Day 33

Dee sat in front of the robot charging booth in a small closet, like some form of confessional or vlog station. She shakily sipped some coffee from a mug that just read “Mondays, amiright?” A faint slurping sound filled the silence as she spilled the coffee a little with every shake.

“I’m gonna kill him. I have to kill him.” She sobbed. “I thought after I got to know Vinn that Delmarians were good people, ya know? Like just big hairy people with big hearts and a gentle…the fuck is wrong with Hyde? I can’t sleep with him in the house. He never stops having sex. Like ever. Every hour, every half hour I go to the bathroom, I go to make some food, or just do some laundry, he never does laundry, but he’s in every room I go into…and he’s fuckin. At least Vinn and Nicole are discreet about it, but Hyde will just walk in, in the middle of something and just scoop Evee up and leave to go off a-fuckin. No room is off limits, he’s loud, I tried sleeping on Vinn and Nicole’s couch-bed-thing at THEIR house, but their cave is frigging freezing and there are spiders everywhere. I can’t handle that. He won’t go there to sleep, because ‘ugh, a Delmarian doesn’t sleep on another Delmarian man’s couch in his marital home.’

Like what does he think this place is, a free homeless commune?” she asked. “Actually we did get this free as a group thi-shit, but still, he snores in his sleep and I would murder him in his sleep, but Evee Nicole sleep on top of him. It’s a Nicole thing; apparently they just default to sleeping on a giant moose alien as their bed. It’s weird, and now both couches are permanent open air beds for aliens… and also Nicole.” She said as a knock on the door jolted her. “I’m THERAPY VLOGGING DAMNIT!” she barked.

“Some of us have scheduled times for that, Dee.” Hollered one of the Nicoles.

“Fine, I’ll just therapeutically yell at Silverback for something.” She said, getting up and opening the door.

Evee sat down, hair frizzed up and looking like aquatic death warmed over.

“You awake?” she asked the robot. The eyes turned from dim red to bright blue.

“Of course I’m awake, I’m just pretending to be offline, so Dee will shut up. She’s on here every day 5 times unscheduled, so half my day is skimming through her left messages, filtering rambling audio looking for key words to anything worth actually listening to. I thought being a therapist would be entertaining, but Dee alone needs a dedicated therapist more than the rest of you people combined. All she does is bitch about Hyde and her boyfriend…and Silverback hasn’t been in here once. That relationship is so volatile it’s amazing it…why am I telling you this, I’m the damn therapist.”

“Normally I’d call that unprofessional, but it’s Dee, so I think you’re just experiencing what everyone else does. We love her, but she is…she’s Dee. It’s like she was designed to generate drama.”

“So, what’s your problem today?” asked Gizzybot.

“Hyde.” Evee sighed.

“Popular subject today, I thought you were doing great?”

“Well we WERE doing great before a month solid in lockdown. We have this dynamic to our relationship. See with…”

“Vinn?” Gizzy asked.

“I’m that predictable?” she asked.

“Well, you compare him to Vinn constantly, I don’t think you’re truly over losing him. And now you see him every day with yourself, happy and in love, and I’m guessing Hyde just doesn’t hit the same in that little fishy heart of yours.”

“I thought if we spent enough time together, got married, had our own place that maybe it would be like Vinn and I had. Where we grew on each other more every day, and as we got to know one another, the love grew stronger. Except with Hyde it’s never evolving, it’s the same shit every day, and now it’s bottled up. I’m a busy girl. I like to do things, I like to play games, I like to go for walks, and I like to hang out with my friends, go to festivals, and create art. I sculpt, I paint, I check out the local eateries and try new food. I have my shows and my movies and my books. Vinn always wanted to explore things WITH me. Play the same games, he tried new food because I like it. He wants to understand me and do everything WITH me to see if we share common interests, and we usually do or at least find some overlap. He’s expanded his music, and some of mine he truly enjoys.”

“And was that mutual, did you try his interests?”

“Of course. I learned a lot, but we have a lot of overlap. We HAD a lot of overlap. With Hyde, it’s more like I’m doing what I wanna do alone, and he’s just…there. He’s not participating, just present. And I’ve tried to find common interests by asking him what he likes, and it’s just war and sex. I love animals. Vinn took me to a petting zoo before I got cloned, Hyde took me hunting. Vinn likes most of the same games I like so we would play those either as a team or as competitive fun, Hyde just watches me play…and then gets bored and wants to have sex. And don’t get me wrong, the sex is great and since my cloning, my sex drive is way up, and I even thought if I just do what I do normally alone for fun, WHILE he has sex with me, then it has to be better than those activities alone. And it is…but something is missing.

We all 4 went to the renaissance festival right before the lockdown. Nicole dressed like a hobbit, which was MY thing, but now I can’t do that, or they’ll get us mixed up, and I don’t want Hyde groping my clone thinking she’s me. So I went as an elf archer. Vinn dressed up as a wizard, and you could see how happy they were together just playing in character, seeing myself smile like that. You know what Hyde dressed in? Jeans and a tank top. No character. I was the lone elf archer with some guy in street clothes following me. He didn’t play the games, he wandered off a few times to the themed pub of course, but midway he takes me to the woods for sex and then after, he went home. So I’m just alone at the fair while my ex husband and my clone are smiling, and taking pictures and doing activities. They did axe throwing, they danced. He’s actually a really great dancer. They met people, made a few friends, I got hit on by a drunk guy and left early. I’ve gone to those festivals alone, and it was fine, and it was more fun with friends, but I’m the third wheel now. And when I got home, Hyde ordered food, and we had sex in the kitchen. And then before bed, we had sex in the shower. Now I’m a tough girl but 3-5 times a day is exhausting, I barely have time to regenerate and rest up and here he is again.”

“Have you just told him you don’t wanna have sex?”

“I mean, I do want to… It’s kinda all we have, and it’s really good sex, but it’s…all we have. We eat different food at different times, I wake up, and he’s eating breakfast, and I’m alone on the couch, I’ve even played video games while we have sex…”

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

“Multitasking, impressive.”

“I’m good with a joystick, I’ll admit it. But we’re not playing together. I’m playing alone, and he’s just getting a piece of ass. We’re not playing together. I listen to my music on headphones because he doesn’t like anything I do. I can’t help but feel like I’m still single doing my old thing, but missing Vinn and being a couple, but I have a husband who’s basically just a sentient penis on a 4 hour timer.” She sighed.

“OOf.”

“And he has no discretion about it. I could be doing laundry, and he’ll just grab me and plop me on the washing machine, door open. At least at the festival we went off in the woods a little bit, there’s excitement in like ‘we couldn’t get caught’ but I don’t WANNA get caught, and it’s not that big of a house. We're stuck in here WITH people now. He refuses to just plan something and maybe go to Vinn and Nicole’s cave where we can be alone. Because he has this superstition about having sex in another male Delmarian's marital home. It’s like some stupid bro-code thing. Meanwhile, I don’t wanna turn down good sex and lose the one thing we actually have that might be a leg up on the other couple, but like, close the door first man. People live here. It’s not like back at our ship, where you can just walk around naked and go for it 24/7. I’m playing cards against humanity with my friends, can we not just pick me up the first time someone calls a bathroom break and carry me off for sex that everyone clearly knows he’s doing? And he’s playing, but he doesn’t wanna play the game, he’s just tolerating it for the sex break.” Evee sighed harshly, taking a few breaths.

“Well, maybe your copy isn’t as happy as you think. Maybe she wishes Vinn would put down the controller and pick up the Nicole now and then, or let her do something alone. For all you know she could be feeling socially smothered and complaining about the same things you guys have, that they don’t.” Gizzy assured with a plastic smile.

“So how are you two holding up?” Gizzy asked Vinn and Nicole, doing their therapy hour together.

“Fantastic.” She smiled.

“Absolutely.” Vinn agreed, ruffling her hair lovingly.

“No problems at all?” Gizzy squinted suspiciously. “Not a single one? Sex life, stuck together, can’t get out, no problems?” she asked.

“Well yea we have restrictions now,” Sighed Nicole, “Not being able to get out kinda sucks balls, and we’ve had to adapt to what we have, but we have each other and friends, and we’re managing those expectations. Doing more indoor activities together instead of going out together. I miss going out to eat and going on walks, and the perpetual nighttime is a real buzzkill.” She shrugged. “It’s not ideal, but we manage together.”

“So the lockdown sucks, but the marriage is helping it?” Gizzy asked.

“Basically.” Vinn nodded. “I’d go insane in here without her. Waking up with her next to me, playing games together, it’s just like we normally do except…trapped in a box. But it’s really two boxes, and one is our home and the other is our friend’s home. So it’s really 90 percent what we normally do, minus the fresh air and going out once or twice a week for something fun.”

“Does it bother you seeing Hyde and Nicole’s clone Evee in the same house all the time… I’m not supposed to discuss details with other clients, but I have heard from someone…okay most of you in this house, that Hyde is rather non-discreet with his fornication.”

“You know, that bothered me for like 3 days.” Vinn admitted “Mostly because I walked in on it, and it’s like at a glance seeing my wife cheating on me with my former mortal enemy, so that’s a gut reaction I’m not immune to or anything but, once he started closing the doors after the first 8 complaints I got over it.”

“Yea, actually, I told him to do that. He didn’t give a shit about you guys, but Dee complained about it the first week and since Menace is in the house and I don’t want her seeing a session of reverse bull-riding I told him if she walks in or see’s it, that I would wait till he slept and tazer his balls. So that’s why he stopped that.”

“I’m slightly surprised he didn’t take that as flirting and enjoy it.” Vinn sighed. “But we just head back to our home for sex, so that’s not a big deal.”

“I even got a new tattoo, so if Vinn sees them banging, he can at least see that it’s not me.” She smiled, showing the back of her hand. A little halo and angel wings so signify “not the evil Nicole” “I wanted a new tattoo anyway, I was gonna get it on my back, but given the size difference of those two, and other positional details…back of the hand is probably all you could identify if you walked in."

“Who did the tattoo?” Gizzy asked.

“Jack actually did. They sell really cheap tattoo kits online now and with the laser guided guns and printing heads it’s so easy, anyone can do it. It doesn’t have the artistic touch of a real artist, but it gets the job done for something simple and functional like this. And it glows in the dark. How fuckin wild is that?” she smirked.

“You two and Jack seem like you spend a lot of time together. Is this because of the lockdown or something else?” she asked Vinn.

“Well me and Jack have sorta become bros, and he’s always protected Nicole like a little sister, even Evee. He’s just always there, ya know? We try and do couple things with him and Vicki, but she’s a real loner and I think she’s used to him doing his own thing what with the spy shit and all. I think she really just loves her alone time and with the house so full, her people-phobia must be just miserably over-stimulated. She seems like a very low energy girl, so I guess she’s happy just being by herself, and she’s not the kinda girl to tell Jack he can’t hang with his friends. It’s not like with Evee and Hyde where there’s ex-couple drama vibes or anything. And I trust him with my life, I’d feel much better having him around Nicole than her alone, honestly. Plus, he needs to de-stress with all the little secret missions you got him doing.”

“Secret missions…you mean recently? As in, after lockdown was official across the colony?”

“I know, I know. What missions?…we can’t discuss it.” he winked as Gizzy looked genuinely baffled.

“Yea…secret...so you two are doing fine then?” Gizzy asked.

“Absolutely. We’re getting through this together and making it work. I have no complaints about Lovepup, just the fact that we’re cooped up. How is the extermination progress going?"

“Yea, don’t worry about that. It’s progressing, maybe slower than we want, but we’re making great steps and getting there eventually. Nother 2 weeks, we should have this wrapped up and be getting back to normal life.” She smiled as they finished their pleasantries and logged off. Gizzy sat back in her chair, reconnecting to her body and heading to the kitchen, the hologram flickering and fading slightly to reveal a sealed bunker simulating a kitchen. “Jack, what the fuck are you doing on missions?” she asked herself, checking the display screen.

Vicki sat on the work bench in Jack’s maintenance room, lights off at 5AM, sipping a margarita and looking pissed off as she crossed her legs and stared at the stone wall like she was trying to see through it. The wall shifted and opened, and Jack passed through the secret entrance to the tunnels, stopping as he began to set down his backpack.

“I assume that’s you, Vicki.”

“What powers of deduction you have there, Mister Bond. Silent figure in the dark, and you know who I am before even touching the light switch.”

“I know the scent of your shampoo, the smell of a Grand Marnier unfrozen margarita, and when you do what I do, you can tell someone is in a small room by the difference in air pressure when the door closes."

“Gizzy got you busy lately. Lot of high ranking political hits in the tunnels this month? I know she’s a good liar and stone-cold, but even I could tell she looked unaware when I asked her politely to give you fewer missions this week. She almost looked like she hadn’t given you any, and seemed curious herself.”

“Is the door locked?” he asked.

“Yep.” She said taking a sip. “You wanna have a discussion?”

“No, but I plan to, because you’re not letting it go, are you?”

“It’s one thing to keep secrets from me when it’s part of your job with Gizzy, but you never keep secrets from me on anything else. Every few nights, you go into those tunnels for hours and come back tired. That tunnel leads to one place, and Neither Vinn nor Nicole ever see you visit them late at night, so what are you doing?”

“It’s complicated; you may not want to know.”

“I want to know, and I’m drawing a line on that.”

“Fine, but you won’t like the answer. Last chance to stay in the dark and trust me, after this, we won't be the same and I can’t protect you from being upset.”

“Don’t give me that spy shit, Jack. I’m your partner, not your drinking buddy, not Nicole, not a coworker. We promised to be honest to each other, and I don’t ask when you go on missions, and you don’t break my heart…so if there’s no missions, why are you sneaking off into that tunnel?” she asked firmly.