He noticed Euclid and Nirlid’s panicked look and he waved them away. “You don’t have to drink them. Just join in the cheersing.”
“The what?” Euclid asked.
“He wants to hold a toast,” Nirlid explained.
“A what?”
“For a human, you don’t know much about human things. It’s where they bonk their glasses together and declare their alliance to some common cause,” Nirlid explained.
“Oh. That is fine.” Just as he spoke, the swift waitress set a tiny glass of something clear and foul-smelling in front of everyone.
Coach Beardenbeard rolled his eyes, grinning at the two. “While we wait for our food, I just want to express my admiration for everyone. No one thought Dawnport would be able to form their very own Dungeon League party, but here we are. And I can’t imagine any better adventurers I’d want to have. To the Dawnport Dragons!”
Everyone held their glass aloft and said, in unison, “To the Dawnport Dragons!”
Coach Beardenbeard sat back down. “Now, onto business. So, I’ve realized I’ve been trying too hard to bring out your own individual strengths. But what I should have been doing was bringing you together to work as a team. So, for tomorrow’s practice, I’ll be splitting you into teams of four. Those are two full teams. And I’ll be sending you into…the cellar.”
The coach waited for a round of gasps or maybe even some fainting, but the waitress brought out everyone’s order. They were too busy digging into their food to be astonished. Unperturbed, the coach continued.
“The cellar, of course, is a practice dungeon. Full of twists and turns and, you guessed it, monsters. It will be more formidable than anything you’ve faced so far,” he said.
Berik struggled around a mouthful of spicy chicken meat. “Even Hell?”
Coach Beardenbeard laughed. “That was an unfortunate accident, remember?”
The human [Fighter] smirked.
The dwarf continued speaking to the party. “There will be traps. Pitfalls. Poison darts. And horrible monsters lying in wait for the unwary adventurer. But I believe that you all can combine forces and find the treasure. Because, yes, there will be a treasure at the very end. The winning condition is to find it and return it to me.”
“What is it?” Rosemary asked.
Coach Beardenbeard wagged his finger. “You’ll just have to find out.”
“Is it at least in a treasure chest?” she asked.
“Well, yeah. Of course it will be. How else would you know it's a treasure?” Beardenbeard said.
Rosemary nodded, satisfied with the answer.
Dayaka somehow managed to finish off his two steaks and two potatoes. He rose from his chair and stomped over to Berik, leaning over the back of his chair to speak directly into his ear. “You know I’m going to be the first to find that treasure, right?”
Berik wasn’t bothered. “What if we’re on the same team?”
“Doesn’t matter to me. I’ll still find it first,” the enormous orc said.
“I doubt it. I’m faster than you,” Berik said.
“Are you?” Suddenly, the remainder of Berik’s Cockatrice Wings were gone. Berik turned in outrage to find Dayaka gleefully chomping down the wings, bone and all.
“See you tomorrow. Chump,” Dayaka said. And with that, he left the Crowning Glory Tavern.
Berik turned to Coach Beardenbeard. “How is he still in the party? What could he possibly bring to the table to help us?”
The blonde dwarf smiled knowingly. “You want me to kick him out? Has he hurt the party in any way?”
Berik frowned. “Well, no. Not as such. But it’s only a matter of time!”
Beardenbeard laughed. “What you have here is a classic rivalry! I betcha money that before we make it to the Platinum Cup next season, you’ll be as tight as brothers! You might have to have an epic fight before you come to an understanding, but you’ll come to an understanding. And be stronger because of it.”
“Are you sure?” Berik asked. His tone of voice said he would sooner believe he would inherit a fortune sooner than bond with the orc.
The coach grinned. “I’ve been in this business long enough to know what’s what. Now, stop being hangry and have some of my Miner’s Pie. They hook you up somethin fierce here. Look at all this food!”
Berik sat beside the coach and sampled his dish. It really was good, he had to admit. The mashed potatoes were fluffy and buttery, and the ground beef was seasoned perfectly. But the shared meal wasn’t as good as his Cockatrice Wings. And he knew that no matter how well fed he was, there was definitely going to be trouble tomorrow. He had dealt with Dayaka before. And he knew crooked criminals and bullies hardly ever changed their ways.