Minerva stood tall and proud, the Roman goddess of wisdom, justice, arts, and trade clearly happy with her ambush. The muscular woman wore a breastplate engraved with owls atop an armored skirt. She had a helmet on her head with a feathery red plume, the only thing on her person that wasn’t made of stone. Even her impossibly large glave and her kite shield were crafted from stone.
There was no Zone of Influence here, Hiro free to leave. But dealing with her, he thought as her health bar appeared, means no one else will fall for this trap. And all three statues of Grand Central Station will have been handled.
Hiro moved away, able to narrowly avoid her first strike.
He used {Bounce} to send himself to the top of a rubble pile, where he went with his {Kiss or Slap} Roulette Skill.
Might as well, he thought as the words sounded off followed by an epic slapping noise.
Kiss or Slap? SLAP!
The effect was instant.
A giant hand formed out of the sky and struck Minerva, her red health bar taking a three-quarter haircut.
It fucking worked? Hiro thought as the woman was tossed to the side. Holy shit! He tried not to think about the odds of his Roulette Skill actually working on the first try. He knew this was random; Hiro knew that he wouldn’t get so lucky next time, so he might as well capitalize on it.
By the time Minerva was back on her feet, leaning her body weight against glaive, she looked a hell of a lot worse than when Hiro first arrived.
Much of her stone body had crumbled away, revealing bloody bits of reddened muscle interspersed with thin blue veins. The red plumes on her head were missing, the feathers now attached to the underside of her arms, and she no longer had her kite shield.
It was her second form.
Like her counterpart, Mercury, as well as some of the other enemies Hiro had faced, Minerva’s second form seemed twice as lethal as the one she initially took. She came at him fast, darting up the pile of debris gripping her glaive, which grew in size when she thrust it forward.
Hiro jumped over her; he thought he would clear the distance and land back at the base of the rubble only for Minerva to pivot and send her glaive up, slicing into the side of his leg.
He hit the ground, gasped at the pain, and cast his next skill.
~Kore nani, kore nani, kore nani, kore nani, kore nani, kore nani, NEKO!~
His phantom demon cats came to the rescue, but they did little to thwart Minerva as she rushed forward with her glaive again, cats flying left and right.
Hiro rolled out of the way and brought his blade up to beat away her advance. This triggered {Refund}, which pushed Minerva back a few feet and took a sliver of her health.
His mind racing, leg pulsing, Hiro started spamming with a barrage of strikes through {Blade Whirlwind}.
It was the first time he had used the power so rapidly.
Something feels different, he thought as he struck her again and again.
Hiro bounced backward and drew his Buster Kunai. He tossed it at the Roman goddess, the blade growing in size just as she was lunging forward with her glaive. Success. His weapon hit an opening in her stone form, draining all of Minerva’s health bar.
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Soul Essence rushed into Hiro as he took a limping step backward, his focus shifting to his injured leg.
He startled yet again once Minerva pressed up to her feet and took a knee, where she held out her hand as the stone reformed over her body. Vape pen cartridges fell to the ground before her as a spiraling light rushed toward Hiro.
One Hit Wonder: {Instant Discount Ozempic}
Grade: A
Upgrade: N/A
Description: Drenched, floored, fucked, and fuddled. Sauced, scammered, scoobied, and scuttered. Other words the Sixteen Übermensch of the Reinheitsgebot approved to describe being drunk included laced, leathered, loopy, and lush. Later—mashed, merry, monstered, and newted.
It took an army of sixteen thousand draymen a full sixteen turns around the sun after visiting sixteen hundred public houses with sixteen virgins riding sixteen donkeys with their asses stuffed with sixteen dime bags of the finest cocaína to convince the Sixteen Übermensch of the Reinheitsgebot that something had to be done. To combat beer bellies, bierbäuche, pancioni da birra, panzas cerveceras, and the notorious brioches de vin of Montmartre, a new weight loss drug was in order.
Instant Discount Ozempic is not that drug.
A byproduct of the wastewater from Las Angeles’ glitzy and exclusive Bel Air neighborhood, Instant Discount Ozempic will greatly reduce the weight of your opponent, making them easier to fight.
For a weaker enemy, Instant Discount Ozempic will strip the fat from their bones and rupture their organs. Use with caution, and never forget the cirrhosian proverb: a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
Valeria would go to town over that description. Hiro hobbled over to the vape cartridges and picked them each. As the others had been, these were labeled on the side: Bleed, Decoy, Shadow Veil, Inferno.
I know what Bleed and Decoy do, Hiro thought as he instantly understood what the others did as well. It was clear even though he hadn’t been provided any information. Shadow would allow him to create a mist of shadows so he could escape; Inferno would allow him to blow a big fireball like a Street Fighter character.
“Nice,” Hiro finally said as he opened his backpack and got out the healing gauze.
He took care of his wounds and moved to higher ground, where he spotted another golden beacon in the direction he was planning to head anyway.
“Scout it this time.” Hiro told himself. He readjusted his mask on his face and checked his follower count to see that he had well over four thousand to sacrifice.
This also reminded him that he needed to do crazier shit.
With this in mind, he exploded into the air with {Bounce}, hit another rooftop, and tried for a flip, which he actually landed. He shouldn’t have, yet he held steady at the last moment and heard the applause in his head.
It felt good to know he was wanted. He almost smiled, but then he remembered that none of it was real.
Or is it? Hiro continued on, moving rooftop to rooftop. This is my new reality. In that sense it is real. It is unlike my previous reality, but that doesn’t make it any less real than what I experienced back then. I think.
Hiro reached a billboard featuring the image of a pair of celebrities on a pristine beach. Someone had also spray painted the phrase IT DOESN’T MATTER NOW over the celebrities’ heads.
“No, it doesn’t.” Hiro’s eyes followed a golden beam down into a small courtyard created by buildings that had been joined together yet stood at separate heights. It was there that he spotted what had to be a merchant, who had made themselves a shelter out of melded together e-scooters.
Hiro dropped down into the courtyard, prepared to strike if need be.
He relaxed to some degree when he saw the woman, who seemed frail in her prom dress with a sash that read Homecoming Queen. Her mascara had run down her face, yet she still looked at Hiro with bright eyes and a lipstick smeared grin. “Hi, Survivor. Welcome to my store. You may call me Penny.”
Hiro didn’t know what to make of her now. He had been relieved to be attacked, but to see such a strange sight had thrown him off guard.
“I have loads of things for sale, from vape cartridges to the best powers in the five boroughs.” Penny’s bloodshot eyes twitched once he didn’t respond. “Is something the matter?”
“No,” Hiro said, even though he actually wanted to tell her that everything was the matter. “I have followers.”
“Followers.” Her smile cracked to some degree. “That’s nice, baby, but unfortunately, I don’t take followers.”
“Then… what do you take?”
“Cold hard cash.” She smiled at him again. “Any currency will do.” The merchant made the universal gesture for money. “And hurry. It’s my lunch break soon.”
Hiro reached into his back pocket and removed his wallet. “Do you take card?”