I watch young Saen running through the streets with Janit, dragging her by hand despite her clearly struggling face and form, yet not once did she ask to take a break. The two seemed to get together well. From a young age he was already showing his talented reserves of Anku and clever mind.
This was not like a Polly situation however, Janit was fully determined to keep up in pace with her older more talented brother. Studying, training, reading much harder than what was expected to avoid being ridiculously overshadowed. If there was one aspect she outstripped Saen in, it was in her inexorable ambition. Yet Saen was the only one receiving attention.
***
I watch as Saen received reading, writing, mathematics, and history tutoring from their father. His father was a shrewd businessman coming from humble origins, valuing knowledge over everything, Saen being the candidate successor.
Saen peaks behind him, coming in eye contact with Janit, peaking through the door in the candlelight, scrabbling notes down in the dark as she furiously tries to remember everything.
“Why don’t you teach sister this stuff?” He asks inquisitively. Frankly, he felt that she would be a much better successor than he would be.
”I don’t have time to teach the both of you. Besides...” He sighs. He turns to the door, the scratches of pencil on paper were painfully obvious to an ear even without Anku.
”Talent is infinitely more important than pure hard work in business. Discipline can be learned, intuition can’t. She can work twice as hard as everyone else, but if she isn’t quick on the uptake by the time she eventually figures things out everyone would have moved on to the next thing.”
The pencil scratches stop.
“Frankly, she’d probably just drive everything to the ground.”
***
“I’m… I’m sorry you had to hear that.” Saen says.
“Don’t apologize for something you didn’t say, besides… He’s right I think.” Janit idly twirls her pencil through her fingers.
It was exceedingly obvious that Janit was the one who had the most passion for her father’s work, but father’s interest only ever lay in Saen. Their mother was just there as a caretaker, deciding to not push either of them to do anything.
”But does it feel bad? Hearing that from father? Knowing you’re not going to inherit the business?”
“No, I knew that all along. Besides…” Janit touches her older brother’s face, smiling warmly. “I’m just here to make sure you don’t get lazy.”
~
Soon their entire world comes crashing down as their father gets caught in a brutal war against a competitor company, ultimately losing all they own.
Saen looks down at his father’s fists, curled up, shaking unsteadily, watching as their formerly extravagant house gets claimed as collateral. Despite the situation however, Saen felt a weird sense of relief, as it meant they could live more together as a family, even if the home were smaller.
—!
“Honey!”
Janit reels back wide eyed as Saen suddenly jumps in front of her, taking a fist to the jaw that would have otherwise hit Janit.
“No good, no good. I need to calm down.” Their father quickly comes to his senses tapping his forehead a couple times, before pointing at the house.
”This isn’t over. I’m telling you this right now, I’m going to eventually own my own empire. This is just a temporary setback. Nothing more.”
Saen peaks at his face, only to be met back with a deranged glint reflecting from his eyes.
***
For the next couple weeks their father did not talk to either of them even once, not even to apologize for his sudden outburst. He spent the day going from investor to investor desperately trying to convince them for funding, spending the night locked in his inn room scrabbling notes whispering to himself.
One day Saen got curious, went into his room while he was off talking to investors and looked through his room.
”Huh.” He thought it looked a lot more normal than he expected while shuffling through his desk. Lists of ideas of how to obtain funding, business strategies, information about competing companies.
“Just working hard.” Saen smiles bitterly. Somehow this life wasn’t the one he had imagined. Infact, their father’s aloofness had gotten even worse after losing their company, making him build up resentment towards this entire world of business.
He puts all the papers back to their original position, making sure to remember the exact way they were set originally to avoid his father getting suspicious. Until he notices a folded piece of paper hanging out from underneath the bed mattress.
“What’s this?” Saen lifts the mattress and curiously unfolds the paper.
…
Janit Thrulger will be contracted for a minimum of 10 years as a maid servant. Any and all responsibilities for her safety and care will be transferred over to the Rothergard estate effective immediately.
…
Please sign he—
“You’re not supposed to be here.” Saen hears a voice at the door.
”Why…? What’s… Wrong with you?” Saen eeks each word out individually as he turns to his father.
Father walks forward. “It’s a good deal. Your sister gets food and housing, and we can restart our lives with the money.”
“But what about her? Have you asked if this is what she wants?”
“She lives under my house. This is just compensation for having to raise her for the past 15 years.”
“What happened to the investors? Have you talked with all of them?”
Father clicks his tongue. “Bah, none of them think I’ll ever make it again after making an enemy of the Lanroster group. Bunch of old fools they are.”
“Then… I will go as well. Send both of us.” Saen’s voice trembles.
“No, you will stay and continue to learn under me.”
”I refuse. Either this or don’t send any of us. Otherwise this will be the last time you see me.” Saen quickly understood that he held a bargaining chip against father, namely, himself. He was also confident in his ability to survive on his own due to his prolific studying and knowledge. Saen understood this largely due to his father’s teachings for all these years.
“Are you… Against me too?”
“No, no, I’m just telling you to take a step back and think rationally—“
“I AM THINKING RATIONALLY! THIS IS THE ONLY WAY!”
Saen steps back as his father unexpectedly loses his cool, but gets blindsided as he gets brutally punched in the nose.
Saen quickly backs off, drawing a knife from his trousers, pointing it towards father.
“Oh you’re going to kill your own father?”
“No, I’m just… Look, please calm down.”
Father steps closer. “I am calm, I am thinking rationally. I’ve been thinking about this from dawn to dusk, when I sleep to when I wake. All I’ve been doing is thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking! Don’t tell me that there’s a way, because I’ve tried it, I’ve tried everything. Don’t tell me anything, because I’VE FUCKING TRIED IT!”
Saen backs off further and further as his dad boxes him in, flinching back as he smashes down the desk filled with all the papers, sending splinters all over the floor.
“Do you understand how screwed we are? We have nothing left. All the money remaining is going to this inn, and if I don’t get anything in the next 3 weeks we’ll be out on the streets.” He laughs crazily. “You think you can stand up to me? I’ll fucking crush you. I’ll squash you like a tiny little insect, you worthless worm— Ah.”
Both Saen and his father stare downwards, dumbfounded by the knife buried inside his gut. Red essence oozing out of the wound, staining Saen’s hands red.
The two of them look back at each other.
***
Saen left quietly, leaving his father alone with his knife still buried in his gut. There are plenty of people in the other rooms, he’ll call for help. He knows Sananku, he’ll stop the bleeding. It’s not that serious, he’ll survive. Frustrated, he didn’t even want to think about father for the time being, so he went outside to clear his head.
But… Several hours later, when he returned. He got the news that his father was found dead, having bled out on the ground with Saen’s knife found still inside him.
Saen’s entire world began to spin at that moment, reality itself shifting to a vortex, sucking him in and out of a conscious and unconscious state.
Wha… Wh- Why? There were plenty of people around, did nobody hear him? Or did he?
“Oi, we’re taking you in under suspicion of murder. Don’t try to resist.” A guardsman tells him.
“Wait, wait, wait! This is all a misunderstanding! He didn’t do it!” Janit rushes out of the door as soon as she spots Saen standing outside.
Saen locks eyes with his sister as soon as she comes out.
Did you do it? Her gaze seemed to convey this idea strongly.
But Saen didn’t meet her eyes back, instead looking away. In fact, he never looked at his sister again as he turned tail and ran.
”After him!” The guardsman quickly took pursuit.
***
Hours later, Saen laid gasping in an abandoned building, having been chased for miles by numerous different people. He had only recently been able to lose them.
And there, after catching his breath, Saen finally had the time to stop and think. Realizing only now, that his father bled out on purpose. After his son had stabbed him, he had some time to think.
Before simply giving up.
He wasn’t an inflamed businessman who would do anything it would take to revitalize his business; rather he was a fragile man on the verge of breaking.
Unable to move on, Saen sat alone in the dark for the next couple of days thinking, not eating, nor drinking, nor sleeping, simply thinking.
***
Saen opens his eyes, it was morning. He’d incidentally dozed off after his body and mind couldn’t take the restlessness anymore. He looks down to see a blanket draped over him.
“Oh, you’re awake. How are you?” Saen quickly turns to his left, coming face to face with… Torika? She was younger looking and it was the first time I'd heard her voice but… It was definitely her.
Immediately Saen bolts out of his blanket and runs out of the building.
”Wait I’m not here too—“
***
Four days later, Torika found Saen again hiding in a barnyard, culminating in the same result. Three days later, he was found in some sewers. Two days later the same thing happened. Six days later. Torika never stopped him or brought people to prevent him from running away however. She simply started every meeting with a greeting, never able to get past a single sentence before he ran. The chase continued for a month, until Saen finally snapped.
***
”There has to be better uses of your time right? You spend all this time tracking me down only to let me run, like some cat and mouse game! Kill me, turn me in, whatever. I’m not going to run this time.” Saen gets the first word in, as soon as Torika appears, already half-expecting her to pop up when he found his next hiding spot. He was staying in an abandoned church this time.
“I think you overestimate how much time I need to take to find you. ” She says, sitting down on a bench near where he was hiding. “Besides that, if you’re not going to run away this time, then I might as well tell you why I’ve been chasing you all this time.” She crosses her legs. “Would you like an opportunity for some work?”
“…? What?”
Torika lets the silence hang between them, allowing Saen to collect his thoughts.
“I’m asking you to elaborate.” Saen says annoyed after he did indeed collect his thoughts.
”It’s exactly what it sounds like. I knew your father, and I knew about you as well, albeit loosely. When the news broke that you stabbed and killed him. I got curious, came to see if you were a good fit.”
”Good fit for what?”
”Murdering folks.”
Saen gives her a puzzled look once again.
”An assassin.” She clarifies.
…
”Get out of my face.” Saen quickly says with disgust as soon as he processed it.
”Are you sure? There’s pretty good pay.”
“Yes, there’s no way I’m going to become a murderer for some shady woman I’ve just met.”
Torika shrugs. “Alright alright. I’ll just give you some advice then, Patricide leads to execution with no exceptions, if you want to live, leave the city. Live out alone in the countryside like a hermit, or flee to some other country like Lyster. Otherwise, if you still want to stay in Oliviand for some reason, I’m your only option.”
Torika then turns to leave, leaving Saen in deep thought once again.
She’s right. Why haven’t I left yet?
Then, without needing to consider it too much, he knew exactly what it was.
“Wait, why me? I’m not very good at… Killing.” Saen stops Torika before she leaves the alleyway.
“Our first encounter was luck, usually there aren’t very many murderers that I happen to come across before the guardsmen do, especially one that’s not mentally unwell. You’ve already killed a person, I’ve heard that you’re mighty talented, and most of all you don’t have a normal life to come back to.” Torika turns around and smiles. “Aren’t you perfect?”
***
Three years have passed. Training under Roko, Saen’s talent only continued to prove itself as he wracked up performance to performance. The work was sickening at first, but he quickly built up the callousness to see things through, able to make enough money to support Janit and mother, sending someone to deliver letters full of coins monthly.
One winter night, cold billows of steam seeped from Saen’s mouth, as he stood at the very inn he murdered his father in. Snow fell down, not hard enough that it became difficult to see, but enough to gently accumulate in a thin layer across the roads and houses.
After years of sending them money, unable to bring himself to write any letters, unable to look at them eye to eye, he finally decided today was going to be the day.
Saen takes a breath, then another. His feet felt glued to the ground, but he couldn’t lose his nerve here. If he didn’t step forward to open that door now, then… Well, he wouldn’t ever be able to again.
“You’re going to catch a cold if you keep standing out there.”
Saen looks up, at the window was his mother, signs of wrinkles and aging could be visibly seen across her face now, but it was his mother.
…
“Uh.” Saen opens his mouth, but as soon as he does his mind goes blank.
“Close the window mom! It’s cold!” Janit’s voice could be heard from inside as well, having completely lost her formerly child-like squeakiness.
“Sweetie? Could you go to the desk? There’s someone waiting at the door.”
“Bah, a reservation at this hour? And he doesn’t ring? Must be some bum trying to shelter from the cold.” She says, completely within earshot.
Saen hears the quick thud of feet as she rushes down the steps, the door clicks a couple seconds later.
“It’s open. Come on in.” She says in an irritable tone.
He places his hand on the handle before hesitating, then pushes forward.
The door swings open.
…
…
The two look at each other completely silent. Janit’s lips tremble for a couple seconds before looking away.
Saen was worried. Would she hate him for what he had done? He knew she looked up to father much more than he did. He was afraid their relationship had been permanently severed.
“Three years…” Janit whispers coldly. “It took three years.” She looks back at me with quickly reddening eyes.
“You kept sending us money so I knew you were alive.” She walks out from behind the desk. “Yet you never visited once.”
“I didn’t know if you hated me.”
“Hate you?” She wraps her arms around me and leans her head into my chest. “I despise you.” She chokes through a sob. “Why… For three years, it was just me and mom.”
”Sorry.” For how quick-witted and shrewd Saen usually was, he was remarkably addlebrained right now, unable to come up with any meaningful responses or excuses despite having gone over scenario over scenario in his head prior.
“…About father.”
She grows quiet, then smiles faintly. “You assume things too much.” She then shivers, rubbing the side of her arms. “Fuuuuew let’s get inside.”
***
“Here you are.” Saen’s mother brings the dishes to the table. The three of them sit at a dinner table, rice, potatoes, pork, vegetables with a tomato based sauce. The first dinner they’ve had together in years.
Saen stares down at his plate, unmoving with the fork still in his hand. He glances out at the window.
“What’s wrong? Doesn't look familiar?” Mother asks.
”It looks perfect.” Saen shakes his head and skewers a piece of carrot and pork together.
“Mh. It’s good.” He says with his mouth half full. Was it always this salty though? For some reason, the food tasted foreign to him.
“I’m glad to hear that.” Mother says while looking down at her own plate.
… He looks down picking at his food for another minute unspeaking.
Suddenly Saen recoils back from his chair, hitting his knee against the table. “Ow!” He jumps as Janit stomps on his foot.
“Why are you so quiet! Tomatoes aren’t cheap in the winter, you know!” Janit then reaches up and pinches his cheeks painfully. Saen honestly still couldn’t tell if she was happy to see him or angry. “Besides, you’ve got a lot of things to explain. You aren’t leaving this table until at least the morning.”
“Now, now, your brother is probably just a bit unsteady, it’s been years after all. We’ll have ample time afterwards.”
Saen lowers his head even further, hiding a grimace.
“…?” Janit peaks below at his face.
Suddenly the door rings.
“Ah, I’ll go get it.” Janit gets up from the chair.
The door opens.
…
“Why are you here.” Saen turns around to say with a sharp tone.
“How long are you going to make me wait in the snow? I’d thought I’d at least stay the night.”
Said Yeluh.
I shuffle around, clenching my fists, for a second a dim flickering orange light filters into my eyes but I quickly shut them back.
”You think he’s alright?” Someone says before the memory overtakes me once more.
“Who is this?” Janit asks Saen suspiciously.
“A man asking to book a stay for the night. You still have a room available yea?” Yeluh says. He waves 2 fingers on his hand around, revealing bandaged palms.
“Yes, we do.”
“Perfect, I’ll stay the night.” He gives Janit a couple coins.
“Sir—“ Janit stops mid sentence as she counts the money. ”Actually, that’s exactly enough…” She murmurs.
”I’ve gotta say, this place was a real piece of shit a couple years ago. It was dirt cheap for a reason, nobody wanted to stay here.” He looks around. “But it looks like you’ve done a good job renovating it. As expected of Saen’s little sister.” Yeluh says as he takes off his coat.
“That’s enough. I want you to leave.” Saen stands out of his chair, Yeluh’s presence only brought up more questions, questions he didn’t want to answer. He didn’t even need to say anything, perhaps that was what he was going for in the first place.
Yeluh doesn’t respond for a couple moments before looking at Janit.
”Hello, my name is Yeluh, I’m an acquaintance of your brother.” He extends out his hand. ”It’s an honor to meet you.”
Janit reaches out tentatively to shake his hand. “Yea…” Before quickly retreating her hand.
”What? Jesus you’re bleeding!” She realizes as she looks at the red splotch on her hand after touching his bandage.
“Hmm? Oh, I’m terribly sorry, it must have opened up without me realizing it. My senses must have been dulled by the cold.”
Saen’s face turns pale.
“Here, here, let me wipe that off.” Saen’s mother gets a rag and soaks it in water. Wiping off blood from Janit’s hand, her thumb just barely touching the bloody part of the rag.
Mother then turns to Yeluh, holding out the rag for him too.
“Ah, you have my thanks.” Yeluh slowly unwraps his bandages revealing a festering gash split across his palm.
”Hmm…” Mother takes a closer look, she then takes a step back and wrings out the towel over a bucket, holding it from edge to edge as she holds it against his hand, ready to wrap it around.
”Ah you don’t have to do that. I’ve brought my own bandages. I know it’s rare to have them around nowadays.
He takes out a fresh set of bandages from his bag and holds them up for mother to take.
”So what happened?” She asks as she wraps his hand up tight.
“It was sort of an experiment. A way to inflict a wound that can’t be healed.” He looks at his hand. “I just can’t seem to get it the same as her…”
This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.
…
”What?” Janit exclaims in a confused tone. “Why would you want that?”
Saen puts his hand on Yeluh’s shoulder before he’s able to answer. “Let’s go.” He quietly says.
“See? I told you this was what was going to happen.” Yeluh shrugs him off and throws his coat back on.
“Hold a minute! Where the hell do you think you’re going!” Janit gets up off her chair.
Saen simply swings on his coat, aloof and unresponding.
”I didn’t wait three years just for you to leave without saying anything, where are you going?”
Saen turns to the door.
…
“Tell me, what have you been doing these past three years?” Janit utters with a hard expression, her voice edged with steel.
Saen finally stops. ”Live your best life. I’ll keep sending money for you guys to support yourself, and mom… I’ll stay safe, no need to worry about me.” Saen says, resolving this to be the very last time they see each other.
”Hmm…” Yeluh watches Janit’s expression as Saen exits the door. “Looks like Saen is capable of misreading people pretty badly isn’t he?” He chuckles as he leaves alongside Saen.
“Wait a minute, you never answered my question.” Janit stops Yeluh.
”Hmm? Oh about this?” Yeluh raises his injured hand.
“Yes, why would you want to know something as horrible as that?”
“Hmm… It’s kinda hard to describe in words. Hmmm… I guess, if you had a book in your hands, wouldn’t you want to read what’s inside?”
***
Saen’s style was often swift and efficient, if possible he would wait in a secluded area after confirming his victim’s path. Once the two meet, he would draw his sword, letting the victim know his intentions.
Run or fight, the result would always be the same, one more dead body to add to his collection.
“Another falling out…” He reads the documents on his next target. “Loid Poker, male, two kids, a member of treasurer’s council.” His crime, talking openly about the red division.
Yeluh’s philosophy was significantly different from Torika’s. The red division’s secret would no longer be ambiguous or an urban legend. They would operate openly and freely, and let it be known that anyone who speaks out about them would disappear, a sort of open secret, only whispered behind closed doors. From no-name civilians to large politicians, nobody was safe if they uttered those two words.
Saen wipes down his sword, examining the sharp and crisp edge as he waits for Loid’s arrival.
From the amount of people that were in Loid’s entourage, he was clearly expecting a fight. In fact it was exceedingly obvious that his overarching goal was to bait someone like Saen out. It wasn’t difficult to deduce the common denominator behind the string of murders in the past year.
Saen holds his sword vertically, continuing to stare at the edge even as Loid finally arrives at his location, more than a dozen people filtering in after him.
“Are you my assassin?” Loid asks him.
”Yes. That’s my job.” Saen replies as he finally looks away from his sword. All the bodyguards quickly draw their swords as soon as he looks up.
”This is a rather direct approach isn’t it? I was expecting a poisoned drink, or a laced bolt from the rooftops.” Loid says.
”Tell me, do you have a deathwish?” Saen then asks. “Why be so open with your condemnation?”
“I don’t have a death wish, in fact I’d prefer to be alive after this if possible.” Loid pauses. “But, after investigating where our funds were going, I just couldn’t help myself.”
“The same as everyone else huh?” Saen sighs to himself. “Prepare yourself.” He furrows his brow, slightly bending his knees forward.
In an instant Saen was on top of the first bodyguard, he weaves past an amateur swing and kicks hard forward onto their chest. As they topple backwards Saen kicks again, launching right off their head catapulting himself into the air.
“!” Loid immediately swings upwards, successfully parrying the first slash as Saen falls downwards. Just as quickly however, Saen steps forward with another overhead swing, but quickly feints, reversing grip and spinning around into a backwards stab.
Blood spurts all over Saen’s neck as Loid immediately gags, blood welling up out of his mouth, the blade stuck through one of his lungs. Saen switches grips once again resting both of his hands below the hilt before violently pushing the blade upwards, straight up and out of his shoulder, sending a spiral of blood into the air.
“Why…?” Loid sputters before falling over to the ground.
“Sorry…” Saen murmurs to himself afterwards.
The bodyguards, completely unorganized and in disarray, quickly step back barely even registering what had just happened, one of them even backs up into Saen himself before feeling a hand on his back, getting shoved forward to the ground.
”Huh?” The bodyguard rolls back on the ground before realizing who he had just backed into.
“If you’re just here to get paid, then I suggest you leave right now.” Saen says to the crowd surrounding him. “I don’t know if I can take all of you, but I’ll at least take six of you with me.” He whips his sword off to the side, spattering Loid’s blood in a thin line.
That was a lie, Saen could most likely kill all of them if he maneuvered properly. However, something he realized over the years was that claiming to be able to defeat everyone was seen as braggadocious and was often met with skepticism. A threat like this was far more believable with its perceived honesty.
And as a result… Saen soon watches as a couple of the guards back off, before turning tail and leaving.
The numbers quickly dwindle as the guards realize they were slowly losing their numbers' superiority, until all but one remained.
”Get a move on, I’m not going to do anything to you if you turn around… Or do you have other intentions?” Saen asked. This one seemed unusual, their face was obscured with a cheap cloak, and they hadn’t moved an inch since arriving here, not drawing their sword nor moving their feet, but Saen could feel their gaze on him since the very beginning.
Were they frozen in fear? Saen looked at their hands and fingers, but they were very steady, a tiny bit trembly, but clearly well composed. Their breath came out a bit strong, but it wasn’t reminiscent of someone paralyzed with fear. So what the hell were they staying for?
Saen tilts his head at the guard but ultimately shrugs and turns away. He couldn’t figure their intentions out, but if they weren’t going to talk then Saen couldn't be bothered to stay any longer. He leans down, getting out a wet towel from a bag he left on the ground and begins wiping the blood off his neck.
After cleaning up, he looks one more time at the lone figure staring at him.
Then he walks away.
“Are you just going to leave his body there?”
Saen draws a sharp breath upon hearing her voice.
Janit unwraps the cloak around her face. Her expression betrayed no words, but it clearly showed signs of fatigue compared to the months prior. Her sunken eyes were characterized by dark bags, her skin emitted a pallored complexion, having lost the natural flush to her cheeks. Her hair, longer and unkempt spilled out below her shoulders, previously only barely reaching the back of her neck.
“Wha— What are you doing here?” Saen asks in shock.
“To see how you’re doing. You really hide your tracks well. Even when I figured out who you were, it took months before I finally guessed your next target.” Janit says plainly.
”But… What if I wasn’t the one hired? What if you…”
”What if I met one of your colleagues? Hmm…” Janit sardonically puts her finger under her chin. “Then hopefully you would go to my funeral.”
“Ah…” Saen looks down. Understanding the crazy risk Janit just took for his sake. But… “It’s best if you get away from here. It’s dangerous.” He looks to the side.
Janit’s expression turns sullen. “What is that? Are you daft, slow, perhaps stupid?” She clenches her fist. “There’s gotta be something wrong with your head.”
“Yes…” Saen simply acknowledges.
”You know how many months I spent tracking you down? Hundreds of hours just talking to strangers, gathering information.”
“…”
”Some bum even tried to kill me during my search. I spent that entire day running and hiding.”
“…”
”You just want me to leave after all of that? Go on my merry way? Pretend like what happened that night never happened?” Janit stomps up face to face with Saen.
“You don’t understand how dangerous it is, you’re going to die if you hang around me any longer.” Saen rasps under his breath. “All I want is for you and mom to live a happy life. This is the only thing I can do, it’s all over for me. If you keep digging further then you’ll be the next target.”
“I’m not here to ‘hang around’ I just need some answers.”
“Answers for what? If you know too many answers then things will take a turn for the worse.” Saen raises his voice for the first time.
Janit clicks her tongue. “There you go again, patronizing me just like father. Why do both of you treat me like this?”
“I don’t treat you like that!”
“Yes you do, you talk more nicely, but it’s all the same. Both of you refuse to acknowledge or trust me. Both of you want to just keep me in the dark, not even wanting to let me try. I’ve always only been a single step behind you. I’ve proven myself many times over that I’m capable of doing what you can do. I tracked you down didn’t I? So why?”
”I just… Don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Well I don’t want you to get hurt either! So why are you the only one allowed to do anything?!” Janit spits out the words in her heart she’d been holding onto for months. Like a balloon ready to pop, instantly her demeanor began to crack.
This time, Saen didn’t have a reply.
Janit stares at Saen with both venom and sadness. “Why haven’t you left town yet?” She asks with a cracking voice. “If you want to avoid us so badly?”
“People are going to come soon…” Saen murmurs, “If they see you with me…” He had no idea what the words coming out of his mouth were anymore. He just couldn’t think of anything to say. Rather, he didn’t want to think.
Saen quickly turns away, but as soon as he does, Janit reaches out and grabs his hand. He looks back as his arm dangles from Janit’s grasp. His hand was loose and untensed, not particularly resisting her arm, but not grabbing it back either.
Wordless, the two look at each other for what felt like an endless eon. Saen steps forward, tearing his arm away from his sister.
“Take care of mom.”
…
..
.
***
Taiga?
What is this…? I sat across from Janit at a table with a fork in hand. Intricately patterned dinner plates were set on the table, alongside silver rimmed glasses containing a deep crimson liquid. We were inside, but there was very strong lighting that was coming from above. I look up to the sky to see slits of glass panes scattered through the wall ceiling.
“Are you just here to get a free drink and meal?” Janit asks me irritably.
I look back at Janit, her hair had grown out lengthily, her eyes were narrower with a hint of eyeshadow decorating her eyelids, her cheeks, jaws, nose, mouth, all of her facial features had morphed out of their transitional era into a mature young beauty. She wore a beautifully woven dress that exposed her shoulders and the top of her back, revealing impressively defined lateral muscles and wide shoulders conveying a disciplined lifestyle.
…This doesn’t feel right. Why am I making these strange observations about her appearance? Am I still in Saen’s memory?
I look down at the table, look from side to side and then freeze. At the very least mentally froze as my body looks back at Janit.
That was— “I’m just observing your beauty—“ Why is that— “—You know… I want to listen to some of your stories instead—“ What is that mask doing here?
I continued talking as my mind stayed completely out of sync with my lips, but that was my mask poking out of the bag. However, unlike my mask which was pure white, this one was studded with hundreds of tiny symbols and black markings scattered across the surface.
Are these my memories? The last memory distinctly gave a feeling of me being in someone else's mind, but this feels…
“—So let’s trade stories. You seem like an interesting woman, it would be a shame for me to only talk about myself—“
But why am I on a date with Janit of all people? And my age is completely off, I’m supposed to be less than ten years old right now if these are some of my lost memories.
“—Sounds interesting—“ Janit says.
Could it be… These are the memories of some other drifter? Dundee?!
“—Then I’ll start, when I was thirteen—“
Why—?!
Be quiet.
Instantly my mind shuts down back to a lull as soon as I hear the strange voice once again.
Dundee
“But I didn’t hate him for that or anything. Really, I just wanted him to come back so we could live together as a family again. Aren’t I strange for not caring that my father just died?”
“I don’t think so. How would you react if your mother or your brother at the time were the ones killed instead?” I say.
“Mmh, I’d probably be upset. Actually it’s making me kinda depressed just thinking about it right now.”
“See! You’re normal if you’re capable of having those feelings.”
”I guess you’re right, but after that he just kept on sending me money. So he was still alive right and was clearly thinking about us?! So I waited for him to visit, kept on waiting and waiting, he’d only been sending money, no letters, no messages, just money right? I didn’t know why it was taking so long, but I just trusted that he was busy or there was some situation that made it so he couldn’t do anything but send money.” Janit leans in. “And then he finally showed up at our doorstep after three years. I was so excited to be seeing him again.” She smiles bitterly. “But he left immediately, barely even saying a word.”
”That’s rough, so did you find out what he was doing all that time?”
”Hell if I care. I just don’t get what he’s so scared of.” She rests her elbow on the table and her chin on her hand.
“That’s not okay, you should be trying to understand his perspective, maybe there’s some reason he isn’t able to see you that you haven’t figured out yet.”
”Hmph.” Janit just snorts in response. “The hell do you know or care? Didn’t you set this up just so you could get in my pants for my money?”
“Not at all. I’m truly interested in you, Janit.” I lean in forward. “I don’t like that there are things bothering you.”
“Yea well everyone is hiding some demons, or are you telling me you’re completely spotless?”
“I wouldn’t say that.” I chuckle. “Though I’ve long stopped caring about those things… Hmm… I want to tell you a story now.”
”I’m all ears.”
“A very, very, very long time ago, there was a fox who wandered onto a small barge searching for food. Before he could hop off however, the boat left the bank, leaving him stranded in a foreign landscape after the boat returned to shore, mountains unlike anything he’d ever seen—“
”The hell is this bedtime story?” Janit quickly interrupts.
“It’s metaphorical, I don’t want to reveal actual identities or personal secrets.”
Janit stares at me for a couple seconds. “I don’t appreciate men who try to act all mysterious or poetic. It’s often a sign that they don’t actually have anything interesting going on in their lives.”
“That is an astute observation.” I smile. “Well, if you think I’m too uninteresting, then we can just eat then leave, I won’t speak another word, and I’ll even pay for both our meals. If not, I refuse to tell the story any other way.”
“…So are you the fox?” Janit quickly goes quiet.
“You can say that. Mmh, yes, I was the fox back then.” Dundy continues. “The men manning the boat quickly found the fox hiding in storage. It was timid but obedient, so the men decided to keep the fox as a pet. They gave him a name and tied a bandana around its neck. After the men landed the boat, they let the fox roam free, because after all, they’d be able to find the fox whenever they wanted with the bandana around its neck.”
“Couldn’t the fox just hide or just take it off? How would a bandana let the men know where the fox is hiding?”
“…” I look to the side, then look back. “How do I say this… I can see why your last two dates failed.”
As soon as Janit opens her mouth to respond however, the waiter finally arrives with our meals. ”Thank you for your patience, your duck breast seared until crackly topped with a Porberry reduction, and for you we have our hand-kneaded—“
“Yea, yea, it’s food.” Janit darts out and grabs the plates from out of the waiter’s hands before setting them on the table herself, she quickly shoos the waiter away.
I nod to the waiter. giving him a brief thanks as he leaves.
”I don’t care about love.” Janit then declares as she unwraps her utensils. “I only accept these dinner proposals because it’s frowned upon in business to not have a rich personal life. Can you imagine the types of looks I would get if I were talking to investors when I’m thirty without ever even gone on a date?”
“It’s truly strange that you’re so candid with me, even going as far as telling me a very personal story, but you are in a field where amiability and deceptiveness are necessary skills to succeed.”
“I’m not losing anything aren’t I? It’s not like I’m the one vying for your attention.” She grumbles.
“Aren’t you concerned about people spreading rumors behind your back about your true personality?”
“Well if rumors like that begin to spread, I’ll know who’s at fault.” Janit says, not denying the ‘true personality’ part.
“Back to the story then, you see once the fox arrived in the new land, it began to walk around, showing off its new bandana to the inhabiting animals saying “Look! Look at what I got!” It was far more colorful and aesthetic than the boring sticks and grass the other animals would wear to show off, and as a result of his man-made paraphernalia, The fox gained many admirers and friends across the land across the many months he stayed. The fox even found love, bringing a new litter of foxes into the world. However, to the fox’s great displeasure and protests, the human men came to pick him up as they left for their next destination, bringing him into a new forest. The animals there similarly were enamored by his bandana, but the fox was troubled. What about all the other animals back in the old land he stayed at? What about his children?”
”Wait a second, you have kids?! Where are…” Janit looks at the expression on my face and quickly fades away. “Sorry… please continue.”
“The fox was troubled, but he continued his exploits in the new forest, gathering just as many admirers and friends as the previous one; however, this time it came with a sense of dread. Were the humans going to pick him up again? Would he lose everything once more? Was it even possible to escape from the humans with his bandana? Could he find a way to traverse the river on his own? The fox found that he was constantly restless, unable to rest or sleep for as long as these questions burned in his mind, he had to know for sure.”
”And so the fox, before the time came for the humans to arrive, jumped into the river. If he could follow the river back upstream he could go back to his old friends and family and also escape being taken away, but alas, the currents were too strong for the fox to even make an inch of headway, so he gave up and instead decided to try to save the friends he currently had.”
”So the fox decided to hide in the forest with help from some of his animal friends. He cast the bandana off into the river the day before the human’s were set to pick him up and dug into the burrow of an oak tree, hoping that the humans would try to find him but eventually give up.”
“Unfortunately, as a result of the fox’s actions, the entire forest was razed to the ground as a result. The humans eventually found the fox curled up in the dirt as they cut down their last tree. They tied the now soggy bandana back onto the fox and carried him back to the boat.”
“And with that, the fox had realized that there was nothing he could do to escape the humans, accepting the fate of never being able to belong anywhere, even if he wished to.”
Janit looks at me quietly. “That’s not a very happy ending.” She says as soon as she realized the story had ended.
“I don’t see it that way. After all, the fox found peace with his situation. He was no longer tortured by the animals he had left behind.” I say in response. “You’ll only be able to let go of things once you’ve truly exhausted everything you could do, otherwise they will sit in your mind forever.”
“But isn’t that just giving up? What if there was a way for the fox to escape his captivators?”
“Perhaps there is a way.” I nod in response. “But I’ve decided to live in ignorance of it if it exists. Because if I knew what it was, I would not rest until I tried it out, despite knowing that it would likely end in failure, and I’d rather give up than endure that sting ever again.”
Janit looks down at her plate and contemplates.
***
Saen stares down at the newspaper wide eyed.
Janit Thrugler of the East River Trading Co. declares in a fiery speech during a conference that the government is misappropriating funds to a secret research division known for their dealings with the Iquen alongside catastrophic cases of human experimentation. She will be conducting a series of investigations, encouraging anyone who’s been affected by the serial disappearances, strongly believed to be kidnapping cases, to step forward with their testimonies.
Saen drops the paper. I need to tell Yeluh not to… No it’ll be too late by then, I need to go to Janit directly.
Within a minute Saen had arrived at Janit’s location, sitting at a dining table just outside the inn where everything began.
”Took you enough time.” She says coldly.
“You’re in danger.” Saen gasps breathlessly.
“What about it? Are you the one they sent to kill me?”
“No! It’s just… there’s no time… Just stay by my side. I’ll talk to Yeluh for you and everything will be sorted—“
“Your money came in the mail today.” Janit holds out an envelope with her right hand. “It’s strange, I’ve long since made for myself, yet you insistently keep sending money the same day of the same month at the same hour. Why? There’s no excuse for supporting us anymore, so why do you still feel the need to do this?” She lets the envelope fall to the ground.
“It was for…” Saen hesitates. “Emergency funds, in case you go bankrupt just like dad did.”
Janit’s expression grows dark. “Saen, I don’t need your money, I don’t need your protection either.” She slowly draws out a sword from behind her back.
“Are you kidding me? We don’t have time for this right now!” Saen backs off.
”I’ve been practicing, training with some of the best swordsmen in the country for this.” Janit says, holding her sword out. “Now come on.”
“The- there’s no way I’m fighting you right now. Come on! We have to—“
“SAEN! Someone as smart as you should have long since figured out why I have to do this. This ‘dynamic’ of ours, and why I have to end it, but that’s not the only reason.” Janit grimaces bitterly. “Mother’s come down with a cough recently, and it’s only been getting worse recently. I’ve brought her to every single doctor in the city to no avail. How? How could it be that there’s a condition that no doctor in Oliviand knows how to treat?” She asks.
Saen looks away. “I’ve already asked Yeluh about it, but he says it wasn’t his doing.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit, if it’s not him then who could it possibly be???”
“I don’t know, it’s just not him.” Saen grits through his teeth.
”Isn’t he just lying then?” Janit says incredulously
“I… I don’t know.” Saen finally drops his shoulders. “He has never been a deceptive person, in fact I’ve never seen any evidence of him telling a lie even once, which is why he lets his brother act as his public persona.”
Janit closes her eyes “… Oi, I didn’t ask for your opinion. I’m asking you to choose between us or them. The implications of mom falling sick with an incurable disease is obvious, if you don’t understand that, then you are blind.”
“An incurable disease is it?” Both of them turn around immediately to find Yeluh walking down the street with Roko closely following behind.
”Why are both of you here?” Saen asks in shock.
“It’s your sister mate, it’s only natural to want to protect family, so I brought some backup.” Roko grins. “And everyone knows your loyalty doesn’t lie with us.” He draws his sword as well.
Yeluh continues walking until stopping at the entrance to the inn, looking for the door knob.
“Oh no you don’t!” Janit lunges forwards at Yeluh’s neck only to be harshly interrupted by Roko’s side swing.
She staggers backwards, forearms arm quivering, unprepared for the sheer force of his attack. She tries to re lift her sword back upwards only for Roko to rush forward to step on her blade.
”Ergh!” She grunts as Roko roughly pushes her to the ground. Once again, as she tries to lift her head up Roko interrupts her with his blade pointed at her throat.
“Not a bad attack! Looks like someone who’s been training for at least a decade!” Roko says with his foot still on her blade. “Though your brother here made at least that much progress in around a year, don’t feel too bad about it though! I’m sure he had much more free time than you did.” Roko glances back at Saen as he rears his sword back to her neck. “Nowwwww… Is your brother going to swoop in to save the day this time? Or maybe…”
Janit holds her gaze steady, completely unflinching as Roko thrusts forward.
CLANG! Saen rushes forwards and stops his thrust preemptively, being the last one to draw his own sword.
“Oho, you know what this means then.” Roko says as they push against each other’s blades.
”Don’t take this too personally, teacher.” Saen says in response.
Janit could only watch in awe as the two performed a blade dance that could only be described as inspiring. Rather than strict usage of the blade like in the dojos she trained in, the two wove in kicks, elbows, knees, and attempted grapples alongside their slashes, a rugged style that exuded confidence and familiarity.
Can I even catch up? Was a thought she had to herself. Saen was right, she’d never be able to protect herself like she thought she’d be able to. She wasn’t even half as good as Saen was, much less only a bit behind like she usually was.
Why… Am I still comparing myself to him? At this point we’ve almost spent half of our lives apart… Before she could finish the rest of that thought she sees Yeluh unlocking the door to the inn and entering once more.
“Hey!” Janit runs in after Yeluh.
She slows to a stop as Yeluh quietly walks to the kitchen counter rather than heading for mom. He takes an iron tea pot from a drawer, filling it up with water from the barrel, after which filling the pot up with tea leaves. Quickly going from drawer to drawer, as if he already knew where everything was stored.
”What are you doing?” Janit asks cautiously and confused.
“Could you get the cups ready?” Yeluh politely asks as he sticks the pot into the fireplace.
“No, I don’t think I will.” Janit takes out her sword and points it at Yeluh.
Yeluh eyes the tip of the sword cautiously before taking out two teacups from a cabinet and setting it on the guest table. “The truth is Janit, I came here because I wanted to talk with you a bit. I’m not here to kill you, your mother, or anyone else.” Yeluh sits down on the couch cross his feet, looking at the window outside, where the two men were still fighting.
Janit looks at his feet, noting that he’d exchanged his shoes for a pair of guest sandals at the front door, nothing in his attitude exhibited any sort of violence or aggression, in fact he was the sheer personification of politeness.
“Talk to me about what?” She finally says, lowering her sword a tiny bit.
“About yourself, I’ve been observing you on and off the past couple years. I was curious what Saen’s sister was like.”
Janit clenches her fists. “I knew you were the one that made mother sick.”
”Nope, that was completely unexpected for me too. In fact, I would appreciate it if you would allow me to see her after this.” Yeluh hastily denies the accusation.
“You’re the most knowledgeable doctor in the city, if there’s someone who could craft an incurable disease it would be you.”
“I’m not the one who did it.” He repeats himself. “I’m a researcher, I live for truths, and only the truth, no matter how inconvenient it may be for me or other people. It is true that it would be incomprehensible for it to be anyone other than me, but it’s simply not me. It would only hurt my working relationship with your brother for a deception—“ He gestures at me. “That would have been very easily figured out.”
Janit throws her arms up in exasperation. “Okay, then what am I supposed to do then if it’s not you? Saen also said you weren’t the the type of person who would lie.”
“I will cure her, to satisfy my curiosity and to prove my innocence.” Yeluh says with a glint in his eye. He quickly turns to the fire pit as the water begins to boil, quickly taking it out and pouring the tea out between the two of their cups.
“How do I know you aren’t going to make her worse?” Janit says as Yeluh pours the tea.
“I wouldn’t need your permission if I wanted to ‘make her worse.’” Yeluh quietly says. “And like I said, your brother is too valuable to do something so petty over.” Yeluh brings the boiling hot tea straight to his lips, not bothering for it to cool down a bit before taking a large gulp, calmly letting it drip down to his stomach.
“Not enough brewing time.” He murmurs to himself afterwards before expectantly staring at Janit.
“It’s still too hot.” She couldn’t help but say as Yeluh’s gaze bore into her.
”I don’t mind waiting, tea calms the nerves. Its effects might prove vital for our next conversation.”
“Next conversation?”
Yeluh simply wordlessly points to her tea in response.
Janit looks down at the cup, steam clouding into her nose, rising into her lungs and clearing her sinuses. She holds the cup to her lips, fingers slightly trembling before taking a small sip.
Outside the sounds of blades clashing completely cease.
“The murders, human experimentation, the frequent deaths that follows our group, if seen by the wider populace, would most likely be considered morally abject. Humans have a visceral reaction, a sense of disgust towards these matters you see, whether it be our natural senses of empathy, perhaps fear of the same happening to them, or maybe it’s simply taught to us. For most people, it’s possible to dull these principles although that takes a length of time and can have unintended effects.” Yeluh eyes her reaction. “Well, to get to the point-” He says after sensing her displeasure at the rant. “In my eyes, you don’t seem to be very ‘normal.’”
Janit stares back. “What are you trying to imply?”
“I’m sure you already know what I’m talking about. I’ve seen your story from Saen. When growing up, despite being younger than him, being neglected harshly, and being compared ruthlessly to your brother, from what I’ve seen, it feels like you were the one supporting him rather than the other way around. Children aren’t supposed to grow up normal, much less completely unaffected in that type of situation. To make things even stranger, I spent some time investigating your father’s murder case, you were said to be the first one to find your father’s dead body, but you were described to be ‘exceedingly calm’ in the reports, people have died next to you many times over the years, yet you manage to stay stoic and calm every time, don’t even talk to me about the secret dealings you’ve done behind closed doors for your business.” Yeluh chuckles a bit at the last part.
…
”My brother sure has some loose lips.” Janit makes an offhand comment while looking away.
“I never told him any of that.” Saen walks through the doorway with a bruised eye, blood flowing down his right eye.
”Is Roko alive?” Yeluh asks.
“Yes. He’s still alive. Although you’re going to have to tend to him for a bit.”
”Good.” Yeluh closes his eyes. “Excuse me for a bit.” He gets up and goes outside, leaving the two alone.
”That man is a freak who isn’t concerned with anything except the truth. He doesn’t get mad even if you insult him to his face, just as long as he thinks you truly believe what you mean. If you lie to him, he’ll know, because that’s his overarching goal.” Saen tells Janit. “His goal is to know everything.”
…
”Janit?”
“I see, so what he said about me is true then.” Janit says softly while looking at the side.
“Huh? What did he say?”
“Saen, no… Brother, I’ve realized something.” Janit speaks to Saen.
”?”
”I’ve never been able to even begin to forget about you, everything I’ve ever done I’ve done with the intent to copy you. I began to learn business because that’s what you were doing. I began to take sword fighting lessons after finding out what you did for a living. I always knew this, but I could never figure out why. It wasn’t jealousy, it wasn’t because I looked up to you, it wasn’t anything like that. No, it was like… I had to overcome you, no matter how hard I try, for some reason I can’t compare myself to anybody other than you, I can’t be happy just being better than my peers.”
“You’re already far better than me with your business related skills, there’s no reason for you to be—“
“Every day, I thought to myself that you would have made smarter decisions, been more charismatic, even worked harder had you continued. Every day, I live like I’m still walking in your shadows. A delusion from a long time ago.” Janit snorts. “But a delusion I can’t get rid of.”
She points her sword at Saen.
“You are the only obstacle to my being happy.”
“Hmm…”
“What are you thinking about?” Roko examines the flaky dead skin on his finger, gingerly touching the raw bright pink skin across his neck.
“I told her she was completely unaffected… But that might not be the correct conclusion. Otherwise her obsession with Saen would have just spontaneously come about.”
Roko tilts his head at Yeluh’s mumblings, but decides not to question them.
Yeluh turns to Roko. “She’s an interesting individual. Let’s bring her into the division instead.”
”Eh? Are you sure she’ll accept? She is leading this whole public movement against us, you know?”
“I think it’s very likely.”
It’s fascinating how commonplace it is for people to lie to themselves, whether it be of inconvenience, pain, delusion, perhaps even self-loathing. Even if one is ‘trying’ to stay true to themself, this phenomenon still occurs. No one wants to see themself as the monster they truly are, it can be so painful that the mind subconsciously puts up barriers against their finding out.
Why is it so painful? I just don’t get it. Perhaps I am the one missing a fundamental aspect of the human psyche. In my eyes, holding onto these lies leads to a subliminal discontent, a long-term feeling that gradually erodes away at the soul, eventually completely erasing the human identity. Isn’t it simply natural to want to get rid of these feelings?
Yeluh brings the palm of his hand to the older woman’s forehead, synergizing their Ankus together as he delves into her memories.
He quickly finds himself face to face with a masked man. Instantly he understood that a being like that was completely out of his league, there would be no cure that he would feasibly find for the older woman.
“Who are you?” Yeluh hesitantly asks.
The masked man thinks for a couple seconds, as if deliberating between multiple options.
“The truth.” Dundee finally says.